Thursday, April 30, 2009

decadence = decaDANCE

4/30/09 decaDANCE w/ apologies to wordsmiths
Weeks ago when I described a dance of depenDANCE, I could use that spelling because Mr. Webster said it was a variant of dependence. I changed the spelling for emphasis and to aid friends my age, who need “association” help in order to remember. This time I thought I was going to have to really lay hold of poetic license. Then I decided to “google” decadance. I found a group called Decadance. It is a social dance performance group that strives to make traditional couple-dancing less traditional. My dance with the Lord is probably not considered norm by some folks but it does rely on Him as the one who leads. The purpose of Decadance is to be interesting and inspirational for all types of audiences. That part I can also agree with. But when the dance becomes all about self---where other links took me---it becomes decaDANCE, as it crosses an unhealthy line and personifies that “self” indulgence, that I am convinced, is the wrong kind of dance for God’s children.

Past blogs have indicated that in the depenDANCE one steps toward and leans on the partner who is leading---that is such an important part of the abunDANCE---the leading of the Lord. The avoiDANCE however is one that pulls away from the partner who is leading. The dance then becomes one of evading the rhythmic guidance that is crucial for the two to “dance on” together. The result is the antithesis of a partner relationship. The decaDANCE can have a similar result---when one dancer wants to go it alone. The spotlight is on one---the mantra is “all about Me.” Time’s 2006 Man of the Year had readers gaze at their own reflections in the mylar mirror on the magazine's cover. They were thinking of YOU/ME --everyone in today’s digital age having a part in the information age with cell phones with video capacity; I was seeing a world ruled by self-absorption, with YouTube, MySpace, Facebook and yes, even blogs.

At a Tea Pot exhibit at the Dixons Gallery there was a quote from a man with 10,000 tea pots. “Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.” To me, that is a reflection of our over indulgent culture/society…..and it is wrongful thinking. What's the purpose?
Rick Warren, in Purpose Driven Life, addresses this issue with his first sentence, “It’s not about you.” Yet, we are taught early on to “watch out for #1” or “the one with the most toys wins”---this self-absorption is decaDANCE. It desires more of Me and less of thee. (capitalization intentional) Even our focus is on “my wants,” “my goals,” “my dreams,” “my life.” That emphasis on self is an empty/purposeless life that never gets filled no matter how much we try to add to it---whether a bigger home or faster car or prettier face, or more achievements—it’s all just “stuff” that never satisfies, because it will never be enough. “Meaninglessness in life comes from not only too much pain but also measures of too much pleasure.” (C. Huffman 11/30/08) The life of abunDANCE comes to those who find satisfaction in Him and live according to His purpose.
Choose to ”dance” with purpose. Let decaDANCE and avoiDANCE remain wallflowers in your life. abunDANCE is from Him who came that we might “have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Life's ZUPLEZ

4/29/09 Puzzle Solutions
Jigsaw puzzles frustrate me---bringing words to mind like tense and failure. My friend, JoLynn, loves them. Probably words like calming and a welcoming challenge come to her mind.
We even approach the puzzles differently. I check out the picture on the box, turn over all the pieces and shake out all the gray dust from the box, sort those “right side up” pieces according to color, search for the straight edged ones and begin to put together the border. I always begin by focusing on the end product.
JoLynn, on the other hand doesn’t even look at the picture. I don’t know if that’s part of the intrigue or just her way of enjoying the journey of “jigsawing” and being delighted by the end result, whatever that may be. She looks at the shape of each piece---probably seeing patterns in all those knobs and holes---that look like innies and outies to me. Recently she even worked a puzzle with out a border---just knobs and holes---no uniform straight edge. That’s beyond my comprehension.

While I approach the puzzle with the idea to hurry and get it over with, hoping to find satisfaction in completion, she enjoys the journey along the way. She’s actually calm, almost tranquil as she enjoys the “means” to the end of her puzzle. She’s told me that her mind can be elsewhere, sorting our some of life’s urgencies while she’s assembling the puzzle---that’s really beyond me!

Our lives can seem like one big puzzle and we all approach them in our own way. However, watching her I’ve seen some truths, not only in her expertise with a jigsaw puzzle, but also in her approach to life. She knows the end to her life will be eternity with the Lord. This allows her, in both the game and her life’s walk, to enjoy the journey.
Just like she doesn’t try to force a piece of a puzzle where it doesn’t fit the total picture, she doesn’t force herself and her desires above the Lord or those she loves. JoLynn knows well that each puzzle piece only works perfectly in one spot---no matter how much you twist it and turn it. It will only truly “fit” where the puzzle creator intended it to be placed. On that puzzle board, she knows that and is content with the unseen, knowing there will be a beautiful picture that she will see when it is finished. In her life, it’s His plan not hers that she follows, one moment at a time---just like she follows the lead of those puzzle pieces one at a time, piece by piece. She doesn’t compartmentalize all the puzzle pieces and she doesn’t compartmentalize her secular life from her spiritual life--it all works together for good, because she loves the Lord and trusts Him for the unseen outcome---His masterpiece. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
(Hebrews 11:1)

Too often, we make life more complex than it needs to be. In all our busyness of trying to “get it right”, our way, we can become fragmented and frustrated. We wear ourselves out trying to force spirituality. It’s really just simple faith that we need. As we give it to Him, in trust, piece-by-piece, He creates the masterpiece---it’s His work! It’s when we try to take it out of His hands---forcing the pieces of our life to look like they all fit together for good---that we run into problems.
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Hubby's Birthday

4/28/09 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LARRY!!
Today Larry finally catches up with me----since I am 7 months older. I would say who's counting but he reminds me of this occasionally. My rejoinder is usually a comment about the older woman "mystique." Our approaches are different but the fact remains that I was born first. Our approaches are different to a lot of things and over the years we have become more alike than different in our particular ways. One thing we have come to an agreement on relates to “gifting.” Larry, the real shopper in the family, is a lavish as well as a thoughtful gift giver. I, on the other hand, have trouble in this area. So, the agreement is one of grateful acceptance---regardless of the gift.
I do have a little something in a gift bag for him to “open.” But, the real gift idea came from prayer group friend, Anne, to friend Lo, to me. Her exact words were better but since I wrote them on a post it note while downstairs, and lost them before I could even walk upstairs to the computer, you, reader, will get the gist of her idea along with what God has shown me.
“Give the gift of prayer to your husband.” Praying for my hubby today that God will:
• Enlarge his heart with gratitude.
• Guard his heart.
• Fill him with His love.
• Instill integrity.
• Enable him to find joy in His Presence.
• Surround him with godly men.
• Allow him to know how deeply he is loved by Thee and by me.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Patio Ponderings

4/27/09 Patio quiet times
What a way to start the day---with a “cuppa” and one of Tootsie’s macaroons--a cool morning, and my heritage snowball bush in full bloom. (The original rooting came from my grandmother’s childhood home in Hampton Station, KY, to my mother's childhood home on South Second in Clarksville, TN, to my childhood home in Hopkinsville, KY, and now back to TN, ready to pass on to each of my children.) Add to that a red Adirondack chair with a pot of bright red double begonias (gift from HHS Student Impact and Andi Darlington) on the table right beside me---a table that is also stacked with my Bible, Jesus Calling, and my "MAC Journey" journal.
I wanted to start my day the way Linda Dickens would have started hers---like a blank sheet given to the Lord, eagerly anticipating what the Lord would write on it. She sought His agenda, His plan.
Mary Flo does much the same---she calls it being spontaneous. I see it as her way of allowing God to be in control and rejoicing over whatever or whomever God brings across her path that day. Not that she doesn’t plan---she does. She has a calendar on her computer that is synced with her palm pilot but that’s just her framework---the parameters of an organized life---not set in stone. (like agendas of type A folks) it's one that is joyfully expectant of additions or deletions from the Lord. She practices Proverbs 16:9. “The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.”
Jesus Calling, as always, seemed to echo my thoughts. “Come to me with empty hands.” “Let me fill……” So I went to my next standard devotional, My Utmost for His Highest journal. It is chocked full of stickie notes, a picture or two, pithy grabbers and song lyrics. Some are wedged in better than others. This morning when I picked it up, the lyrics of the hymn, “Lord of the Ages” fell out---such a God-thing---just succinct verses to express my rambling thoughts.
God of the morning, gladly your children (child)
worship(s) before you...
I am your(s) now and forever kept by your hand.
(May I) Crown You each moment, “Lord of Today!”
(my paraphrase)

Linda and Mary Flo have done that in their lives---crowning Him each morning, “Lord of the Day.” That’s’ why both of these women’s lives are worth emulating---God directed/directs their steps. Like the apostle Paul, they could say, “do as I do.” “Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.” (Philippians 3:17) Wow, what a testimony that would be---to live my life in such a way that others would see Christ in me, the hope of glory.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Remembering Linda

4/26/09
In Memory
of
Linda A. Dickens
1945-2009

Loving wife
Devoted mother
Prayer warrior
Friend

--one classy lady who lived a life that glorified the Lord—

All who knew her will greatly miss her. She was my Saturday morning prayer “tag” partner. When I asked her to cover my 7 a.m. Warriors on the Wall prayer slot, she never turned me down. When we shared similar prayer concerns, I knew they were safe with her and I knew she would pray.
Today’s memorial service shared the essence of Linda, “servant to all” and “life-well-lived.” To which I say, A-MEN!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

DAVID & BRANDY

4/25/09
CONGRATULATIONS
TO
DAVID AND BRANDY ROSE
ON THEIR WEDDING DAY!!!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A GARDEN WEDDING OF TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE LORD AND LOVE EACH OTHER & ARE SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND ALL OF GOD’S CREATION, AS PASTOR ANDY SAVAGE SAID.

I HAVE PRAYED FOR DAVID FOR MANY YEARS AND WAS GLAD TO MEET BRANDY---THE ANSWER TO ONE OF THOSE PRAYERS. I HAVE PRAYED SINCE OCTOBER 5, 2008 THAT BOTH THEIR WEDDING AND THEIR MARRIAGE WOULD GLORIFY THE LORD. ANOTHER PRAYER WAS ANSWERED TODAY, APRIL 25.2009, AT 2 P.M.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Food for Thought

4/24/09 Slug Day
Today has been a sleep-in, stay in your gown, 3 naps kind of day---even if not sleeping, I’ve been drawn to the bed. Mama Davenport used to call it “take to the bed.” Lying there awake, I began to plan---1st clue that I’m no longer in Texas (Oz), I’m back in TN. (Kansas). A lot of what happened in Texas is already a blur, like a dream. Just 2 days ago I had sat on the end of the bed and read the Jesus Calling entry aloud to my friends. I had emphasized the phrases, “making things fit your plans” and “compulsive planning.” Then came the “kicker;” “A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control.”

I then read today’s entry---“Rest,” “wait on Me,” “be still,” “passive side of trusting” and “excessive planning.” Another kicker; “Your mind is so accustomed to this way of thinking, that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with me.”
Whoa---ever felt like someone was looking over your shoulder and straight into your thoughts/heart?
I repented of this tendency and began to resist it---and I wish this were the end of today’s blog---then you might think highly of me. But “the rest of the story” continued in the same position but along different lines.
Yesterday, Dr. Ha gave me permission to begin chewing. That’s BIG! Scrumptious, delectable, mouthwatering, yummy are some of my favorite “foodie” adjectives. I began to consider how I might enter into this new and exciting phase. Crunch came to mind---I do like something I can feel when I chew---it makes me realize I have eaten. Of course, I love sour--- pickled okra, grapefruit (a morning staple) and lemon in any form or fashion. I even like bitter when it refers to turnips and greens and dark chocolate. Salty might not be my first choice for this new phase because of some lip and mouth spots that are a little sensitive and still burn…..but I do so like salty---chips, popcorn and olives. Then, of course there is my sweet tooth---For 5+ weeks, I tried a variety of ways to poke sweet things down my throat---even trying to suck icing off of Mary Flo’s pumpkin cake with a straw. It was worth the try.

CONVICTION! What about the Lord and His food? Had I chewed on that? Didn’t I still need to “taste and see” that the Lord was good?” Had I already forgotten the rest of verse 8 in Psalm 34; “How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” His food satisfies the heart with gladness. (Acts 14:17) What about my declaration early on, that I ate His words and they delighted my heart?
I felt a word study coming on----
Sour--- "But everyone will die for his own iniquity; each man who eats the sour grapes, his teeth will be set on edge." (Jeremiah 31:30) I might have to camp out here for awhile, but certainly I understand foods that put your teeth on edge---just like awareness of my own sin of “planning apart from Him” has done to me today. Trust me, my teeth are really sensitive these days---now if I can only get my heart into that condition/state of being.
Bitter---I’m sure my Jewish friends will remember these scriptures from the Pentateuch, first as they apply to the Exodus and then as the instructions for their Passover meals (Seder Supper) observed just this month. “They shall eat the flesh that same night, roasted with fire, and they shall eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.” (Exodus 12:8)
In the second month on the fourteenth day at twilight, they shall observe it; they shall eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.” Numbers 9:11
Salty---"Can something tasteless be eaten without salt; Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?” (Job 6:6) “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”(Colossians 4: 6) Salt is my favorite spice/flavor enhancer---am I allowing the flavor of His life to enhance my life, so that others might see Him?
Sweet---How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalm 119:103)

Just “food for thought” from me to you.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"My" Molly's Birtday

4/23/09 HAPPY 30th MY MOLLY!
Having called you Benjamin for 9 months, we rejoiced When Dr. Albritton told us that we had a girl. We actually asked him to check and be sure. “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes,” was the first verse that came to mind. We have celebrated your arrival every day since and even used the verse when you married Corey. Today will be no different---we will just have more “boons” so Owen can join in as well.

Happy Spiritual Birthday to Nathan as well. My journal entry from 2007: Nathan invited Jesus into his heart today. I know no greater joy than this----salvation for my children and grandchildren.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dotsy's Grateful Heart

4/22/09 Day in the Life of an A.D.D. blogger
As most of you know, one of my favorite subjects to teach is children’s literature. As I’ve said before, there’s just no such thing as a good book that is written only for children, If it’s well written, all readers can enjoy it or learn from it, regardless of age. Mr. Putter and Tabby Write the Book was the inspiration for this blog---with sincere apologies to Cynthia Rylant.
Just like Mr. Putter, I wanted to write---mystery book for him, the day’s blog for me. I had everything a writer needed; a quiet room, a journal and lots of colored pens, alongside my Bible, computer and jump drive. I thought and thought and nothing came to mind---except “Writing the Blog.” Pleased with that idea, I went down and brewed a cup of tea and got a high protein Ensure, chatted with Mary Flo and took coffee and tea up to JoLynn and Diane. I had spent approximately 2 minutes on the computer and an hour and a half on pre-breakfast. Returning to my quiet room, I read Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest, jotted some notes in my journal and decided fresh air would do me good. I donned tennis shoes and my mask and left with friends for a morning stroll down Turtle Creek---and what a beautiful Texas spring morning it was!
Returning to my quiet room after my walk, I took my last antibiotic, rinsed my mouth and slathered my lips with bacitracin ointment. I read Chapter 3 in Timothy Keller’s, The Prodigal God. Then I opened my computer once again and began recharging it. The power cord to the computer was working; the power cord to my brain had fallen asleep….but my stomach was awake and talking to me. Breakfast at Kuby’s up in Snider Plaza seemed a great idea so once again, I set out with friends in tow. A nice long breakfast with mushed up eggs and grits eaten with an eensy white handled spoon, that I now carry with me everywhere, hit the spot. I was ready to return to the quiet room and write again---but first I had to buy an adorable light weight raspberry jacket at Unmistakably Molly and a kiddie lit book at the Learning Express toy store. Returning to the quiet room, I read the book to get some ideas for the blog and settled down to write. But writing is hard work, so I took a little nap.
Awakening, I showered and dressed and of course, put some self- tanning lotion on my legs. I almost felt like my mother, who in the midst of having a heart attack during her hot oil treatment, wouldn’t go to the hospital until she washed her hair---she wouldn’t dare go out “looking like that.”
Then I opened all the shutters to let in the light. Looking out the window at all the spring colors reminded me that Diane wanted to go to Sprinkles---so a quick car ride got us there. By this time, JoLynn remembered that we all needed to look for “raspberry and brown” clothes for the chosen color scheme of an upcoming event. We never found the clothes but we found a variety of raspberry and brown delights in the form of Celebrity CafĂ© cookies, donuts and cupcakes---all of which our bodies will now be wearing to said event.
Returning to the quiet room to a fully charged computer, I checked e-mails, made a few phone calls and wrote out a list of menu options for a take-out dinner from Mi Cocina in Highland Park Village. Then I had to put my feet up because all this blog writing was really wearing me out.
But what about writing the blog? I sat on the end of the bed with computer in my lap and with a tired hand, opened the blogspot document. There was the blog---already written. I had done it sometime earlier and completely forgotten about it. Gratitude welled up in my tired body and I thought about Mr. Putter. He never wrote his mystery novel but ended up writing a “list of good things” instead. His neighbor, Mrs. Teaberry, told him not to worry. The world was full of mystery writers, she said, but writers of good things were few and far between. Mr. P was thrilled with her “review” because every writer and blogger loves a good review.
I did the same. I wrote a list of grateful things. I think I’ll call it Dotsy’s Grateful Heart List. That way if you ever “google” me you’ll find that you, my friend and reader, are on the list. If not, just know that you are there. It’s no accident that our paths have crossed, even if only in cyberspace. I pray that you will be as blessed by reading about my MAC journey as I have been by traveling it.
A good analogy would be that of birthing a baby---once the delivery is over, you tend to forget the pain and just focus on the blessing at hand. I, according to Dr. Saporito, have good statistical indicators that my Big MAC attack has been eradicated. Though there were some struggles and painful lessons along the way, all I can remember are the blessings. That in itself is a big blessing.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Q & A

4/21/09 Questions and Answers Because you asked………….

Biggest praise?---so many—But God………He took care of everything. I think Larry is grateful I didn’t lose my teeth—I’m grateful I never had to vomit when my mouth .. was sewn shut
Biggest physical struggle?---breathing
Weight loss?---considerable---no complaints there
Biggest Blessing?---Seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Family, friends, people from near and far … surrounded me with love and prayers. God continually used … His people to meet my every need.
Biggest surprise?---people read my blog---got so many e-mails on … avoiDANCE one, that was a real surprise
Food I ate the most?---Ensure and smoothies with soy protein---& …………every soup known to man, thanks to so many folks for those!
First soft food I ate?---mashed potatoes
Food I craved that I couldn’t eat?---salty and crunchy come to mind, like potato chips and popcorn
Anything I didn’t miss?—make-up—masked folks don’t need it
Any disappointments?---I never figured out a way to get Mary … Flo’s coconut cake into that syringe
Funny “masked” happening?—postal worker saying to me, “I’m okay with your disguise as long as you don’t hand me a note.”
What will I do first with my new mouth? (when I have permission)
Brush my teeth. Elmo kiddie toothbrush is waiting in the wings.
Quote received the most?---"During the storms of life we need to learn to "dance" in the rain."
Sweet compliment?---Nathan, “You have a mouth, Shug. You look really good.”
Sweet prayers?---Caleb’s “ouchie” prayer
Noah’s prayer that I wouldn’t be “ska-uhd” (scared) of the doctors
Precious memory?---TLC from family
Memorable messages?---people saying “Keep Dancing.”
1st verse sent to me and one I received most often? (same answer)
---Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Serene Sabbath and Medical Monday

Time with family and friends on Sunday and doctor appointments on Monday=No postings.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Medical Update

4/18/09 Medical Update
Monday’s (4/13) surgery was #3 in the mix. I would say “but who’s counting”--- but I am. 12:45 surgery took 1 1/2hr. and recovery took a little longer than anticipated b/c of a spike in my blood pressure. (not sure why) A dose of something fixed that so I got back to my room at 4:50---they kept me for awhile, making sure I could go to the bathroom, stand, eat and not get sick, etc. Praises all around for sweet Dr. Cook who once again gave me the “perfect cocktail” so I didn’t get sick. I might have to schedule my next surgery around her b/c she told us she’s expecting. Finally was dismissed around 6:30---yea---didn’t have to spend the night. By 7:00 I was snoozing at the Ridley’s.
Since then, my body has told me to rest, so I do. Two RN friends told me that anesthesia can suck the life out of your body for weeks---I tend to believe them---no complaint, just awareness.
Larry left today—hard to see him go---and Diane and JoLynn, are coming to “nurse” me and take me to 3 doc appts. next week. I will get the stitches in my lips out on Monday morning and see the mohs surgeon that afternoon. I will see Dr. Ha (plastic surgeon) on Thursday morning and hopefully be dismissed to go home for a long spell. That’s the plan as I now know it but I have learned in the past few months how easily plans can change.
I have moved from liquid diet up to “soft” though lack of “control” in my mouth has made me prefer to eat unobserved. Drooling seems to be an acquired feature with my new lips. Talking to the nurse on Wednesday, she explained that my “out of control mouth” experiences were common and most folks need physical therapy---I had strange visions of my lips doing calisthenics. Truly, I have no complaints---just can’t wait to brush my teeth!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Peter Encounter--again

4/17/09 Another Peter encounter

If you ever have a chance to go on a mission trip for which you feel totally inadequate and unqualified and certainly don’t know the language, GO! I did just that along with 7 “qualified women in March 2008.Three spoke Spanish—it was the native tongue of one, all were very spiritually mature, one had a seminary degree, one had a medical background with midwifery credentials, one was a prayer warrior extraordinaire, one had more compassion in her little finger than I did in my whole body, one kept us all organized and then there was me---though I did tend to “pack” a lot of items which later became useful.

One of my assignments was to teach a Peter passage to the women at the Tlapaneco Easter conference in El Llano, Mexico. I prepared volumes---and just a few days before leaving found out that we would not be teaching just the missionary girls but all the women—most of whom were not literate. Very little translation has been done in their language that deals mainly with ideas. Separate and simplify became the key idea. My passage in Mark dealt with the Lord asking Peter who people thought He was and concluded with Him asking Peter, who spoke for the disciples, who he thought He was? Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ.” (Mark 8:29) That was the question I had for the ladies. Who was Jesus? What did it mean for Him to be Lord in their lives?

As the passage continued, the Lord explained all the suffering and rebukes, which he would endure, followed by His death and resurrection. Peter didn’t want to hear it, so he rebuked the Lord. But the Lord rebuked Peter saying, " Get behind Me, Satan for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.” (Mark 8: 33) Have you ever wanted to tell the Lord the way you think things should be? We all have our own agendas, don’t we? We are more interested in my way rather than Thy way.

In his satire, Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis writes of a conversation between the senior devil, Screwtape and his nephew, Wormwood, a tempter in training, on ways of securing damnation for earthly man, “the Patient.” Saying the “safest path to hell is a gradual one,” Screwtape wonders why his nephew wasn’t able to seduce the Patient who was hanging between belief and unbelief. The jr. devil tried to defend his actions, saying, that every morning the Patient took a walk just to be quiet and reflective and every night he would read a good book. His conclusion was that somehow between those walks and those books their Enemy (God) was able to get His voice though to him.
Sr. devil understood the mistake and admonished jr. identifying the costly mistake saying he should have only allowed him to walk for physical exercise and to read that book only so he could quote it to others. Allowing him to enjoy pure pleasures you put him within the Enemy’s (God) reach.
That sounds like man’s agenda versus God’s agenda to me---and when we’re seeking pleasure and recognition for self and not God, we put ourselves in a dangerous place. Our actions/agendas still have all the semblance of God’s plan. Often we put His name on our plans and decisions whether we’ve consulted Him or not. Bottom line---we are focused more on our plan than seeking His plan for us. It’s easy to do--just a gradual falling away. Not overt---just subtle----just the way Screwtape would have liked it.

As I said, our agendas are often forefront in our thinking. This lesson which I thought was for the ladies of El Llano continues to teach me---not the deep theological truths or verb tenses or comparisons with Matthew’s account, just truth to reckon with in my own spiritual life. Who do I say that He is? Am I focused on my agenda or His? Simple questions but my response can have a profound impact on my life. So can yours.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

More Food from Galilee

4/16/09 More spiritual food from Galilee.
Would you believe there’s a Galilee Grill in Dallas and it has a buffet each weekday? That’s what I feel like I’ve had as I have been intrigued by all the teachings that occurred around the Sea of Galilee---a buffet of life lessons. Of course, my favorites involve Peter because I can so relate to his good but faulty intentions, his impulsivity and his blunderings. Son, Buddy said that, like Peter, I “have had to learn to keep my mouth shut.”
Peter went fishing “in the deep” at His Master’s bidding and he also had a faith walk in the deep with His Master. "In the deep" seems to be where our faith is tested and our trust is nurtured.

Following the miracle of the loaves and fishes Jesus performed a second miracle to deepen His disciples’ faith. (Matthew 14: 22-34) Again, Peter was involved in a big way. According to Dr. Constable’s notes, there are two kinds of storms: storms of correction when God disciplines us; and storms of perfection when God help us to grow. (www.soniclife.com)The disciples were about to enter a storm of perfection on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus had departed to be alone and pray while they, at His bidding, were proceeding across the lake. Sounds like “into the deep” to me. According to my Ryrie Study Bible notes, the time frame was somewhere between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m. or the fourth watch (v.25) according to the Roman division of watches. I don’t know about you, but for me things that occur in the wee hours always seem a little worse and more fearful.

During this time while the boat was “battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary,” (v. 24) Jesus came walking to them on the water. When the disciples saw Him, they were frightened and cried out in fear, “It’s a ghost.” (v. 26) Maybe the dark of the night combined with the fog/mist/rain of the storm obscured their vision.

Immediately, (I like that adverb when it relates to Jesus responding to me.) Jesus spoke to them saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” (v. 27) Those words alone must have been comforting—knowing that although they were “in the deep” with the storm brewing around them, they weren’t alone. But Peter said, ”Lord if (since) it is You, command me to come to you on the water.” When the Lord bid him, “Come,” (v. 29) Peter got out of the boat (a real act of trust) and walked on the water toward Jesus. But seeing the wind,(storm) he became afraid and began to sink. (I guess he took his eyes off the Lord and began to refocus on his fear.) Before you condemn Peter, think how easy that is to do in your own life.

As Peter cried out for the Lord to save him, immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” This part of the story ends with all in the boat worshipping Him but it wasn’t the end of Peter’s story. You see even that little bit of faith that Peter had was real and the Lord continued to teach Him and “grow him” in his faith until such a time as He gave him the task to “Feed my sheep” and Peter began to preach the gospel. “And it shall be that everyone who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Acts 2: 21) His storm on the Sea of Galilee was a storm of perfection---a time of spiritual growth.

I see my MAC storm of cancer as a time when the Lord is helping me to grow spiritually---I hope the Lord sees it that way as well.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Encounters

4/15/09 Another Celebrity Encounter
Larry and I trekked to SMU campus yesterday looking for some WiFi and to take a little walk. Then we saw the all too familiar black Suburbans angled at the corner with the swivel necks standing nearby in their black suits and sunglasses mumbling into their phones. Seeing “Welcome Home Laura and George” signs, I retrieved my ever present camera---we only got the shadow of “W” but as one of the SMU students told me, “word on the street is that Condoleezza Rice was still inside.” And then, there she was and what an admirable, gracious woman, indeed. Regardless of the swarm of security from secret service to campus cops, she took time to greet the students, have her picture made with many and smile for me as she said, “Go Mustangs.” I know she meant SMU but it reminded me of my dear Houston High mustangs. (BTW, my picture was better than the one that appeared in today’s SMU Daily Mustang) The Ridleys joked with us about all of the Liles' celebrity encounters. Reflecting later, I decided that Dallas had been the best place for my most precious encounter, the Lord Himself. A close encounter like no other. Somehow in the quiet, non- demanding atmosphere of recuperation, His nearness seems so real and so constant.

Oh, I know that He is always with me and never will He leave me or forsake me, but here in the midst of a seemingly dark time, I have been able to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Again, I know that He is good but to know it afresh everyday takes time and the Lord has given me this time. I have heard people say that God had to put them on their back in order to get them to look up. For me, it hasn’t been quite that way---I’ve always looked to the Lord for so much in my life. This time I didn’t have to look---my focus was there and so was He. I just had to go deeper and that takes time----so, He has given me time. What I have done with the time has been my choice but time has been available. Large amounts of time. In the past, such “vast” amounts of time have been rare in the life of this working woman.

It’s called a medical leave—a springtime furlough/holiday from the normal work routine I’ve known for over 40 years as an educator. But rather than being a spiritual holiday it’s been more of a spiritual renewal. Today’s “My Utmost for His Highest’ entry said, “You no more need a holiday from spiritual concentration than your heart needs a holiday from beating.….you cannot have a spiritual holiday and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely His, and this means that you have to keep yourself fit. (spiritually) It takes a tremendous amount of time. Some of us expect to “clear the numberless ascensions” in about two minutes.” In our culture we expect a sense of His presence and answered prayer in a nanosecond.

Time I have---He has given me this time and I have given “this time” back to Him. The more time I’ve had in His presence, the more I have wanted. What about your time? What are you doing with it? Are you giving it all to Him or carving out only the leftovers? What about my time when I get back to Memphis and to the responsibilities of work? I’m going to have to once again trust Him for the answer. I have tasted of the heavenly gifts; I have tasted the good Word of God. Now that I’ve known what it’s been like to feast at the “banquet table of time” with Him, I don’t want just leftovers and neither does He. Close encounters are food for my soul.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Into the Deep

4/14/09 Daily Light entry (scriptures read by Billy Graham’s Family each day so they are all on the same page)

Psalm 63:5, 6 “…my mouth shall praise you with joyful lips..”
Did you hear my A-men!----written 4/13/09 just before Surgery #5----

Yesterday’s Allen Bible Church message was from 1 Peter 1:3 with a few sidesteps to other Peter encounters from the seashore to the cross. (Matt. 24:34) The first was a reminder from Luke 5 when Jesus was teaching by the sea of Gennesaret (Sea of Galilee) and saw the two boats vacated by the fishermen. He got into Simon’s (Peter) boat and began teaching from the boat just a little ways from the land. When He finished speaking, He asked Peter to “Put out into the deep…..” It goes on to tell of Peter’s obedience because it was the “Master’s bidding”---even though he knew, according to the fisherman’s way of thinking, that fish were not to be had. As a result of his obedience, the catch was so large their nets were beginning to break. They called the other boat ---and then both boats began to sink. At that moment Simon (Peter) recognized his own sinfulness. The result: all the men left everything and followed Jesus.

The last few weeks since my first encounter with some of the stories from the Sea of Galilee, I’ve been meditating on being called “into the deep” at the Lord’s bidding. You see, safety for me is in the “short water,” ---Buddy’s toddler term for the shallow end. Even as I’ve watched our grandboys learning to swim, I’ve seen them cling to the safety of the steps or the shallow end of the pool. That was their security---what they knew—no unknowns---they could see their own feet and therein lay their confidence. It didn’t matter that they saw their father with arms outstretched bidding them to come. They even knew that he loved them and was trustworthy but still they held back---clutching to what they did know---how good it felt to touch bottom with their own two feet.
It seems to me that even in our daily lives most of us resist the deep for the shallows, preferring even to talk about the weather, the latest “Dancing with the Stars” segment or, as we age, our current maladies---dubbed the “death and dying report” by Drenda’s family. Going into the deep in a relationship involves a step of faith, a taking of risks. Relationships with friends and family often consist of a brief e-mail or phone message where we can skim and skirt real life issues. Spiritually, a quick quiet time becomes a check off item on our to-do list rather than a time of sitting in His presence, deepening our relationship with Him. How do I know these things---because I am chief among the “guilty.” But God…….

My cancer diagnosis seemed to be a way the Lord called me “into the deep.” Though I didn’t really have a choice as Peter did, I had a choice of response---anger, fear/worry, questioning, etc. I have dealt with some fear and apprehensions along the way, but I can honestly say that once I gave my itsy bitsy bit of faith over to Him, he began to teach me. I learned to rely on His faithfulness and to trust Him more. I knew that at His bidding I was ready to follow Him even though MAC felt like a very “deep” and dark unknown.

One can’t fake this stuff, at least, I can’t. A “put on” happy face soon fades. You have to come to that point in the dark where your spirit is quiet---and His strength becomes your trust. That’s the way it was for me---not just squelching my anxiety but by coming to the end of myself---my strength was to step aside and to “be still and know that He was God.” And then He began to teach me things, I would have never known without this “trial.” I saw His sufficiency when I learned to “watch” for it. I saw His abundant grace. I think for the first time, I began to understand His love and mercy. I do not have the gift of compassion, so recognizing mercy is huge for me. Maybe, like Peter I have seen my sinful self.

I know this sinful part of me because just when I think. as Peter did, that I have all my life lessons figured out, I hear the “cock crow” in my life. It happened just this week as we were preparing to return to Texas for surgery #5. Anytime my actions deny the reality of Christ in my life, I hear the “cock crow.” I spent more time figuring out my needs and less time with Him. My sufficiency revved up. Distractions whirred. I couldn’t hear His voice even if He were hollering and yet, just days before His whisper had my attention. Fear of the unknown once more reared its ugly head. I saw the darkness more than His light. He has more to teach me and He’s not allowing any shortcuts. I was just looking to the end of suffering the effects of MAC. But God.... wants me to follow Him, fellowship with Him, not just on this leg of the journey but for the entire journey---from here to eternity.
abunDANCE not avoiDANCE is my song!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Blog Coming

4/13 Headin' to Baylor hospital but can't post blog til Mary Flo gets home b/c I can't convert my file til she gets home to help me.
Welcome to the World,
4/8 Ethan Morton 8' 10 oz. 20 1/2 in.
4/13 Sam Phillips--9" 6 oz. 22in.
Babies for whom I have prayed and God answered in a BIG way.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

All the white crosses on Rankin St. have been turned around to say,
"He is Risen."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Engagement!!!

Congratulations Josh and Megan!!
He proposed tonight at 7:45pm EST in Gardner, MA at a dinner with her family---and she said yes.
I'll get to dance at another wedding!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Surgery Prayers

4/10/09 On Holiday
No postings for next several days because Larry and I are spending Easter with all 5 grandboys!!

Surgery #3 is scheduled for Monday, April 13 at 12:45 pm so would appreciate continuing prayers from all my warriors.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

"Born to Blog"

4/9/09
“Born to blog.” That’s what Megan told Molly about me. I appreciate the vote of confidence, Megan, but until a few months ago I didn’t even really know what a blog was. For someone on the leading edge of the baby boomer generation, words like twitter mean a bird’s chirping. Do you use twitter to post your tweets? Even tweet sounds ornithological to me.
Certainly the new information that a "Tweeter is a Twitter Interface that allows you to post new tweets through Facebook, and will automatically update your status whenever you tweet (from anywhere)" is more than confusing to me.
I am grateful that Josh tutored me in my first and only texting and that last fall he set me up on g-mail. Now I am even able to “chat” with him on-line when we are both logged on. That’s the closest I’ll ever get to a chat room. But even with that when he typed BRB the other day, it took me a while to figure it out. (LOL)
Clearly my HHS kids and my own adult children are more fluent than I am in tech talk. Plus, their thumbs fly on their cell phones faster than mine do on this keyboard---and I made an A in typing. What I don’t want to happen is for us to have a failure to communicate!
This past week that became my concern about the blog. If I had to define blog now, I’d say it’s a “journal gone public” read more often by the blogger than other bloggees—if that’s a real term.
I’d also say it’s a scary thing because you never know exactly who, if anyone, is reading it, and how they are interpreting it. For me, to miscommunicate the truths that God has taught me would be a travesty.
So, I communicated with the Lord about it. Should I continue? What if I get it wrong theologically? Is this for me when it should be for Thee?
The next few days the Lord began to affirm to me in a variety of very tangible ways that for now I was to keep “blogging.” Why? Communicating with God is so important for all of us and if any one person has used these ramblings to open his or her heart to Him, then His purpose will be served.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Mary Flo

4/8/09 Gracious Goodness
That phrase encapsulates the essence of Mary Flo. For those of you who don’t recognize the name, she and her husband, Dave, are our Texas hosts. Do we know them? We do now. Did we before MAC invaded my life? No. How did we meet them? It’s a God thing. It’s such a God thing that it seems complicated, but only to us---though it is difficult to explain. Here’s the skinny of it.
My friend Sally’s, good friend, Kari, who was in her wedding and knows Crickett and went to seminary with my son, is in women’s ministry in Dallas. Got that? When Sally called Kari for input on a place to stay for her friend, Dotsy, who at the time was scheduled to go to Southwestern Medical, Kari took it on as a mission. Not wanting us to stay in a hotel in that part of Dallas, she related the problem to women at her church, Park Cities Presbytrian. Several folks came forward offering a back house or room in their home etc. Plus, she told Crickett that they were ready to “adopt” us and that the staff was already praying for me. Larry and I were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from this church. Once we met Mary Flo, it was a no-brainer. Who wouldn’t want to stay with someone so kind and so filled with divine grace.

“Gracious goodness,” so describes her.
She is such a gracious lady who is filled with the goodness of the Lord. She is so filled with His goodness that it continually overflows to others---lots of others, even strangers like me. Her smile, kind words and positive spirit exude the love of God.
I could use lots of flowery descriptors so you could read of her deeds and catalog her in your mind as a super hero of sorts, but she wouldn’t want that. She would want you to see Jesus.


I certainly saw the Lord in her all hours of the day and night. She truly serves others---a real live foot washer. (and clothes washer) She has already called and e-mailed to let us know that she’s excited to see us again and wants us to make her home our home. Plus, she’s quite the baker and always has treats for us---remember I was working on a way to get her coconut cake in a syringe. All that gracious goodness will be waiting for us when we arrive tomorrow.

I’m sure that Mary Flo is a Proverbs 31 woman to all her family and friends. Though she personifies all of those qualities, to me she embodies Romans 12:11 The Revised Version, that I memorized years ago in hopes of emulating, says, “Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord.
Zeal. She is a spiritual Energizer Bunny---not only does she keep going and going and going, she does it with purpose, the Lord’s purpose. His purpose is shown in her service to others.

Tombstone/headstone epitaphs are a reflection of one's existence highlighting one’s personality traits or accomplishments in life. It’s a way of communicating to the world his/her significance.
Aglow with the Spirit” will be Mary Flo’s epitaph.

That gives me pause as my grandmother once said. How ‘bout you?
How ‘bout me? Would such godly phrases be used to describe us?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Games

4/7/09 Games of Life
Our family has an affinity for games, especially word games. These games are often most enjoyed not because of the ease or fun but rather because of the challenge. There is also the competitive element that can enter into the fun----though that is not my preferred part. In most of our favorite games, there seems to be somewhat of a joy in the hardship of figuring things out. It's always done in the context of the rules but when resolution finally occurs, we all appreciate the challenge.

We can make a game out of anything. Traditionally, the night before the first day of school, all three of our kids would have to find their school supplies by following the clues for the “hunt.” Recently, when Josh and Molly were in Dallas for my surgery, they created a similar scavenger/treasure hunt for Buddy’s boys. They too loved the challenge and worked together for the to expedite the "find."

Each summer at the beach we “Boggle” or “Scrabble” at night with our old standby favorites or sometimes we add a new game to our repertoire. In the mornings, we spend time with our pseudo friend, Will Shortz. Though we wouldn’t know his face, we know his style. The Liles wordsmiths begin the day, with coffee or tea in hand, huddled around his New York Times crossword puzzle. Pencils in hand as well. Always pencils because Mr. Shortz is a master of clues. A clue once listed for confident was “one who works this with a pen.” We could never do that with one of his puzzles.

We are sticklers for rules in the games we play---we all have to be on the same page. Many a fray has resulted in croquet matches or Scrabble games so we pack the rules and the crossword and Scrabble dictionaries right alongside the swimsuits. That’s why daily crosswords are good---you can’t “cheat” by looking in the back.

Rules are good. God has given us rules for life in His Word.
2 Timothy 3:16 says, All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
His rules allow us to live fulfilled lives.
Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15) Just as word handling is important in board games, it’s extremely important with His word.
Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 1:13) God provides the trump card that enables us to do it---His grace.
Playing by God’s rules doesn’t take away anything from the game/dance of life, it adds meaning and purpose to it---that sense of accomplishment that comes from a life well lived. By His rules, for His glory. Don’t cheat yourself by trying to shortcut God’s plan----living life your way is your game, not His.

I usually take the CA crossword puzzle to bed with me at night. Worries from the day seem to take a backseat when I’m trying to solve “one across and one down.” Similarly, life’s big concerns dissipate when I’m focused on the cross---that vertical relationship with Him and that horizontal relationship with others.

Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.
(1 Timothy 6:18-19) That "life indeed" is a life of abunDANCE with him now and forever--when our time on earth blinks, “GAME OVER.”

Monday, April 6, 2009

Contentment

4/6/09
“This negative focus darkened her mind,” is the way today’s Jesus Calling entry depicts Eve when her mind was seeing what she couldn’t have rather than seeing what she already had. Do you ever do that? Brood over what you don’t have. Eve couldn’t see all the luscious, desirable fruits she had been given, only the one she couldn’t “eat freely.” (Gen. 2:16) With prompting from the serpent, she began to focus on the fruit of the tree that was delightful to her eyes and desirable for wisdom, even though it had been forbidden by God. (Gen. 3:2-6) Discontent had entered her mind. She wanted more. “All I want is a little more than I have now” would have been her bumper sticker.

I have always heard that there are 3 verb tenses for life---past tense, all the “if onlys” we tell our selves as we brood, the future tense, all the “what ifs” we worry about when we fear and the “pleasanttense—all the acceptance that comes when living in the present, especially in His presence. That “pleasant” tense is one of contentment and is often a place where too few Christians hang their hats. Like Eve, we look past what we have and focus on what we don’t have.
We often convince ourselves that if only I had this, if only my spouse hadn’t left me or if only this circumstance were different then I would be happy/content. Oh reader, do “you look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until it is fixed.” Anxiety often plays tag between the
if onlys and the what ifs---we just swap the areas of our worries. What if the biopsy comes back positive? What if I never have children? Comparison (a big struggle for women) is a thief of joy in both the past and future tenses of life, as we wonder if only we were as pretty or as thin as someone else, or what if our child can’t make the grade for the best school.
We have to let go of those if onlys of disappointments and regrets of the past and those what ifs of the future, that are usually out of our control anyway.

My definition (still under construction) for the “pleasant/present” tense of contentment is----a learned trait that is marked by inner satisfaction and peace that manifests itself in a grateful spirit and an absence of complaint.
• It doesn’t come naturally; it has to be learned. I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. (Philippians 4:11)
• Satisfaction comes from El Shaddai, the All Sufficient One. (Isaiah 55:2)
His peace passes understanding. (Philippians 4:7)
In everything give thanks. ( 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Do all things without complaining and disputing. (Philippians 2:14)

Can contentment be a reality in the midst of a cancer diagnosis? For me, it has been one of the most content times of my life. Trust me, I can hold my own with the best of the carpers of the world--- I wrestle with an attitude of complaint far too often. But, this MAC Journey has been such a time of affirmation of God’s goodness for me that contentment has been an overflow. I’ve learned it in a classroom (or on the dance floor) of suffering but I wouldn’t trade the lessons that He has had for me in the midst of it.
Journal Jottings:
Contentment comes from………………..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,not denying reality but by experiencing today----that "pleasant present" tense------in Christ’s strength------------focusing on the Lord and not my circumstances.
DON’T LOOK FOR CONTENTMENT AT THE END OF THE ROAD. WALK THE ROAD WITH HIM---DANCE ALONG THE WAY---LIVE IN THE “PLEASANT” TENSE!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Best Medicine

4/5/09 Laughter
Winslow is here! For Hoptown readers, enough said. Those folks know our friendship has spanned the years from childhood to senior citizen. From antics as teenagers to college roomies and beyond we’ve been together---even if 379.05 miles apart. She was maid of honor in my wedding and I’m sure I assumed she could join us on our honeymoon---Larry didn’t make the same assumption. Yea, we were real close friends----and still are.

Therein lies the problem. We did everything together and most of our shared adventures were fun and funny. Funny brings laughter and though the old adage says, “Laughter is good for the soul,” it’s not good for sewn up lips. Coughing and yawning, I’ve learned to stifle. Sneezing and laughing, on the other hand, are still major concerns. One uncontrollable sneeze blew the nose “packing” across the room---I was just grateful it didn’t take my new nose floor (made from part of my upper lip) along with it.

Being married to a “born comic” and family dubbed, “king of one-liners,” I’ve been struggling with this urge to laugh at Larry ever since I came out from “under the influence” of the surgery drugs. He has really tried hard to “behave” but humor is just a part of who he is and it easily flows from Larryisms to 3 Stooges impersonations. It really got bad when he and nurse Beth (my sister or his first wife depending on joke/need of the moment) would banter in Baylor Hospital room 529. When she tried to feed me with the syringe aimed at the wrong “hole” I lost it----resulting in gown change and linen change and traffic jam trying to get me to the bathroom with all those poles tagging along. You get the picture. But……….that episode did teach me how to squeeze my jaw to minimize destruction.

So, what does scripture say about laughter?
A joyful heart is good medicine. (Proverbs 17:21) I’m pretty sure a joyful heart has some laughter in it. Of course, Ecclesiastes also reminds us that there is “a time to laugh.”

I had some real struggles in the wee hours last night---anxious thoughts (Psalm 94:19) are always harder for me to take captive (2Corinthians 10:5) in the dark. In this instance, I had probably overdone it a little yesterday, so my tired mind whirred fearfully even as I prayed and sought consolation from the Lord. Sleep escaped me for over two hours and refreshed is not a word that came to mind on awakening.

But God………..in His mercy had sent “nurse” Winslow—who does everything but bodily fluids. I had Winslow at my bedside, along with all the memories and laughter that came with her, and my spirits were lifted. God knew that today would be a good day for some laughter in my life---I’m sure that trying to reduce burgoo and benedictine to go through a straw will have us both in stitches. I just need to keep the laughter reigned in so I don’t lose my new botox lips or fish (carp) lips as Larry calls them. I will just have to trust the Lord to help me in this and practice the “squeeze” technique that Beth taught me.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Wedding Prayers

4/4/09 Congratulations Halle and Kyle!
This is it-----today’s the day---the day I had prayed to be a part of since my cancer was first diagnosed. A month ago it seemed virtually impossible that I would even be able to travel home much less attend a wedding. Tonight I will be at Grace Evan celebrating the wedding of Halle Ford Higginbotham and Kyle Ryan Rodgers.

I have prayed for this bride for many years and even for her “soon to be” husband for the last 15 years---I just didn’t know it was going to be Kyle. I prayed for a godly spouse for Halle and this morning I prayed that both their wedding and their marriage would glorify the Lord.

You see, Halle’s mother is a dear, dear friend and we were in a prayer group together years ago. At that time, I committed to praying for her every Saturday. God has honored that commitment and kept me faithful. (Today He even kept the reception flowers from spilling over in the car.)
That’s one of the privileges of prayer, praying for others. I have “one-anothered” Pam in prayer. A spiritual by-product of that has been praying for her children---children can certainly keep us on our knees, can’t they---and now her grandchildren. So…….I’m already praying for a godly spouse for both Anna and Kate, should they marry.

I know that prayer is in no way all about my petitions or even that God will always answer in my timing or my way. He answers according to His good and perfect will in my life. As Oswald Chambers says, “the good of praying is that it gets us to know God and enables God to perform His order through us.” That’s the privilege of prayer at it’s best---that I might be used of God.

But God…….in His grace, has answered this prayer of my heart and my dancing shoes are by the back door. I might not “last” but one dance, but I’m gonna dance.

Friday, April 3, 2009

DOXOLOGY

4/3/09 Doxologies
Going home for me usually entails a Sunday morning visit to First United Methodist Church on South Main in Hopkinsville, KY. It’s a beautiful old stone church and in some ways much of it has remained the same, at least in the sanctuary where stained glass windows line both sides. The large stained glass window above the choir loft is flanked by the tall shiny brass organ pipes. The floors still creak. The dark wooden pews are still hard and in my mind I can see people sitting in “their” pews. I catch my self looking across the aisle for Christine and Pappy, though they passed away years ago. I even remember looking at the back of Mr. Frank Yost’s head, always so neatly combed, with his two daughters, Ridley and Francie sitting to his right. I don’t know where they are now but I do know that his milling company still makes Sunflower flour which I can now buy at my Kroger. Just buying it gives me a connection to home and the memory of my mother’s biscuits---because she wouldn’t even consider buying anything else.

I am drawn to different modes of worship both personally and in a church setting. But growing up in a traditional protestant setting provided a background based on a more formal liturgy. This traditional ritual of worship has remained the same and that familiarity feels right because I know the routine. It even feels comforting. If it’s communion Sunday, you go down to the altar to kneel and partake of the elements---approaching from the center aisle and returning to our pew using the side aisle. There are also kneeling benches in each pew, though I never remember using them.

You can still count on always saying the Apostle’s Creed---printed in the back of the hymnal, if you need it. Back then, everyone I knew recited it. In the old Cokesbury hymnal I remember using, you found the Doxology on page 1. Again, no one used the hymnal---everyone just knew it. I wonder if my grandchildren know that “liturgical formula of praise to God?” I’m sure singing praises in unison must be sweet music to the Lord’s ears.

Praise God from whom all blessing flow.
Praise Him all creature here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. A-men

I loved the Ah-h-h-h men part which they would drag out.
Doxology-Greek for praise---
Doxa, glory and honor, with logos, speech.

Why am I thinking about The Doxology? (You probably wonder that about a lot of things I write.)

I have learned in the last few months that those verses, hymns and even creeds become more than words of “rote” memory. Those words are foundational and they (especially those of praise) come back in times of trial and suffering. Praise should inhabit our hearts---whether our prayers are answered or not, whether we are in the midst of seemingly “cruel” circumstances or we are truly in a joyful state. You see, I have learned that joy and suffering are not separate entities---they can both inhabit a grateful heart at the same time. Praise God for whatever has brought you to the present moment, good, bad or just commonplace/ordinary. When we offer praise to God during these dark, hard times, it’s “to whisper a doxology in the darkness.” (Brennan Manning)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

"In the Garden"

4/2/09 Garden of the Heart
Remember the old hymn, “In the Garden?” It was my grandmother’s favorite and a standard at funerals. It’s what first came to mind this morning as I was reading Jesus Calling. I loved the analogy of comparing our hearts to a garden.

I come to the garden alone—solitude is great for reflection
While the dew is still on the roses---first thing in the morning is a good time to open your heart to hear from the Lord
And the voice I hear---His voice, though not audible, can be “heard” when we attune our hearts to His
Falling on my ear---silence aids listening
The Son of God disposes----not sure of the best verb definition here—maybe a combo says it best—He inclines me to be willing to see things from His perspective---putting His view in place in my heart thus settling matters (of the heart)

When I think of a garden, words like tranquil, serene and quiet seem to be descriptive of such a place. How about your/my heart? Could those adjectives be used for our hearts? How does one find that quietude necessary to hear the “still small voice.” We certainly have to be free of the gripping distractions of the world. A lot of us need practice in this area. As Corrie Ten Boom prays, “Father tune our ears to your still small voice…”

3/16 entry in God Calling (gift I received today) summed up what God must think. “I wait in many a heart, but so few retire into that inner place of the being to commune with me.”

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” In the Hebrew “be still” is the idea of hearing someone without them even speaking. Have you ever heard someone’s heart? I have. It was during a time of crisis. Neither of us said a word but as we hugged, my heart heard her heart.

Remember the words listen and silent have the same letters. We need to be silent so that we can hear from Him. Too often in our quiet times you and I just jump right in with our petitions. The essence of being still is more of an opening of our heart to commune with Him. As this happens, we will desire more of Him and with that desire we will receive more of Him. Then we will have ears to hear. Like Samuel we can say, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” (1Samuel 3:10) We, too, will become more attentive in His presence and then be more willing to “plant” His truths in the garden of our hearts.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

avoiDANCE

4/1/09
I am a wuss—a real weakling when it comes to pain. I prefer no pain of any kind whether physical, mental or emotional. No pain no gain is my least favorite phase, especially in exercise. Sometimes my mental pain is self-inflicted from the stress that I wear when striving for perfection---usually at the last minute or in a crisis.

Emotional pain---that’s the biggie for me. I don’t like to have my feelings hurt. I don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings either.
For many years, I tried to control this aspect of pain in my life by avoiding deep relationships. Give me lots of fun. Yes! Intimate moments. No!

avoiDANCE was my silent mantra. That tune I listened to in my head became the song I danced to in my life. You see, in the dance of avoiDANCE, you are in control or so you think. I became enveloped in this sin of self-protection. I didn’t even know that self-protection was a sin until my eyes were opened to the fact that putting self above God and others is indeed sin. God has created us for relationship—with Him and with others. Being self-protective, I built walls in relationships. I didn’t allow others to get too close for fear of rejection and more hurt. During those years, I choreographed my own dance---the avoiDANCE in each new relationship. That way, I felt safe and in control. My partner was just an extension of myself—so I was less likely to get “stepped on.”

In my relationship with the Lord there was a distance as well. I wanted all the rights of being His child with none of the responsibilities. I knew that God could use struggles to teach us truth but I preferred my daily quiet times and ministry opportunities that could be checked off a list---more of a routine and ritual rather than an intimate relationship with Him. I wanted Him on my terms. I wanted Him for blessings---those warm, fuzzy Hallmark happy ending kind. I didn’t know that God’s blessing embraced both pleasure and pain.

I no longer view pain in quite the same way---though I still struggle with the fear of it. As I sought to know Him better, He tore down my “self created” pedestal of loving others half way and esteeming people and their opinions of me more than His truth. Along with my fantasies of a perfect life, He threw out the remaining crumbles of those life supports that I had held too long. He replaced them with more of Himself and I began the season of abunDANCE with Him. I come that you (Dotsy) might have life and have it with abunDANCE. (John 10:10--a paraphrase) That avoiDANCE of Him or others is lonely and empty---a dance you do virtually alone. I prefer Dancing with Jesus.

Today’s Jesus Calling entry was the perfect reminder of all this. I can talk with Him about every “aspect of (my) day including feelings.” He created me as an emotional, relational being---one with feelings. It’s okay to “feel.” Don’t shut down emotions out of fear. “Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life.” Don’t let the fantasy of a perfect life creep back into your mindset. That unfound list for thank you notes is not the end of the world, Dotsy.

Ask my Spirit to guide you moment by moment.” Sounds like an invitation to come back to the dance, doesn’t it?

Come back, Dotsy, He says again and again. Dance with Me. No avoiDANCE of time with Me is allowed. Remember----Our dance is one of abunDANCE.