3/11/10 .....Larry’s favorite saying about my rearview mirror perspective of life. I have a tendency to second-guess every thing I do. I really have a big “if only” problem called disappointment. Ex. I should have bought those silver spoons in Rome---I’ll never have another chance. Sometimes I can backtrack, with Larry’s prodding, but not always. Regrets. Life can be full of them, from chances missed to miscues in relationships.
Today, as I begin “MAC-tracking” (retracing my MAC cancer event from diagnosis to multiple surgeries and healing) of last year, I realize I have no regrets. None. There’s nothing that I “shoulda” done or “woulda” done or “coulda” done differently. Why? It was out of my hands. What mercy, what grace, what relief, what unadulterated joy there is in that!
I’m in Texas meeting with doctors---hopefully for the last time. Should I have opted for two more surgeries, could the clear margins have been a mistake, would I change anything? All done deals. Moot points---not relevant in God’s plan for me. Everything was bathed in prayer even before the original diagnosis. So…..no regrets.
These past 12 months have been a blessing---my meager vocabulary cannot begin to express my heart. This week as I’ve been preparing to return, I’ve felt filled with emotion almost to the point of tears. I felt as if I were going home. I’ve already hugged the little Texans as they headed out the door to school. Later, I’ll visit doctors; I’ll drive by the hospital; I’ll see Mary Flo. So why these deep intense feelings? Claudia Parlow says she and Terry feel it every time they return to Shepherd Center. Her answer, “The feelings come because that’s where you met God face to face.”
As Thomas Purifoy said about his marriage and his time with his wife, Susan even as she suffered and died with cancer, “No Regrets, Mate.” I concur----there are “no regrets” when you’re right smack dab in the middle of God’s will for your life!
