Friday, January 30, 2009

Forgiving Fridays

1/30/09
This week the ole pragmatic mom in me, seeking to advise my daughter, was appropriately rebuffed by her. "Mom," she said. "Get out of my Kool-aid!" To all of you reading this today------If I have gotten "up" in your Kool-aid, please forgive me. I'm sure that I rationalized that being "up in your Kool-aid" was for your well-being. My, how easy it is to label CONTROL as good intentions......as easy as pushing the control button on my iMac computer.
Trust me on this one folks, only God is in control! And that's a good thing.
That's what "Forgiving Fridays" are all about ---making amends with God (asking forgiveness of sin) and making amends w/ others. In a "12 step" program my Forgiving Fridays are similar to their Step #5 which admits to God, self and others (when appropriate) the exact nature of the wrong. It goes hand in hand w/ their Step #4, where they take a moral inventory. The two steps are done together to be effective. I think that's right---
Do you ever get caught up in yourself? My confession---when Dr. B. (Memphis doc)
called the other day and said Dr. H. (Dallas doc) was awaiting my phone call , I envisioned
him standing by the phone. NOT!! I'm still waiting—- but there's a great lesson there for me.
Have you ever felt singled out in a positive way? Lately, every time I read one of my 5 different devotional books I think they are written just for me---but they are written for each of us who allows the Presence of God to use them in his/her life. New devotional book (from GI), Amy Carmichael's, Edges of His Ways----
-----today told of ST. Paul letting his letters break into song---WOW, just where I was yesterday. It concluded w/ the importance of praying against barriers, "which are nearly always made of self-love in one way or another." Journal excerpt: "Forgive me Father. Take me back to square one---review with me the basic steps of "our dance" ---enable me to continue to say, "move over self----it's not about me ---it's all about Thee!"

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thankful Thursday

1/29/09

---one year I had to do all 365 days focusing on thankfulness---it became my gratitude journal---I never missed a day but some days I had to scratch/choose to see events as thanksgiving---it became lots easier, the more I practiced---that was a life lesson for me. "In every thing, give thanks."

Yesterday's entry seemed to be full of run-on sentences of mental meanderings. My stream of consciousness tangle/jumble was hard to untangle even for my hubby and he's lived with this confused brain for almost 40 years.

Even during early hour prayers this morning, I found my thoughts would wander. But…..the answer was in Jesus Calling----Keep your focus on Me. When your mind wanders, "Bring every thought captive," (2 Corin. 10:5) In My light anxious thoughts shrink…….. confused ideas are untangled.

I began with focusing on the Lord through song---thinking, " I just need a hymnal." Well, searching on the bottom shelf of the lawyers cabinet that had been my grandmother's, I found a Cokesbury Hymnal, copyright 1923. It cost 30¢. So, the Lord and I had a songfest and my heart began to overflow with gratitude.

When I sang, It is Well With my Soul with tears starting to flow, I knew that even in this challenge, my soul is well, He Keeps Me Singing as I Go---was the hymn reminder that kept me singing/thanking Him all day:

1. …while waiting for the doc phone call that never came.

2. …while celebrating with friends at Houston High*

3. …while talking to myriads of people who care

4. …while hugging a dear friend. IC, whom I had to track down

5. …while calmly responding to my father-in-law's fears about his surgery tomorrow---though my heart ached for him

*UTrust came to school to film the school nurse and the HHS Café ladies, based on a story I had written about them. I was the author, but they were the inspiration---it was their story, I just told it so others would know how each of them make a difference in the lives of so many of us---and they do it because they care. The nurse has already showered me with flowers and hugs and I left the cafeteria today laden with my favorite soup and BUTTER COOKIES!!!! That shoud be #6---b/c I'm thankful for such a big stash.

Things change with a call and before I could even post these earlier comments, I had another BIG reason to say Thank you, Lord! I had an entire chapel to myself, to kneel before the Lord I love and beg for extra measures of mercy and grace for a family I love as my own.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Weeping Wednesday (Don't stop here---read further)*

1/28/09
These tags of alliteration for the days of the week have been a part of my life for a long time—reminders that help me focus. So, though today is a day for weeping, it's not for crying physically as I have done on some days in this journey, but…..it's my day of asking God to "create in me a clean heart, O Lord and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10) To do that He has to show me my sin---not a pretty picture---but necessary, especially for one whose SELF can rear it's ugly head. Actually, my subtle sin is self-protection. (Inside Out by Larry Crabb p.100---almost erased this citation to put in an APA or MLA format---old habits die hard for librarians) Self protection is pain avoidance esp. at a deep level---one often builds walls in relationships to have that protection. Sometime it's pride—not willing to let people see all the warts---and now God is allowing me to practice showing my humanity, warts and all. BTW, I read today that there are over 2.5 million blogs but *only 4% of people read writings of others.......... basically bloggers are having conversations with themselves--- it has been therapeutic.

Just reread parts of Ortberg's When the Game is Over it all Goes Back in the Box.

 (can't you see yourself clearing the Scrabble board and dumping all those wooden tiles into the little faux velvet bag?? ---a great read) I was reminded of so many truths---
The board you & I play on is in the shape of a calendar---live one square at a time.
In Ethiopia, a man's wealth is measured by his friends---In said measurement, I am indeed WEALTHY!

Arrange your life around what matters most to God----People matter.

On a lighter note, I have also learned, that there is no such thing as too many post-it/stickie notes. My dear ljj used to say I needed a Velcro bra----hm-m-m, maybe she's right---she usually is.

Family matters: As I wait, we are also awaiting by-pass surgery for Larry's dad & trying to aid his mother who spent the night here b/c they live in Oakland & she doesn't need to be alone. I was able to read Jesus Calling aloud to her as we sat at the breakfast table eating and watching Larry's (Pop-Pop's) birds feasting outside the window. How special is that?

My brothers and their wives from KY are coming Friday to bring Daddy so I can see them all before the Big MAC event. He won't spend the night but I'm grateful for their sacrifice---that's a lot of driving in one day.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Teaching Tuesday

1/27/09

The lessons today must be just for me b/c ljj was not available for my "practice teaching"---but oh how many times she has listened---nor were any of my 24 Hr. Fitness water buds—I would practice my lessons on them in the sauna and get feedback before I would teach my Bible study lessons. One was my dance expert, so maybe she can help me in this latest "Dance."

Word for the day is hand. I am an obedient student---someone tells me to look for God's hand, even in the little things, I start looking. In years past He sometimes has had to knock me over the head with the obvious---obvious to everyone else that is. Of course, I hate to start doing body parts b/c I'm sure there will be verses on lips or nostrils---not ready to go there in public. It was bad enough at church Sunday night to have 2 doctors picking my nose---out in the vestibule of the church, no less.

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say you are my God. My times are in your hands…..(Psa. 31:14-15)

For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Early this morning—per a request last night "to meet face to face and w/ Larry b/c we were in a different ballpark now"---Larry & I met w/ Dr. C who drew this incredible labyrinth of sorts, showing the twisty-turny path of my journey with MAC from 1st visit to different docs to input from docs world-wide to the latest change. He drew all of this out on a paper cloth that covered the round table where we sat. He said this is so "strange" and it could be seen as a bit of a tangle of intersections but………….I took the pen from him and drew in my pitiful artistic manner---a hand around all those appointments and doctors names and told him, "That's what God's hand looks like!" I've felt better ever since. BTW I have the cloth---you knew I would didn't you!

Near the end of the day a phone conversation with my dear friend Ashley Bryan, who today won the 2009 Laura Ingalls Wilder award, lifted my spirits. When I told him how much I have been inspired by his depiction of God's hand in his book, Let it Shine: Three Favorite Spirituals, he, in his humble way, told me how concerned he was for me and how much I inspired him.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Meditating Monday

1/26/09
I am choosing NOT to meditate on my tumor today---Big MAC attack is to be set aside so that I can fully focus on God's goodness:
Banana puddin' for breakfast---I'm actually trying to gain back recently lost pounds---my friends are "bashing" me about this new found "eat more" opportunity.
Allowing me to pray for others.
Taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8)----even in the dark times---make that especially in the dark times. Make mine a BRT---Belief, Rest and TRUST---I have the belief, I'm getting the rest so I'm slathering on the Trust---so it covers this whole Big MAC.
God's goodness is SO evident to me ----He has sent Michele into my life for such a time as this with words of encouragement---because she has stood where I am standing.
Words from her could encourage us all--"-I'm praying for peace and for an eternal perspective as you face the days and weeks ahead. I am praying for miracles too, whether they come through your surgeon's scalpel or through the Lord's all-knowing hand. "Prayer is the slender thread that moves the hand of God." (Corrie Ten Boom) His hand is moving even as I write..."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Serene Sabbath

1/25/09 Serene Sabbath---planning to "be still" For those who have asked, son Josh's web site will give you instant updates even when I get wherever I'm going---he has a "magic phone"---iPhone, I think" so he can do all this from any distance---All you need to do is enter your e-mail address and your e-mail password and then he approves you and you'll get the messages. www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/610549/
This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24) Today's verse in the Upper Room (which I try to read along with Daddy) is one of my favorites, Zephaniah 3:17 (between Habakkuk and Haggai---bet that helped a lot didn't it?? 

As a librarian, I commend the use of a Table of Contents, especially when they have a listing in alphabetical order.) The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Maybe rejoice is the word of the day---I think I'll just rejoice quietly. Today's My Utmost for His Highest said, Be in a state of expectancy---my marginalia was ----expectancy NOT expectation.

Saturating Saturday

1/24/09

Began day with Saturday routine (routine feels good) --- Warriors on the Wall prayer time---praying lots for my "back-up/sub partner, Linda Dickens---what a privilege to pray for others.

Together Larry and I listen to son Buddy's Jan.18 sermon on-line---series he is in dealt with truth about trials and sufferings---how timely—from I Peter 1:6-12 and a few detours to Romans 8:28 (LA's verse) and Matthew 6:15 & 16 (scripture passage I taught in Mexico last March)---God blessed us with His peace. So…………….

Word of the day is Peace--------------World definition is without conflict or war---Dotsy definition is supernatural calmness in the middle of war or trial and God's word says……

The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace. (Psalm 29:11)

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. (Psalm 37:11) Wow, there's yesterday's word---abunDANCE---God often has to show me things more than once (or twice even) Will have to do a word study on Hebrew word for meek b/c definition that comes to mind is not one that I think describes me.

After God, had given me all this during my time with Him, then I opened Jesus Calling and the first two words were, "My Peace" (Uh—hel-lo!)

Glad for peaceful morning b/c rest of day was a whirlwind with 3 phone calls from sweet, precious, brilliant, world-renowned plastic surgeon, Dr. Louis Carter. He called my Dr. Burruss—Dr. B's response was, "How did you know about this?" Anyone besides me know the answer to that!!!!!

Friday, January 23, 2009

abunDANCE

1/23/09

Early phone call from my Molly reported a billboard on Poplar---going east on Poplar before you get to Grisanti's ---not sure what it was advertising. "Mom, you should see it." It says "abunDANCE"---God is giving you an abundance of Himself in your new Dance. A-men, Molly!

Abundance is definitely the "word of the day" abundance of food, abundance of love, abundance of mercy from the Lord. In Psa. 72, a royal psalm, Solomon prays that the king's reign will be characterized by many things--- verse 7 ….asks that "in his days may the righteous flourish, and abundance of peace until the moon is no more." (NASB) I know who My King is and already am experiencing abundant peace. (though a little out of context with the psalm) His peace is reigning in my life today. The psalm concludes with, "Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel who alone works wonders." Romans 5:17 For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life thought the One, Jesus Christ,

My day concluded as I saw a recap of the inauguration with YoYo Mah playing---the tune was "Simple Gifts" which is the same as "The Lord of the Dance." Wow---Lord, they're playing our song (it was Allyson's first)!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Ouchie

1/22/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NATHAN! (7) --Birthday prayers for you from Shug.

A little shaky this morn, as if chilled from the inside out and a little nauseous---reminds me of morning sickness of days gone by---where's the benedectin?? (anti-nausea drug of choice of pregnant women during the 70s---before they took it off the market)

Time in the Word, Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest settled me down. Day filled with a friend helping me "just in case" pack for when the call comes to go---wherever docs and insurance decide. (Dr. B in Memphis called to assure me that he and Dr. B in Dallas are still at work.) I'm sure that my lack of focus wore my friend out as she tried to follow my circles---She organized a lot in spite of me and dear, sweet Elnora who has been family since 1978 (came 5 months before Molly was born) did anything I asked her to do, even if it meant figuring out what I had just asked.

All that being said, know that I am so-o-o covered in God's grace that whether I skip w/ joy or pass out from fatigue, He's there with me. Verses of scripture (btw Isaiah 41:10 has been sent by many—a worthy read) and notes of encouragement have been pouring in, whether e-mail or slug mail or phone messages---41 years in education provides an unbelievable network---so whether I taught you in kindergarten and you are now 42, or I taught you at the university or I have taught you anywhere K-12 or taught with you, thanks!

However, my favorite encouragement and good laugh has come from grandson, Caleb, age 3. Conversation went something like this. "Shug, I prayed for your "ouchie." I have an "ouchie" too." I then asked, "Where's your ouchie, Caleb."

"Right here." Could hear son laughing in the background---you have to tell her where it is--- she can't see you pointing. O Lord how I covet prayers for my "ouchie."

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Praying the Psalms

1/21/09

24 hours without a computer and a telephone with a "black hole"--- do you think maybe God wanted me to "be still and know that He is God" as Sara B. prayed??!!

Well, there it is. I open my Jesus Calling book and the first sentence says, I want you to be all mine.

Yesterday was a little of a stretch ----couple of doc visits---lots of plans to be considered---logistical and insurance questions---but God…………………I wonder if Ronnie Stevens realizes what an impact those to words have had on my life since I heard his long ago sermon (Eph. 4:2)---that's about his speed--- 2 words a Sunday (hopefully Ronnie can take a joke)----helps folks like me digest it.

I began the day (before computer needed a new hard drive) with a big blessing. An elder from Allen Bible Church, where son Buddy is a pastor, wrote that he had been praying Psalm 20 for me. I remembered the verse "some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." SW helped me glean insight from that during our H2H teacher training sessions one summer. As the day ended and I was having trouble settling down, Larry read Psalm 20 to me.

Then I asked him to read Psalm 121 to me-----one I memorized (KJV) as a part of my 4th grade teacher's instruction---now there's a good teacher. It was the psalm that I was given the privilege to recite for the First Evan Women's Team to Mexico on the last night of our mission trip to El Lano (you won't find it on a map) for the Tlapaneco Christian Easter Conference. I can still close my eyes and see those mountains and the sweet faces of all the groups who so beautifully dramatized the verses---"He will not suffer your foot to be moved. (slip) He that keepeth thee will not slumber, Behold He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep…The Lord is thy keeper….He shall preserve thy soul….The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth and even forever more, I had never felt more smack dab in the middle of God's good and perfect will for my life on that trip and that's where I am right now. To Him be the glory!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Dance

FYI--Ambien kept me asleep til 3:50---so many questions and decisions but I truly am not dismayed---Psa. 27: one of last verses says "I would have despaired had I not seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Yesterday I was physically surrounded by God's goodness through my "praying buds" and family (even though far away). This morning the Lord and I have been discussing the next step in my dance of life---Do you know the old hymn, "Lord of the Dance"? It was in the hymnal of First Methodist Church in Hoptown.
Not sure where we're going for surgery---wherever God leads--- though my heart desires Dallas---Buddy's devout Christian doc friend has given some good advice and thinks Dallas will be okay. He's still checking. He's tops in field of reconstruction (just not my kind) and he could be our eyes and ears and son, Buddy and Day live just north of Dallas in Allen, TX and could offer a pillow and support for Larry.

for blog---excerpt from prayer journal (comment from Norman M.)
1/20/09
G (God) U AND I DANCE (Guidance) (for all my "non-dancing denomination" friends, forgive me)
I am asking God to guide me through this dance that has come up on my dance of life song card--I don't know this dance and I'm asking Him to teach me the steps. In Hoptown, during my high school days and at the Sub Deb dances, we would have a "no-break" card. You had your card signed by those whom you wanted uninterrupted dance time with---no one was allowed to "cut in/break in---you know, the old tap on the shoulder move---your eyes were for that partner alone. So today I'm asking God to to be my partner and to allow only the best (docs, medicine, counselors) to break-in and join me in this new song, composed by the Lord of the Dance---for my eyes are on Him alone.

I am a dancer ("bopper") and it's the desire of my heart to dance through this new song, hand in hand with the Lord, my true partner, as He teaches me step-by-step whether it's a waltz that moves slow and easy or a tango or jerk with some unexpected bumps. This is a new dance for me but I have a great teacher, The "Lord of the Dance" and the hope of my heart is that I can dance at Halle and Kyle's wedding on April 4.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The results are in

1/19/09 pm Much of what I had written this morning changed as of a 3pm phone call from Dr. B. (plastic/recon man) A dear friend was sitting beside me and I gave her a thumbs up when I heard he had gotten the report and it was not in the bone---answered prayer----BUT---the surgery can no longer be done w/ the mohs procedure. Dr. B. also said that he was not comfortable doing the surgery which was going to be more extensive than first thought. He said to talk to family tonight and he'd talk to us tomorrow---b/c he knew of 3 places that had 1 (whatever 1 is) MD Anderson in Houston---he thinks there's 1 at Southwestern in Dallas or Washington University in St. Louis. Son Buddy is checking w/ Dallas doc---in surgery at the moment---Josh is checking Sloan Kettering.
Jesus Calling this am said "Seek my face." My answer was from Psalm 27:7-8----Hear my voice when I cry, O Lord. Be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek His face." Your face I will seek. There was the answer I had written en my prayer journal. One more detour on the journey but know how grateful I am for each of you and how much I appreciate the prayers---please include my family as well. 1/19/09 am MLK day so all teachers are off so I don't feel weird yet about not being at work. Early quiet time with Dren's prayer shawl over my shoulder---felt good in more ways than one. Call from brother, Buddy, the family lexicologist, yesterday to ask about my "Big MAC" attack made me smile as he used the acronym for my cancer to tease me a little. Tomorrow is D-Day for me---I hope it's the beginning of my liberation from this Big MAC attack by a Mohs surgeon not someone/or technique unknown---but God…it's in His hands.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

1/18/09

1/18/09 Sunday

Yesterday Larry got me a pair of fur-lined CROCS ---from Baumer's Footwear, of course—great way to begin the day---I got to see Owen's (19 mos.) "Music for Aardvarks and other Mammals" music class. I stood in the corner with Purell in hand to ward off "germs" and thoroughly enjoyed myself----esp. when he would come to take my hand or Pop-Pop's b/c he wanted us to be included. Later hair stylist took me after hours to get a "short" haircut to make days ahead easier---

Excerpt from prayer journal—doing word study on waiting—

Psa. 40:1-5

I waited patiently (patience is not one of my virtues) for the Lord: He turned to me and heard my cry (this cry occasionally has tears along with it.) He lifted me out of the slimy pit and out of the mud and mire. (Is this what self centeredness/self-pity looks like? Thank You, Lord that because of Your Presence through this journey, I have not asked, "Why me?" It's not about me—but Thee) He put a new song in my mouth, (and most likely it's going to be a new mouth) a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear (reverential respect?) and put their trust in the Lord._(A-men and A-men)

All my English teacher buddies,---remember that my journal does not have spell check and forgive me for causing you shivers if & when misspelled words appear.)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Updated Details

1/17/09
4:45 am wake-up which is “sleeping in” for me---already preparing to sharpen more pencils---what’s this all about?? WAITING—since no results are due until Tuesday—trying to make self eat----now that’s a switch---Molly brought me some homemade challah (sp?) bread but it’s from a great Jewish bakery and it does appeal to me---plan on resting and reading ---Larry’s going to print e-mail messages for me on pink paper---they will be there to keep me “in the Pink” as he reads then to me during recovery---and I’ll be trying to stay away from germs. My day and time to pray for Warriors on the Wall for church---it’s been my ”routine” since 1995, I think, and routine is comforting to me especially from the view of my prayer chair.

1/16/09 Friday ---became my last day at work for awhile though I didn’t know that until later
1:12 wake-up—1 Tylenol PM which doc said I could take---must not have been enough. Prayed for 2 suffering spiritual giants—much easier to pray for others than self---praised God for His character traits---in alphabetical order of course. As I tried to pray for self, questions would flood my mind—if my lips are sewn together (he hopes to make 2 from 1 bottom lip) and right part of nose is gone, how will I breathe if other nostril gets stopped up? I live on Afrin when weather changes---with no nose, do I just shoot it straight to my brain? Wondered at long list of things that I can’t take ---why not green tea or vitamins or fish oil or calcium or even red wine? You get the idea---it’s called fretting and Psalm 37 says, “Fret not.” (Friend later sent me an Adrian Rogers quote about fretting---she knows me well.)
Precious secretary at work pulled me into her office with a big hug and said, “Dotsy, it’s out of your hands---so you need to look at God’s hand in this---even in the little things!” How true—that was from His hand---a friend to help me refocus. Immediately I thought of how God has been using my children to work our all the details for me---even from afar. He has awakened folks in the night to pray for me even when they didn’t know the diagnosis. Way was paved through a nurse friend and I saw friend of friend at doc’s office. Talked w/ principal—who like every one else at HHS told me not to worry about grant or presentations or e-books or anything else and folks began to pick up the slack---esp. other librarian so pray for her---I couldn’t even remember that e-books would be under “e” in file. Principal said I had more available sick days than school days left + sick bank and I should just take care of myself---so kind, and like Larry realized the importance of me not getting even a cold before this series of surgeries begins. I guess schools are kind of germy.
A missed call from “interim” superintendent but got 2 e-mails—in last one he responded to my comment “if I don’t quit writing, you won’t think I’m getting any work done” to which he responded, “as your old boss, and I guess your new big boss, I give you permission to get all the hugs and prayers you need today!!” What a compassionate man. As many of you have heard me say, at this season in my life (old) the high school setting is where I need to be and there is none better than Houston High.
Couldn’t find, Jesus Calling devotional book (later found it right where it always is, go figure) so Molly called and read it to me. “Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times……..do not multiply your troubles in this way! Instead, come to me.” God’s hand—sent a call to help me refocus.
Told student library workers that I probably wouldn’t be back for awhile b/c of extensive surgery on face. Girl in 2nd period asked if tumor that was being removed was cancer---whew---admitting is hard especially trying not to cause concern for someone else. Afterwards my guy helper waited til all were gone and with tears streaming down his cheeks asked if he could pray for me---with his arm around me he prayed a beautiful prayer imbedded with scripture and telling God that “all of us love Mrs. Liles and we’re asking for healing ------I know God heard his prayer and will answer according to His good and perfect will for my life.

CT scan w/ iodine injection didn’t take long once they got started though fatigue had me feeling really woozy and I knew I couldn’t move my head. Again, God had me praying for others and that allowed me “not to be dismayed as I saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psa. 27:13---even if suffering or terminally ill.

1/15/09 Thursday (When Molly was 3, Thursdays were “pie days”—we’d bake one for us and one to share---random thoughts pop up a lot)

Grandson, Nathan, almost 7, prayed for me this am. At bedtime, Noah, who just turned 5, prayed, “Dear God, when the doctor is through cutting on Shug’s face, let him give her GOOD band-aids and a treat!”
Hemmed in by those prayers I made it through a day of doc visits (nurse friend had already made calls there for me so things got moving) and consultations and surgery set-ups and re-dos and undos as things changed throughout the day. Reconstruction doc at 9am (affirmed by many from other states, even) helped calm my shakiness (I spent a good part of my early wake-up letting the tears flow—most I’ve cried.) by his “matter of fact” comments—“chemo doesn’t work on this, radiation isn’t usually much good either---it has to come out.” Proceeded to show me pics---to encourage me, I think----hm-m-m gaping holes and missing facial features can be a little disconcerting even on “someone else’s face.” Said I needed a MOHS surgeon as well—confirming what Buddy’s Dallas doc had already said—and that he only worked with one---guess that narrows my choices. Scheduled surgeries back to back set up a consultation w/ other surgeon at noon. Person setting up hospital surgeries at G’town Methodist was son of nurse friend---that’s encouraging too.
Noon—consultation about MOHS procedure---Doc’s manner was likeable and assuring. He did say he didn’t think his part could be worked in on a regular surgery day when he had other patients that he felt like he needed a whole day with me—thus not causing others to wait or him to feel rushed—so would rearrange and come in on his day off---what a man!! But---if it’s in the bone (and this type of cancer is aggressive in it’s location and can go into bone, muscle, blood vessels, nerves, etc.) he can’t do it since he just does soft tissue. So he was going to order an MRI or CT scan w/ contrasts---opted for CT scan b/c I’m so-o-o-o claustrophobic. He starts that process and I start praying and send word out asking others to do the same. Went to lunch and ordered mashed potatoes. Crackers and now mashed potatoes have been the food of choice.
Home to more phone calls for new referrals, pre-certifications, etc. Folks so helpful and call you back and are patient when you forget your name---Cancer is a word that really seems to make me jump---for me, it makes me fall to my knees.
CT scan scheduled for 2:15 tomorrow—off Humphreys Blvd.---I dub area “doc row” b/c it’s one clinic or diagnostic center or office after another ---but it’s near my house. YEA!


1/14/09
At 1:10 wake-up, “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul” (Psalm 94:19) whirred through my mind—Later in day a friend gave me the citation for it.
After not sleeping straight through the night, I tried to begin a whirlwind day w/ insurance, referrals, etc. taking Angie’s advice about not going to work was a smart move.

Unable to focus and do much—Most productive thing I was capable of was sharpening pencils---later in day I visited my neighbor who has been suffering for 2 1/2 years with cancer and went to read to my friend who said he would come read to me after my surgery---which made me laugh because Terry is blind and in a wheelchair. But he’s counting on Claudia to get him to me I guess and he’s bringing a book on tape.

Visit from DC friend, Michelle, here to care for her mom (Sherry Kaplan) suggested a blog—Molly was sitting there and volunteered b/c she thought it would be a great idea to share with folks here and elsewhere—so there’s going to be a blog.

1/13/09
Dr. Schneider called as I was fixing dinner and gave the diagnosis---microcystic adnexal carcinoma. Here’s what I e-mailed a friend after I called family.

I now have gone back & read Jan. 10 in Jesus Calling --the Sat. the day after the doc visit where he told me he thought a biopsy was needed---practice trusting in quiet days---then when storms come the balance will be sufficient to see you through.

The doc called about an hour and a half ago and the news wasn't what I had hoped for---I have a rare aggressive skin cancer that is deep and needs to come out. The good news is that it's not known for spreading--I can't spell metastasize correctly, I'm sure. Hope to know more tomorrow--going out of dermatologists hands to oncologist and reconstructive surgeon b/c it will probably be major since few of these type surgeries are done.

Have told family and called work to say I wouldn't be there and now I've told you. I don't even know how to ask for prayer--I'm usually on the other side. Pray that the Lord will be glorified---I don't want my fears to cast a shadow on His goodness

1/12/09
Biopsy during lunch break from school---quite a plug—a stitch or 2 and I was light headed/nauseated and had to lie back down 2 times before I could walk out, even with Larry’s help. Results in 3 days, he thought.

Jesus Calling devotional book was so on target for me that morning---

"Let me prepare you for the day that stretches before you (biopsy on growth under skin, not easily seen but growing & under my right nostril) I know exactly what this day will contain. You only have vague ideas about it. (the nausea and lightheadedness that followed threw me for a loop b/c I had to get back to school for a mtg.) You would like a map showing you all the twists and turns of your journey (well, yeah-a, esp. the map part, anyone who knows me, knows that) You'd feel more prepared (well, yeah-a again---but He already knows all that, thus the new adventure of trust)....I will equip you for the journey, every step of the way. (Sounds like step-by-step trust to me---should know results in a few days.

1 /9/09
Appt. w/ Dr. Michael Schneider booked in Oct. to check suspicious mole—mole okay—right before leaving, I asked for him to look at cyst like place under right nostril –which from across from where he stood he couldn’t see it (which a plastic surgeon had told me 4 yrs. ago, you don’t want to fool with that, don’t remember him touching it)—but up close and touching he could feel hardness ---said he’d never seen anything like it and though probably not cancer because my skin was smooth and cancer works from top down & this seemed to come from bottom up, he wanted to do a biopsy—which he only does on Mon. and since he was going to be closed on MLK day, I asked for the 12th.

Friday, January 16, 2009

CT Scan

Mom had her CT Scan today to see if the cancer had gotten into her bones. We should know the results by Tuesday. Please pray that it isn't in her bones. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Molly

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Check this out!

www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/610549/

This is a community web site that you can go to get updates on Mom's needs, wants, requests, and general updates on her condition.
You can subscribe to get email alerts to her status or requests that she may have.
This way everyone that cares about her can know immediately what is going on.

So if she needs a dinner made, a prayer request, it can be sent directly to your email.
This way she isn't overwhelmed with requests for help and the freezer won't be full of casseroles since the calendar will tell you what day is yours.

This will be an open forum.

Go Mom, you're gonna beat this.
Josh

Friday 16th

Mom has a CT scan at 2:15 to make sure the cancer isn't in her bones.
Molly

Diagnosis

January 13th my mom was diagnosed with microcystic adnexal carcinoma. Microcystic adnexal carcinoma (MAC) is a rare, malignant appendage tumor commonly classified as a low-grade sweat gland carcinoma that typically occurs on the head and neck, particularly the central face. It shows aggressive local invasion but has little metastatic potential. There have only been 300 cases documented worldwide.