Buon giorno principessa!

3/26/10 That’s what we’ll be saying in the morning to Megan, Josh’s fiancé. It’s what Guido said to his future wife in the movie, “Life is Beautiful.” (1997) The couple later had a son named Joshua. My son, Joshua, introduced me to this movie so it seems so-o-o appropriate to welcome His future wife in this way.

She and her lady in waiting (aka her sister, Maeve) are coming for a pre-wedding visit and we are all so excited. We have dubbed it the royal visit, just the way we did when Day came for that “big” visit before her wedding to son, Buddy. So, we have lots of purple (a royal color) flowers both inside and out.

I thought about how special I want her to feel in these last few months as she awaits her bridegroom---like a princess with her lacy dress and her adorable shoes. We too should feel like that each day---though not in exactly the same way, because each of us is, after all, is a child of the king. And we, the church, also await the coming of our bridegroom.
Many privileges come with being a child of the king. It is quite a royal position. Possibly, even He greets us each morning with Buon giorno principessa! (Good morning, my beautiful princess.) Maybe we just need to be still as we begin our day and listen for His joyful greeting.

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 62:5b)

I think I’ll savor that thought about my Supreme One tomorrow morning before I call the princess and her lady down for breakfast. And I think I’ll offer them a “cuppa” of Fortnum and Mason’s “Royal Blend.” So appropriate, don’t you think?

R--Rated Blog

3/22/10 For Mature Audiences Only---some material may be inappropriate for anyone under 50. Some “spring chickens” won’t get it or will just be bored by such irrelevant information. Those folks can just skip to the verse at the bottom for today’s meditation. It’s a timeless verse perfect for wherever your life’s juncture is at the moment---no kids, pre kids, with kids, between kids, after kids. Your fears are all so “here and now” whereas the more senior folks are facing new sets of fears. Regardless of the fear, deliverance is possible.

The circumstances of this past year have had a way of reminding me that time was passing---rather quickly, it seemed. All of us know that God’s timetable for our life ticks on until….we just don’t know when the “until” will be. But somehow there is a greater sense of knowing that you’re moving toward it. It’s not morbid---just awareness that things are changing somewhat. It certainly seems to take longer to do what was once done in a flash. There’s also frustration when energy flags and body parts ache without much provocation or there are gaping black holes in our thinking when we try to retrieve even a simple word. Or the way some clerks overlook us or dismiss us as if we’re children, unless they want to sell us anti-aging stuff at the cosmetic counter.
Sometimes it’s a little harder to look ahead and be optimistic of what’s ahead. Health wise for ourselves. Concern for all that lies in wait for our children and our grandkids. In contrast, our son, Josh, is about to embark on a new life as a married man with much ahead of him. He hasn’t begun to hear his “life ticks.” He and Megan are both full of ideas for lots of plans and travels for "tomorrow."

Aging can have a sadness aspect linked to memories past---those moments we can never recapture. I still want to pick up the phone and call Mother and share my moments with her.

But now there’s also the realization that even things that only happen for a short while can have value. Moments matter. I had such a moment yesterday. As steam was swirling outside from the dryer vent (drying all the “fro-up” linens) and the wind was blowing rivulets of raindrops across the large plate glass window in the breakfast area, Caleb (4) and Noah (6) sat mesmerized as they watched the birds and munched their Lance Toast Chee crackers. They each had a Peterson Field Guide to the Birds of North America and would stop to “read “ the pictures occasionally. Orange cracker crumbs caught on the windowsill. The birds didn’t seem to mind the rain or their observers and I certainly didn’t mind the cracker crumbs. I reveled in the moment. Hopefully it is burned in my memory.

Home is where one starts from. As we grow older

The world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated

Of dead and living. Not the intense moment
Isolated, with no before and after,

But a lifetime burning in every moment
("East Coker" by T.S. Eliot, )

As always God’s word is the perfect antidote for this malady know as ________________. Mine’s aging. I’m giving my fear of an unpredictable earthly future to the Lord. You fill in your own blank, then take it to the Lord.

I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

Sh-h-h-h…..Pop-Pop is napping

3/21/10 Sure is quiet around here. It is a serene Sunday of sorts --- a stark contrast to what it was just a few hours ago, before the Texans left. In fact, I feel lonely and sad.

Eventually, (still moving slowly from aftermath of tummy bug) the train room will once again be the living room, the carport will house 2 cars rather than a putting green, “kiddie” golf cart and a hockey rink and the parking lot for the red wagon and the little red car will revert to the laundry room.

Eventually, (NY guests arrive in 5 days) clean linens will be on all the beds and the linen closet will be replenished. Tummy viruses (5 victims & counting) call for lots of middle of the night bed changes. Why is it that such “episodes" always seem to occur at night?????????????

It’s enough to give you gray hair---which yesterday’s haircut revealed. No matter how sick you are, you keep that hair appointment. It’s a female rule and I stand by it. Besides, Larry was well enough, at that time, to drive me.

Was it a fun week with 4 little boys ages 22 months to 8 years? Unbelievably fun! I am so grateful to be given this time with them. Were we able to share our heritage in the Lord with them? Yes, indeed! Would I do it again? You bet----just not next week.

And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to all who are to come. (Psalm 71:18)

Midnight Meditation………

3/15/10…………..I thought it would be “late” before I had a chance to post but Larry and “Tom and Jerry” on DVD are keeping the Texans occupied while the pork tenderloin cooks on the grill.
Larry and I are loving every minute of having 4 boys, age 8 and under, all to ourselves, but……it takes energy. It reminds me of all that young moms do each day---such a worthy work----but it is work! So….this Monday’s meditation is to encourage young moms and old grandmoms who are babysitting---not only in the moment but especially for all the times ahead. Who needs a clean house anyway---oxen (Texans) are more fun and much is gained from them and their energy---enough to strengthen our souls for years to come.

Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox. (Proverbs 14:4)

A “GIANT” Cup of Tea

3/13/10 My natural body rhythms seem to be at “peak” in the morning. Even at that, I usually have a “cuppa” to get me going. George Orwell says, “All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes.” A good warm caffeinated** “cuppa” and God’s word. Both stimulate and refresh my soul.

Sipping and savoring. Because of my MAC cancer surgery, I’m actually still sipping through a straw. Somehow the ritual of sipping tea loses some of its bliss when slurping it down through a plastic straw. Plus, the lips aren’t there to warn one of the impending temperature. This morning, I decided to take the plunge and sip my tea sans straw. Not exactly pretty. A little dribble, a little drool, a little drip. Intake began on the left side of my mouth as I tilted my head---then slurping sounds as I veered the steamy liquid to the right side of my mouth where I could no longer feel it. Oh so much more to savor----with a straw it seems to pass the taste buds and go straight down the throat. Eventually I felt drips on my chin and even saw a few that had “appeared” on my nightshirt. Probably won’t be sipping in public for a while longer but the endeavor was commemorated with a few pirouettes in front of the loveseat at Buddy & Day’s. Progress---that’s what I felt as I faced this challenge. Just a little obstacle, but one that felt like a giant. It was robbing me of one of the joys of my life. My friend, Tricia, told me I’m too hard on myself so I’m giving myself a break---that’s why I’m celebrating these small steps toward my much bigger goal.

We all have “giants” to face. Even sipping (slurping) a cup of tea, or at least the embarrassment that comes with it, can loom large in one’s psyche. At this juncture in my life, the aesthetic pleasure of tea drinking is something I don’t want to give up. Help me face down my giant. Celebrate with me over a cup of tea.

**Sorry Dr. Albritton---One of the advantages of surviving cancer is realizing that some things are crucial in life---some people eat extra scoops of ice cream, I indulge with caffeinated tea in the morning.

Shoulda-woulda-coulda……..

3/11/10 .....Larry’s favorite saying about my rearview mirror perspective of life. I have a tendency to second-guess every thing I do. I really have a big “if only” problem called disappointment. Ex. I should have bought those silver spoons in Rome---I’ll never have another chance. Sometimes I can backtrack, with Larry’s prodding, but not always. Regrets. Life can be full of them, from chances missed to miscues in relationships.

Today, as I begin “MAC-tracking” (retracing my MAC cancer event from diagnosis to multiple surgeries and healing) of last year, I realize I have no regrets. None. There’s nothing that I “shoulda” done or “woulda” done or “coulda” done differently. Why? It was out of my hands. What mercy, what grace, what relief, what unadulterated joy there is in that!

I’m in Texas meeting with doctors---hopefully for the last time. Should I have opted for two more surgeries, could the clear margins have been a mistake, would I change anything? All done deals. Moot points---not relevant in God’s plan for me. Everything was bathed in prayer even before the original diagnosis. So…..no regrets.

These past 12 months have been a blessing---my meager vocabulary cannot begin to express my heart. This week as I’ve been preparing to return, I’ve felt filled with emotion almost to the point of tears. I felt as if I were going home. I’ve already hugged the little Texans as they headed out the door to school. Later, I’ll visit doctors; I’ll drive by the hospital; I’ll see Mary Flo. So why these deep intense feelings? Claudia Parlow says she and Terry feel it every time they return to Shepherd Center. Her answer, “The feelings come because that’s where you met God face to face.”

As Thomas Purifoy said about his marriage and his time with his wife, Susan even as she suffered and died with cancer, “No Regrets, Mate.” I concur----there are “no regrets” when you’re right smack dab in the middle of God’s will for your life!

"MO" TEA but "SLO" TEA

3/10/10 Yesterday, I had a real sinking spell in the wet, drizzly afternoon and just wanted to crawl under a heap of quilts with a cup of hot tea and a good book----finishing the last chapters of Without Reservations, travels of an independent woman. I love what C. S. Lewis said about that. “You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” My kind of man----at least, my kind of thoughts.

The aforementioned activity would have lead to a nap----another of my favorite activities though not advisable when my work life necessitates an 8:30 bedtime. I knew that it was time to pull in for a spiritual teatime for needed rejuvenation though it couldn’t be one with caffeine or then I’d have trouble sleeping later. So many restrictions for this “scheduled” woman.

In "The Portrait of a Lady," poet Henry James said, "There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.” I agree but I didn’t have energy for creating “ambiance”---I just needed a lift. Sotto voice sermons wouldn’t work nor would hymns of old---I needed to crank up something more along the lines of “Stayin’ Alive” to help me stay awake.

I tried watching Jeopardy---that’s actually a “thrill” for me. That was a positive action because they had a “Dance” category and I was able to answer them all----even the $1,000 one. Actually, they were so easy, any one over 50 could have answered them. Still made me feel good---but that only lasts 30 minutes.

I finally got off the couch, brewed a cup of Typhoo decaf, (“slo” tea) located my iPodTouch and opened up my “Dance” playlist. And I was off (to dance and pack for Texas).………still having trouble keeping those earbuds in my “bum” ear, but I had it loud enough that it didn’t matter. Soon there was a real cacophony at 1152 as I “sang” (that’s using the term loosely) with Chris Rice. Did I read scripture? No. Did I pray? No, not conventionally anyway. Was it spiritual? Yes.

O, and when the love spills over,
And music fills the night, (my late afternoon)
And when you can't contain you joy inside... then

Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus and live

……….or in my case. “Dance with Jesus and stay awake.”

Sunlight + Sonlight = Warmth

3/9/10 Morning light is coming sooner these days. Oh, I still dress in the dark but when I arrive at work at 5:45 there is that hint of sunrise. It can just warm me all over. It gives me that glimmer of hope.

In the early morning darkness, it helps if someone else is there to walk alongside or to lead especially if they’ve walked this way many times in the past. During these past dark, dreary winter months, especially when our lone parking lot light wasn’t working, I've had to fumble for my belongings (you know what bag ladies teachers can be!) and stumble toward the entry.

Have you ever stumbled in the dark? What is it about darkness?

Maybe a better question would be, “What is it about the light?” It exposes all those bumps on our path and clearly shows the way to our destination. Sometimes just a small light can help---that’s why I keep a flashlight in my purse and by my bed. All “just in case” kind of gals do that, I think. Light helps to determine direction while waiting for the sunrise.

God’s word continues to be a “lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” as it says in Psalm 119: 105. That lamp shines for the steps I need to take today---those that are right in front of me. That light illuminates the entire path that is before me---my spiritual journey. It’s the light that keeps me from stumbling in the darkness of self. It’s the Sonlight that warms me and gives me hope.

God’s Love = Undaunted Radiance = aglow with the Spirit

3/8/10 Yesterday’s My Utmost for His Highest entry was all about the love of God---a love freely given and not earned. A love that gives us power and radiance ---power to conquer all of the circumstances life seems to throw our way........

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. (Romans 8:37)

.......and radiance. Even the Edges of His Ways entry this past week dealt with “radiance.”
Paul says this (indwelling love) is why we are, “super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the very things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us. …..Apply that to our own circumstances……tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The saint never knows the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it. 'I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation,' says Paul. Undaunted radiance is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can alter.”
Undaunted radiance---a phrase to hang your hat on or sink your teeth into---a fearless, unperturbed acceptance of all that life in a fallen world sends our way while emboldening us with joie de vivre, vitality or spring in our step. I once used a Revlon make-up called Vital Radiance---marketed to women over 50. Maybe the company thought that a more mature woman needed a little sparkle to help her glow. A spiritually mature woman already has a glow. It comes from obedience in serving the Lord. Years ago, Mrs. Wheaton Ennis, (Dink) a mature believer from Highland Heights Presbyterian Church, exhibited that as she lived out Romans 12:11 “not flagging in zeal, aglow with the spirit, serving the Lord.” (RSV)
Because of her, I memorized that verse. Today it’s your turn.

Mo Lips---

3/7/10 ….no “mo” lips’ stories. I’ve learned my lesson.
Have you ever made a serious sensitivity faux pas? Recently Larry and I (under duress) had our picture made for the church directory. It was relatively painless except Larry said I needed to relax so I wouldn’t look constipated. You get the idea of the trauma I was under.

After our couple pose, the photographer wanted to do a single shot of me. I, (with my"cancer mouth" surgery scars) less than graciously, declined.  To make matters worse, we then went back out to the “holding” area to wait a turn to preview the pix. I and my big mouth (1/2 of it is big, anyway) preceded to announce that I declined to take the individual shot. “Why would anyone want a single picture of this old lady?” I asked in a somewhat deprecating manner. I guess I could use it as a coffin picture I jokingly said. Then I looked across the aisle at a precious, godly widow who no longer had someone to join her in her photo. I wanted to crawl under the chair. Where was my sensitivity? This world doesn’t revolve around my face and my surgeries---a mind’s eye photo of self-preoccupation loomed large and ugly.

That emotional shock really came home to me last week as I received the 8x10 picture in the mail. (At first, it loomed large and ugly to me.) I even saw Larry wince as he looked at it. But, it’s not about my semi-incorrectly aligned mouth any more. It’s about gratitude. I’m grateful that I don’t need a coffin picture yet. I’m grateful that God forgave my insensitivity faux pas. I’m grateful for life lessons taught by a loving God and embraced by a forgiving widow.