40 reasons to love......

Open Letter: 40 reasons I Love Larry (because you asked)
These somewhat “random reasons” were listed just as they came to mind and will probably disappoint many because they are not flowery, romantic sounding things. I'm sure they wouldn't be at the top of a "match.com" list---but these are the kinds of things that are at the top of mine.  Maybe you married folks, will recognize little gestures or similar things in your own relationship that you have taken for granted. Now maybe you can see them in a new light and be thankful for them.
8/14/09

To: Larry
From: Dotsy
August 9, 2009

40 Things I Love About You

1. You love the Lord
2. You love me
3. You rub my back nightly, without me asking everytime
4. You took dancing lessons so we could dance together
5. You’re never too tired to tell our grandboys stories
6. Your concern for your birds
7. Your sense of humor
8. Your larryisms---you’ve created your own language
9. You read the Bible aloud to me one year because you knew I had never done that
10. Shared memories
11. You make the bed
12. You’re fun
13. My “ready” toothbrush
14. My cuppa---you make it just right
15. Your ability to find all that I lose, esp. glasses
16. Your kindness toward your mother
17. Your love for my family
18. You have lots of friends
19. Your willingness to take Ann & me to a chick flick.
20. You can cook steaks on the grill---the best.
21. You anticipate my needs before I do
22. Your dishwater hands
23. Your savvy with superglue
24. Your blue eyes
25. Your nursing ability
26. Your willingness to drive Miss Dotsy lots of places
27. You love to shop
28. Your willingness to dance evertyime our song plays
29. Your overt joy when with our grandboys
30. Your generosity
31. Your athletic prowess even in your 6th decade
32. Your willingness to use coupons
33. Your tolerance of my “to-go boxes”
34. Your head full of gorgeous white hair
35. Your willingness to eat leftovers and at least act like you enjoy them—maybe you do
36. 40 years of frosting my hair
37. Your patience
38. Your willingness to read and review all the Harry Potter and Eragon books for me
39. Your perseverance in weeding and watering my flowers
40. For all of these and all that I am when I am with you, I love you!

Patience with hope

8/12/09
Admittedly, this “patience” lesson has been tough for me. Tough because of the reality of impatience in my life along with my short-sightedness.
I need to address, at least mentally, the long term spiritual results of learning in the midst of a circumstance rather than just trying to short-cut it for the sake of relief.

Have I ever admitted that relief is probably at the top of my “favorite emotions” list? It is. It’s because the dread, suffering, etc. is over and “my” list is checked off or my ducks are back in a row----usually short-lived because another situation is probably lurking around the next corner. But RELIEF does feel good for the moment! I envision eternity as one long sigh of relief.

I am so pitiful that:
…..losing “anything” in my “black hole” of a purse, no matter how many pockets Vera Bradley sews in, feels like a major tragedy in the universe………..
…..Driving to work at least an hour ahead of actual check-in time and catching a red light has my blood pressure up and sometimes I try to hurry thru that yellow light…………
…..even a fax machine being busy or not responding as I try to reach Wage Works for the umpteenth time can feel like life or death.
Stress, Melt-down, Come apart--all inappropriate—all come to mind.
Silly, I know, but that’s the way this time compulsive person manifest a deeper issue than lack of patience. (Maybe "time-compulsive" is a euphemism for wretched.)
The world’s definition of patience according to Mr. Webster is calm endurance. God’s definition is more encompassing. I even have trouble with the world’s description, so I try to circumvent the problems or people who make patience difficult for me. That my friends is not God’s way.
What’s the long term goal of the situation/problem that is causing my reactions rather than a godly response? Learning to endure a trying time, or becoming capable of bearing delay might sound like the right answers but they are MY way----trying to meet MY need in MY strength. Maybe, just maybe they’ll offer ME relief. NOT! At least, not for long.

The long term goal is spiritual maturity---a display of the fruit of the Spirit in my life. How is that done?
Quit trying to practice patience in your own strength but open His word and “practice His Presence.”
Is that your final answer, Dotsy?
Yes, because it’s the right answer. It’s God’s answer.


Larry proofed and suggested I put my journal jottings at the end of the blog, not in the middle---just to reinforce the lessons the Lord has taught me in my patience journey, which has taken a lot of steps forward and backwards and is still in progress.
Journal Jottings----just to give you a peek at all the thoughts, some painful, about my life lessons and struggles with patience.
May 30, 1999 from a Sunday School class taught by Dick Winter.

Notes on DW’s CHART

1.Typical ways---circumventing, rationalizing and faking it
2. God’s answer—Examine God’s word, Phil. 2:1, James 1 :2-3, Embrace His plan, Psa. 27:4, Experience the exchanged life, Isa. 40:31, Lam. 3:25
3. Therefore…(sounds like, "but God"……with Him the response is…)

• Accept all people. (especially difficult ones)

• Give expectations to God and grace to others!

• Invest in others’ lives—(even those “irregular” ones)

God move me from #1 my reactions, my way to #3, His loving response, His way!
Galatians 5:3 By faith we eagerly await, though the Spirit, the righteousness for which we hope.
Long term goal----His righteousness.

(Streams in the Desert, July 26)
He hath made waiting beautiful and patience divine.
That’s definitely a divine viewpoint, not a world’s view.
I want to get beyond just tolerating or coping with a situation just to get by it or forestall/avoid confrontation. When I allow God to meet me where I am and to teach me, that’s “waiting with hope.” The situation or person may not change or go away but He will teach me His response in the middle of it.

There is nothing Christ dislikes more than for His people to publically profess Him and then not use Him. Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Streams in the Desert, 8-12)
USE HIM in this area of patience, Dotsy.
Exchange my weakness for His strength.

Missing Michèle

8/10/09 A sweet friendship refreshes the soul. (Proverbs 27:9)
MacAdvantage is a store here in Memphis that offers nationally recognized service for repair of MAC computers. Endorsements/testimonials from their satisfied customers speak of quality, generosity and going the extra mile. It’s a plus for those who have MACs. Well, I have had 2 kinds of MACs and they both start with the letter c. The computer (MAC) was repaired and reconfigured by Tom at MacAdvantage. The cancer MAC was removed and my face reconfigured by docs in Dallas. Having my MAC computer with me for these last 7 months has been invaluable---a real advantage. But the cancer, MAC, also brought tremendous advantages to my life----time to reconnect with family and friends from afar and to make a new connection. That connection, via the internet first, brought me to Michèle Phoenix. Then, as only God could orchestrate, we were able to meet 6 weeks ago in Louisville, KY. But the advantages of that connection have enlarged my heart. I don’t even have appropriate words to describe the impact she has had on me---from my psyche to my spiritual growth.

She hasn’t even left North America yet and already I feel sadness creeping over me. She’s headin’ back to Germany today. I know why she goes. She answered that question on her blog. What I don’t know is why it affects me so. Maybe because though we are years apart in age, we speak the same language---- spiritually and emotionally. She brings me joy with apt answers; her writing delights me; and her words, via e-mail, are both profound and timely. Possibly because she is real---a real part of my life, a really transparent believer, a MAC survivor whom I have hugged in real life and a real big blessing in my life..
I thank God for her---she is my MACadvantage!

1It is good to give thanks to the LORD
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
2To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning
And Your faithfulness by night,
3With the ten-stringed lute and with the harp,
With resounding music upon the lyre.
4For You, O LORD, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.

Psalm 92:1-4

Father God, how I thank you for Michèle, my MAC blessing. Through her, You have enabled me to see Your hand and to accept MAC as a gift of Your grace. Not that many months ago MAC had seemed so scary and now I see blessing upon blessing, in part, thanks to Michèle’s faithfulness to You. Now I say, “thank you” with a sincere heart. Use my faith in You in the life of another. May he/she see Your goodness in me. I have held Your hand to get me through this cancer struggle and times of weakness. May I continue to do so.

“I sing for joy at the works of Your hand. Forever I’ll love You, forever I’ll stand, Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.” (Michael W. Smith, lyricist)

HAPPY 40th ANNIVERSARY---Here’s to 200 years of love as his wedding band says.

8/9/09
I had wanted to entitle this blog “bi-polar bed fellows” or “marriage of miracles” but thought that might sound insulting to our union so I’m embedding it in the text. What I’m really trying to say is that like most of you in a marriage situation already know “taint” always easy, it takes commitment and opposites do in fact attract---but God………………..

So here’s a look at us. Hmm….food seems to be a focus here! I guess we have that in common. We’re “foodies”----though not the refined, snobby kind. We just like to eat.

Larry ------------------------------Dotsy
Time frame------------------------eventually Now or yesterday is even better
Leave at time of event----------- Leave early-- “just in case” scenarios
Night owl --------------------------Early bird
Coffee in am-----------------------“Cuppa” hot tea
Beach-------------------------------Mountains
Laid back/enjoys journey--------Destination Driven
Driver------------------------------Navigator/love maps
Author, Clive Cussler-------------Author, Jan Karon
Spicy/hot food---------------------Mild kick only
Cell phone/golf line---------------No cell
Communicate Ma Bell-------------E-mail
Burger w/ cheese-------------------No cheese, pleez
Spinach NOT T-greens------------Turnip Greens!!!
Bleu cheese, extra------------------Italian/smacky vinaigrettes
Wine---------------------------------Sweet tea
Candles give headache------------Love candles but don't use for his sake
Diet coke----------------------------The real thing
Sci-Fi--------------------------------Mystery
Revelation--------------------------Psalms
TV (golf channel)------------------Not much TV- “Jeopardy”
Beatles/Mamas & Papas----------Temptations/Four Tops
Sports section/spread out--------Crossword, folded-booksize rectangle
Leather recliner-------------------Upholstered club chair/ottoman
Games, any outside---------------Board games-Scrabble & Boggle
Shopper----------------------------NOT
Tennis shoes-----------------------Crocs
Diverticulitis friendly snacks----Popcorn
1/2 full glass/dreamer------------1/2 empty pragmatist/realist
Playful------------------------------Prayerful
NO candy--------------------------Divinity and fudge w/ pecans (LOTS)
Rule bender-----------------------Rule follower
Splenda(diet stuff)---------------Sugar (no diet anything)
Carrot Cake/Coconut cake------Caramel cake/Coconut cake

(Closing the food gap here, maybe)

1 foam pillow---------------------4 squishy down pillows
Bedding, sheet only-------------sheet, light blanket, mama's quilt, coverlets

So what’s the secret of polar opposites staying together for 40 years? Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NASB) gives a clue. Read verse 12b carefully.

9Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
10For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
11Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
12And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.
A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

If Larry and I keep the Lord in the center of our “marriage cord” then we should not be easily separated. So…..here’s to many more anniversaries with the one I love. I would say 40 more but that would probably mean a heavenly event since we would be over 100 years old----now that would be a celebration!

Ruby Red Reveal…….

8/7/09 ……….but don’t tell Larry. He won’t receive until tomorrow. So many great ideas from so many different folks—thanks for doing the thinking for me! I had forgotten I had a red plate ‘til a blog reader reminded me, would have never thought of duct tape or pomegranates or a list of reasons I love him. Couldn’t use candles or certain colognes b/c “smells” get to his head. Could have added more---just ran out of time & cash. Grateful that so many suggestions were so doable on a budget.
This is the list that will be in his basket which I will present along with his red breakfast. We’ll also have red tomatoes for lunch---a gift from Roger at HHS and a cherry fried pie. This has really been a team effort. Thanks much!!

HAPPY 40TH
August 9, 1969-2009

Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth, (Proverbs 5:38)
(a basket of “ruby” red stuff to commemorate 40 years of love, Liles style)

1. “You are special today” Red Plate (https://redplatestore.com) breakfast in bed---with ruby red grapefruit, toast with Amish strawberry jam and fresh fruit cup w/ Ranier c herries, strawberries and red grapes served with Red Label Taster’s Choice in a “you are special today” red mug

2. Red anniversary card w/ book of King of Hearts postage stamps
3. List of 40 reasons I love you---in red font
4. Red duct tape
5. Red Meat from Folks Folly’s Prime Shoppe
6. Red Truck Wine (I love the label, hope you’ll like the wine) & Avalon Cabernet---robust red with a red label---'cause you already had a beaker of merlot
7. Red Terra Cotta chips w/ Chili’s salsa---you love salsa
8. Rental from Blockbuster for “Hunt for Red October”
9. Office pack w/ red only rubberbands, paper clips, clamps, push pins, Sharpie and pencils
10. Tomato juice
11. Diet Cranberry Splash (2pk)
12. Malco gift certificate for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince---Blood is red and you love Harry Potter
13. Red KOOZIES (2)
14. Pack of red pens
15. Red picture frame for our anniversary “shot”-- A red dot/red tag clearance item----your favorite kind
16. Pair of red scissors for your “area”
17. Red Lobster Coupon
18. Red tie
19. Sonic gift card for your favorite diet strawberry limeade
20. Bright red travel mug & 12 volt plug-in travel mug for am java
21. Red toothpick dispenser---can keep in your car---your kind of gift
22. Frankly Scarlett cupcake from Muddy’s (their red velvet version) and Curbside Cassserole's unbelievable strawberry cake---it's like eating a strawberry shortcake.
23. Red golf tees
24. Red golf swing weight
25. Red “Dotsy” foam golf practice balls
26. Red heart shaped lollipop & gummy Hot Tamales
27. My Homemade mooley grater pimiento cheese with extra bright red pimientos
28. Heavy (you like heavy) red patio glasses (2) for our afternoon soirées in our red Adirondack chairs---looking for a festive pomegranate splash recipe
29. Big Red gum---though I’ll probably chew more than you will
30. Red visor eyeglass clip for your sunglasses
31. Red tree shaped wild cherry air freshener for your car---you’ll hate it but you’ll laugh!
32. Red label powder called Monkey Butt---that will make you laugh too!
33. Red Dr. Pepper Boxers
34. Red handled pruners
35. Red handled trowel
36. Red bristled silicone basting brush for the grill
37. Bold red TARGET gift card
38. Red stuff for your new car---windshield squeegee, dashboard duster, tire brush, funnel, oil spout and shop rags
39. Molly & Corey’s anniversary gift for us, a coconut cake with divinity icing (MY fave) and lots of extra coconut (your favorite) from Sugaree’s in New Albany, MS, topped with red hots in a heart shape and served with strawberry surf ice cream---it’s worth the drive, the renewal of vows…...
40. & it's delivered with a kiss from my ruby red “new “ lips.

More Patience Needed

8/6/09 I need more patience from you because I’ve still been too tired to type about patience. God has been teaching me that I am more likely to avoid “irregular” people or a tough circumstance (my way of opting out of adversity) than to exercise this “fruit.” So I’ll continue to learn my lessons, take notes, and will share eventually. That’s why I have to ask for your patience. Plus, our big 40th anniversary is this weekend, so I’m using what little energy I have to get my 40 “ruby” red gifts ready for Larry. Have gotten some fun ideas from my blog readers---will share the final 40 later.

“Wait on the LORD, be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart.” (Psalm 27:14)

Did you notice that the verse didn’t say anything about avoiding people or situations, but waiting on God……….patience His way = a strengthening of the heart.

Philippians 4:13

8/4/09
I found my notes on patience but I’ve been too bleary-eyed to organize them and type them up for the blog.
Yesterday was Monday and you know what that means---I had a verse to meditate on. Did you?

• I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

This verse was a good reminder as I felt the fatigue of the first day back at work compounded by the news that Mommar’s remaining sister, Liz, had died. She’s older than Mommar. She has been suffering with Alzheimer’s the last 2+ years. Though everyone thought Mommar wouldn’t remember seeing her sister last week, she told me detail by detail of her visit to see Liz. Her final comment was, “I hope I never get that way. She didn’t even know who I was.” That is my hope as well. But I also trust that He, as the old hymn says, will give “strength for today and great hope for tomorrow,” if that is indeed the way she progresses.

Fruit of the Spirit: Patience

8/2/09 Remember the old VBS (Vacation Bible School) song, “Down in my heart?”

"I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart, down in my heart.
(Where?) Down in my heart. (3x)
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy
down in my heart, down in my heart---
down in my heart to stay."

Then new phrases (replacing joy) were added to create other spiritual things found “down in your heart”---peace that passes understanding and love of Jesus.

Do you recognize those first three attributes of the “fruit of the Spirit?” So where’s the patience? Do you think God wonders that about us sometimes---“where’s the patience, Dotsy?”

As always when things “come to mind” for the blog or those THOTS on a scripture are being mulled around, God has a way of showing me truth about myself. More often than not, it’s not very pretty. A lot of waiting comes in to play. Waiting involves patience. Maybe I’m a little short in that area.

But God……..I’m beginning to see that when we wait in hope there’s an entirely different dimension. It’s more that just being resigned to something or tolerating the circumstance---it seems to go deeper. It’s more than outwardly controlling an outburst---it’s more internal and most often selfless. A true longsuffering. A keeping on of keeping on. A perseverance with hope.
Now reader, you’re going to have to exert patience in waiting for the “rest of this story” because I’ve lost my notes I had so patiently jotted down on our family trip when I couldn’t get to my computer.

PRACTICE PATIENCE! It’s easier to do this in His Presence---Lord, may I Practice *Thy Presence today.
*Live in the light of it.

Borderless Jigsaw Puzzle

8/1/09
Approaching 40 years with “my man” and seeing his mother (Mommar) without hers (would have been 65 years just 2 weeks ago), I am sobered. I can’t imagine what life would look like without Larry. Then I read in Beth Moore’s, Voices of the Faithful, of a widow who described it as I was feeling. Puzzle pieces of one’s life in disarray everywhere.
Mommar must feel that way, even in her tenuous mental state. She has teared up several times today and told me of her neighbor whose husband has also died and the neighbor’s anger that her hubby died before she did. She spoke of the neighbor’s fear. She was empathizing and it was painful for her. I’m sure that she feels that there are no borders for her to build on in this new jumble of a widow’s puzzle. Where will she start? What can she do?
How can I help? She was already struggling with beginning dementia and Grandaddy was her one stabilizing factor---that and her home. Now she has to leave her home each weekend to stay with us or another of her children. She’d really rather be at home. She has no control---no car keys or house keys anymore. She’s trying so hard to hold on to some semblance of her past---life as she once knew it. It is so painful to watch.
I know that God has assigned our portions and made our lot secure---those boundary lines of ours (even the ones we can’t see) are in His hands and He can rebuild the shattered pieces in our lives (& minds)---one piece at a time. But how can I help her understand? Is it even possible? Maybe the lesson is for us, the caregivers, as somedays her mind understands and somedays it doesn’t.
Losing a spouse can be devastating, I’m sure. Losing control of certain aspects of your life (& memory) can be equally upsetting.
It’s hard to make sense out of life when our minds are in chaos and our dreams have been shattered. But God…………

“Lord, I lay this all at the foot of the cross. Use me to minister to Mommar even when I can’t begin to understand all she’s going through. I pray Your best for her. It doesn’t have to make sense to me---I just trust Your leading even when the circumstances seem overwhelming both physically and emotionally. As a family, may we become linked and locked in spiritual unity to provide the best border she needs for this new jigsaw-type season in her life.”

Anniversary Angst

7/31/09
Celebrations are a “biggie” at our house---always have been. This is especially true if it’s a birthday or an anniversary date that ends in a 5 or a 0. Hallmark loves us. Therein lies the problem---expectation. In the past, I have come up with memorable ways to mark the occasions of our “significant” wedding anniversaries---usually with a mini-trip and always with a gift----usually the traditional one rather that the modern recommendation that Hallmark gives. I actually started planning for this year’s over a year ago and had hoped to take a trip to a ruby mine, just for fun. There’s one in Cherokee, NC and that’s close to friends whom we love to visit but…………MAC came and plans and resources changed somewhat. Now the big day is just a little over a week away and I’m feeling “pushed” and idealess. So, I need ideas. Here’s where I’m heading---lots of gifts (I'd like to come up with 40) of “ruby red” (just red actually) for my man. So far I’ve decided ruby red grapefruit for breakfast in bed----he loves grapefruit and I’ve already bought a jar of homemade strawberry jam from the Amish in middle Tennessee but that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

• 1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven---4 A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4)

For almost 8 months we have had lots of weeping and mourning, so this anniversary is a real celebration. If you have any ideas please send them to me at dotsyliles@gmail.com. It’s time to laugh and dance!