I feel as If I have lost a part of myself.
Tuesday Truths. 24 hours since I heard the news. A roller coaster of emotions. A "walking in fog" of sorts. "Sadness and joy all mixed together" as one of her sons recounted.
May I not forget truth and become overwhelmed by my sorrow. Sorrow is not the only reality there is.
God's word in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us that there is a time and a season for everything. Grief is one of those seasons. This time yesterday I began such a season when I learned of Ann's passing.
"A time to keep silent." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) I knew my inner spring would come from solitude. Time with the Lord and in His word. Time to drink it in.
Joy is hidden in sorrow. (Henri Nouwen, my Bible marginalia) I need to remember truth and not be overwhelmed by my own sorrow. May my sadness be fertile ground for truth of God's ever presence. His strength. His consolation.
May I not lose sight of the joy of the Lord because I have lost her. God Himself used Ann so many times in my own life to see His goodness. (Psalm 27:13) Today may the LORD loose my sackcloth and clothe me with gladness. Turn my mourning into dancing once again. (Psalm 30:11, paraphrased)
There is a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:4) This is such a time.
Lord, I ask You to be my choreographer once again as this unique dance of loss has me stumbling. (Psalm 37:24) I know you hold me because you now hold Ann. She has been a friend who has loved me well at all times. So....I must sing your praise (even if off key) and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever (Psalm 30:12).........for my deep and abiding friendship with Ann.
Annabelle, Mamaw, Mommabelle, Mrs. Martin.
Ann----my mentor, my Proffitt's shopping guide for funeral attire, my grandson's school supporter, my water aerobics pal, my scrabble hero, my New Year's Eve game winner, my favorite cook, my tea brewer, my sidekick, my travel chum and my dear, dear dog-loving friend for 20+ years!
Thx Ethel, an angel of a caregiver, for this pic!
Oct. 2, I was with Ann as she had her lunch. (It would be the last "real" conversation I had with her as COVID complications sent her to the hospital in the wee hours the next morning.)
As she ate her dessert, her fave part of any meal, I told her it was "her" Dotsy behind the mask and when I pulled it back for her peek, she said, "No it's not! It's an angel." I'll take that.
We all need to be angels for each other. She certainly has been there for me.
A fond farewell to Ann today. Farewell filled with sweet memories knowing she is with the LORD!
