You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (Psalm 56:8, NLT)
As Pastor Cole prayed for "some of you this week who have experienced disappointment," the tears started welling up. In my case, I was still dealing with it. I wanted to bolt from the sanctuary while heads were bowed, so no one would see me holding back the sobs. I'd already cried two times that morning, one of those being as we were driving to church. My bottle of tears was filling up.
Granted emotions are still all over the place in my life, but the disappointment comes as I reflect on a week with family when I spent more time "doing" than "being." I don't want busyness (though some of it was needful) to define who I am as a mother and grandmother. "Doing" becomes such a poor use of time when more of said time is spent on accomplishing results than on enhancing relationships.
Even in times of recreation and vacation, I can become stressed and overwrought--trying to "do" it all right---and then fail because "doing" should NOT have been the goal. Doing can make one feel devitalized. Void of the enjoyment and relational renewal which is so desired.
But God....once again, had a valuable life lesson for me. Restoration comes from Him. Resting in Him and resting with others requires "being." It takes a risk to invest a significant amount of time with God and people in what might be seen by others as non-productive.
I want my grands to see my heart, so-o-o I'm willing to take the risk.
I just need the power to "stick to it." Power comes from God....thru His Son, and delivered by His Spirit, straight to my core.
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Lord of the Powers from an old Byzantine chant.
Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. (Romans 13:1)
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