Taken Aback

"Taken Aback". An idiom from my grandparents generation. (Probably.)

Yet, those 2 words came to mind as I walked past my bedroom chest of drawers. 

I realized (with a thud in my heart) that the picture on top was taken exactly 6 years ago tonight, with my pre-surgeries short hair. 

Taken with hubby and all three kids in the hospital "hotel " room the night before the beginning of my MAC surgeries....from excision to facial rebuilding.

This is the last picture of my "smiling" face, as I knew it, before I went under the knife. 

That "last picture" thought was what had me taken aback.

PRAYERFUL PLEA

8/26/09 Prayerful Plea is the request from one whose writings have blessed so many of us, Sarah Young.
During these past eight months of my MAC journey so many of you have told me that you are “on the same page.” It’s become our way of sharing the fact that we’re reading the devotional, Jesus Calling, every day. Many times we have joked that the daily entry was written just with us in mind. I don’t know what Jesus Calling said to you today, but this part _______ (fill in the blank yourself) was written just for me!! My part from the August 26 entry dealt with needing to detach from the disturbances around me and to quit striving for control.

Sarah Young is the author of our shared book and she is asking for folks to prayerfully plead on her behalf. Here’s an excerpt from an e-mail I received this week from Cindy Cole in response to questions about Sarah’s health.

Sarah Young . . .who is in Kansas City undergoing treatment for Lyme Disease . . .in a letter from Sarah dated August 5th, she said, “Stephen (her husband) has to leave Kansas City August 18th . . .a wonderful Christian family will take care of me after he leaves. Please pray for them and for me during this difficult time. My level of disability has increased markedly since I’ve been on IV antibiotics, especially the vertigo, weird brain sensations, and weakness. I’m scheduled to begin IV antibiotics again on Monday . . . I’ll need prayer that my liver will cope with the treatment this time . . . and that the treatment will be effective. My twelve weeks of treatment will end on October 15th or l6th, and I need to get strong enough to travel all the way back to Perth. This is not only a prayer request, it is a PRAYER PLEA. I have never felt so helpless in all my life!” Sarah began IV therapy on July 23rd . . . has a treatment every morning at 6:45am and another every afternoon. She said, “This is a grueling regimen . . . seven days a week for three months.” Steve and Sarah are missionaries in Australia.

As one of her faithful readers, I feel it is a privilege to go before the Throne of Grace on her behalf. I hope you’ll join me. A card of encouragement might be nice as well!!

Sarah Young
c/o Donna Mastalio
10804 W. 118th Terrace
Overland Park, Kansas 66210

Fruit #3 -- PEACE

7/11/09
Tetchy is a word my grandmother used. I thought she was just mispronouncing touchy because of the context in which she used it. Years later I realized how “spot on” she was as she used it to describe some rather disagreeable folks---bad-tempered, crabby/cranky/grumpy, difficult, You know the type, just plain irritable. That’s what I’ve been lately---at least on the inside. I’ve tried to blame it on lots of things---age, fatigue, lack of hormones, etc. All of these characteristics are symptomatic of people not at “peace.” Peace is in the spirit and soul of people who abide with Him, who seek Him out and delight to spend time in His Presence.

I want that---but I feel as if I need to “escape” in order to do that. I have been hiding behind my writing and preferring not to go out. What if my inner grumpiness and irritability came out for all the world to see. What kind of testimony is that?

Frankly, monkhood (is that a word?) was sounding appealing to me----do they take women? It would at least be an escape from the “tyranny of the urgent” that swirls around me---demands of people and obligations of life in general. What I really want is more time in His presence.
Yet, even when there has been more time that usual, I’ve been like an adult with A.D.D.---having trouble concentrating (coherent thoughts are out the window) focusing on a task at hand (beyond my capability) thus no closure on a myriad of responsibilities needing my attention. Decision making takes a toll and I forget to follow through on those I do make, even if they’re written down. Wonder if Monastery is listed in the Yellow Pages? Oops, they probably don’t have phones.

The preceding paragraph is not a word picture for peace. Peace is exactly the opposite. It is a quiet but potent attitude of serenity and good-will toward others despite the bumps in the road of life. Reality is full of adversity. But God…………

Today’s Jesus Calling reminds us that people who seek the Lord instead of the world’s idols of possessions, status and self-aggrandizement, experience His Joy and His Peace. God who is the Source of our love and joy is the Source of our peace. Inner peace is impossible unless it is from Him. 

Once more God used one of His own to minister to me. An e-mail from Michèle reminded me of the truth of the occasional sinkholes from battling MAC:

• ….after the energy that kept us sane begins to wane...we can find ourselves depleted on a physical, emotional and sometimes relational level. We've given so much that it feels like there's little left for the smallest of tasks or commitments.

• It feels silly, really, after having undergone so many surgeries, that something as trivial as going out to coffee with friends might feel overwhelming, but it's precisely BECAUSE we were so brave that our bodies and minds need a bit of respite…………. I think it's okay to allow those parts of us that are battle-weary to take a bit of a breather and want to be less active.

I’m not leaving for the abbey (yet) but maybe I’ll incorporate a little of the balance of monastic life ---by going to bed early and rising for prayer and time with Him so that my focus is right and I will once again be living the ordinary life extraordinarily well because it will be an overflow of His presence and His peace. “….My peace I give unto you.” (John 14:27)
Tranquil not tetchy!

BTW, the Benedictines do take women.

1/18/09

1/18/09 Sunday

Yesterday Larry got me a pair of fur-lined CROCS ---from Baumer's Footwear, of course—great way to begin the day--

I got to see Owen's (19 mos.) "Music for Aardvarks and other Mammals" music class. I stood in the corner with Purell in hand to ward off "germs" and thoroughly enjoyed myself----esp. when he would come to take my hand or Pop-Pop's b/c he wanted us to be included. Later hair stylist took me after hours to get a "short" haircut to make days ahead easier---

Excerpt from prayer journal—doing word study on waiting—

Psa. 40:1-5

I waited patiently (patience is not one of my virtues) for the Lord: He turned to me and heard my cry (this cry occasionally has tears along with it.) He lifted me out of the slimy pit and out of the mud and mire. (Is this what self centeredness/self-pity looks like? Thank You, Lord that because of Your Presence through this journey, I have not asked, "Why me?" It's not about me—but Thee) He put a new song in my mouth, (and most likely it's going to be a new mouth) a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear (reverential respect?) and put their trust in the Lord._(A-men and A-men)

All my English teacher buddies,---remember that my journal does not have spell check and forgive me for causing you shivers if & when misspelled words appear.)