Saturday, October 31, 2009

Suffering: A Book Brief

10/31/09 Librarians are notorious for “book talking.” Therefore, I just have to tell you about a book I read yesterday, Grace Disguised, by Jerry Sittser. A book a day: One of the advantages of being horizontal and having no agenda.

This book, little in size but big in insight, was especially thought provoking for me as I was already contemplating the universality of suffering. His subtitle is “how the soul grows through loss.” Sittser gives credence to the transforming power of grace in the face of those losses that we all suffer. The loss of a life as we once knew it---before the catastrophe, job loss, divorce, terminal diagnosis, chronic illness or death of a loved one. These circumstances of loss or suffering happen to everyone---believer and non-believer alike. Pain is definitely no respecter of persons. It is our responses that make the difference.

Journal jottings:
Circumstances are not as important as what we do with those circumstances. But there is no prescribed/guaranteed way or timetable for facing our darkness and walking through it---it’s different for everyone.
You can’t quantify or compare suffering. Whether sudden death or a death to life as we once knew it that lingers until we die---what defined us as a person before, is no longer there to hang our hat on. It’s the “new normal” (MP term) and it’s hard. But God………..

Catastrophe interrupts the orderliness of life that I prefer. It puts a “sudden halt to business as usual.” (Sittser, p. 33) One of the worst aspects of loss/suffering is the sheer randomness of it. Quadriplegic and only in his 20s, two melanoma bouts and now Lyme disease, paralyzed and blind, MAC and breast cancer, uterine cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, MSA, strokes and sudden deaths from “routine” medical procedures, aneurisms…………….and these are just losses and sufferings of God’s faithful ones this past year in only my little realm of the world.

Even in loss and grief (suffering) we can still choose to embrace the miracle of the moment. (pleasant, present tense of life today) How? God’s grace---it’s a gift that is there for the taking.

It’s not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us. Sittser’s decision to face the darkness led to overwhelming pain but showed him that the experience of loss itself did not have to be the defining moment of his life----though it forever altered his life---instead the defining moment became his response to that loss. ”Darkness, it is true, has invaded my soul. But then again, so has light. Both contributed to my personal transformation.” (Sittser, p.45)

This is indeed a book for aching souls---those on hard journeys ---journeys that they never could have even imagined and wouldn’t have chosen. Yet, it is a reminder of the availability of God’s grace, not after the darkness of pain and suffering has passed, but even in the midst of it.

Friday, October 30, 2009

THOU SHALT NOT……………….

10/30/09 …………….directives from Dr. Ha.
Thou shalt not shower.

  • That one’s not a problem. There is nothing I like better that a long hot soak in a tub.

Thou shalt not eat anything that can’t go through a straw.

  • Not as hard as it was the first time around. "Liquid" Food Network has gotten it down to a science. You should see the ease with which I can suck an avocado up a straw.

Thou shalt not get your stitches wet.
  • Normally not a problem but it’s rained almost everyday since we’ve been in Dallas. I got caught once without an umbrella and a beach towel had to suffice. I’m not telling Dr. Ha.

Thou shalt not wash your hair.

  • I'm sure that he must have meant in the traditional way---with water, but...no "minipoo" available. So Larry and Molly devised a plan and we only washed 1/2 of my head---hm-m-m if you break 1/2 the law is that like 1/2 truth = a whole lie.

Thou shalt not let anything touch your nose or ear.

  • Wow---that sounds so simple but for a reader eyeglasses are a must! I tried propping them high on my nose and they kept slipping. Dr. Heller, Dr. Ha’s resident, came in as those spectacles had just slipped. He “read me the riot act.” Now I have them taped to my forehead so they won’t slip---okay so maybe they’ve slipped once or twice.
Thou shalt not brush your teeth.

  • This one isn’t exactly a problem. All those stitches hanging off my lip and on the inside of my mouth make it easy to remember. But……….it’s yuky. I feel so offensive just being able to “swish and spit” twice a day with a rinse that discolors my teeth. Light purple isn’t exactly the pearly white that people desire for their smiles. I do “sneak” in a few probes with my GUM® soft-pick cleaners on my bottom teeth. That’s not really brushing, is it?

Thou shalt not laugh.

  • Even smiling hurts. Yet, when you live at “comedy central” it’s virtually impossible. Dr. Heller reinforced the importance of this and after one episode in the hospital, I knew why. Extreme pain!! Larry and Molly were tag teaming with humor. I almost had to put Larry in time-out. (in the hospital corridor) He’s such a natural comic; he doesn’t always know when he is being funny. IMPOSSIBLE!
Do you notice the progression here? I list the one that makes me look best at the top of the list. I should worry about pleasing Dr. Ha more than I do pleasing my readers. As the rules get harder for me I begin to make excuses or rationalize. Eventually, I actually try to worm around the intent of the law and just follow the letter of the law. Finally, I list the one that for me is impossible. I’m still not sure how to handle that one. But God………….and only He can curb my hubby’s humor. Besides it’s one of my favorite things about him. It’s just that now the result is more pain meds because laughter really can hurt. In this instance, it is not the best medicine.

Much like the "Ten Commandments" that God gave to Moses, any rules/laws given show us how difficult/impossible they are to follow/keep apart from Help. I am grateful to know my "very present Help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Acceptance

10/29/09 Three naps followed by a 12 hour deep sleep and awakening to the thought of a future nap pretty much sums up my last 24 hours. Where are all my stuffings?? Someone must have jerked them out of me. They must have been pretty rough with me too because I ache all over. Larry says the bruising and aching are from where the surgeons had me strapped down.

The framed print (a precious gift) that I brought with me to put on my bedside table says. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) But I can’t do anything! Before I could begin berating myself for not latching on to His strength, I sensed that what He wants me to do today is to be still----do nothing. Accept this time as from His hand. Strength does not equate getting up and being busy. In quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15) Today I need to accept that.

Now I await my breakfast in bed----that’s pretty easy to accept!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bad Breath! Bad Hair!

10/28/09 Not sure where Mom is going with this---doesn't sound very spiritual, but it is in alphabetical order. At this point her jottings are all on a yellow legal pad. Molly

“Bad breath, bad gas, bad hair……………but I love you.” Not exactly romantic endearments but music to the ears of someone who has just semi- awakened from yet another surgery. These are the realities of that surgery and yet one more time, my #1 nurse is letting me know that he’ll be there with me through it all.

A wife with teeth that can’t be brushed for another week, gas that is noisy, uncontrollable and embarrassing, hair that is gumpy with blood and has a motor oil sheen and glasses taped to my forehead because absolutely nothing should touch my nose or my right ear. Aftermaths of reconstructive surgery. Stinky situations / unpleasant circumstances. Not exactly “the movie Larry bought the ticket for” some 40 years ago. But….he rubbed my neck---he certainly couldn’t run his fingers through my hair---opened his Bible and began to read to me from "Exodus."

That, my friends, is a thing called love---and it’s a choice. Long after the trappings of youth have faded, it’s that act of the will, the “choosing” to stay in sickness and in health. That’s what endures. That’s love.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Book Goes on...

10-27-09 Mom will fill in the rest later. It's a real God thing.
-Molly

Early morning check-in at 5th floor Jonsson at Baylor Medical seemed to bring out pre-surgery jitters. It was still dark outside but things were certainly bustling inside. Shelley, the admit nurse was calming and thorough ---even she must have memorized my birth date. Everything is scanned and checked and re-checked and that’s a good thing. But better than that, she actually listened when I asked about Martha.

Martha had been my nurse on 5th floor Jonsson when I was there in March. She had just found out she had cancer. We had opportunities to talk about her concerns---job, (she had just started in nursing) 2 children and family history of cancer. She was only 28. Thanks to Wynellen’s generosity, I was able to give her a Jesus Calling book. Returning in April for surgery #3, I found out that she was undergoing cancer treatment---both chemo and radiation. No one was sure when she would return to work.

Shelley knew Martha and told me that Martha was now “cancer free” and had returned to work on a transplant floor because she could only work weekends now and plastic surgery at 5th floor Jonsson is closed on weekends. I was thrilled to hear news of her but naturally, I was disappointed because I had so wanted to see her.

But God…………..as only He can orchestrate, had Martha walk in room 502 about 30 minutes later. She had come for a “core” class (like continuing education) at Baylor and came early to avoid all the Dallas morning commute traffic. With a few extra minutes she came up to say hi to folks, ran in to Shelley who told her I was there………….Hugs abounded, tears shed. Martha said that I had been her inspiration, that she read her “little” Jesus Calling book everyday and was even reading it to her 10 year-old daughter. I puddled!

And to think that just today I had gotten an e-mail from Sarah Young, who wrote that “little” book. She said that she would be praying for me. I wonder if she realizes how many of us are on the same page in that “little” book that gives such BIG encouragement to each of us.

Thanks, Sarah for being faithful and seeking God’s Presence daily in the midst of even the hardest times. Indeed, your “little” book, Jesus Calling, has touched me and many others in a special way……………………and the book goes on and on and on.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Selah

10/26/09 Meditation started early this Monday morning in Psalm 3, a psalm of David. I was using my New American Standard translation but my heart was remembering the good ole King James version from my grandmother’s Bible. Psalms and KJV equal comfort for me. I was in need of a little old fashioned comfort this past weekend. Though my grandmother’s Bible is too fragile to travel, I’m staying in a preacher’s house where Bibles abound and the internet is at my finger tips. http://www.biblegateway.com/ (a great source for different translations)
Psalm 3, according to my Bible notes, is a morning prayer of trust in God. Perfect! The first 2 verses deal with the problem but in verse 3, the focus shifts from the problem to the problem solver.

But Thou, O LORD, art a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. (Psalm 3:3)

THOTS: As a shield, He is my protector. A biopsy report looms. Time is a critical factor today in scheduling both an infectious disease regimen and hopefully keeping my pending surgery on the docket. Of course, if diagnosis is cancer all recent plans go by the wayside. Regardless, He is my shield! My marginalia says, "to adorn" beside the word glory. Glory is perhaps the hardest word for me to wrap my finite mind around, so I am Trusting Him On This Subject today. Does He adorn me? Does my trust in Him adorn Him?? As the lifter up of my head, He is my encourager. No “happy pills” needed. (Yet!)

I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill. (Selah) I laid down and slept: I awakened; for the Lord sustained me. (Psalm 3:4-5)

Those verses pretty much describe last night and my “new beginnings” this morning.

THOTS: Selah. Bible dictionary says there are different interpretations of this word---silence or pause is given.

I think I’ll pause to think on these verses. Won’t you join me!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

MY SHEPHERD

Figuratively speaking, I’ve been “lying down in green pastures” while “running the routine” of the day---feeding, diapering, bathing, reading and being the patient for the 3 “grand” doctors. I was able to “rest” in the midst of the daily routine because as Jesus Calling reminded me this morning, I need to unwind whenever possible. Today’s “whenever possible” was early---before the boys
awakened. I was able to rest in the presence of my Shepherd and in His Word in John 17.
This is “WIK.” (what I know) The Lord is the Good Shepherd. He owns the sheep. He Guards the sheep. He never abandons them when danger approaches. He knows the sheep.

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. (Psalm 100:3) I am His sheep.

Because I belong to Him, I can walk with Him today down the path of peace---even in the midst of chaotic moments. My tomorrow also is secure and tonight I can lie down in peace and be at rest.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"JUST IN CASE" GAL

“Just in Case Gal”
10/20/09 Preparedness manual/guide---Larry thinks I should write one. He thinks my purse is a JIC (just in case) prototype because I have a way of pulling out what we need---eventually, ‘cause it usually takes some looking. My grandmother and Larry’s mother are really the queens of the “just in case” purses, always ready with tissues, stamps, gum, band-aids, pencils, mints, change for gumball machines, “quiet toys” for church, crayons and pads for restaurants, etc.

There’s actually a JIC company that maintains large/excess inventories of supplies and parts, plus backup capabilities and extra workers in order to meet any contingencies a manufacturing firm might have. Larry thinks I could be a member of their management team.

For days now, I have been trying to pack for Dallas---Larry will start today and probably be ready at the same time I will.

Packing for the myriad of knowns plus the unknowns has its problems---trying to factor in all the possibilities increases those problems. But the biggest problem is me trying to figure it all out.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6) All my planning and stewing are really for naught because the Lord is the One who is in charge. A man plans his ways but it is the Lord Who directs his steps. (Prov. 16:9)

After typing those verses, it was easier to “pack” with a new perspective---regardless of the weather, activities or length of stay.
I will pack:
• my Houston High quilt and my HHS Student Impact t-shirt because both of those will be accompanied by prayers
• My squishy down pillows to make the hospital bed more bearable—1 for under my head, 1 for over my head, 1 for under my top knee when I sleep on my side and 1 to cradle close to my chest
• my books, including my Bible, Jesus Calling and other favorite devotional books; my journals and all the colorful pens and really sharp pencils; my laptop and my camera; photos and cards that make me smile and tea

Everything else (clothes, jewelry and make-up) is pretty much superfluous---except my insurance card, that is.

The only other JIC thing that is left to be done is recording a birthday card for Larry. His birthday is in April and though my upcoming surgery is nothing like what I faced in March, I’m leaving the “perfect” card just in case I’m not here for the party.
Larry and I always dance when “Ain’t too Proud to Beg” is played--it’s the rule! His perfect card (Go Hallmark!!) allows me to record my voice before The Temptations start singing our song.

Now, ready or not, this “just in case” gal is headin’ to Texas with a car full of all the right stuff---blessings upon blessings from a treasure trove of friends.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Parade passes by………………

10/20/09 Lyrics with Barbra Streisand singing wafted out of the 5th floor dorm room in ‘67 and the 4th floor dorm room in ’68 when Molly got married and Winslow became my roommate. Whether “Don’t Rain on My Parade” from Funny Girl or “Before the Parade Passes By” from Hello Dolly, I would be singing along---using that verb very loosely because during All-Sing I would be relegated to the back row with Pat and Gina and we mouthed the words. Sort of a silent karaoke.

I love parades---there part of growing up in a small town---from the football homecoming parades and snake dances on Friday nights to the annual Christmas parade, it was always fun. Except once.
In 4th grade I was chosen to ride on the float for Morningside Elementary. My mother was thrilled and got right in to getting my red ice skater’s outfit trimmed and even to stuffing all those white Kleenix into the chicken wire for the “snow” effect covering the car that pulled the flat bed trailer. The pond I was to skate on took many boxes of Reynold’s wrap as I recall. (I don’t think they offered store brands back then.)

There were just problems in that parade---unseen to others but I felt them---on the first turn. During practice times, I stood on the “pond” but had trouble holding my balance for very long. The day of the parade, someone had a brilliant idea to nail/wedge my skates (with me in them) to the floor of the trailer. Scary, huh!
Mother who walked the entire route with me realized the fallacy of this as my legs went one way and the skates another. She climbed up and came to my rescue---freeing me from the skates and draping them over my shoulder, just the right effect. Of course, my feet froze the rest of the way but it sure beat breaking my legs.

Parades of problems come through our lives every day. Mine tend to be worse at night. Problems from the day “float” through my mind or even worse the “what if?" "floats” of the morrow can get me tossing. It’s as if they keep me nailed to the bed when what I really want is to be free of them so that I can sleep. Remembering Mother being there for me and freeing me from from the BIG problem on that float is a great visual for me. She saw and understood when no one else did. Why? Because I was her child and she cared about me and was always watching out for my best interest. God cares for me even more than that so I need to give that parade of problems that “floats” through my mind, especially at night, to Him.

Who are you going to turn to during those times. We should follow Hezekiah’s formula. As soon as a problem came his way, he went and placed it before the Lord. “Then Hezekiah prayed before the Lord.” (2Kings 19:14-15) If we turn to Him first, we can enjoy the parades that come our way knowing that we have cast our cares upon Him who cares for us. We won’t allow a cloud of problems to rain on our parade.

Monday, October 19, 2009

SOUL FOOD

10/19/09 Hungry for the Word? In God’s Word, Christ is revealed as the “Bread of Life” and the “Living Water.” Try to digest a small portion today. For me, great value comes from ingesting bit by bit, line upon line, as it were, rather than a large passage. Don’t get me wrong, context is gained from seeing the larger picture of a chapter or lengthy passage. But I tend to scan longer passages rather hurriedly, looking for words to pop out and speak to me and that’s not always a good thing. In years past I would skim a passage quickly in order to check another thing off of my spiritual “to do” list. Conviction! (Okay so I still do it on occasion.) It’s a faux meditation---a way of appeasing my conscience. Sometimes it’s just a habit----because it’s Monday and that’s what I do on Mondays. Not a bad habit to get washed by the water of the Word. It is cleansing. But God……knows the difference and so does my soul. It is way too easy to nibble at this banquet of spiritual food when I should be feasting.

Just as our physical bodies need “healthy” nourishment so does our soul. Without good food packed with vitamins and minerals we can become susceptible to disease---too weak to be effective in our work. Without our spiritual food, the scenario plays out in much the same way---weak in conviction, susceptible to temptation and unable to be effective in the work God has called us to do.
John 7:37-38
37Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. 38"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'"

Today, my friend, drink fully and joyfully expect the flash flood of love that will flow from you to others.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

WEDDING WISHES

10/17/09 Congratulations Kim and Andrew!!

Glowing bride. Proud papa. Beautiful ceremony made all the more special because of family participation. A brother-in-law singing. A cousin singing a song he had written. Sisters as matrons of honor. A brother to escort the radiant mom. An “ordained” brother-in-law to give the charge. Personal accounts of the spiritual heritage of the bride were meaningful and emphasized years of growing up in a devout family----where loving and serving the Lord were a part of the Huff way of life. A fun reception. A niece, nephews and grandparents, married for 61 years, joined in the dancing. Big smiles that covered the newlyweds’ faces throughout the evening.

How blessed I was to be a participant in the celebration of such a godly young lady. She was born June 10, 1981 when her family lived next door at 1162 Longreen. Tonight she carried the “hankie” that I had given her to wear home from the hospital. Sitting in the sanctuary, I had tears from the first notes of Pachelbel’s Cannon in D. Then when I saw the hankie, I puddled.

I have prayed for her all these years and for the spouse that she might someday choose. Maybe that’s why I was so emotional tonight. Her mom and I have prayed our “designated days” for each other all these years as well so I know first hand of her spiritual heritage. As she held her new hubby’s hand and headed toward the waiting limo, her honeymoon and her new life as Mrs. Andrew Carlton Dafferner, she turned to me and said, “I’ll be praying for you and your surgery. The heritage continues!

Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: (Psalm 127:3a)

Friday, October 16, 2009

ON RETREAT

Off-line for the week-end---women's retreat and time with Molly, family visit at Pickwick and wedding of a dear friend's daughter----so-o-o-o many blessings.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Distractions to Dustractions

10/15/09 …………………a way of moving from a prescribed quiet time into His continual presence to learn life’s lessons.

More insights springing from my encounter with God is Closer Than You Think by John Ortberg kept coming to mind after reading yesterday’s blog. In that Luke passage (10:38-42) I saw Martha as a portrait of panic and her sister, Mary, more as a portrait of peace---a great analogy of the “dusting” going on in their lives. I assume Martha had been in a panic “dusting” the house--- perfectly acceptable in anticipation of welcoming the Lord into her home--but she didn’t leave it at that. She kept on in her busyness after He arrived even asking Him to admonish Mary, who was sitting (in peace) at His feet---in His dust.

Those Hebrews of old, closely following their favorite rabbis from place to place picked up their rabbi's dust, often being covered with the same dust as their master. The more one was with his teacher, the more he wore that dust. “Dust” those very small particles of a substance that accumulate in the form of a deposit---the more of it that is visible, the more evidence of the source. Jesus is my Rabboni---my Master Teacher. The dust of my life should reflect Him as my Source.

I think this blog is God’s way of reminding me, one who lives a distracted life, of just what to do. Ask for a little more “dust” –whether at work, in the grocery line, keeping Mommar, chasing grandboys or tossing in the middle of a sleepless night.

Instead of being distracted by wiping up dust as Martha did, may each of us wallow in His dust as Mary did.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Typos

10/14/09 As I have mentioned before, spell check thinks Dotsy is a misspelling of Ditsy which can certainly seem true if you know me well. Typos are a part of my journaling experience---that’s why I keep white out on my prayer chair table for all those handwritten “typos. ” But God…………often uses typos to teach me life lessons.

Preparing a lesson on Martha and Mary, (Luke 10:38-42) I was typing about the distractions in Martha’s life and providentially typed dustractions. (That “u” is right next to that “i”!) It became the theme of my lesson. In John Ortberg’s book, God is Closer Than You Think, there’s a chapter on sitting at Jesus’ feet. In His time, it was the custom for the Jews to follow their chosen rabbi, walking in His footsteps along those dusty roads of Bethany, Cana and Jerusalem, close enough to not only hear his message but also to observe His lifestyle. Close enough to take on His dust.
Just imagine following Jesus as he traveled, sitting as His feet and listening. Think of all the life lessons that could be garnered just by proximity to His dust!

The lesson then took on a new form---not so much as saying NO to distractions or DON’T DO THIS but a lesson more about substituting dustractions (more of Him) for the distractions of the world. (busyness)

Today, I think I will pull off my shoes and “dance” in my dusty house---pretending that it came from Him. I guess in a way it did because I chose to sit at His feet today rather than to dust my house---preferring His dustractions to the distractions of my house and what others would think if they saw my dust. May they see His “dust” instead of my dustless pride.

Join me in “dusting” every area of life with Jesus!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Papa Haydn

10/13/09 …………..the thoughts continue as people respond to the blog.
As Hoptown folks know, my piano teacher, Mrs. Bell’s house was “catercorner” to ours. I didn’t know that term---I only knew its variants, “catty-corner” and “kitty-corner”---thankfully with no cats involved n the origin, rather quatre or catre, which means four. Now that we’re all more informed with trivia that we will soon forget, let’s move on to Joseph Haydn whose ditty, that kept playing in my mind, brought back those memories.

I “googled” him and found that the rhyming tune which I had learned as a child were the first bars of his "Surprise Symphony" which he preformed in Hanover Square Rooms in London in 1792.

More importantly I found, as God would have it, direct quotes (though somewhat awkward in their semantics) from Haydn published by Billy Graham. Graham states that this great musician wrote cheerful church music. Now that’s worth remembering. Much like praise music lifts my heart today, his works must have lifted the hearts of long ago believers.

Haydn said, “When I think upon God, my heart is so full of joy that the notes dance and leap, as it were from, my pen, and since God has given me a cheerful heart, it will be pardoned me that I serve Him with a cheerful spirit.”

WOW---may that thought linger---not my struggles/trial or even fleeting glimpses of happiness---but as Haydn put it, “When I think upon God”……that’s when the joy comes!!! Makes me want to “dance.” How about you?

May my words DANCE from this computer today to remind you of the joy to be found in Him----after all joy is listed in the fruit of the Spirit.

Today---“Think upon Him” and dance!!!!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lingering Memories ♫ ♫♫ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪

10/12/09 ♫ ♫♫ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪
Papa Haydn's dead and gone
but his memory lingers on.
When his heart was full of bliss
he wrote merry tunes like this.
After all these many years, I still remember those words and plunking out that little ditty on the big upright piano in our front hall at 2211.

We had a piano. Someone needed to play it. So I was “chosen” for piano lessons.

During WWII, Daddy served as a platoon sergeant in the Philippines where he spent so much time in the jungle that according to him, his boots began to rot off his feet. Once as he led his platoon in pursuit of the enemy, he recalled coming upon an abandoned shack. Inside the dilapidated structure there was a piano. One of his soldiers sat down and played it for them and Daddy said he and all the men cried as their spirits were lifted by familiar music from home. At that point he decided, if and when he was able to return to the states to Mother and baby, Buddy, he would someday get a piano for their home. It was their first big acquisition for our old home place at 2211. I spent several years practicing on it. I must not have advanced too much because that ditty and “Falling Leaves” are the only ones I remember.

I do remember my piano teacher, Mrs. Bell. Her home was across the street so there was no “escape” as Mother would watch from our porch as Mrs. Bell awaited me on hers. She did have fun Christmas parties for us. All of her students got to sit at card tables set up in her living room---just like little grownups. We had candy and played a Cootie® game and another game she created with Mr. Potato Head®. Year after year it never varied but we liked it just the way it was----another lingering memory, I guess.

She also had recitals for us. I don’t remember the music but I remember it was on a stage. I also remember that I got to wear a long dress and had matching bows for my pigtails---my mother loved that part.

I wonder what lingering memories my children and grandchildren will have. Will they know what was important to me? Will they remember that God’s word filled my heart with bliss?

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

Let this scripture linger with you awhile today.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

October 7

10/7/09 My grandfather, Robert William Davenport (aka “Dang-Dang”) was born on this day in 1896. I remember his funeral, August 5, 1965. I remember because there were so many flowers and at least ½ the population of Clarksville, TN, or so it seemed. A giant of a man to me with a gravely voice and a generous nature. He let me fill a sack with goodies every time I came to “his” store, Davenport’s Grocery at 3rd and Commerce. As a child, so I’ve been told, I always asked him for a “heavy” sack----the kind that would hold more, I imagine.

My grandmother, Margaret Louise Hooper Davenport, (aka “Mama”) died on this day in 1981. Small, petite and soft spoken, my first spiritual mentor. At her funeral I remember my mother telling me not to cry or I’d get her upset and “we” didn’t do things like that.

My precious niece, Allyson Leigh Adams, died on this day (1995) as well. She was only 18. Tall, slender and absolutely gorgeous. A real dancer too. I’ll never forget that morning walking out of the hospital in Owensboro, Ky---the closest one to where her wreck occurred. I seemed to be in a vacuum screaming for the world to stop and take notice, though no sound came. How could the cars keep driving by and people kept moving as if nothing had happened? It was surreal because something so life altering for all the Adams family had just drastically changed and no one was even taking notice. Our lives would never be the same. You’re probably thinking I should have named this entry, “Morbid Moments.” And it would have been that if that were the end of the story. But God……and the community of faith and family and friends rallied and prayed and fed and soothed. Bus loads of Tri Delts from UK lined the church walkway and sang their love song. Cars pulled over. People came out of their businesses and stood in quiet respect on Virginia Street as the long processional of cars followed the hearse to Riverside Cemetery.
Throughout the years her memory has continued to be honored with memorial services, a playground built at the Methodist church in her name, a stained glass window in the preschool area and a tree on the lawn of the ΔΔΔ house on the UK campus.

Deaths of loved ones can “rock” one’s world. Their funerals become images often recalled for years. How grateful I am for the Rock in my life, the One that is immutable. He offers hope---that blessed assurance shared by believers. If I didn’t have that faith, October 7 would cast a pall over my life each year when it rolled around. But God……..His Word reminds us:

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.
"In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.
"If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:1-3)

His Word---It’s what gives us a future and a hope.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Prayer Place

10/5/09 Do you have a prayer place? Mine is a big chair in the corner of the living room. Out of the way and yet obvious, if you get my drift. It’s also beside a window that makes it perfect for seeing my cherry tree, that Josh gave me one Mother’s Day, as it changes with the seasons. Larry hauled the chair all the way from Charlene’s in Halls, TN for me because it was big enough that I could sit in it with my legs crossed under me. I also have a hand-sewn pillow whose fabric has bees embroidered on it----a reminder of Keeper of the Bees, a book loved by me and the two “dancers” in my life. It is also a perfect back support for my old back. The arms of this big old chair have been known to hold, all at once, 2-5 devotional books, a blue blog post-it pad, a box of Kleenix® for weeping Wednesdays (or just a drippy new nose and drooling new mouth) as well as a bowl of oatmeal.

Beside the chair is a decoupage red tray top table embellished with a fleur-de-lis like design that holds my “prizes”---a Bible, topped with my Metropolitan Museum of Art magnifying glass whose handle has carvings of Old Testament scenes, my Canterbury Cathedral mug that holds my assortment of pens, one is from The Cove and is a smooth writing kind with ink that seems to flow, a ballpoint duo which changes to a highlighter with just one turn, and my “extra sharp” sharpened pencils along with an assortment of highlighters differing in color---one comes with post-its in it allowing for page marking ease---and my ever present “Wite-Out.” Obviously not all folks understand my obsession with correctness but this self-professed “journaling junkie” prefers to tidy up mistakes, even in prayer journals. It is a malady that I am working on but have not quite conquered.
There’s also an assortment of perfect gifts on this small table ---a wonderful LUX fragrance candle with a silver cross accent, appropriately named Faith, handmade bookmarks, a MOTTAHEDEH dish that holds my Levenger plastic clips, assorted colored paper clips and sometimes my reading glasses, along with a National Trust leather coaster from Selworthy to hold my morning “cuppa.” The focal point of the table is a framed black and white picture of Daddy sitting in his rocker with his Bible opened and his Upper Room in his hand. The picture was a gift from brother, Buddy, and Charlotte and it is a treasure! The bottom of the table is anchored by my Mama Davenport’s family Bible and a “golf” watch fob that Larry hung there to assist this time compulsive lady who can sometimes let time slip away. Just to the side of this table is a wrought iron magazine rack (until I can afford a Canterbury style one) that is filled with folders of Allen Bible Church info, favorite verses, prayer portions, sermon notes, etc. It also holds a variety of old and new journals, and current reading materials---it really could use an overhaul at the moment.

The corner walls surround my prayer chair with other treasures/gifts. A hand- colored antique (300 years old) book plate, “Palma Dactylifera,” (Palm Sunday), two of Tony Williams antiquarian prints, one of Wells Cathedral and the other of remains of old Castle of Douglas, Larry’s grandmother’s family name. Tony and his wife, Liz, have provided housing for me on a couple of my England treks, from the coast to the most recent one in their Devon farmhouse. An iron cross with an antique patina and fleur-de-lis accents rounds out my prayer place.

So why Have I gone in to all this description of “my prayer place” which many of you have never seen? “My” place draws me! It awaits me! When I’m there, my mind and my spirit know why I’m there. Can you see why? Do you have such a place for prayer and meditation? If not, maybe now is the time to seek out such a place. Make it yours.

Streams in the Desert, (Oct.2) said, “In order to grow in grace we must spend a great deal of time in quiet solitude.” God Calling (Oct. 3) and yesterday’s “Upper Room” both cited the Psalm 46:10 verse.
“Be still and know that I am God;”

“God is the room I rest in.” (Thomas Merton)

Go now and find a place to think on these things.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Gentle Giant

10/1/09 I think it’s time to approach the next to last facet of the fruit of the spirit, gentleness. To do this, I’m sure each of us can conjure up a face, that face of one who comes to mind when we hear the word, gentle. I guarantee you that my face wouldn’t come to anyone’s mind---at least not anyone who knows me well. For me, it wouldn’t be my mother’s face either though her mother was one of the gentlest folks I ever knew. But the face that comes to my mind is that of my daddy. Daddy was and is big in stature and even at age 87, he stands very erect with all his 6’ 2”.
Grandaddy Brud, as my kids call him, has always been a man with a quiet and gentle spirit. I don’t recall him ever even raising his voice at me---or anyone for that matter. Of course, I was his only daughter. As a rambunctious little “tomboy” with skinned knees and lopsided pigtails, I sure earned some “severe” words from Mother, but never Daddy. Harsh words or profanity were just never a part of his vocabulary.
I’m leaving tomorrow to go to Kentucky to visit this gentle giant in my life. I will get to see my brothers as well---two others in my life who have always been gentle toward me. Blessed aren’t I!
I will be off line but I will be collecting THOTS on this fruit quality. I think God has a lot to teach me about gentleness now that I have become aware of my capacity to be “ungentle.” Maybe as Thomas Merton suggests, I’ll begin with small steps by just “closing doors gently” yet with the greater goal in mind. What is that greater goal? The answer is Ephesians 4: 1-2.

".....Walk worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience showing forbearance to one another in love,"