I feel as If I have lost a part of myself.
Tuesday Truths. 24 hours since I heard the news. A roller coaster of emotions. A "walking in fog" of sorts. "Sadness and joy all mixed together" as one of her sons recounted.
May I not forget truth and become overwhelmed by my sorrow. Sorrow is not the only reality there is.
God's word in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us that there is a time and a season for everything. Grief is one of those seasons. This time yesterday I began such a season when I learned of Ann's passing.
"A time to keep silent." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) I knew my inner spring would come from solitude. Time with the Lord and in His word. Time to drink it in.
Joy is hidden in sorrow. (Henri Nouwen, my Bible marginalia) I need to remember truth and not be overwhelmed by my own sorrow. May my sadness be fertile ground for truth of God's ever presence. His strength. His consolation.
May I not lose sight of the joy of the Lord because I have lost her. God Himself used Ann so many times in my own life to see His goodness. (Psalm 27:13) Today may the LORD loose my sackcloth and clothe me with gladness. Turn my mourning into dancing once again. (Psalm 30:11, paraphrased)
There is a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:4) This is such a time.
Lord, I ask You to be my choreographer once again as this unique dance of loss has me stumbling. (Psalm 37:24) I know you hold me because you now hold Ann. She has been a friend who has loved me well at all times. So....I must sing your praise (even if off key) and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever (Psalm 30:12).........for my deep and abiding friendship with Ann.
Annabelle, Mamaw, Mommabelle, Mrs. Martin.
Ann----my mentor, my Proffitt's shopping guide for funeral attire, my grandson's school supporter, my water aerobics pal, my scrabble hero, my New Year's Eve game winner, my favorite cook, my tea brewer, my sidekick, my travel chum and my dear, dear dog-loving friend for 20+ years!
Thx Ethel, an angel of a caregiver, for this pic!
Oct. 2, I was with Ann as she had her lunch. (It would be the last "real" conversation I had with her as COVID complications sent her to the hospital in the wee hours the next morning.)
As she ate her dessert, her fave part of any meal, I told her it was "her" Dotsy behind the mask and when I pulled it back for her peek, she said, "No it's not! It's an angel." I'll take that.
We all need to be angels for each other. She certainly has been there for me.
A fond farewell to Ann today. Farewell filled with sweet memories knowing she is with the LORD!
oh dotsy i'm so sorry too....sharing my bucket list with you and Ann, fond memories of y'all coming to Marcy Joes, my farm & time at Backberry. Ann has been on my mind a lot lately so now i know it was time for her to go home. What a marvelous God to weave the strands together to make all those time happen. Praying for your peace and may your sadness turn to joy realizing how wonderful Ann's homecoming was and she got to be with her beloved husband, Bob, again. How can we be sad for anyone sitting at the feet of the Father and the God she had served so long. doris
ReplyDeleteThank you! You shared the reality of the loss and the grace of our Hope in Jesus. When I get to heaven, I will want to meet Ann and share some tea. Carol
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry you lost a very dear friend!!! I’m so glad you know she knew her Heavenly FATHER and now resides with HIM! Praying peace and comfort for you. Lots of love to ya ❤️
ReplyDeleteBeautifully shared, and no doubt expressing heart felt loss. Losing a dear friend is never easy but, how wonderful to have had that many years of such a tender friendship. Truth lies in your words that joy is within every bit of this sorrow because of the Gift of eternal life we have so graciously been given. Beth
ReplyDelete