Roller Coaster Emotions

6/28/10 You’d think I’d been riding the cyclone at Coney Island, if you could feel all the emotions that are flowing through my body. Gratitude. Joy, inexpressible. Sorrow---as I watched family depart. Happiness. Sadness---b/c of knowing times spent with loved ones, who live far away, is so rare. Fatigue---energy is spent from having so much fun (even in the midst of logistical nightmares) and so little sleep.

Because of “so much felt” and so little energy with which to express it, I almost didn’t “post” tonight. But God…..has reminded me, through today’s God Calling entry, that this past week it was He who “prepared a table of delights, a feast of all good things” for me and my family. It is because of Him that my life is flooded through with Joy and Gladness, even though I’m pooped.

Even in the midst of the fatigue, I can “feel” all these emotions from the “very depth of (my) heart” because of His continuing goodness and mercy. Rather than being turned upside down as I ride this rollercoaster of emotions, I am overflowing with gratitude because they are all a result of the family He has given me.
Therefore I’m posting this verse for consideration on this “Meditating Monday.”

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23:6)

…..even when I feel like I’ve just stepped off a rollercoaster.

GIGI'S GIFT

6/23/10 Ever the pragmatic one, Mother, aka Gigi to her grands, gave me (9 years ago) a gift for Josh, if and when he married, because she knew she wouldn’t be around for his special day. His would be the only grandchild’s wedding she would miss. Her gift (can’t tell b/c Megan reads the blog) even included her personalized recipe card for chocolate chess pie. Though somewhat incomplete---she cooked by feel---it had all the ingredients listed boldly, though in her cancer weak hand, and at the bottom was written---“Josh likes this.”
Gigi--- a tall, striking, very “ungrandmotherly” looking lady. She didn’t smell mothbally either, like so many grandmothers do---just ask her grandaughters who loved to get into Gigi’s make-up and the fancy bottles of perfume on her gold filigree tray.

Josh has always had a special relationship with his Gigi even when she treatened to “skin him alive” for running down the driveway as a 4 year old. He had always declared that if he ever married, (and that was a BIG IF) Gigi was the only one he was going to invite to the wedding and it was going to be in Las Vegas because he thought his Gigi would like a glittery place.

I guess Las Vegas lost its luster after Mother died because the wedding will be in Brooklyn, his and Megan’s “beloved borough.” I do regret that Mother never met Megan. She would have liked her and would have loved shopping in New York with her. She would have loved her Valentino’s too. Mother believed in stepping out in style (unlike her daughter) and the adorable PINK wedding shoes would have been right up her “fashion alley.” She would probably also threaten to “skin Josh alive” if he didn’t treat his bride/wife like a lady. Nestled in the ribbon of the package is a silver ice scoop because Josh loved Gig’s “sweet tea.” Always sweetened while warm and then chilled and served in glassware (no Tupperware for her.) with lots of ice. LOTS of ice, another Gigi rule. Hence, the scoop.

I’ll probably cry when I give it to them because Gig’s gift came at great cost---bought years ago as she suffered in her final stages of cancer. Her desire was for Josh to know that she wanted at least her gift to be at the wedding and then used throughout his marriage.

Unfulfilled Expectations….

6/22/10 ….are expectations sometimes imposed by others sometimes self-inflicted. An acquaintance might casually say, “Let’s get together soon.” A lonely person might cling to that only to be disappointed. “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:” Proverbs 13:12a. Or as one ages, the reality of some hopes on her “bucket list” no longer being attainable can also bring disappointment. A sadness of sorts. Though “Miss Berta” learned to water ski in her 80s, most folks reach physical limitations as they age and begin realizing that certain physical feats are now beyond them.

One might have to give up the expectation of reading all the books he/she once vowed to read or traveling to all those “10001 places to see before you die” mandate given by those who do travel.
We can assume (though wrongly) that life will always be perfect/easy if we do all the “right things”. Then, comes the reality/loss---often it’s the loss of those false assumptions or unrealistic expectations. Judith Viorst wrote an entire book on change and adaptation---necessary for different seasons in our lives. Necessary Losses: the Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow. (Even to grow up spiritually, I think.)

These past few weeks I have been striving for perfection in a world of messy imperfections and have had several “come aparts.” I had to give it up and grow up. I had to give up those self-imposed expectations, which really were unrealistic, and once again learn to live in the moment. I want to be fulfilled and realistic. I want to give up my pride--- E.G.O. is edging God out---and live up to His expectations. Remember the verse from Micah 6: 8 where we are told His expectations? And what does the LORD require of you 
but to do justice, to love kindness,
 And to walk humbly with your God?
Now that’s realistic!

ORDINARY THINGS---to think about

6/21/10 Washing Dishes. Sharpening pencils---but that’s probably only ordinary for me. Folding clothes. Changing diapers. Cooking supper. Ironing. All ordinary things---though for me, ironing is somewhat extraordinary since I don’t do it often, except for my pillowcases. A few days ago I did some “getting ready for trip” ironing. It’s one of Mother’s rules. Ironed things, pack better but need a few days to hang before packing---never pack (or wear) clothes still warm from the iron. Still hearing her voice as if she were beside me, I did just that.

Standing there at the ironing board, I noticed I had some straight pins stuck in the end---just like Mother used to do. I had them there because I had just unwrapped a new shirt for Larry and they were part of the packaging. For Mother, she used them to pin her skirts to hangars---maybe they didn’t have skirt hangers in the 50s, or maybe that would have been considered a luxury by her. Mother's ironing and care of clothes was extraordinary and not because of infrequency but because she did it well. Daddy probably had creased underwear---for sure, they were ironed.

Yesterday, Pastor Cole, reminded all of us to pay attention to God in the ordinariness of life. To pay attention and be responsive to Him in the “routine.” Significance is not the standard---attentiveness to His directives is.

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
I Corinthians 10:31

Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” To me, that verse implies that when I seek Him with the right “heart” attitude, I will find Him even in the ordinary. My significance will come from Him, not from "great tasks" that I have initiated and just stamped His name on.

To that I say, “Hooray for the ordinary!”

CONFESSIONS

6/20/10 I know it’s Sunday, not Wednesday, but I have a confession to make. I’ve been running on empty lately. (I know I’m not suppose to be complaining.) However, fatigue and complaint seem to be going hand in hand around here. Missing my hormone probably didn’t help either---but I should be passed all of those crutches!

“Look, look, my heart is an open book” is what Dean Martin used to sing. That’s sort of the way I feel about my life when I blog. It’s open for folks to read and “know” about me and I don’t like it when I regress yet again in this area of trust. What kind of testimony is that?
I plan and plan and life (as I desire it) still falls apart---from shoes and reservation snafus to hair blotches to STRESS & too many others to mention, partly because I‘m embarrassed. Probably a big part of the problem is focusing on my desires and not God’s.

I just can’t keep it all together for everyone. I guess I really never could; I just thought I could. Today I added guilt to the mix because I felt I’ve not been living what I espouse. Aren’t you (reader) tired of me going back to square one in my spiritual growth?
Why do I have to keep working through these things when I know better? But Dotsy…..that’s my problem. Where’s my “But God”….in this? I tell you where He is. He never moves. He’s in His word.

Trust in Him at all times, O people Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:8)

Singing (prayerfully) the praise song at church today, I was grateful that God does take me as He finds me and fills my life again. Again and again! I just had to “fess up” to Him.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again. ("Mighty to Save" lyrics)

"The" Wedding is coming….

6/18/10 one week from today! Are we in a panic yet? I keep looking for another coherent thought----without much luck, I’m afraid. Larry says I’m wearing the tile out walking in circles. I don’t think so---carpet maybe, but not Italian porcelain tile. His hyperbole gives you a glimpse of the situation here and it’s not pretty. We’re only the parents of the groom. I can’t imagine what Megan and her mom are doing---they are both still teaching. Schools aren’t even out up east until end of June.

For one thing, a wedding scheduled for after an “eat your way through Mississippi girls getaway,” has most of the previously purchased wedding garb fitting a little snugger. Plus those “have to have” adorable sandals bought in Florida for the “after party,” are rubbing blisters----and they felt so good in the store. Thank goodness for Peggy leading me to Dr. Scholl’s moleskin.

I know this is also a "No Whine" month and the above sounds like a whine so allow me to restate. Josh and Megan are marrying in Brooklyn next week and we are all so excited. Everything will turn out fine---and if there is a snafu, it’s just fodder for laughter and reminiscing at future family gatherings.

As I have prayed for God to be glorified both at the wedding and throughout the marriage, I have thanked him for answered prayers. I have prayed for a spouse of God’s choosing for Josh since he was a little fellow. This morning I opened my grandmother’s Bible to the list of some of those requests that had been dated April 2, 1984: understanding of Josh’s impulsiveness, creative, confident in him, admires him, fun-loving.
Hm-m-m-m, fun-loving---i.e. able to put up with the Liles because we’re a packaged deal. Megan has certainly shown patience and resilience in this area over the last 4 years as she has joined us for visits, holidays and weeks at the beach.

Yes, the wedding is finally coming. We are thrilled---It is a day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

Location! Location! Location!---Revealed

6/17/10 Because I got e-mails and voice messages and people stopping me at church and asking at a luncheon, I assumed others wanted to know the location/destination of the “girls getaway” this year. Where did we go? Not far and that’s a good thing because it took over 12 hours to get there. Most folks probably can drive to Oxford, MS from Memphis in 1½ hours. That’s what makes our trips fun.

We actually eat our way to and from a destination so before we had even arrived we had a red, white and blue breakfast, tastes from 11 different buffets at Paula Dean’s, snacks on a riverboat and fried dill pickles at the Hollywood in Robinsonville, MS. (Hadn’t been there since son Buddy’s 21st birthday) It’s now owned by Memphian Mike Young and he was actually there to greet us.

But our destination was so-o-o perfect, you'll want to check it out! Castle Hill, Hwy 6, just outside of Oxford. We had the guesthouse to ourselves with its wraparound balcony, screened porch and swimming pool. Nighttime swims were great because it was dark and no one else intruded on our fun. Most (I not being one of them) played 9 hole ‘til after midnight.

Morning devotionals began with “Jesus Calling.” Imagine that. Pam also shared something motivational. “Stay Positive” was one of them. She must have realized I needed help with my “No Whining” rule. How special to begin a day with prayer from encouraging friends, continue the day with laughter and end the day with “real talk” about “real life” and feel safe and accepted---by both the Lord and the friends. “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves” was a quote from Pam’s devotional. How appropriate.

On Wednesday after a day of antiquing and searching for back road potters, we cooked dinner with chef Hal and sous chef, Rick---both younger than all our kids, but so delightful. Under their tutelage we made French bread, our own fettuccine and amazing veggie and white wine sauce and chocolate mousse. The mousse almost didn’t make it to the fridge to set up because we kept tasting the Belgian chocolate & eating the “real” whipped cream before we did the folding in. It was the highlight of the trip.

On the way home we stopped at a great “hole in the wall,” Yocono in Exile in Abbeville, MS ---only to be surprised by our hubbies who came to celebrate with us---and pick up the tab!
But guess what---we let them ride back in their car and we rode together, not quite ready to give up the “best yet” trip. BTW, we always say that---‘til the next time.

Location! Location! Location!

6/16/10 Because so many folks have asked (in a variety of forms), about the destination of the girls' trek, I will post info tomorrow---I'm just too tired right now. Traffic court at the end of working day (just a.m.) and pre-wedding pursuit/errands day has taken its toll.

Revival

6/14/10 I know it’s summertime when I am able to go to the Monday morning prayer for revival time at 9:30 am. What a privilege. The idea for this prayer time originated with Jeanne Greenlee many years ago and though she died just as it was taking off, others have kept her vision going.

This faithful, albeit small group, models prayer in a way that so-o-o fits my Monday meditation mode. Most enter the prayer room with their own Bible in hand. The scripture citation for the morning’s meditation is displayed on the table and blank cards are available for writing personal prayer requests.

The first 20 minutes are dedicated to meditating on the same scripture though versions of our Bible’s often differ. This time is followed by 20 minutes of corporate prayer that usually focuses on praise, thanksgiving and confession, followed by praying for revival in our own hearts. We pray for our local church our neighboring churches, and move to our community, state and nation. The final 20 minutes is prayer for each other and is based on, but not limited to, our personal requests.

It is so exciting to share through prayer how the scripture passage has touched our heart. It nearly always speaks to each of us differently, depending on our circumstances or where we are in our spiritual walk. Believe me, there’s always an applicable life lesson just for me. Others say the same thing.

This morning’s selection was Ephesians 6:10-20.

Read it and chew on it awhile. Maybe your heart will be revived. You might be prompted to pray as well---a personal prayer revival.

Whining Rationalized

6/13/10 Just as I was headed (slowly) up to the computer room to try to clear the cobwebs from my brain and siphon out a coherent thought from my muddled (fatigued) mind, I began to rationalize my whines---because that was exactly what I was getting ready to do---make excuses. But God….had my eye catch my devotional book on my prayer chair, which is pretty prominent on the way to the stairs.

In the life of a saint there is this amazing wellspring of original life all the time; the Spirit of God is a well of water springing up perpetually fresh. The saint realizes that it is God Who engineers circumstances, consequently, there is no whine, but a reckless abandon to Jesus. (My Utmost for His Highest, June 13)

Enough said---consequently there are no complaints or rationalizations from me today---or at least not at this moment.

Girlfriends’ Getaway

6/8/10 Girlfriends’ Getaway, aka T-Cup Trekking, or this year it’s a T-Cup Old South Cotton and Magnolia Tour. At this point the destination is unknown. I assume I will find out at the breakfast surprise this morning. Clues given earlier by our trusty guide were so nebulous none of us have a clue.

• Wear red, white and blue to breakfast.
  
• Fit for a queen.
  
• Bring a swim suit but don’t worry, no one will see you in it.
  
• Tina’s been there.
  
• Georgia influences the schedule.

See why we don’t have a clue---except we all assume it’s somewhere in Mississippi.
Do we care? Not really. It’s just another aspect of the fun for 6 post-menopausal grandmothers. The real purpose is just to get together and share this season of our lives.
It will be a time to laugh, (maybe even cry) to embrace, to speak (lots of that) and maybe even to dance.
It will not be a time to be on the computer. I’m going “unplugged” so I’ll write when I return from wherever the “tour” leads. It’s a getaway that we have vowed never to let go-away, even when we have to hire a driver!

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: (Proverbs 15:13)

Getting away with these 5 friends makes me merry indeed.

Quiet Words

6/7/10 The days I had at the beach were glorious and “quiet.” The water roared sometimes, the waves crashed, thunder clapped, rain came, wind blew and whistled through the deck door but still there was a quietness. I was still; I could hear. It was easier to hear Him as the relentless clattering of the world was put on hold. God speaks quietly. God Calling (June 5 entry) reminded me to listen because He speaks quietly. It’s His voice I need to hear. As I listen, “anxious thoughts and tired nerves will become rested.”

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. (II Kings 19:11-12)

Ah-h-h the still small voice of the Lord---it brings rest to my soul and joy to my weary bones. According to the prophet, Isaiah, hearing from the Lord brings life. Today be still, meditate on His word and listen for His still small voice. Then live in light of those quiet words that you hear.

Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; (Isaiah 55:3)

DESTINATION: WEDDING

6/2/10 Will be off-line for the next few days because we’re going to celebrate Elizabeth and Michael’s wedding in Florida. I love everything about family weddings---the newness of love, the family ties, the flowers, the music, (it always makes me cry) the “charge” from the preacher (esp. when he is my son) the excitement and hope for the future of the bride and groom and of course, the cake!! I do love wedding cake. And though I love chocolate, it’s not the groom’s cake I gravitate toward---it’s the white on white bride’s cake with lots of icing.

So grateful that Elizabeth and Michael have chosen to put the Lord at the center of their marriage. He is that all important strand in the cord of their relationship.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (New American Standard Bible)
9Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
10For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
11Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but (A)how can one be warm alone?
12And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

NO WHINE ZONE

June 1, 2010 Last week on K-LOVE radio station, the d-jay discussed a challenge that she had been given at a women’s retreat. The challenge---go a month without negativity flowing from your mouth. I had lots of reasons why this would NOT be a good month for me to “take the challenge!” How negative is that. Could I possibly inhabit a “no whine zone?” My June schedule really isn’t a good time to worry about one more thing---especially without complaining---which I can rationalize as just making a statement or observation!
But God…..hasn’t let me off the hook. Just recently my daughter had dubbed me “Debbie Downer” so I guess I need to at least try the challenge----and without the “realistic attitude” of failure. What I call “realistic,” Molly construes as negative.
I did make it out of bed this morning without a negative utterance and quickly caught a “somewhat” negative response to a question and added…..”but I’m grateful.”
Our words have such an impact. That awareness alone can make this challenge worthwhile. Philippians 4:14 says, “Do all thinks without murmurings or disputings.” (complaining or arguing/ grumbling) Those are all vocal terms with nagative implications. WOW did you see that typo---nag-a-tive---nagging is negative, as well. Harping/carping is wearisome and reckless words can cut like a razor.
So speak encouraging words to one another. (Prov. 12:18) Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Prov. 16:24)
Psychologists say that feelings follow actions----thus, no negative action from the mouth should influence positive feelings from within. That's a good thing, "doncha" think?
Do you want to take the challenge and live in a “No Whine Zone” for a month? If so, maybe we can encourage one another. I’ll bet those around us will be glad we did.

Let your speech always be with grace. (Colossians 4:6a)