Weeping Wednesday (Don't stop here---read further)*

1/28/09

These tags of alliteration for the days of the week have been a part of my life for a long time—reminders that help me focus. So, though today is a day for weeping, it's not for crying physically as I have done on some days in this journey, but…..it's my day of asking God to "create in me a clean heart, O Lord and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10) To do that He has to show me my sin---not a pretty picture---but necessary, especially for one whose SELF can rear it's ugly head. Actually, my subtle sin is self-protection. (Inside Out by Larry Crabb p.100---almost erased this citation to put in an APA or MLA format---old habits die hard for librarians) Self protection is pain avoidance esp. at a deep level---one often builds walls in relationships to have that protection. Sometime it's pride—not willing to let people see all the warts---and now God is allowing me to practice showing my humanity, warts and all. BTW, I read today that there are over 2.5 million blogs but *only 4% of people read writings of others.......... basically bloggers are having conversations with themselves--- it has been therapeutic.

Just reread parts of Ortberg's When the Game is Over it all Goes Back in the Box.

 (can't you see yourself clearing the Scrabble board and dumping all those wooden tiles into the little faux velvet bag?? ---a great read) I was reminded of so many truths---

The board you & I play on is in the shape of a calendar---live one square at a time.

In Ethiopia, a man's wealth is measured by his friends---In said measurement, I am indeed WEALTHY!

Arrange your life around what matters most to God----People matter.

On a lighter note, I have also learned, that there is no such thing as too many post-it/stickie notes. My dear ljj used to say I needed a Velcro bra----hm-m-m, maybe she's right---she usually is.

Family matters: As I wait, we are also awaiting by-pass surgery for Larry's dad & trying to aid his mother who spent the night here b/c they live in Oakland & she doesn't need to be alone. I was able to read Jesus Calling aloud to her as we sat at the breakfast table eating and watching Larry's (Pop-Pop's) birds feasting outside the window. How special is that?

My brothers and their wives from KY are coming Friday to bring Daddy so I can see them all before the Big MAC event. He won't spend the night but I'm grateful for their sacrifice---that's a lot of driving in one day.

Teaching Tuesday

1/27/09

The lessons today must be just for me b/c ljj was not available for my "practice teaching"---but oh how many times she has listened---nor were any of my 24 Hr. Fitness water buds—I would practice my lessons on them in the sauna and get feedback before I would teach my Bible study lessons. One was my dance expert, so maybe she can help me in this latest "Dance."

Word for the day is hand. I am an obedient student---someone tells me to look for God's hand, even in the little things, I start looking. In years past He sometimes has had to knock me over the head with the obvious---obvious to everyone else that is. Of course, I hate to start doing body parts b/c I'm sure there will be verses on lips or nostrils---not ready to go there in public. It was bad enough at church Sunday night to have 2 doctors picking my nose---out in the vestibule of the church, no less.

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say you are my God. My times are in your hands…..(Psa. 31:14-15)

For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Early this morning—per a request last night "to meet face to face and w/ Larry b/c we were in a different ballpark now"---Larry & I met w/ Dr. C who drew this incredible labyrinth of sorts, showing the twisty-turny path of my journey with MAC from 1^st visit to different docs to input from docs world-wide to the latest change. He drew all of this out on a paper cloth that covered the round table where we sat. He said this is so "strange" and it could be seen as a bit of a tangle of intersections but………….I took the pen from him and drew in my pitiful artistic manner---a hand around all those appointments and doctors names and told him, "That's what God's hand looks like!" I've felt better ever since. BTW I have the cloth---you knew I would, didn't you!

Near the end of the day a phone conversation with my dear friend Ashley Bryan, who today won the 2009 Laura Ingalls Wilder award, lifted my spirits. When I told him how much I have been inspired by his depiction of God's hand in his book, Let it Shine: Three Favorite Spirituals, he, in his humble way, told me how concerned he was for me and how much I inspired him.

Meditating Monday

1/26/09

I am choosing NOT to meditate on my tumor today---Big MAC attack is to be set aside so that I can fully focus on God's goodness:

Banana puddin' for breakfast---I'm actually trying to gain back recently lost pounds---my friends are "bashing" me about this new found "eat more" opportunity.

Allowing me to pray for others.

Taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8)----even in the dark times---make that especially in the dark times. Make mine a BRT---Belief, Rest and TRUST---I have the belief, I'm getting the rest so I'm slathering on the Trust---so it covers this whole Big MAC.

God's goodness is SO evident to me ----He has sent Michele into my life for such a time as this with words of encouragement---because she has stood where I am standing.

Words from her could encourage us all--"-I'm praying for peace and for an eternal perspective as you face the days and weeks ahead. I am praying for miracles too, whether they come through your surgeon's scalpel or through the Lord's all-knowing hand. "Prayer is the slender thread that moves the hand of God." (Corrie Ten Boom) His hand is moving even as I write..."

Serene Sabbath

1/25/09 Serene Sabbath---planning to "be still" For those who have asked, son Josh's web site will give you instant updates even when I get wherever I'm going---he has a "magic phone"---iPhone, I think" so he can do all this from any distance---All you need to do is enter your e-mail address and your e-mail password and then he approves you and you'll get the messages. www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/610549/

This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24) Today's verse in the Upper Room (which I try to read along with Daddy) is one of my favorites, Zephaniah 3:17 (between Habakkuk and Haggai---bet that helped a lot didn't it?? 

As a librarian, I commend the use of a Table of Contents, especially when they have a listing in alphabetical order.) The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Maybe rejoice is the word of the day---I think I'll just rejoice quietly. Today's My Utmost for His Highest said, Be in a state of expectancy---my marginalia was ----expectancy NOT expectation.

Saturating Saturday

1/24/09

Began day with Saturday routine (routine feels good) --- Warriors on the Wall prayer time---praying lots for my "back-up/sub partner, Linda Dickens---what a privilege to pray for others.

Together Larry and I listen to son Buddy's Jan.18 sermon on-line---series he is in dealt with truth about trials and sufferings---how timely—from I Peter 1:6-12 and a few detours to Romans 8:28 (LA's verse) and Matthew 6:15 & 16 (scripture passage I taught in Mexico last March)---God blessed us with His peace. So…………….

Word of the day is Peace--------------World definition is without conflict or war---Dotsy definition is supernatural calmness in the middle of war or trial and God's word says……

The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace. (Psalm 29:11)

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. (Psalm 37:11) Wow, there's yesterday's word---abunDANCE---God often has to show me things more than once (or twice even) Will have to do a word study on Hebrew word for meek b/c definition that comes to mind is not one that I think describes me.

After God, had given me all this during my time with Him, then I opened Jesus Calling and the first two words were, "My Peace" (Uh—hel-lo!)

Glad for peaceful morning b/c rest of day was a whirlwind with 3 phone calls from sweet, precious, brilliant, world-renowned plastic surgeon, Dr. Louis Carter. He called my Dr. Burruss—Dr. B's response was, "How did you know about this?" Anyone besides me know the answer to that!!!!!

abunDANCE

1/23/09

Early phone call from my Molly reported a billboard on Poplar---going east on Poplar before you get to Grisanti's ---not sure what it was advertising. "Mom, you should see it." It says "abunDANCE"---God is giving you an abundance of Himself in your new Dance. A-men, Molly!

Abundance is definitely the "word of the day" abundance of food, abundance of love, abundance of mercy from the Lord. In Psa. 72, a royal psalm, Solomon prays that the king's reign will be characterized by many things--- verse 7 ….asks that "in his days may the righteous flourish, and abundance of peace until the moon is no more." (NASB) I know who My King is and already am experiencing abundant peace. (though a little out of context with the psalm) His peace is reigning in my life today. The psalm concludes with, "Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel who alone works wonders." Romans 5:17 For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life thought the One, Jesus Christ,

My day concluded as I saw a recap of the inauguration with YoYo Mah playing---the tune was "Simple Gifts" which is the same as "The Lord of the Dance." Wow---Lord, they're playing our song (it was Allyson's first)!

Ouchie

1/22/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NATHAN! (7) --Birthday prayers for you from Shug.

(pic taken 12/25/2008--in Memphis before heading home for his 7th b'day0

A little shaky this morn, as if chilled from the inside out and a little nauseous---reminds me of morning sickness of days gone by---where's the benedectin?? (anti-nausea drug of choice of pregnant women during the 70s---before they took it off the market)

Time in the Word, Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest settled me down. Day filled with a friend helping me "just in case" pack for when the call comes to go---wherever docs and insurance decide. (Dr. B in Memphis called to assure me that he and Dr. B in Dallas are still at work.) I'm sure that my lack of focus wore my friend out as she tried to follow my circles---She organized a lot in spite of me and dear, sweet Elnora who has been family since 1978 (came 5 months before Molly was born) did anything I asked her to do, even if it meant figuring out what I had just asked.

All that being said, know that I am so-o-o covered in God's grace that whether I skip w/ joy or pass out from fatigue, He's there with me. Verses of scripture (Isaiah 41:10 has been sent by many—a worthy read) and notes of encouragement have been pouring in, whether e-mail or slug mail or phone messages---41 years in education provides an unbelievable network---so whether I taught you in kindergarten and you are now 42, or I taught you at the university or I have taught you anywhere K-12 or taught with you, thanks!

However, my favorite encouragement and good laugh has come from grandson, Caleb, age 3. Conversation went something like this. "Shug, I prayed for your "ouchie." I have an "ouchie" too." I then asked, "Where's your ouchie, Caleb."

"Right here." I could hear son laughing in the background---you have to tell her where it is--- she can't see you pointing. O Lord how I covet prayers for my "ouchie."

Praying the Psalms

1/21/09

24 hours without a computer and a telephone with a "black hole"--- do you think maybe God wanted me to "be still and know that He is God" as Sara B. prayed??!!

Well, there it is. I open my Jesus Calling book and the first sentence says, I want you to be all mine.

Yesterday was a little of a stretch ----couple of doc visits---lots of plans to be considered---logistical and insurance questions---but God…………………I wonder if Ronnie Stevens realizes what an impact those to words have had on my life since I heard his long ago sermon (Eph. 4:2)---that's about his speed--- 2 words a Sunday (hopefully Ronnie can take a joke)----helps folks like me digest it.

I began the day (before computer needed a new hard drive) with a big blessing. An elder from Allen Bible Church, where son Buddy is a pastor, wrote that he had been praying Psalm 20 for me. I remembered the verse "some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." SW helped me glean insight from that during our H2H teacher training sessions one summer. As the day ended and I was having trouble settling down, Larry read Psalm 20 to me.

Then I asked him to read Psalm 121 to me-----one I memorized (KJV) as a part of my 4^th grade teacher's instruction---now there's a good teacher. It was the psalm that I was given the privilege to recite for the First Evan Women's Team to Mexico on the last night of our mission trip to El Lano (you won't find it on a map) for the Tlapaneco Christian Easter Conference. I can still close my eyes and see those mountains and the sweet faces of all the groups who so beautifully dramatized the verses---"He will not suffer your foot to be moved. (slip) He that keepeth thee will not slumber, Behold He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep…The Lord is thy keeper….He shall preserve thy soul….The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth and even forever more, I had never felt more smack dab in the middle of God's good and perfect will for my life on that trip and that's where I am right now. To Him be the glory!

The Dance

FYI--Ambien kept me asleep til 3:50---so many questions and decisions but I truly am not dismayed---Psa. 27: one of last verses says "I would have despaired had I not seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Yesterday I was physically surrounded by God's goodness through my "praying buds" and family (even though far away). This morning the Lord and I have been discussing the next step in my dance of life---Do you know the old hymn, "Lord of the Dance"? It was in the hymnal of First Methodist Church in Hoptown.

Not sure where we're going for surgery---wherever God leads--- though my heart desires Dallas---Buddy's devout Christian doc friend has given some good advice and thinks Dallas will be okay. He's still checking. He's tops in field of reconstruction (just not my kind) and he could be our eyes and ears and son, Buddy and Day live just north of Dallas in Allen, TX and could offer a pillow and support for Larry.

for blog---excerpt from prayer journal (comment from Norman M.)

1/20/09

G (God) U AND I DANCE (Guidance) (for all my "non-dancing denomination" friends, forgive me)

I am asking God to guide me through this dance that has come up on my dance of life song card--I don't know this dance and I'm asking Him to teach me the steps. In Hoptown, during my high school days and at the Sub Deb dances, we would have a "no-break" card. You had your card signed by those whom you wanted uninterrupted dance time with---no one was allowed to "cut in/break in---you know, the old tap on the shoulder move---your eyes were for that partner alone. So today I'm asking God to to be my partner and to allow only the best (docs, medicine, counselors) to break-in and join me in this new song, composed by the Lord of the Dance---for my eyes are on Him alone.

I am a dancer ("bopper") and it's the desire of my heart to dance through this new song, hand in hand with the Lord, my true partner, as He teaches me step-by-step whether it's a waltz that moves slow and easy or a tango or jerk with some unexpected bumps. This is a new dance for me but I have a great teacher, The "Lord of the Dance" and the hope of my heart is that I can dance at Halle and Kyle's wedding on April 4.

The results are in

1/19/09 pm Much of what I had written this morning changed as of a 3pm phone call from Dr. B. (plastic/recon man) A dear friend was sitting beside me and I gave her a thumbs up when I heard he had gotten the report and it was not in the bone---answered prayer----BUT---the surgery can no longer be done w/ the mohs procedure. Dr. B. also said that he was not comfortable doing the surgery which was going to be more extensive than first thought. He said to talk to family tonight and he'd talk to us tomorrow---b/c he knew of 3 places that had 1 (whatever 1 is) MD Anderson in Houston---he thinks there's 1 at Southwestern in Dallas or Washington University in St. Louis. Son Buddy is checking w/ Dallas doc---in surgery at the moment---Josh is checking Sloan Kettering.

Jesus Calling this am said "Seek my face." My answer was from Psalm 27:7-8----Hear my voice when I cry, O Lord. Be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek His face." Your face I will seek. There was the answer I had written en my prayer journal. One more detour on the journey but know how grateful I am for each of you and how much I appreciate the prayers---please include my family as well. 1/19/09 am MLK day so all teachers are off so I don't feel weird yet about not being at work. Early quiet time with Dren's prayer shawl over my shoulder---felt good in more ways than one. Call from brother, Buddy, the family lexicologist, yesterday to ask about my "Big MAC" attack made me smile as he used the acronym for my cancer to tease me a little. Tomorrow is D-Day for me---I hope it's the beginning of my liberation from this Big MAC attack by a Mohs surgeon not someone/or technique unknown---but God…it's in His hands.