Stay Abed Day

11/7/09
Somehow the 8+ hour trip from Dallas to Memphis seems to have taken its toll----and I don’t mean $$. I am wiped out! This is definitely a “stay abed” kind of day.

Now all I have to do is grant myself permission for this endeavor. It feels inactive. Inactivity is what I need. So----what’s the problem? I need to legitimize “staying abed” or otherwise, guilt will have me up and groping around and trying to look productive. Or, if I “stay abed” with my mind in a “stew” because of the guilt, I’ll further compound the issue.
Scripture is the “legitimate” answer.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. (Isaiah 40:31)

I think I’ll have Larry resurrect Cathy Hasting’s recipe for “Stay-Abed Stew.” That’s a legitimate 7 hours of cooking with the added benefit of a sweet aroma. Sweet aroma of stew and scripture---the perfect/legitimate way to spend the day.

(2 Corinthians 2:14)
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. (--even the bed)

Clutter control

11/6/09 ……………….is needed in my life. Too many options. Too many “just in case” locations for items---even though they might be color coded according to the room or drawer where they "should be" found. This random organizing is understood only by me and lately, even I have trouble remembering where things are, or "should be". Retrieval is most difficult, if not impossible. I’ve been to enough “organizing seminars to know that “organized clutter is still clutter.” Where is that simplicity in my life that I yearn for and try so hard to attain. Aging and a MAC muddled mind are my excuses………….but God.

“Let all things be done decently and in order.” (1 Corinthians 14:40) “Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

For this I need preparation. Returning home from the final surgery as a true MAC survivor, my reentry needs to be purposeful, even as I convalesce. I need to de-clutter my mind before I run around reorganizing, yet again. Rearranging “stuff” is only a pseudo act ---a pretense of control. Mine is a mind game. Only He has the answer for me. The answer is to “Philippians 4:8 everything”, as Kay Arthur taught me. In other words, give Him control in my mind and allow my actions to follow thoughts received from Him.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (KJV)

“……..A mind stayed on Thee” (Isaiah 26:3) will take care of all the “clutter” in my life because there is only one option---the Lord Himself!

Expect the Unexpected---Fruit Facet #9

11/5/09 Yesterday’s ordinary day was in fact an extraordinary day. Why? An ordinary day in my life is not really a ho-hum, mundane kind of day. That would be a “new ordinary” for me, and one that I think I could get used to quite easily. My ordinary days are usually scheduled with work, tyrannies of the urgent and lots of agendas----both mine and others. Yesterday, in my terms, was extraordinary. Extraordinary because it was both “agenda-less” and rare. Maybe I need to find some middle ground between the ordinary (hectic panicky) and the extraordinary (easygoing peaceful). Hm-m-m, that sounds like moderation. And moderation sounds like self-control. And self- control is the final facet of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” (And you thought I’d never get there.) Actually it was unexpected for me as well. But God…………had me thinking about my life yesterday---a life that too easily swings from one end of the pendulum to the other---somewhere between chaos and calm---never quite finding the moderation of the middle---at least not for very long.

This fruit quality might be last on the list but it is an important aspect---one that too many folks try to handle on their own. As with all the fruit facets, the underlying point of reference of self-control must be Spirit led. To grin and bear it is the world’s way. In our own strength (flesh), self-control can often be tempered for a while---but when a goal is blocked or that irregular person reappears in our life, then words can fly like sweet and salt water from the same fountain. (James 3:11-15) Instead of that sweet fruit of the vine (John 15) we produce those bitter berries and wild brambles.

“In the Spirit” is key for this “fruit that comes in nine different flavors.” Thus the lifestyle of the Christian “reflects the selfless and outgoing life of God himself.” (“Dr. Constable’s Notes on Galatians”, p.62) My desire is to give up those acts of my sinful nature and to “keep in step” with the Spirit.
Galatians 5:25, sums up the lifestyle evidenced by these 9 unified qualities that are one fruit. “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by Spirit."

I hope mine looks like a dance!!

EMBRACE THE ORDINARY

11/4/09 Nothing much to say. That's what I, this too often verbose “blogger,” thought as I opened my laptop. Why? For the last few weeks, I have seemingly been caught up in one crisis after another. Crying out to God in fear, panic or pain. Today, none of that looms---just an ordinary day. What does one “do” with an ordinary day? Admission:---I haven’t even opened my Bible or Jesus Calling yet. Warning---Self-reliance can be so subtle!

Daddy’s mantra is “ I thank the good Lord for every day I have.” His days seem ordinary, to me---certainly routine. Yet, there is thankfulness in his everyday existence. In the midst of my MAC (cancer) crisis, I have been focused on seeing God’s hand. Will His hand be as easy to see when my days revert to the ordinary again? Will I only focus on being grateful on “Thankful Thursdays?”

Last week at Baylor Medical, a small card, labeled ΑΩ, was placed on one of my scrumptious “clear liquid” trays. The scripture (Psalm 118:24) read, “This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (NRSV) The prayer to the God of all Faithfulness ended with ….be empowered to live well this day.” As I pray this now, I ask God’s power and His strength as I begin this new day. I don’t even want to think of facing any day, even an ordinary one, without Him.

Most of life occurs somewhere between the pit of chaos/despair and the mountaintop of celebration. That’s where the commonplace is. That’s where I am today. That’s where God is. A recent e-mail from Michèle reminded me that she prays for me to have a renewed understanding of the beauty of life “that comes from simply being ALIVE and turned toward Him.”

May I embrace that prayer, today. May I embrace the ordinary. May I embrace Him.

Strawless in Dallas

11/3/09 The call came from the doctor’s office late yesterday afternoon---food allowed albeit with restrictions. Soft foods are best. Eat others with caution and care because remaining mouth stitches have not dissolved. Continue to swish and spit with antibacterial rinse but bottom teeth may be carefully brushed with my tiny “Elmo” toothbrush and “sensitive” gel. All of this was good news and Mary Flo prepared some luscious Yukon gold mashed potatoes, “Neiman Marcus style,” in celebration. Delish!

Today we have to go to pick up a prescription “redo” in Allen, TX where Buddy and Day live so we plan to take them to lunch. Larry and I have become consumed with all the available options! We have planned to treat loved ones to lunch---God is directing our steps. A great idea came---simply lunch, with a simple Memphis connection.

Recently, my friend Katherine and I went to the movie, “Julie and Julia.” There were some life lessons in that movie as a young Julie sought to cook her way through Julia Child’s, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, (524 recipes) in one year and to “blog” about her culinary adventure. Her first attempt, “Potage Parmentier,” had been described by Julia as “simplicity itself to make.” Simplicity! Isn’t that what we all crave? Don’t we all need to pare down---not just in cooking and eating, but in life? What is essential?

Sometimes less is better. Too many options can weigh us down. I can wear myself out trying to decide what is best. Simplicity of “straw dining” has had its benefits. Potato-leek soup from Short Stop in Snider Plaza was one—it must have been made the Julia Child way with heavy cream. It went easily through my straw, tasted yummy and filled my tummy. Nothing else was needed.

Paring down keeps life simpler and that can be a good thing. Sometimes there’s way too much on my plate. Today I desire only God’s requisite essentials for my life.

“He has told you, O man, what is good.: and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8)

Essentials. Simply put. All I need for today!

Communion of the Heart

11/2/09
Unity, spiritual union, close association, relationship. All these are results of an open heart communing with God’s heart through His word. Last night as I was “communing with God” upon my bed, I selected Psalm 4, another psalm of David’s. Subtitle: Evening Prayer of Trust in God.

Psalm 4 (NASB) (notations, mine)

Answer me when I call O God of my righteousness! Thou hast relieved me in my distress. (Amen!)

O sons of men, how long will my honor become a reproach? How long will you love what is worthless and aim at deception? [Selah)
Remember Selah denotes pause. Ponderings from my pause: What am I loving in my life that is useless or of no real significance---Is it robbing me of time and energy of that which is truly valuable. Help me, O Lord to discern.

But know the Lord has set apart the godly man for Himself: The Lord hears when I call to Him. (What a comfort to know that the Lord hears even me.)

Tremble and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed and be still. [Selah (I can tell You this fear that I am facing tomorrow, and in turning it over to You, I do not sin.)

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, And trust in the Lord. (Sacrifices that are righteous before Him---a broken and contrite heart. (Psalm 51:17) Trust Him not myself---Thee not me!)

Many are saying, “Who will show us any good?” Lift up the light of Thy countenance upon us, O Lord! (THOT: Is it salvation that is the shining of His face upon us?)

Thou hast put gladness in my heart, More than when their grain and new wine abound. (Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing….and girded me with gladness. Psalm 30:7)

In peace, I will both lie down and sleep, For Thou alone, O Lord, dost make me to dwell in safety. (My peace comes from Thee, and Thee alone!)

Today, choose one of these verses that speaks to your heart and meditate on it throughout the day. Tonight, meditate upon your bed and be still as you lie down to sleep in His peace.

Suffering: A Book Brief

10/31/09 Librarians are notorious for “book talking.” Therefore, I just have to tell you about a book I read yesterday, Grace Disguised, by Jerry Sittser. A book a day: One of the advantages of being horizontal and having no agenda.

This book, little in size but big in insight, was especially thought provoking for me as I was already contemplating the universality of suffering. His subtitle is “how the soul grows through loss.” Sittser gives credence to the transforming power of grace in the face of those losses that we all suffer. The loss of a life as we once knew it---before the catastrophe, job loss, divorce, terminal diagnosis, chronic illness or death of a loved one. These circumstances of loss or suffering happen to everyone---believer and non-believer alike. Pain is definitely no respecter of persons. It is our responses that make the difference.

Journal jottings:
Circumstances are not as important as what we do with those circumstances. But there is no prescribed/guaranteed way or timetable for facing our darkness and walking through it---it’s different for everyone.
You can’t quantify or compare suffering. Whether sudden death or a death to life as we once knew it that lingers until we die---what defined us as a person before, is no longer there to hang our hat on. It’s the “new normal” (MP term) and it’s hard. But God………..

Catastrophe interrupts the orderliness of life that I prefer. It puts a “sudden halt to business as usual.” (Sittser, p. 33) One of the worst aspects of loss/suffering is the sheer randomness of it. Quadriplegic and only in his 20s, two melanoma bouts and now Lyme disease, paralyzed and blind, MAC and breast cancer, uterine cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, MSA, strokes and sudden deaths from “routine” medical procedures, aneurisms…………….and these are just losses and sufferings of God’s faithful ones this past year in only my little realm of the world.

Even in loss and grief (suffering) we can still choose to embrace the miracle of the moment. (pleasant, present tense of life today) How? God’s grace---it’s a gift that is there for the taking.

It’s not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us. Sittser’s decision to face the darkness led to overwhelming pain but showed him that the experience of loss itself did not have to be the defining moment of his life----though it forever altered his life---instead the defining moment became his response to that loss. ”Darkness, it is true, has invaded my soul. But then again, so has light. Both contributed to my personal transformation.” (Sittser, p.45)

This is indeed a book for aching souls---those on hard journeys ---journeys that they never could have even imagined and wouldn’t have chosen. Yet, it is a reminder of the availability of God’s grace, not after the darkness of pain and suffering has passed, but even in the midst of it.

THOU SHALT NOT……………….

10/30/09 …………….directives from Dr. Ha.
Thou shalt not shower.

• That one’s not a problem. There is nothing I like better that a long hot soak in a tub.

Thou shalt not eat anything that can’t go through a straw.

• Not as hard as it was the first time around. "Liquid" Food Network has gotten it down to a science. You should see the ease with which I can suck an avocado up a straw.

Thou shalt not get your stitches wet.

• Normally not a problem but it’s rained almost everyday since we’ve been in Dallas. I got caught once without an umbrella and a beach towel had to suffice. I’m not telling Dr. Ha.

Thou shalt not wash your hair.

• I'm sure that he must have meant in the traditional way---with water, but...no "minipoo" available. So Larry and Molly devised a plan and we only washed 1/2 of my head---hm-m-m if you break 1/2 the law is that like 1/2 truth = a whole lie.

Thou shalt not let anything touch your nose or ear.

• Wow---that sounds so simple but for a reader eyeglasses are a must! I tried propping them high on my nose and they kept slipping. Dr. Heller, Dr. Ha’s resident, came in as those spectacles had just slipped. He “read me the riot act.” Now I have them taped to my forehead so they won’t slip---okay so maybe they’ve slipped once or twice.

Thou shalt not brush your teeth.

• This one isn’t exactly a problem. All those stitches hanging off my lip and on the inside of my mouth make it easy to remember. But……….it’s yuky. I feel so offensive just being able to “swish and spit” twice a day with a rinse that discolors my teeth. Light purple isn’t exactly the pearly white that people desire for their smiles. I do “sneak” in a few probes with my GUM® soft-pick cleaners on my bottom teeth. That’s not really brushing, is it?

Thou shalt not laugh.

• Even smiling hurts. Yet, when you live at “comedy central” it’s virtually impossible. Dr. Heller reinforced the importance of this and after one episode in the hospital, I knew why. Extreme pain!! Larry and Molly were tag teaming with humor. I almost had to put Larry in time-out. (in the hospital corridor) He’s such a natural comic; he doesn’t always know when he is being funny. IMPOSSIBLE!

Do you notice the progression here? I list the one that makes me look best at the top of the list. I should worry about pleasing Dr. Ha more than I do pleasing my readers. As the rules get harder for me I begin to make excuses or rationalize. Eventually, I actually try to worm around the intent of the law and just follow the letter of the law. Finally, I list the one that for me is impossible. I’m still not sure how to handle that one. But God………….and only He can curb my hubby’s humor. Besides it’s one of my favorite things about him. It’s just that now the result is more pain meds because laughter really can hurt. In this instance, it is not the best medicine.

Much like the "Ten Commandments" that God gave to Moses, any rules/laws given show us how difficult/impossible they are to follow/keep apart from Help. I am grateful to know my "very present Help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

Acceptance

10/29/09 Three naps followed by a 12 hour deep sleep and awakening to the thought of a future nap pretty much sums up my last 24 hours. Where are all my stuffings?? Someone must have jerked them out of me. They must have been pretty rough with me too because I ache all over. Larry says the bruising and aching are from where the surgeons had me strapped down.

The framed print (a precious gift) that I brought with me to put on my bedside table says. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) But I can’t do anything! Before I could begin berating myself for not latching on to His strength, I sensed that what He wants me to do today is to be still----do nothing. Accept this time as from His hand. Strength does not equate getting up and being busy. In quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15) Today I need to accept that.

Now I await my breakfast in bed----that’s pretty easy to accept!

Bad Breath! Bad Hair!

10/28/09 Not sure where Mom is going with this---doesn't sound very spiritual, but it is in alphabetical order. At this point her jottings are all on a yellow legal pad. Molly

“Bad breath, bad gas, bad hair……………but I love you.” Not exactly romantic endearments but music to the ears of someone who has just semi- awakened from yet another surgery. These are the realities of that surgery and yet one more time, my #1 nurse is letting me know that he’ll be there with me through it all.

A wife with teeth that can’t be brushed for another week, gas that is noisy, uncontrollable and embarrassing, hair that is gumpy with blood and has a motor oil sheen and glasses taped to my forehead because absolutely nothing should touch my nose or my right ear. Aftermaths of reconstructive surgery. Stinky situations / unpleasant circumstances. Not exactly “the movie Larry bought the ticket for” some 40 years ago. But….he rubbed my neck---he certainly couldn’t run his fingers through my hair---opened his Bible and began to read to me from "Exodus."

That, my friends, is a thing called love---and it’s a choice. Long after the trappings of youth have faded, it’s that act of the will, the “choosing” to stay in sickness and in health. That’s what endures. That’s love.