Soothing Psalms

2/28/09 Psalms Soothe the Soul-- so does the falling snow out my window as I type Psalms in the Hebrew Bible is Tehillim, which means "praise songs." Descriptive praise psalms offer praise to God for Himself or for His general working rather than for a specific instance of His working. The psalms are Hebrew poetry. That’s probably why the psalms speak to my heart b/c I love poetry---a poet can say so much with few words and yet we get the big picture or the analogy. 

I need to soothe my soul. Maybe it’s because this time next week, I’ll be in Dallas. I’ll no longer be in the comfort of the familiar---my home for the last 32 years---my bed, my blankies---though I will take 2 “squish” pillows (down--that’s worn way down) with me---Those thoughts give a creature who loves habit a little pause. So, I’m turning to the most soothing psalm I know to learn from my Good Shepherd. I only know (by heart) the King James version---possibly another 4th grade memory assignment. Psalm 23 (wherein lies my security) 

 Read the entire psalm. Look closely at the first three verses. 1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2) He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3) He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Ever heard the story of the Sunday School teacher who asked her pre-school class is any one could recite the 23rd psalm? One little girl made quite a production out of it as she stood before the class, said, “the Lord is my shepherd, that’s all I want,” bowed and sat back down. ‘nuff said, don’t you think?---quite poetic---summing up in just a few words the big picture of that psalm. 

I am drawn to this psalm of David (the shepherd boy and then king) as a psalm of trust and confidence in God’s goodness in the present and in the future. (Constable) Verse 1--Because the Lord is my shepherd (my Yahweh Raah or named by many as Jehovah Rohi) I shall not want. I will not lack for any good thing. He, my caregiver & friend, will provide for my needs. 

Verse 2 He maketh me to lie down (be still) ---sometimes He really has to “make” me---taking out the phone or internet or putting me flat on my back---that way I have to “look up.” In green pastures---a great place for sheep to be easily fed---He nourishes/feeds me with His Word. He leadeth me---(He guides me & knows my name just as the shepherd leads & calls his sheep by name, (John 10:3) beside the still waters. ---calming, yet living water---the water of life. Bishop Handley Mouley used to say, “Even if you have not a long time to spend in the morning with your God, hem it with quietness. (Edges of His Ways, 2/22; emphasis mine) 

Verse 3 He restoreth my soul; “Unto Thee O Lord do I lift up my soul” (Psa. 25:1) spiritual rest and renewal--I can’t do it on my own. In His grace, He feeds the hunger in my soul and that nourishment keeps me. O people of God, be great believers! Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls. (Charles H. Spurgeon) he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness---I can trust His guidance to keep me on a level path (Psa. 27:11) His path (Psa. 25:4) for his name's sake.----as One who directs His people for His reputation, His glory. 

In every situation even ones of adversity, to God be the glory.

Assignment to self or you can join me if you choose---as you put your head on the pillow tonight, recite these 5 words.......The LORD is my shepherd---each time emphasizing a different word and just see how many different ways those words will speak to you. 

What I Know!

2/27/09 New-Normal
Man’s sensitivity to trivia and his insensitivity to matters of major importance, reveal he has a strange disorder. (Pascal, 1623-1662) So long ago, yet still so true. Nowadays folks say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I think it’s more than that. It can also be a matter of not wanting to face hard stuff or the unknown, so we fill our minds with trivial thoughts or just stay busy so we don’t have to face certain situations. Come face to face with your own mortality and what you value can change rather quickly---people/relationships become significant----family, friends, and the Lord. Life as we once knew it, is no longer the same and never will be. It becomes a new-normal and that can be a good thing---if we embrace it.

I couldn’t remember where I heard the phrase, “new-normal” and then I read it in Michèle Phoenix’s, Edge of the Tidal Pool---another well-written, poignant book. She has a way with clearly expressing her MAC experience ----she has used very precise language or even coined her own words to give understanding to living with mycrocystic adnexal carcinoma. Her term new-normal is helpful for anyone dealing with the unknowns of life with cancer.

What is new-normal? Let’s just say it defies description----because it is ever changing. Plans that once were the backbone of your “existence” go out the window with a phone call. "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16: 9) Events are pared down because one can no longer do it all and more than likely, doesn’t even want to try. You have to focus on the Lord and live in the moment or you can slide into despair rather quickly. You began to cherish small things and appreciate simplicity and stillness. Quietness has been a 180º turn for me-----but an absolute necessity.

So what do I know from all of this---Michèle has taught me----to list what I know today and not to focus on the unknowns of tomorrow. (ah-h-h-, I still like lists and can still relate to them, though I have to keep white-out handy or a good eraser or draw lots of flowers over all the changes) “Just focus on what you do know, Dotsy. List those things---things that you know are true today---they will guard your sanity/mind.”

Today I know………………..
…..I awoke feeling refreshed from a night of sleep comforted by the falling rain. (Psalm 3:5, Psalm 127:2)
…..I had time for prayer for others this morning and can watch for His answers. (Psalm 5:3)
…..I have a “spa gift” from Miss Anonymous and I plan to use it---my hands won’t know what to think.
…..I have homemade cookies---b/c Elnora loves to cook--to take to Dr. Burruss and Dr. Finn to say thanks for all the help on securing my team and getting the necessary referrals. (May they taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8)
…..I’m going to Houston High to receive “something” as my faculty friends say good-by. (Psalm 27: 13)**

**This is where I stopped typing in order to make it to HHS by 2 pm. As I arrived, I experienced that Psalm 27:13 verse in a BIG way---I “saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” There was no despair for me----there were prayers, expressions of concern, positive, encouraging words and lots of hugs and laughter and tears---took lots of Kleenex--- there was even a card with $$. And then there was the gift—how does one even describe a “Dotsy” quilt---except to say that I love it!! It truly is a gift of love. Everyone needs to see it because it is indescribable with everyone’s names and messages on it on "Dotsy" fabric with coordinating pillow cases for my "squish" pillows----won't get those mixed up with the hospital ones. It also came with instructions---“when in Dallas, wrap up in it and let it remind you that we are covering you with our love and thoughts and prayers.” Will do----but why wait ‘til Dallas---it’s raining, I'm home alone, and I’m too tired to dance, so I’m going to cuddle up and feel the love.

Tonight I know…………….that I am loved.

Dance to the Music

2/26/09 Dance to the Music
John Milton said, “Those who dance were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” Sometimes I think people must think that about me, (akin to denial) when they see that I am trusting the Lord in all this and even equating this "season of life" as one of dancing with Him. They don’t know that He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.(Psa.40: 3)

Many can’t hear the song because they have not been where I am---very few people have, but many have their own song, the one the Lord has given them, to help with their struggle/hard place/burden. Others can’t hear His music at all because they are too busy with pursuing life according to self---they can’t block out the “ME” cacophony that rings in their ears. (I should have, if only I could, why me, poor me) Others can’t be still long enough to even try and listen---such busyness can lead to bottoming out, certainly not to dancing. T. S. Eliot puts it this way, “In the stillness is dancing.” If your not dancing/living what you believe, it’s just religious talk.
To dance, you need to hear the music. Listen!

Needless to say the Jesus Calling passage this morning had the words dancing off the page right into my heart.
“I’m leading you step by step, through your life.”---sounds like a dance to me. I’m just glad that I’m being led in this dance by the One who prepared the steps for me. “Hold my hand in trusting dependence…..” when it’s a couple’s dance you can lose the rhythm and flow when you dance independently of you partner. But dependence on the One who leads is “how it should be”---a little poetic license here---it’s a depenDANCE! It might be a misspelling but it makes my point because I am dependent on Him in this macDANCE. I can’t predict the future, I just have to “Trust the Lord to show (Dotsy) the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that.” I dare not wait til MAC is gone to start living----that’s like waiting for the storms of life to pass---I need to learn to dance in the rain----and sing my “new song.”

Q & A

2/25/09 You asked---I answered.
Church? First Evangelical---when he was 4, Josh called it “first of the van” and would lament the times he had to sit in the cemetery (sanctuary) maybe b/c he had to be quiet in there.
Favorite song for dancing/bopping---“Ain’t too Proud to Beg” (Temptations) “I Can’t Help Myself” (Four Tops) I guarantee that if I hear those songs I start dancing even if it’s at “That Place on 98” near Apalachicola. Just ask embarrassed Larry.
Favorite Tea? Hard to narrow---I like a good assam---more of a black tea person than green tea. PG Tips (England) Red Rose (Canada) Bewley’s (Ireland) are in pantry now. Also love Jordan Pond tea (Maine) but I’m out, anyone going to the northeast??
Favorite book? Even harder to narrow but Keeper of the Bees, a real oldie (1925) by Gene Stratton-Porter stands out as a good one few folks have read. More recently read, Same Kind of Different as Me (Hall & Moore) and Shards of Shell, by “my” Michèle Phoenix.
Memorable Gift? Attending a mid-town home tour (1996) with Josh, I saw a French Limoges type porcelain box which had books on it and a Wordsworth sonnet quote---Larry & I had just been to WW’s home in Grasmere (Lake District in England) I loved it---from a distance---as it sat on an antique breakfront in one of the homes. I assume I mentioned it to Josh. A week later on my 50th birthday, I opened the beautifully wrapped Babcock’s gift from Larry and there it was! I was beside myself!! My mother was there and commented, “he probably paid $50 for that”---my thought was, I bet he wished that was all he paid. It’s still a gift I treasure. Diane surprising me on my 40th was a memorable “gift” as well.
Recent Memory? I have no recent memory---or not much anyway.
Big Surprise? “Grandmother” shower for me that I did not want---it was to be the month after Mother died, I didn’t want hoopla for me---kids needed the “stuff” not me---the surprise was that my dear friends brought the expectant parents & other grandparents from Texas along with my entire family from Kentucky to surprise me because I needed a “lift”---they showered me with love and I’ll never forget it. I’m crying just remembering the joy.
Travel Destination? For years, England was always the answer---these days home “feels so good” though I wouldn’t mind going to Germany so I could meet Michèle, whose faith and hope on her MacJourney keeps me hopeful.

Harder question but really the most important one (compilation of several) How do you keep on keeping on? It’s all about Him! I keep seeking His face. When I seek His face (Psalm 27:8) my heart is transformed and when my countenance reflects His peace it’s real, even if the tears are streaming.

As surgeries kept being put off, as new doctors bowed out and a team was being sought, I was faced with weeks of waiting. At the time, 4-6 more weeks seemed like a long time. But oh how I have needed that time both practically--- to deal with Larry’s folks and our dear neighbors and now my own dad’s diagnosis--- and emotionally and spiritually. I have needed time with Jesus.

Quiet times have been times of lingering---just being still in the Lord’s presence. Calming comes to mind. Meditation might begin in the early part of the day and then continue or be “refined” by the end of the day. Sometimes He brings affirmation of something learned at His feet through a friend’s comment, card, or e-mail.

One thing I know for sure---these times have been necessary for me to see my life with MAC, in the light of God’s goodness and truth. It has been a time of preparation for the spiritual battles that I encounter and even those yet to come. Some days l-o-n-g times with Him are NECESSARY (in all caps, for emphasis) to even hold my head up---but that’s when He becomes my shield and the lifter up of my head. (Psalm 3:3) It’s why I have never had to ask why?---that doesn’t matter, God’s glory does.

Kindness

2/24/09 “cuppa” kindness
Those who know me well, know that I like “sweet” tea with a big lemon wedge---none of that artificial stuff for me. But they also know that I am somewhat of a “hot” tea aficionado---maybe that accounts for all of those years of my love affair with England. Maybe that also accounts for all those years, as ljj reminded me recently, of serving a “cup of tea” to each student (1,000+) who came to the library during January---as a part of National Hot Tea Month. Of course, a good book was always part of the celebration and Mr. Putter and Tabby Pour the Tea was a favorite with the younger ones---and me too. 

I think I liked Mr. Putter b/c “he was old and his bones creaked” but he still took time each day to share his tea. He took his with sugar, Tabby took hers with cream and I take mine with both---actually preferring milk to cream, so it doesn’t overwhelm the tea flavor. (but never lemon for my "cuppa")

Prior to serving the tea, I’d make a big production of the tea tray and all the accouterments that made “taking tea” together so special. We discussed manners---sipping not slurping. Always, we talked about how special it was to sit and share with another person---an act of kindness of sorts---a way of saying I care about you enough to spend time with you.

In Grandaddy’s hospital room, I was jotting down these notes for the blog when a beautiful young nursing assistant in green scrubs came into the room to take care of his needs. I thought how familiar she looked to me----when you’ve been teaching 41 years, you see lots of familiar faces. Later I asked where she went to school. “Germantown.” I’m a Houston High gal so that didn't ring a bell, but then it “hit” me. “Did you go to Southwind Elementary?” I asked from behind my mask, which I have to wear anytime I'm at the hospital. “YES!” I reminded her that I was Mrs. Liles and the first words our of her mouth were, “You served me tea in the library! It had an orange taste and you made it just for us.”
Now over 10 years later, she’s returning the kindness to a member of my family as she cares for him and actually helps him sip his tea. We never know how our lives will impact someone else, but if kindness is involved, I think the benefit lasts a long time. Sadè is my proof.

In celebration, I’m having a “cuppa”--Jacksons of Piccadilly Darjeeeling--“the true classic of afternoon teas”--- in a my Queen’s china cup, with the pink rose design and looking up more kindness verses. As Michèle says, “Kindness is the fruit salad of spiritual gifts.”

Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Galatians 5:22,23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Colossians 3:12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
2 Timothy 2:24 The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,

Impatient Patient

2/23/09 Patience for the “Patient” (Ashley B. said I needed some)
Yesterday was a “bummer” of a day in the feeling good department---and I didn’t know if it was just: A. fatigue, B. stress, C. a “bug” or D. All the above. (Teacher sounding, isn’t it)

But Dotsy----right there I should have inserted, But God…….but I didn’t---I didn’t wait on Him. I began “stewing,” knowing that Mommar would be spending the night and that I would be taking her to an 8 AM doctor’s appt. the next day. But God……….was faithful (& patient with me) and this morning when I needed a “window of health” to take her, I had it, so I donned my mask and off we went---even to collect urine specimens at home later---still working on collecting the “other.”

You see, I, Dotsy, wanted to feel better yesterday (no patience noted)---because I assumed that meant everything would be "right" (going my way) in preparation for the next day--- (I like to be prepared) ----(spell check thought maybe I needed “Ditsy”for Dotsy and I think that might be a good choice b/c I need to get my head on straight in area of trust/waiting)

Journal jottings about patience:
Streams in the Desert, Feb. 21 (I was doing some catch up reading)
If I’m not waiting in the “right” way it can remove me from the right place----the place where the Lord can meet me.
Patience eliminates worry. His promise = His Presence.
Patience eliminates weeping. He knows my needs better than I.
Patience eliminates works---(self-works variety)
Patience eliminates all “want.” Check desire here—do I want what I want or do I want God’s will?
Patience eliminates all weakness. Waiting is not wasted time—God is preparing resources & strengthening me. (for today--Boy, did He ever!)
Patience eliminates all wobbling. God’s foundation is steady & His patience, within me, makes me steady.
Patience yields worship! Praiseful waiting=worship.

Colossians 1:11 (a verse I often pray for others)
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, (Or all the patience and endurance you need with joy) (New Living Translation)

While waiting, Ditsy Dotsy, let (all these aspects of) patience have its perfect result, that you may be complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:4—NASB)

Solemn Sunday

2/22/09 Assignment: Obituary
When you’ve attended 3 “final events,” in a week’s time, that include a memorial service, a graveside service, and a visitation, for three different people, you have reason to pause and reflect. On the stone markings of the grave are reminders of three things, two of which we have absolutely no control over.

One of the people, who passed away will have a headstone that will read 1946-2009. She was born in 1946, as was I, and many of my Hopkinsville High School pals. She had no control over that birth date nor the day which she died………….but God---“ for Thou didst weave me in my mother’s womb………..Thy eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” (Psalm 139 13-16) What she and the other 2 women, whose services I attended, had control over----just as you and I do, is the dash between those 2 dates.

This is not a new thought with me---sermons have been preached for years on this topic, I’m sure. We might not control our birth and death but we certainly have control over the choices we make in between those pre-ordained times. 

How about you? Are you making the right choices in “your dash”---the only part of your life that you are responsible for. Who are you “dancing” with? What kind of legacy are you leaving? That’s your obituary---the one that will be written on the hearts of people who matter in your life.

Micah 5:8 is a reminder for me. “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

The Good Book

2/21/09 His Word
K-Love radio chat yesterday discussed unusual words and "bibliophobia" (a fear of running out of books to read) was one of them. I on the other hand tend more toward the “so many books so little time” philosophy. However, the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us of the futility of this and issues a warning: “the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.” Sometimes too much of anything ---even pleasure---can be overwhelming and take it’s toll. So in the reading area, I need to choose carefully---and except for my devotional journal, My Utmost for His Highest, I rarely ever read a book twice. (Wonder if Jesus Calling will be added to that list?) In years past, (each January) when I thought I had some semblance of control/order in my life, I would read, Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund and Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s, Gift From the Sea ----sort of a resolution to “do better” ritual. Both were small books so I could read them before returning to teaching. Both were also gifts from college chums who were Pi Phi sorority sisters as well. I had forgotten that part until I went searching my bookshelf, after typing the above remembrance, and saw the inscription. Maureen has since died but Molly’s driving over from Blytheville next week for a lunch/visit.

I searched b/c didn’t want to highlight books that I haven’t read in awhile, plus, I wanted to revisit the “draw” of those two particular books. Maybe the “draw” was that the both writings gave inspiration to a “growing Christian” who as a wife, mother of three and a working woman, wanted to “do it” right. The Ortlund book was easy reading and easily became a checklist for a “works mentality” kind of gal----the hubby/family, the schedule, the clothes and the spiritual life as well. The somewhat splattered copy of “Gift…” included marginalia and it was easy to reread some key passages. It might have been written in the 50s but it sounded a lot like today’s world. Her writing is gentle and reads like poetry and it was easy to be drawn to the passages that “spoke” to me almost 30 years ago----though AML’s own life was not “perfect” by any means.

On p. 23, Lindbergh states, "I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God." A couple of pages later she adds, "What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives. It puts the trapeze artist to shame."

I would have to reread it all closely to see how it aligns with scripture but there are certainly some statements that ring true that I had underlined.
Underlinings from Gift from the Sea:
• They (other women) manage….. far better than I, it seemed to me, looking at their lives from the outside. (My marginalia—never compare your insides with someone’s else’s outsides----that’s an adage I often share)
• Woman---the eternal nourisher of society----gives & gives….sometimes spilling away in driblets….seldom being allowed the time, the quiet, the peace, to …..fill up to the brim.
• A tree has significance if one sees it against the empty face of sky. A note in music gains significance from the silence on either side.
• Perhaps we never appreciate the here and now until it is challenged.

With those thoughts--I’m okay with the fact that I am desiring lots of quiet interludes and am seeking times of silence and solitude lately. But….as I’m choosing to be still and know that He is Lord, I want to be filled to the brim with more of Him. With that in mind, I want to open the one Book that I choose above all others because, Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. (Psalm 119:105)

Words---Lexiteria

2/20/09 Lexiteria Liles Style
Posted late today because both phone and internet have been down---maybe that was God’s hand---setting me apart for meditation.

Brother Buddy is a lexicologist, son Buddy is a wordsmith and lately I (who have similar genes) struggle with finding just the right words ---especially in this “cobweb” brain of mine. Now, I am concerned about words (notice I didn’t put worried or fretting---I know they are no-nos)----words that might come out of my mouth while I’m drug induced for these surgeries. Sitting with my father-in-law at the hospital, after he’s had to have procedures that require more morphine, and hearing the “babble” that comes from his mouth makes me uncomfortable. I certainly have my share of character flaws, but to date, foul language has never been one of them. People who know me well and even the students at school, make fun of my strong language-----
lawzie-beezie, dear gussie, what in the sam hill, tootberries, I suhwanee,
oy vey & a few other Yiddish expressions are about as profane as I get----but what if I lose my manners while under the influence of all those surgery drugs and babble all the “bleep” words I’ve ever heard in my entire life? Remember, my prayer request has been, “Lord don’t let my actions/behavior during this MAC season overshadow (in any way) Your goodness.” How much goodness will people see if my mouth is filled with #@**/!

Okay, let’s talk about meaningful words. Words are important to me, especially from scripture. One of my all time favorite verses is Jeremiah 15:16. Thy words were found and I ate them, and Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart.

Lately I’ve been devouring them---and you now know that’s scriptural. Some have asked what kind of Bible I have? I’m assuming they mean version although there are a variety of study Bibles. For Bible study, I use the New American Standard Version (NASB) for memorizing, much has been done with the King James Version (KJV) ---you know all those Thees & Thous & haths---and for nightly reading Larry uses either a New International Version or more recently the English Standard Version (ESV) which he recently bought at DTS in Dallas to read aloud verses folks have sent to me that day. Those translations flow well when reading.

Compare the versions of Psalm 37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. (NASB)
Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. (KJV)

Same verse, different version, often gives me a little more insight ---however I’m no Hebrew expert so I ask the Bible Study Fellowship questions: what does it say ?; what does it mean?; and what does this mean to me? This particular verse means to me that I can take a verse of scripture and meditate on it, feed on it, throughout the day---to me, it’s as if when I am trusting in Him, I am “feeding on faithfulness” His faithfulness and His truths as I apply them to my life.
If I want to go for additional commentary I use
http://www.soniclight.com/constable/notes.htm
Dr. Constable is a DTS professor who is a reliable source.

Wow if I have any readers after this didactic entry, I’ll know you are stout of heart----or maybe you too want to truly feed on God’s Word.

Sherry

2/19/09 In Loving Memory of Sherry Fries Kaplan

Loving & faithful wife, loving & caring mother,
loving & generous grandmother
astute businesswoman,“ spark” of Longreen,

How do you put into words the special relationship that comes from living next door to someone for 32 years----being concise is difficult when trying to encapsulate such a relationship. Those early years were shared with kids and all that encompasses; the middle years included her girls’ bat mitzvahs, weddings and eventually grandchildren. Then the “picking up the slack” phase (mail, garbage, paying each other’s bills was always Jerome’s joke) began as both families began to travel more, in part, because each of us had a child/children who moved out of state. Plus, Sherry loved cruises and Las Vegas.

The latter years were spent on one or the other’s patios, especially the summer following her pancreatic cancer diagnosis. She was amazing---for 2 ½ years during her final season of life, she did all the doctors prescribed and yet worked those treatments around really important “life” events----attending both grandsons’ bar mitzvahs and even taking them to Israel this past December---what a way to spend your last Hanukkah!

Her final weeks we spent in her den sharing memories—and the fellowship that comes when 2 people are on the same side of the cancer struggle. The final days were spent on the phone as she would call to check on me---what a gal!

The final goodbye came standing behind her wheelchair waiting on the EMTs to load her in the ambulance. I was stroking her hair and holding a pillow by her head for comfort as she answered, “Larry and Dotsy” to their question, “who do you see here” ----how grateful I am for that moment of coherence before they took her to the hospital for the final time.

I will continue to pray the prayer for Sherry’s family that she took to Israel for me to be put in the Western Wall/ Wailing Wall (thanks, Jerome)---it’s from the prophet, Isaiah.
Look unto me and be saved, all the ends of the earth;
For I am God and there is no other.

You will be sorely missed, my friend.

MORNING SONG

2/18/09 Good Morning
It’s a new day and I plan to rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)
Lamentations 3 says it well:
22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

So, to enjoy this new morn, indeed, I’ll have a “cuppa”----Royal Blend, I think. It’s one of my favorite tea blends---it’s a Fortnum and Mason variety and can be tricky to find. My first introduction to it was when visiting the FM London store---and being led in on the first floor by the doorman in the “frock-coat.” After that last trip in 2002, I was able to get it at Leaf & Bean in Park Slope, Brooklyn when visiting son, Josh, but no more---- only found stateside now at SAKS. But I found it!

All of that to say, this “cuppa of the day” is special and a great accompaniment to my time with Him---a time of soul restoration. (Psalm 25:3) Plus, just as the Fortnum Mason brand has ties to royalty, so do I. I am a child/daughter of the King.

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; (1 Peter 2:9)

I Peter 2:1-3 says, Putting aside all……long for the pure milk of the word………grow…….if (since is better translation) you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.
As I sip my tea and reflect on this, I realize that in the midst of an upcoming busy day, I will have to intentionally listen for His voice, which is music to my ears. How else will I block out the cacophony of the urgent that whirls around me?? That’s why this beginning time with Him is so important---a time of tuning out all but one sound for awhile---to listen to the sound from the One who speaks truth, learned at His feet and can whisper it in His still small voice or hum it in my ear as we dance throughout this new day.

Then at the end of the day, I hope that I will be able to see my day, as a day offered to Him as an acceptable spiritual sacrifice. (I Peter 2: 5)

(Can you tell my son is preaching from I Peter this month?)
Have a “cuppa” with the King, and enjoy your day---that’s just what I intend to do!

EARS TO HEAR

2/17/09 Ears that Hear
I’m thinking blogging might be very short tonight---it’s been an extremely difficult and emotionally taxing last 48 hours dealing with family issues---poor health and aging can be tough on everyone.
Give ear to my words, O LORD, Consider my groaning. (Psa. 5:1) I don’t how much I verbalized but my body was groaning with the weight of circumstances that truly aren’t even mine---I just care about those involved and feel so helpless. I know God hears—Scripture validates that.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry. Psa. 34:15
O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear ….Psalm 10: 17
But what about listening----do I have ears to hear---it seems so hard right now.
So here’s the assignment---what does God’s word say about listening/heeding?

BTW, Psalm 34 (which Larry read to me last night) validates not only the truth that God hears but He cares and takes action on our behalf.
17 The righteous cry, and the LORD hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.

Okay, I feel better, just tired, so I’m going to bed and leave the homework to the “students.”
Nite, I love you as all the Liles say!

Hearing/Heeding

2/16/09 Meditating on hearing/heeding----
My obsessive self-control (ar) showed itself again on Valentine’s Day, as I felt I could only write in my journals, if I had a red pen-----so I used one-----I wrote----I felt better, and silly, at the same time. A lot of V-Day was spent at the hospital with Grandaddy so I didn’t have lots of time for reading until almost “lights out” time, when I’m usually way past any point of comprehension ability. I read My Utmost for His Highest entry for that day and I’ve reread it every day since.

"What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops." Matthew 10:27

"At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Songbirds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him." (need ears to hear, Dotsy) "What I tell you in darkness"---watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut." (Docs are taking care of that part---sewing it shut for a couple of weeks---maybe I can learn before then and that procedure won’t be needed.)
"Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen…….but, listen and heed………..hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light."
The teacher in me senses an “Assignment: Ears” coming down the pike. Hard to believe it’s been 42 years since that first teaching job at Richland Elementary as J. Cawthorn’s afternoon kindergarten aide----my main impetus being financial gain ---$50 a month. I wanted to earn “spending money” for my first European tour w/ the Memphis State Art Dept. $$ has always been an area where the Lord has had to be patient with me---slow learner here. But God………Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to me and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abunDANCE. Incline your ear & come to Me. Listen that you may live; (Isaiah 55: 2-3)

I'm glad that today I backed off of “perfection” and sought a quietude of sorts---that calm, peacefulness that comes from Him---whether in the solitude, that I seem to require great amounts of lately, or in the midst of life’s bustle----that usually can only occur after I’ve had time in the Word----then it’s an overflow of sorts. I plan to mediate on "listen that you may live" ---because with me living doesn't count unless it's done with Him----that's why I equate living/life with dancing----He's always alongside----maybe if I'll listen close enough I'll hear Him humming our song.

IN Memory

2/15/09
In Loving Memory of Susan Robins Purifoy 1946-2009
---a life well lived---
Enough said. Her life said it all---
Jesus Christ was her Wisdom, her True Word, her Treasure and her Lord.

Happy Valentine’s Day

2/14/09 Love is in the air---or it should be---with every breath you take! Have you shown God’s love to someone today?! Remember there’s a world of hurting people---everyone has a burden or some kind of “baggage,” so let’s be sensitive and extend a “hand” of grace and love to family, friends and beyond. I’m getting a little “preachy” here, aren’t I?? It’s because my experience with my rare cancer, aka Big MAC, has clearly shown me the difference the depth of His love for me and the love from others has made in my life. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13) How grateful I am to have a Savior who laid down His life for me. Today, may I lay down my self-centeredness---dying to “self “ in every way, that I might love others better.

Encouragement

2/13/09 Encouragement
Years ago, I received a birthday card from dear friend, Ellen----I was born in September on a Friday the 13th, so I consider all Friday the 13ths as days of blessing and am so grateful for all the ones the Lord has given me. The card said, “In this world, there are “dancers” and there are critics. Happy Birthday to one on the “Dancers.” That card was such an encouragement to me, that to this day, I remember it---I eventually found that same card at Hallmark---but only 2 of them--- and thus was able to pass along that same encouragement to two friends whose celebration of life and the Lord, had been, & continues to be, such an inspiration to me ---even though we live miles apart and I see them just every few years---and they don't even know each other.

You see a critical spirit comes far too easily for me, so I want to choose each day to encourage rather than criticize----or hold others to my expectations----I choose today to let go of the list of responsibilities I want to put on others and choose instead to respond in relational love.

Love is about relationship. I choose today to live and dance...... 

......in a time of glorious expectancy in relationships (not a legalistic expectation)---an expectancy of cherishing and encouraging----I want family and friends to know how much I love them and all too often I’m not very good at showing that.

How about you? Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day----show your love to those God has placed in your life---even those who grate on your nerves at time---God can allow His love to flow through you to others.
Habakkuk (one of those books near the back of the Old Testament) shows that when the prophet set himself to listen to what the Lord had to say to him, he heard not about himself but about others----“Write down this revelation and make it plain to others.”

Today, prepare to do something for others on V-Day 2009---something of significance to “herald” your love for them. Maybe put your dancing shoes on, and give them (or him/her) a whirl around the room and make your love plain to them. Celebrate life and each other.

The Eyes are Back

2/12/09
My eyes are continually toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. (Psa. 25:15)

Confession: my humanity got all tangled up in my net this morning. I was tripping all over the place in my net of “worries for others.” Why? ….because I had my eyes on the problems of others and set about “fixing them” instead of fixing my eyes on Him. (Heb. 12:2) So-o-o me, and so-o-o wrong---it became a stress/strain rather than an overflow of privilege/love---that’s what happens when I start moving in my own strength. My priorities got “skewed.” I was stewing in my own juices---and that’s not a pretty sight! Bonhoffer wrote, “From the moment we awake until we fall asleep, we must relinquish our loved ones wholly and unreservedly to God and leave them in His hands, transforming our anxiety for them into prayers on their behalf.”

This new “worry storm” kept me awake throughout the night----wide-awake eyes are not fun in the wee hours. I should have given it to the One who “neither slumbers nor sleeps.” (Psa. 121:4) He had already taken care of many of my worries, I just didn’t know it yet.
In His faithfulness He gave me a new morning and allowed my eyes to see, not only the moon high in the sky, when I went out for the paper, but then minutes later, He provided a glorious sunrise. What a vantage point I had---just sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of Bewley’s Irish breakfast tea, in hand, gazing on God’s handiwork.

Confession #2: I wish I could say that the sense of God’s presence was a natural overflow for the rest of the day---like a warm bath of love ---the kind you just want to linger in… but…it was a struggle that I had to deal with for most of the day. I had to keep choosing the right thoughts---sometimes it took me a long time to do that---so many thoughts had to be taken captive, but God……………He was faithful when I was not. He sent a friend to walk with me---what a great de-stressor that can be! I actually made it to a financial advisor with the right papers and she gave me a warm loaf of the best ever almond poppy seed cake, the lock box fiasco was solved, my eye exam was painless, and my car keys were found, not by someone at the hospital parking lot, as I had feared, but in the trunk of my car--- by my husband (who has had to walk that path with me several times before---probably more than he can count) He’s so good at keeping up with me and my things.

Ending the day with friends, I was able to look out into the night sky and see the stars, brilliant with light against that dark backdrop ---even the little dipper. I was able to praise Him for all that He had allowed me to see of creation today. He counts the number of the stars. He gives names to all of them. (Psalm 147:4)
My eyes were able to take in all this that the Lord had created. (Gen. 1:16) And my heart was able to pray what SW once said, “May I never forget in the dark, (darkness of this MAC/ cancer) what I have learned in the light.”

Answered prayer: Thomas’ ”sweet Susan” is resting in the arms of her Lord tonight.

Dotsy's Dallas Team

2/11/09 D D T (Dotsy’s Dallas Team)---an answer to prayer
FYI--many have asked to pray for my team by name, so here’s the Baylor Medical Team:
Dr. Richard Ha, Craniofacial Surgeon
Dr. Lance Oxford, ENT- (Head/Neck surgery)
Dr. Frank Saporito, mohs surgeon
Dr. Clay Cockerell, dermatopathology

I will leave for “Big D” 3 weeks from today---probably flying down for pre-op procedures. Dr. Ha’s is already scheduled for March 5 and his office suggested that I schedule the others around it. Larry will drive down 2 days later and we will stay in Texas until the surgeries begin. We hope to sneak off for a few days---just the 2 of us. The first surgery is the mohs surgery and it is scheduled for all day, Monday, March 16. Depending on the outcome of this series of excisions of the tumor, (during which I’m awake), the next surgery, which will be the basic foundation laying, by the reconstruction team, will be on Tuesday, March 17. Hospitalization of 4-5 days will follow this surgery. Then, I think---nothing definite in any of this---all will depend on extensiveness of MAC---I will stay in Dallas for a follow-up surgery ---in a week or two---lots of unknowns---other surgeries to follow as needed and I have no idea of the time frame between each.

Prayer requests
For an early time slot to open for surgery on 3/17---scheduled at this time for 12:30---Ha & Oxford need to be wide-eyed and bushytailed
Clear margins--- let’s not second guess MAC here---good eyes for the pathologist

Speaking of eyes, again, I got some great insight from folks—several quoting from praise choruses & hymns---music truly speaks to the heart and helps us remember. Worship leaders and choir members---what a ministry you have.

Another eye-opening thought on eyes came from my MAC sojourner, Michele. What a way this gal has with words!! She used my eyes to address my fear---

My first response when I read your words was, "But if your eyes speak loudly enough, everything else will be muted." …………..I've never seen you, but something tells me that that will be true of you. If the eyes are truly a window to the soul--and I believe they are--the transformations to your face will not alter how people perceive you, because your eyes...I'm sure of it...are animated prisms through which love and faith and pleasure and grace and serenity shine. No amount of surgery can alter that.

I think after this roller coaster day ---I’m not talking ‘bout the rickety old fairgrounds Pippin here---it’s been more of the King’s Island Firehawk variety---I’ll close my eyes with this playing in my head, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.”

Assignment: EYES

2/10/09
Journal jottings: shaky awakening---what was the missed cell phone call about ---the one from Dr. Ha at 2:53 yesterday---Why’s he calling? I’m not “ready” to go---too much still undone--- updating will (the last testament kind), repacking for different temps, letter to be written to my kids---okay, so they’re adult kids, I still want to tell them how much I love them---Grandaddy’s in hospital & his pain’s not subsiding, Mommar needs a village, …etc. PTL, Larry has 3 siblings to take up that slack. “Settle,” as Larry would say, so I did. Nothing can fortify like a big dose of God’s Word & a steamy bowl of oatmeal (no instant for me) w/ real butter and real sugar and real milk---not the “see through” variety that is usually in our fridge. My oatmeal this morning might even give the “Batesville blend” a run for its money---though mine wasn’t served to me in bed. The Mary B.s tea biscuits are a good accompaniment as well. (Family aside---as close to Mother/Gigi biscuits that you can buy---must be made with Sunflower, milled only in Hoptown. Mother/ Gigi always used Sunflower, probably because Mr. Yost went to First Methodist with us. Most of the time she baked biscuits and cornbread with buttermilk. If not, her recipes listed ”sweet milk” ---& she didn’t mean Eagle Brand.)

Jesus Calling reminded me I needed to spend ”ample” time with the Lord and let go or push back some of the demands of the day knowing that He is able to bend time and events in my favor---under His guidance I will be able to sort out what is important and what is not. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will counsel you with My eye upon you. (Psa. 32:8)

Is “eye” the word of the day? I don’t have eyes that can read without glasses---and for awhile I won’t even have a nose to prop those spectacles on. I am a reader---so I’m probably going to have to be read to for awhile---this could be a new adventure. I’m the reader/storyteller---I’m the one whose license plate said, “IREAD2U”---sounds like a lesson in humility is coming up.
A “worry” (working on giving it to the Lord) that has come forth since Michele asked me some thought provoking questions, concerns eyes. She asked what my greatest “fear” was about my surgery. At first, nothing came to mind. Now the fear is identified----the eyes of others on my new face---not for me as much as others---a face that would evoke sympathy or embarrassment for my family and friends------ especially for my grandsons.
I don’t want them to be self-conscious about their Shug.
So readers---you have an assignment ---what does God have to say about eyes (or my fear) that will realign my thinking with His? Open my/our eyes that I/we might behold wonderful things from Thy law. (Psa. 119:18)

It’s all about eyes---my eyes, (physical eyes) other’s eyes (judging eyes) God’s eyes ---the eyes of our heart---those spiritual eyes.

For me, I know that I can “lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1)

Waiting Delineated

2/9/09 Waiting Delineated
It was 1 month ago today that I first heard the words “biopsy needed.” Thus began this new season/step in my life/dance . From that time on, events became “before MAC or since MAC.” Often there have been periods of one step forward and two steps back---I’m sure there’s a dance move in there somewhere. This dance began with one big “grand jete”---just picture Baryshnikov leaping across the stage---or better yet, picture a ballerina who leaps and is caught by the one waiting patiently and expectantly for her to move toward him. It has been a leap of faith, but I knew who was waiting to catch me---if that makes sense at all. Then there have been the elimination dances (from docs along the way) and reels where things have been so whirling that I wasn’t sure where I was suppose to go next---except that I had a patient dance partner who knew the right steps and was willing to teach me and guide me. Today he began to teach me about waiting---it is “with the heart that we must wait on God.” (A. Murray) Waiting on God is being in His Presence---and I’ve felt so close to Him that it’s as if we’re moving as one---we really are in this dance together.

There’s waiting and then there’s waiting---are you confused yet? I wish I could insert columns here for comparison but don’t think the blog format would like that.
My day started w/ my frailty of “what if” questions taking up way too much space in my mind---I can’t control anything that is going on in Dallas right now--- if indeed, anything is going on that I even need to know about. It ended with today’s Jesus Calling verse on my heart. … I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song…(Isa. 12:2)
Journal jottings:
Waiting on DOC ---it’s mental, knowing with the mind---I have no control
1. Seeking doc’s schedule/answer but...... I have no control
2. Restlessness/anxiety/draining
3. In frenzy---making list, checking it twice
4. Responsibility---it’s about “doing”
5. Fretting---which overshadows God
6. Eating nervously
7. Expectation w/dread
8. Holding tight to anything I can-----for some semblance of control
Waiting on GOD---it’s a heart issue---believing w/ the heart
1. Seeking his Presence
2. Renewal/rest (Psa. 37:7-- Rest in the Lord, wait patiently on Him.)
3. In faith
4. Relational response---it’s about “being”
5. “Fret not_____”verses in Psa. 37----I put my name in the blank.
6. Not eating---intentionally
7. Expectancy w/delight
8. Letting go of all-----but God’s hand
Truly, my soul waiteth upon God. On thee do I wait all the day long. (Psa. 62:1)

Sunday With Thee

2/8/09 Sunday w/ Thee

Can you have time with the Lord on the Lord’s day without going to church? Absolutely! Do I miss going to church and being with God’s people? Absolutely!! There is nothing quite like the fellowship of believers. Dr. T used to say that if you’re trying to stay away from germs, “Don’t go to church or the movies.” Maybe that’s b/c there are lots of huggin’ folks at church. I don’t mind missing the germs but I sure miss those hugs.

This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psa. 118:24) How easy it is to rejoice when the sun is shining and the temps are just right as you & your hubby accompany a grandson on a “walk-walk” in his little red car.
How much harder it is to rejoice at the end of the day when waiting in the kitchen of a beloved neighbor of almost 32 years---waiting for an ambulance to come and take her to the hospital one more time---and yet the loving husband and daughter who were there for her allowed me a glimpse of that unconditional love of family that becomes a healing balm for the one in the center of the crisis/suffering. I rejoice that she has such a family.

2/5/09-2/7/09 Postings from Dallas #3
2/7/09
Technically, I’m home today---but a lot of my MAC stuff is still in Dallas & a lot of Dallas thoughts are still swirling in my head. That “M” bridge was a welcoming sight late last night. Nothing feels quite as good as one’s own bed, does it?
Began day in prayer chair because it’s Saturday. Since November 1995, the 7 AM. Saturday time slot for prayer for First Evangelical Church has been mine. We, “Warriors on the Wall,” have a guide that is sent each month with specific needs. This morning when I saw my name listed with those cancer patients needing prayer for stamina and healing, I was taken aback. It was almost surreal---I never imagined seeing my name there---I had a real catch in my throat.
Rest of day mostly spent at the Lord’s feet or soaking in the tub or napping or putting my feet up---I haven’t even felt much like talking----maybe I’m practicing for those days coming up---before I get a new mouth----when I won’t be able to talk. So grateful that WH is praying for “joy” for me today.

journal jottings---“When God exhales, beloved, inhale.” (Voices of the Faithful) so similar to yesterday’s “breathe Me in with each breath.” (Jesus Calling) So I asked,
“What truths do you have for me from your Word today, O Lord?”
Psalm 43:11 (Streams in the Desert) & Psalm 42:11 (Jesus Calling) are the exact same words---“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise Him, my “salvation” and my God.” (ESV) “help of my countenance” (NASB) “health of my countenance”---the One who puts joy in my heart/smile on my face (my marginalia) WH prayers were right on target today---so glad today is the day she prays for me.
“patient waiting” seems like an oxymoron for a nanosecond kind of girl (an MP term)but God……
”be still and know that I am God.” (Psa. 46:10) Am I about to enter God’s waiting room? May I have no expectations------ just a joyful expectancy of time with Him.
A. Murray in Waiting on God, suggests “to wait upon God and receive from Him what He alone can give, what He delights to give.” "My soul waiteth only upon God…"(Psa. 62:1)

2/5/09-2/7/09 Postings from Dallas #2
2/6/09
Rescued John Parker (8 ½ mos.) from his bed “before his wake-up time.” Ah-h-h the privileges of being a grandmother! This was followed by a “Quiet” Time w/ Nathan and Noah alongside (Caleb slept-in) w/ John Parker in my lap, as we studied their James 2:1-3 “assignment.”
Took necessary time alone as well---grateful to be able to do this as Larry, aka Pop-Pop fixed bikes and precious, calm, patient daughter-in-law, Day, went to register Caleb for next year’s pre-school class.

Met mohs surgeon, third member of my team---he will go as far as he can w/ ENT/head & neck surgeon alongside to step in as needed. Met ENT yesterday--- though he looks 15, he was very thorough and I appreciated his concern for me. My slides and reports are now being sent to team member #4, a “premier” derma-pathologist with 2 fellowships and lots of experience under his belt---YES!! Dr. C and Dr. B. (Memphis doc) kept emphasizing that I need a really good pathologist---so God provided.

Journal jottings----only wisdom I really have is faith in God’s working---and in that faith to pray for His power and His strength---my frailty is becoming so evident--- meet me with your strength O Lord. There’s that juxtaposition again---my frailty w/ His strength—Grateful for time in word before reading Jesus Calling or I might have focused on way ahead being very steep instead of “cling tightly to My hand”…..”lift up empty (of self, maybe) hands of faith”….”receive My Precious Presence.” His hand is everywhere isn’t it?

2/5/09-2/7/09 Postings from Dallas #1
2/5/05
9:15 Hooray Shelby County Schools---they provide a case manager, if I choose---& I CHOOSE—to be my advocate with insurance---talked to Julie, my mgr. as son, Buddy, navigated Dallas traffic---(a story in itself) by the time I got to several doctors insurance approval had either been met or was pending---Dr. Finn’s office has gone above and beyond as well. Thanks Cary & Teresa!

Thursday-10 AM meet w/ MF---the most gracious lady ever—who has offered “shelter” (SHELTER should be in all CAPS b/c it’s ministry that she’s offering) for Larry and me as needed during our Dallas stay---if indeed, Dallas becomes “my” place. She’s a Romans 12:13 woman. “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
She even adds to her “to do list,” after the fact, so that she can cross it off---- that’s someone I can relate to for sure. Her quiet neighborhood, near SMU, will be great for a “masked woman” to walk while recovering between surgeries and there’s even an adorable plaza near the end of her street that has quaint shops & eateries and a Logos bookstore, oh yea! While there, buying A. Murray’s Waiting on God,---on sale---another oh yea!-- “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” began playing. Okay, I “puddled”...but it is my favorite hymn and the one played when I was seated as “mother of the bride.”

Seeing God’s hand for 2/5 ---it’s the story KS from Park Cities Presbyterian told me as I strolled the plaza soaking up, as I’ve said before, both the sun and The Son.

1:30 appt. w/ Dr. Richard Ha Arrived on my time at 1:00 over the protestations (though gentle) from my son & husband. Smart decision b/c I had to fill out paper work that they “thought” they had e-mailed me. Dr. Jay Burns was also there and came in to encourage and offer support. As we were leaving the “institute,” I had Larry take a picture of the plaque—4 of the of names on that list----tops in the field of reconstruction---had already been consulted by Dr. B. and Dr. Carter on my behalf. Here’s where the day began to take on new dimensions that took some absorbing. The doc has to give the best and the most radical scenarios for treatment---apart from a miracle, Larry and I both knew we were past the “easiest” treatment but hearing new words and possibilities in the radical realm gave pause, (increased heart rate & wave of nausea)---to say the least. Larry, in his way, can make me smile even in the worst of times---He asked if I should have a tattoo put on my shoulder to make sure he takes home the right gal.

Evening with little Texans seems a blur---I was so emotionally drained that I had to pull apart for a while------hearing those grandboys pray for me at bedtime was the best way to end the day ---that, and Larry reading scripture to me, allowed me to find peace and once more grasp the Lord’s hand as I began to refocus & trust Him and fall asleep.

Mom in Dallas

Mom sends greetings from Dallas! It's been a long but productive couple of days. She will have lots to share later. She has met w/ three members of the team that is being assembled to work on her.

2/4/09 Bedside Table Top
Okay folks---anyone who has ever been to Sunday School knows the story of the “loaves and fishes” ---there are 5 loaves----so why didn’t someone inform me of this typo on the blog---I guess you call it a typo, though 5 isn’t even close to 9---I had to stumble on it myself---remember, I rarely proof these things and often don’t read until after the fact---in this case, way after the fact.

Okay #2---about my bedside table top----it has an array of “stuff” including Afrin, a bottle of Ambien, out of which I have only taken 4 over the last 17 days, a picture, 2 actually, of my T-Cup friends, who really know me and still love me, 4 freshly sharpened pencils (a recent gift), a 4x6 violet post-it note pad on which I write verses----violet for verses makes sense to me----(I write citations of verses received during the day via e-mail or slug mail or readings and then Larry reads them to me at night before lights out) a 4x6 blue post-it note pad (blue/bedroom---I wonder if this color coding idiosyncrasy goes back to all those 20+years of teaching kindergarten) a blue Impact gel pen and a blue “flag post-it” highlighter, which I really love, plus an Erasermate pen for my nightly Commercial Appeal crossword puzzle along with 3 pairs of glasses, which is amazing since I can rarely find any---I bet you think my bedside table w/2 bookshelves underneath is 10’long. Whew---I think I just entered the English handbook of world records for the best example of a run-on sentence---those sentences which should be avoided!

“Camping out again today in God’s Word before leaving for Dallas after Larry’s classes--should arrive around 9 or 10 tonight. The location this time is II Corinthians 4. Verse one starts with, “Therefore, since we have this ministry, we have received mercy, we do not lose heart.” I like the way that the Lord can speak to my heart through scripture written long ago. Today, I’m so grateful that His mercy has not allowed me to lose heart and that His Word is Truth and balm for my soul.

Closing out with Amy Carmichaels’ notes in Edges of His Ways…………”Let us not be surprised when we have to face difficulties. When the wind blows hard on a tree, the roots stretch and grow stronger. Let it be so with us.” "Let it be so with me, Lord whether in Dallas or Memphis. “

Larry just asked about “my dance” wondering if I’d be eliminated again (remember those Teen Town dance contests where a tap on the shoulder meant you were out---I actually stayed in a long time if I were dancing w/ my older brother) by a doctor or if this would be the beginning of the dance marathon. I don’t know the answer, but the “Lord of the Dance” does and he continues to hold my hand and pull me back in step even when I try to keep twirling around on my own.

Have already received a warm Dallas welcome from the folks of Park Cities Presbyterian church---(including prayers from the pastoral staff). I look forward to meeting y’all!
This “Shug” can’t wait to see her 4 little Texans (& their parents)

Literary Leanings

2/3/09
For all my “kiddie lit” friends---as the Pokey Little Puppy went roly-poly-pel-mel down the hill, so might my words come out tonight. BTW, all who know me, know that there is no such thing as good literature written just for children---if it’s well written, all readers can enjoy it.
Several of you have asked what I’m reading lately---actually I don’t have enough time or space to list all tonight. Suffice it to say, I have always been one who could read several books at once---though I’m not talking Dostoevsky here. If it’s non-fiction, I’m a pro at directing my reading for specific info. I have been known to read the last chapter first, or at least scan it. That’s why those books have a good index or a helpful table of contents. Helps me get to the “meat” of what I’m looking for.

Someone else asked me, “what’s on your bedside table?” Now, that’s getting a little personal and maybe even insulting if you’ve been measuring the dust, but……if you’re talking books, I’m just finishing up Philip Yancey’s, Soul Survivor, and am beginning to devour a work of fiction,
Shards of Shell by Michele Phoenix. It‘s poignant, it’s funny, there’s a love interest and a 4 yr. old speaking with a “southern accent,” who will capture your heart.
If you want to order one---don’t go to a bookstore or on-line---just make a check for $18 (that includes the postage) to Michele Phoenix and mail it with your request to :
Dream Acres - 4755 Oliver Road - Timmonsville, SC 29161-7722
As for devotional books, you’ll just have to keep reading the blog b/c I will usually share the one that has spoken to me that day. I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m in first person singular here---this has been my choice—books help me---these thoughts are all mine, etc. I take full responsibility b/c this is just my story and it’s the only one I know---the only one I can tell—I’m just allowing you to peek into some of my journal entries to see who I am. I can only do that because I know Whose I am.

My underlinings from Streams in the Desert today: God shines His light on you to make you fit for life’s deserts………….He lifts you to new heights to strengthen you so that you may go deeper still……..He illuminates you so He may send you into the night, making you a help to the helpless……….The time of testing that distinguishes and greatly enriches a person’s spiritual career is not an ordinary one but a period when it seems as if all hell were set loose……And the testing “later on…produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. (Hebrews 12:11)

God's Strength

2/2/09
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

This is a good verse for meditation on a morning when you don’t even want to get out of bed. I prefer the mornings when I’m able to say, “Good morning, Lord. I think I’ll have a piece of homemade chocolate meringue pie for breakfast.”

I was able to sit with Mommar, Larry’s mom, and watch birds and squirrels out the window even though thoughts of lawyers, docs, reports to fax, calls to make etc. etc. etc. were whirring around in my head. Those who are “on the same page” with me in the Jesus Calling book know the focus of today’s entry was free flowing thoughts seem to move toward problems------if focus is snagged on your problem, it circles round and round (boy, did it ever)----Your energy is drained!! It was already drained from three days of the “tyranny of the urgent”—you know those things that demand your attention & so you tend to them.

As an aside, if you are on the same page in the Jesus Calling book would you let me know---I’ve heard from several folks thru comments or LHH message/well wishes page or cards & calls. Just e-mail me at dotsyliles@gmail.com. Just wondering how far this little book is reaching.

This Monday was in my mind to become the day to share a little about MAC with folks b/c some have asked---maybe I wasn’t ready for that. I do know that sometimes people look at me as if I’m “in denial”---I’m really in a grace bubble. Trust me, I know a lot about MAC & enough of the journey ahead to warrant my attention and an understanding of things that I choose not to share b/c you readers are not covered with that extra measure of mercy and grace that is mine for the taking/accepting in the midst of this crisis.

Today became “Journal Jottings: a Juxtaposition of my Frailty and God’s Strength.” I needed His strength today!! Thanks to anyone who prayed early---maybe it was your prayer that helped get me out of the bed and in a mode to ask Him myself---to strengthen me by the power of His might….for patience and endurance during this time.”

Journal Jottings

2/1/09
This is my first day ever in the month of February knowing that MAC is here with me. Glad I “camped out” in His Word yesterday.

Hooray---Molly had a great support group as well as sales at her art show at St. George’s last night. Larry even went there when he left ICU---after being with his dad. As you can imagine, we had no time to post “blog” last night.

I’m so time compulsive I almost couldn’t let my Saturday’s blog be posted on Sunday. Now, even my watch battery has gone out---God has His ways doesn’t He? Guess whose timetable I’m on now? Maybe I’ll use the “no watch” excuse for being in my jammies ‘til after noon today. Not to worry, I know it’s Sunday---I can listen to my son preaching on-line---I can just do it lying on the window seat in the computer room---doesn’t matter what I’m wearing. Hey, soon a hospital gown will be about as dressed up as I get. You know how flattering they are---and exposing---YUK, now that’s not a pretty thought.

For those who know me, or those who have heard me “confess” during my teaching times, y’all know that I’m a little____(looking up synonyms for the word I want to express in a more delicate way)----ah-hah, “obsessively self-controlled” comes up---aka obsessive compulsive. This is no surprise to most folks. They know I use white-out in my journal---for years I assumed everyone did. I was thrilled when Ashley Bryan taught me to make flowers from my mistakes, instead of erasing them. I would only write in my red journal with my red pen---any other color stymied the ability for the pen to move. Now here I am on this new, never before trodden path in my life, putting words out in cyberspace for “strangers” to read. Most times my words are posted without spell check---certainly a grammar check would “crash” any computer as it tried to decipher my run on sentences punctuated only by dashes. I still prefer writing pens that flow and glorious smooth writing paper but I’ve become willing to share my flaws with whomever, though it’s not always comfortable.

Pasted from last Spring’s lesson I taught from Hebrews 11:6: (Print was large so I could read them from the podium—though I rarely read my notes once I get going-----)

Ask the ladies, “WHO’S THE ONE CALLING YOU TO “STEP” OUT/”SWIM OUT?” The One who calls is the One who equips w/ extra courage & faith –we just have to be willing. Are you willing to get off the steps??? (from story of swimming lesson w/ grandson who didn’t want to get off the steps and swim out, even though he would be swimming to the arms of a loving & waiting father. Those steps in the shallow water felt safer.

Today I had to ask myself that same question----Am I willing? My private steps (my journal jottings) are safe (not exposing self to world feels safe.) This is just my story but since God seems to be having me share my fumbling, stumbling faith walk, I will.

Another reminder from my lesson notes reminded me---"When we step out or step off the steps, it’s not blind faith----it’s actually seeing---it’s just seeing with eyes of faith."

These eyes are ready to close for some sleep. Thank you Lord that You are Faithful and True.

Camping Out

1/31/09
It’s not alliterative but it’s where the Lord had me today. This Liles crew has had many Saturdays spent "camping out” in the woods---all memorable but not all pleasant---in fact, the most memorable were those bordering on disaster. Our camping fiascos might discourage others from “risking the endeavor” but those crisis/catastrophes have become our shared jokes (which most people wouldn’t get---esp. our Deep Creek ones) Times of humorous reflections are good---definitely warming the soul. Today the Lord had me camping out in Isaiah 40.

Asked for No phone calls on LHH site today b/c 6:15 am. call sent Larry’s dad back into surgery to fix a leak in his by-pass and I needed unencumbered access to MaBell or whoever we have now since I dropped the old phone in the “tub” and Larry changed phones & our provider. Some days I just want an old princess phone with the curly cord---much easier to find. We now have 3 phones and I can never seem to find any of them. Even the battery on Larry’s cell has a way of going out when I pick it up.

After popping in to check on next-door neighbor & share some of my “bountiful blessing of potato salad,” I had time for an early morning walk---prescribed by WH as a great pre-surgery prep. It became more than that. It became a praise walk! It brought me back to Isaiah 40:26, “Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens, Who created all these……” The prophet is talking about the stars---and His one big star, the sun, was warming my back as I walked. His son was warming my heart—it felt great.

I also began to reflect on the “moonlight walks” of 1984. Larry and I would take Buddy, Josh and Molly on a walking adventure (mostly in their pjs). This would occur on the night the Almanac declared the “fullest moon” for each month, There were 13 full moons that year! I even documented (your not surprised, are you) where we were and what we did—had a snowball fight in March, walked in alley by Winslow’s house to our childhood tree house in KY, saw our moon from a ship’s deck as it reflected on the water of the Caribbean……..

Wrote a thank you note to Michele in Germany today b/c I received her beautiful book, Postcards from the Water’s Edge—about her cancer journey. As I went to put it in the envelope to seal it with love & a grateful heart and lots of stamps, I saw the verse on the stationery I had chosen---how had I forgotten---it was Isaiah 40:11---“He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart…..” I am in His arms and though the tears are falling as I write, I can feel His heart!