KINDNESS: DEMENTIA'S BEST RX!

God's word gives us truth that guides our lives.....from birth until we meet our Savior in eternity. Sometimes He also allows struggles that we can learn from, especially in different season's of life. With four friends in Memory Care facilities this last year alone, I've seen the positive effects from those who have an understanding spouse walking alongside them at every step.

A recent "prequel" book I read, had me at the "dedication" & I kept reading.  

This book is dedicated to every one living with dementia, 

and to those who care for them.

As I began reading, I appreciated the background of the years of marriage which laid the groundwork of their long past. It rang out to me that all of us have things about our past that always live within. I know in my own life that I can remember lots from my past. As a twosome we can often finish one another's sentences or help recall a person's name, or a place or event. Often that helps if it is done in a quiet gentle way. However, the age-related ? short- term memory is suffering greatly. Even chatting can take its toll if one forgets where certain ideas are going. Many twosomes might have the same difficulties. As author Joe Siple said, "We don't have to have dementia to forget things." (p. 96) To me, it's the response to those lapses by a loved-one that brings tension.

My take away from the author's concepts of kindness toward dementia in this novel: Agreeing is more effective than challenging or "discounting with a deep belittling sigh of a "not again response"; Apologizing can be restorative if sincere; Allow the love through the years to be remembered and put the good of your loved one, regardless of mental or physical condition, before self.  

He who loves his wife, loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28, ESV)

Being kind to each other is the best response, dementia or not.

Digital Destiny

The way we communicate with others seems to be changing---even with family and friends. There seems to be a "need" to be plugged in or connected virtually, even while you are sitting with others.

Text messaging sometimes seems preferred over face to face conversations.

We've all seen it---the cartoon of two at a table together----heads buried in their iPhones  The joke caption implies they are texting each other. 

Recently, as I headed out the door, I got a mouthful of yummy Dove chocolate before I got an eyeful of wisdom. It was a great reminder to detox from the digital device for some one-on-one time with a friend.

Leave your phone behind. Revive the art of conversation.

It carried over to "dinnertime" when dining with several friends at TOPH. 

Same message. Different messenger. 

Our "trip hostess" asked that we all put our phones down, except for our "trip" photographer. How grateful I am for her wisdom. Her courteous reminder. 

A  2^nd reminder of the day----we control our digital destinies in our relationships.....

.......Not giving up meeting together (maybe just giving up the device for a while)....encouraging one another....toward love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:25, 24)

"pa-TEA-na"

I long to visit you so I can share a spiritual blessing with you that will help you grow strong in the Lord. I'm eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other" (Romans 1:11-12, NLT)

"Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." That's the ditty that we used to sing with our Girl Scout leader, Mrs. Campbell (Ginger's mother) in the basement of Hopkinsville's First Baptist Church. 

Both relationships have value. Some friendships begin in one's youth & last a lifetime. Some relationships are formed later in life and last only for a season. Yet, they are no less important, especially when both are on the same side of a struggle and coated with a deep faith in the one true God. A spiritual patina. A richness.

Figuratively, patina can refer to any signs of age, which are felt to be natural or unavoidable (or both). Decorator friend, Kathi, often deliberately adds patinas as a part of the decoration of her "found" furniture. Her distressing simulates antiquity in more newly-made objects. The end result is pure "richness."
Friendship enhanced by years also has a richness---but now and again one meets a new friend who seems to come with a richness that belies the length of the relationship. A friendship that fits together---as comfortable as an old shoe and as valuable as many older relationships.

I thought of that richness this morning as I planted flowers in the patina enriched metal baskets that friend Julie had given me when she moved to DC. Looking at the aesthetically appealing metal surface of both the basket and the bird reminded me of the  richness of the relationship we shared......as if we'd known each other for ages. She would be the patina; the rusty coating (older) would be my part in the relationship.

 One of the verses of that Scout tune was so reminiscent of that season of Claudia's cancer care when "new" Julie and I seemed to be a tag team for our mutual friend---both of us working together to benefit another in the household of faith. A rich reciprocal relationship.

You help me,
and I'll help you
and together we will see it through.

Julie is now in DC and yet our friendship continues---it's as rich as the patina on the garden treasures she left me. 

A pa-TEA-na rich cuppa relationship, shared by two in a friendship that is lasting beyond a season.

A Dance continued...

10/8/11 ... in Timothy Keller's book, The Reason for God; Belief in an Age of Skepticism, as The "Dance of Love." "God really has love as His essence." (Keller p. 216) G. K. Chesterton wrote 'for the Christian it (love) is the purpose of God.' (Keller p. 216) A dance of love is a dance of relationship. If in the pursuit of life, one is drawn to money, power or success/accomplishment over human relationships, that person is "sitting out" the dance of love. Those self-centered pursuits are not about relationships. "Self-centeredness destroys the fabric of what God has made." (Keller p. 217)

In the dance of love, take your place with the Lord. But God....doesn't want one to stay there as a way of shutting others out. The dance of love has an "other orientation." For believers, it's a committed relationship with both Him and each other. Choose to dance the dance of Love. See life as a big dance party, if you will. As the Lee Womack song says, "Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance. I hope you dance."

But you can't go it alone. The Dance of Love is all about relationships. Him first. Others next....and the dance continues.

Porch Perspectives

9/2/11 Porches. What are they good for? Absolutely everything!!

Growing up, it seemed that all the houses on my block had porches. 2211 had two. The front porch was perfect for whiling away the hours in the 1950 era summertime as you kept cool and kept up with the goings on of the neighbors.

We also had an L–shaped back porch that was latticed. It was a shelter from the elements. On rainy days Mother hung her “delicates” on the old wooden drying rack ad I played with my Terry Lee doll. It also had some rickety open shelves, one of which, housed our “exposed” house key which IF we ever locked our house (which I have no memory of every doing) we and our neighbors and everyone else could readily access. The steps of said porch were where I sat with Daddy as he taught me the intricacies of opening and eating sardines---those tins with the key on the side that took some ingenuity to get to roll open the can in order to partake of those oily little stinky fish inside. I don’t know how much I liked the sardines but I d remember liking the time with Daddy. He loved them.

It seems that I equate porches with relationships. Growing up they were gathering places for family and friends. Folks would often stop just to sit a spell if we were sitting on the front porch after dinner. Some of my favorite old pix are with my own family sitting in the metal porch furniture at Mother and Daddy’s for a quick Kodak moment. Probably because they take me back to simpler, slower, quieter times----times of relationships.

It seems to me that we could all use some porch sittin’ in our lives. Since our porch is nothing more than a small "one-step up" entry and the heat has me retreating to the coolness of the AC, I’ve decided to put two chairs out front under my birch tree. It seems like the neighborly thing to do.

I’ll let you know how it goes.