What I Know!

2/27/09 New-Normal
Man’s sensitivity to trivia and his insensitivity to matters of major importance, reveal he has a strange disorder. (Pascal, 1623-1662) So long ago, yet still so true. Nowadays folks say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I think it’s more than that. It can also be a matter of not wanting to face hard stuff or the unknown, so we fill our minds with trivial thoughts or just stay busy so we don’t have to face certain situations. Come face to face with your own mortality and what you value can change rather quickly---people/relationships become significant----family, friends, and the Lord. Life as we once knew it, is no longer the same and never will be. It becomes a new-normal and that can be a good thing---if we embrace it.

I couldn’t remember where I heard the phrase, “new-normal” and then I read it in Michèle Phoenix’s, Edge of the Tidal Pool---another well-written, poignant book. She has a way with clearly expressing her MAC experience ----she has used very precise language or even coined her own words to give understanding to living with mycrocystic adnexal carcinoma. Her term new-normal is helpful for anyone dealing with the unknowns of life with cancer.

What is new-normal? Let’s just say it defies description----because it is ever changing. Plans that once were the backbone of your “existence” go out the window with a phone call. "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16: 9) Events are pared down because one can no longer do it all and more than likely, doesn’t even want to try. You have to focus on the Lord and live in the moment or you can slide into despair rather quickly. You began to cherish small things and appreciate simplicity and stillness. Quietness has been a 180º turn for me-----but an absolute necessity.

So what do I know from all of this---Michèle has taught me----to list what I know today and not to focus on the unknowns of tomorrow. (ah-h-h-, I still like lists and can still relate to them, though I have to keep white-out handy or a good eraser or draw lots of flowers over all the changes) “Just focus on what you do know, Dotsy. List those things---things that you know are true today---they will guard your sanity/mind.”

Today I know………………..
…..I awoke feeling refreshed from a night of sleep comforted by the falling rain. (Psalm 3:5, Psalm 127:2)
…..I had time for prayer for others this morning and can watch for His answers. (Psalm 5:3)
…..I have a “spa gift” from Miss Anonymous and I plan to use it---my hands won’t know what to think.
…..I have homemade cookies---b/c Elnora loves to cook--to take to Dr. Burruss and Dr. Finn to say thanks for all the help on securing my team and getting the necessary referrals. (May they taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8)
…..I’m going to Houston High to receive “something” as my faculty friends say good-by. (Psalm 27: 13)**

**This is where I stopped typing in order to make it to HHS by 2 pm. As I arrived, I experienced that Psalm 27:13 verse in a BIG way---I “saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” There was no despair for me----there were prayers, expressions of concern, positive, encouraging words and lots of hugs and laughter and tears---took lots of Kleenex--- there was even a card with $$. And then there was the gift—how does one even describe a “Dotsy” quilt---except to say that I love it!! It truly is a gift of love. Everyone needs to see it because it is indescribable with everyone’s names and messages on it on "Dotsy" fabric with coordinating pillow cases for my "squish" pillows----won't get those mixed up with the hospital ones. It also came with instructions---“when in Dallas, wrap up in it and let it remind you that we are covering you with our love and thoughts and prayers.” Will do----but why wait ‘til Dallas---it’s raining, I'm home alone, and I’m too tired to dance, so I’m going to cuddle up and feel the love.

Tonight I know…………….that I am loved.