KINDNESS: DEMENTIA'S BEST RX!

God's word gives us truth that guides our lives.....from birth until we meet our Savior in eternity. Sometimes He also allows struggles that we can learn from, especially in different season's of life. With four friends in Memory Care facilities this last year alone, I've seen the positive effects from those who have an understanding spouse walking alongside them at every step.

A recent "prequel" book I read, had me at the "dedication" & I kept reading.  

This book is dedicated to every one living with dementia, 

and to those who care for them.

As I began reading, I appreciated the background of the years of marriage which laid the groundwork of their long past. It rang out to me that all of us have things about our past that always live within. I know in my own life that I can remember lots from my past. As a twosome we can often finish one another's sentences or help recall a person's name, or a place or event. Often that helps if it is done in a quiet gentle way. However, the age-related ? short- term memory is suffering greatly. Even chatting can take its toll if one forgets where certain ideas are going. Many twosomes might have the same difficulties. As author Joe Siple said, "We don't have to have dementia to forget things." (p. 96) To me, it's the response to those lapses by a loved-one that brings tension.

My take away from the author's concepts of kindness toward dementia in this novel: Agreeing is more effective than challenging or "discounting with a deep belittling sigh of a "not again response"; Apologizing can be restorative if sincere; Allow the love through the years to be remembered and put the good of your loved one, regardless of mental or physical condition, before self.  

He who loves his wife, loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28, ESV)

Being kind to each other is the best response, dementia or not.

"uni-TEA"

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, NASB)

UNDER CONSTRUCTION IN THE HILL COUNTRY OF TEXAS!
A cuppa fideli-TEA for two.

"In sickness...."

Mother & Daddy at Bobby & Louise's wedding---Dec. 1971



9/23/10 “In sickness” is just one phrase from most marriage vows but it is a BIG one to honor. I have seen it honored well these last several years. Personally I have experienced it as hubby nursed me through a year of cancer procedures and surgeries. Yet, with us, there was always a hope for a better tomorrow. Not so, for some folks----at least not physically. It’s those folks, honoring those vows, some taken long ago, who impress me. Sickness or debilitation can linger. There can be many days between onset and the end. Then, as the end approaches, time together becomes a sharing of the mechanics of dying.

As Mother was in her final chapter of life, I got a glimpse of 60th year wedding vows “fleshed out.” Sometimes I felt like Mother’s life “ride” was being steered toward the edge of a cliff. As she got closer and closer to the edge, I struggled. I didn’t want to let go of her. I had dreams---not being able to bear it, that soon she would ride in her earthly “life car” over that edge, fall off and crash into the abyss. In reality, I knew that she would really just enter into the Lord’s arms.

I went into denial. Brother Bobby stayed very much in the day-to- day happenings and tended to all her medical and financial affairs. Daddy, on the other hand, lived moment by moment with her in the midst of her sickness. They had moments. Hard moments of tending to bodily functions. Good moments of sharing a nap. I can still see them stretched out side-by-side on their old double bed---Mother under the covers, Daddy atop the covers, but holding hands.

The end is inevitable (for all of us) but as her end became more imminent, Daddy was the one who “did right by her.” He kept those vows and was there “in sickness” to help her entrance into heaven be as gentle as possible.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

Molly's wedding, 2001------7 months before her death