"My" Molly's Birtday

4/23/09 HAPPY 30th MY MOLLY!
Having called you Benjamin for 9 months, we rejoiced When Dr. Albritton told us that we had a girl. We actually asked him to check and be sure. “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes,” was the first verse that came to mind. We have celebrated your arrival every day since and even used the verse when you married Corey. Today will be no different---we will just have more “boons” so Owen can join in as well.

Happy Spiritual Birthday to Nathan as well. My journal entry from 2007: Nathan invited Jesus into his heart today. I know no greater joy than this----salvation for my children and grandchildren.

Dotsy's Grateful Heart

4/22/09 Day in the Life of an A.D.D. blogger
As most of you know, one of my favorite subjects to teach is children’s literature. As I’ve said before, there’s just no such thing as a good book that is written only for children, If it’s well written, all readers can enjoy it or learn from it, regardless of age. Mr. Putter and Tabby Write the Book was the inspiration for this blog---with sincere apologies to Cynthia Rylant.
Just like Mr. Putter, I wanted to write---mystery book for him, the day’s blog for me. I had everything a writer needed; a quiet room, a journal and lots of colored pens, alongside my Bible, computer and jump drive. I thought and thought and nothing came to mind---except “Writing the Blog.” Pleased with that idea, I went down and brewed a cup of tea and got a high protein Ensure, chatted with Mary Flo and took coffee and tea up to JoLynn and Diane. I had spent approximately 2 minutes on the computer and an hour and a half on pre-breakfast. Returning to my quiet room, I read Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest, jotted some notes in my journal and decided fresh air would do me good. I donned tennis shoes and my mask and left with friends for a morning stroll down Turtle Creek---and what a beautiful Texas spring morning it was!
Returning to my quiet room after my walk, I took my last antibiotic, rinsed my mouth and slathered my lips with bacitracin ointment. I read Chapter 3 in Timothy Keller’s, The Prodigal God. Then I opened my computer once again and began recharging it. The power cord to the computer was working; the power cord to my brain had fallen asleep….but my stomach was awake and talking to me. Breakfast at Kuby’s up in Snider Plaza seemed a great idea so once again, I set out with friends in tow. A nice long breakfast with mushed up eggs and grits eaten with an eensy white handled spoon, that I now carry with me everywhere, hit the spot. I was ready to return to the quiet room and write again---but first I had to buy an adorable light weight raspberry jacket at Unmistakably Molly and a kiddie lit book at the Learning Express toy store. Returning to the quiet room, I read the book to get some ideas for the blog and settled down to write. But writing is hard work, so I took a little nap.
Awakening, I showered and dressed and of course, put some self- tanning lotion on my legs. I almost felt like my mother, who in the midst of having a heart attack during her hot oil treatment, wouldn’t go to the hospital until she washed her hair---she wouldn’t dare go out “looking like that.”
Then I opened all the shutters to let in the light. Looking out the window at all the spring colors reminded me that Diane wanted to go to Sprinkles---so a quick car ride got us there. By this time, JoLynn remembered that we all needed to look for “raspberry and brown” clothes for the chosen color scheme of an upcoming event. We never found the clothes but we found a variety of raspberry and brown delights in the form of Celebrity Café cookies, donuts and cupcakes---all of which our bodies will now be wearing to said event.
Returning to the quiet room to a fully charged computer, I checked e-mails, made a few phone calls and wrote out a list of menu options for a take-out dinner from Mi Cocina in Highland Park Village. Then I had to put my feet up because all this blog writing was really wearing me out.
But what about writing the blog? I sat on the end of the bed with computer in my lap and with a tired hand, opened the blogspot document. There was the blog---already written. I had done it sometime earlier and completely forgotten about it. Gratitude welled up in my tired body and I thought about Mr. Putter. He never wrote his mystery novel but ended up writing a “list of good things” instead. His neighbor, Mrs. Teaberry, told him not to worry. The world was full of mystery writers, she said, but writers of good things were few and far between. Mr. P was thrilled with her “review” because every writer and blogger loves a good review.
I did the same. I wrote a list of grateful things. I think I’ll call it Dotsy’s Grateful Heart List. That way if you ever “google” me you’ll find that you, my friend and reader, are on the list. If not, just know that you are there. It’s no accident that our paths have crossed, even if only in cyberspace. I pray that you will be as blessed by reading about my MAC journey as I have been by traveling it.
A good analogy would be that of birthing a baby---once the delivery is over, you tend to forget the pain and just focus on the blessing at hand. I, according to Dr. Saporito, have good statistical indicators that my Big MAC attack has been eradicated. Though there were some struggles and painful lessons along the way, all I can remember are the blessings. That in itself is a big blessing.

Q & A

4/21/09 Questions and Answers Because you asked………….

Biggest praise?---so many—But God………He took care of everything. I think Larry is grateful I didn’t lose my teeth—I’m grateful I never had to vomit when my mouth .. was sewn shut
Biggest physical struggle?---breathing
Weight loss?---considerable---no complaints there
Biggest Blessing?---Seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Family, friends, people from near and far … surrounded me with love and prayers. God continually used … His people to meet my every need.
Biggest surprise?---people read my blog---got so many e-mails on … avoiDANCE one, that was a real surprise
Food I ate the most?---Ensure and smoothies with soy protein---& …………every soup known to man, thanks to so many folks for those!
First soft food I ate?---mashed potatoes
Food I craved that I couldn’t eat?---salty and crunchy come to mind, like potato chips and popcorn
Anything I didn’t miss?—make-up—masked folks don’t need it
Any disappointments?---I never figured out a way to get Mary … Flo’s coconut cake into that syringe
Funny “masked” happening?—postal worker saying to me, “I’m okay with your disguise as long as you don’t hand me a note.”
What will I do first with my new mouth? (when I have permission)
Brush my teeth. Elmo kiddie toothbrush is waiting in the wings.
Quote received the most?---"During the storms of life we need to learn to "dance" in the rain."
Sweet compliment?---Nathan, “You have a mouth, Shug. You look really good.”
Sweet prayers?---Caleb’s “ouchie” prayer
Noah’s prayer that I wouldn’t be “ska-uhd” (scared) of the doctors
Precious memory?---TLC from family
Memorable messages?---people saying “Keep Dancing.”
1st verse sent to me and one I received most often? (same answer)
---Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Serene Sabbath and Medical Monday

Time with family and friends on Sunday and doctor appointments on Monday=No postings.

Medical Update

4/18/09 Medical Update
Monday’s (4/13) surgery was #3 in the mix. I would say “but who’s counting”--- but I am. 12:45 surgery took 1 1/2hr. and recovery took a little longer than anticipated b/c of a spike in my blood pressure. (not sure why) A dose of something fixed that so I got back to my room at 4:50---they kept me for awhile, making sure I could go to the bathroom, stand, eat and not get sick, etc. Praises all around for sweet Dr. Cook who once again gave me the “perfect cocktail” so I didn’t get sick. I might have to schedule my next surgery around her b/c she told us she’s expecting. Finally was dismissed around 6:30---yea---didn’t have to spend the night. By 7:00 I was snoozing at the Ridley’s.
Since then, my body has told me to rest, so I do. Two RN friends told me that anesthesia can suck the life out of your body for weeks---I tend to believe them---no complaint, just awareness.
Larry left today—hard to see him go---and Diane and JoLynn, are coming to “nurse” me and take me to 3 doc appts. next week. I will get the stitches in my lips out on Monday morning and see the mohs surgeon that afternoon. I will see Dr. Ha (plastic surgeon) on Thursday morning and hopefully be dismissed to go home for a long spell. That’s the plan as I now know it but I have learned in the past few months how easily plans can change.
I have moved from liquid diet up to “soft” though lack of “control” in my mouth has made me prefer to eat unobserved. Drooling seems to be an acquired feature with my new lips. Talking to the nurse on Wednesday, she explained that my “out of control mouth” experiences were common and most folks need physical therapy---I had strange visions of my lips doing calisthenics. Truly, I have no complaints---just can’t wait to brush my teeth!

Peter Encounter--again

4/17/09 Another Peter encounter

If you ever have a chance to go on a mission trip for which you feel totally inadequate and unqualified and certainly don’t know the language, GO! I did just that along with 7 “qualified women in March 2008.Three spoke Spanish—it was the native tongue of one, all were very spiritually mature, one had a seminary degree, one had a medical background with midwifery credentials, one was a prayer warrior extraordinaire, one had more compassion in her little finger than I did in my whole body, one kept us all organized and then there was me---though I did tend to “pack” a lot of items which later became useful.

One of my assignments was to teach a Peter passage to the women at the Tlapaneco Easter conference in El Llano, Mexico. I prepared volumes---and just a few days before leaving found out that we would not be teaching just the missionary girls but all the women—most of whom were not literate. Very little translation has been done in their language that deals mainly with ideas. Separate and simplify became the key idea. My passage in Mark dealt with the Lord asking Peter who people thought He was and concluded with Him asking Peter, who spoke for the disciples, who he thought He was? Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ.” (Mark 8:29) That was the question I had for the ladies. Who was Jesus? What did it mean for Him to be Lord in their lives?

As the passage continued, the Lord explained all the suffering and rebukes, which he would endure, followed by His death and resurrection. Peter didn’t want to hear it, so he rebuked the Lord. But the Lord rebuked Peter saying, " Get behind Me, Satan for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.” (Mark 8: 33) Have you ever wanted to tell the Lord the way you think things should be? We all have our own agendas, don’t we? We are more interested in my way rather than Thy way.

In his satire, Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis writes of a conversation between the senior devil, Screwtape and his nephew, Wormwood, a tempter in training, on ways of securing damnation for earthly man, “the Patient.” Saying the “safest path to hell is a gradual one,” Screwtape wonders why his nephew wasn’t able to seduce the Patient who was hanging between belief and unbelief. The jr. devil tried to defend his actions, saying, that every morning the Patient took a walk just to be quiet and reflective and every night he would read a good book. His conclusion was that somehow between those walks and those books their Enemy (God) was able to get His voice though to him.
Sr. devil understood the mistake and admonished jr. identifying the costly mistake saying he should have only allowed him to walk for physical exercise and to read that book only so he could quote it to others. Allowing him to enjoy pure pleasures you put him within the Enemy’s (God) reach.
That sounds like man’s agenda versus God’s agenda to me---and when we’re seeking pleasure and recognition for self and not God, we put ourselves in a dangerous place. Our actions/agendas still have all the semblance of God’s plan. Often we put His name on our plans and decisions whether we’ve consulted Him or not. Bottom line---we are focused more on our plan than seeking His plan for us. It’s easy to do--just a gradual falling away. Not overt---just subtle----just the way Screwtape would have liked it.

As I said, our agendas are often forefront in our thinking. This lesson which I thought was for the ladies of El Llano continues to teach me---not the deep theological truths or verb tenses or comparisons with Matthew’s account, just truth to reckon with in my own spiritual life. Who do I say that He is? Am I focused on my agenda or His? Simple questions but my response can have a profound impact on my life. So can yours.

More Food from Galilee

4/16/09 More spiritual food from Galilee.
Would you believe there’s a Galilee Grill in Dallas and it has a buffet each weekday? That’s what I feel like I’ve had as I have been intrigued by all the teachings that occurred around the Sea of Galilee---a buffet of life lessons. Of course, my favorites involve Peter because I can so relate to his good but faulty intentions, his impulsivity and his blunderings. Son, Buddy said that, like Peter, I “have had to learn to keep my mouth shut.”
Peter went fishing “in the deep” at His Master’s bidding and he also had a faith walk in the deep with His Master. "In the deep" seems to be where our faith is tested and our trust is nurtured.

Following the miracle of the loaves and fishes Jesus performed a second miracle to deepen His disciples’ faith. (Matthew 14: 22-34) Again, Peter was involved in a big way. According to Dr. Constable’s notes, there are two kinds of storms: storms of correction when God disciplines us; and storms of perfection when God help us to grow. (www.soniclife.com)The disciples were about to enter a storm of perfection on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus had departed to be alone and pray while they, at His bidding, were proceeding across the lake. Sounds like “into the deep” to me. According to my Ryrie Study Bible notes, the time frame was somewhere between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m. or the fourth watch (v.25) according to the Roman division of watches. I don’t know about you, but for me things that occur in the wee hours always seem a little worse and more fearful.

During this time while the boat was “battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary,” (v. 24) Jesus came walking to them on the water. When the disciples saw Him, they were frightened and cried out in fear, “It’s a ghost.” (v. 26) Maybe the dark of the night combined with the fog/mist/rain of the storm obscured their vision.

Immediately, (I like that adverb when it relates to Jesus responding to me.) Jesus spoke to them saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” (v. 27) Those words alone must have been comforting—knowing that although they were “in the deep” with the storm brewing around them, they weren’t alone. But Peter said, ”Lord if (since) it is You, command me to come to you on the water.” When the Lord bid him, “Come,” (v. 29) Peter got out of the boat (a real act of trust) and walked on the water toward Jesus. But seeing the wind,(storm) he became afraid and began to sink. (I guess he took his eyes off the Lord and began to refocus on his fear.) Before you condemn Peter, think how easy that is to do in your own life.

As Peter cried out for the Lord to save him, immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” This part of the story ends with all in the boat worshipping Him but it wasn’t the end of Peter’s story. You see even that little bit of faith that Peter had was real and the Lord continued to teach Him and “grow him” in his faith until such a time as He gave him the task to “Feed my sheep” and Peter began to preach the gospel. “And it shall be that everyone who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Acts 2: 21) His storm on the Sea of Galilee was a storm of perfection---a time of spiritual growth.

I see my MAC storm of cancer as a time when the Lord is helping me to grow spiritually---I hope the Lord sees it that way as well.

Encounters

4/15/09 Another Celebrity Encounter
Larry and I trekked to SMU campus yesterday looking for some WiFi and to take a little walk. Then we saw the all too familiar black Suburbans angled at the corner with the swivel necks standing nearby in their black suits and sunglasses mumbling into their phones. Seeing “Welcome Home Laura and George” signs, I retrieved my ever present camera---we only got the shadow of “W” but as one of the SMU students told me, “word on the street is that Condoleezza Rice was still inside.” And then, there she was and what an admirable, gracious woman, indeed. Regardless of the swarm of security from secret service to campus cops, she took time to greet the students, have her picture made with many and smile for me as she said, “Go Mustangs.” I know she meant SMU but it reminded me of my dear Houston High mustangs. (BTW, my picture was better than the one that appeared in today’s SMU Daily Mustang) The Ridleys joked with us about all of the Liles' celebrity encounters. Reflecting later, I decided that Dallas had been the best place for my most precious encounter, the Lord Himself. A close encounter like no other. Somehow in the quiet, non- demanding atmosphere of recuperation, His nearness seems so real and so constant.

Oh, I know that He is always with me and never will He leave me or forsake me, but here in the midst of a seemingly dark time, I have been able to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Again, I know that He is good but to know it afresh everyday takes time and the Lord has given me this time. I have heard people say that God had to put them on their back in order to get them to look up. For me, it hasn’t been quite that way---I’ve always looked to the Lord for so much in my life. This time I didn’t have to look---my focus was there and so was He. I just had to go deeper and that takes time----so, He has given me time. What I have done with the time has been my choice but time has been available. Large amounts of time. In the past, such “vast” amounts of time have been rare in the life of this working woman.

It’s called a medical leave—a springtime furlough/holiday from the normal work routine I’ve known for over 40 years as an educator. But rather than being a spiritual holiday it’s been more of a spiritual renewal. Today’s “My Utmost for His Highest’ entry said, “You no more need a holiday from spiritual concentration than your heart needs a holiday from beating.….you cannot have a spiritual holiday and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely His, and this means that you have to keep yourself fit. (spiritually) It takes a tremendous amount of time. Some of us expect to “clear the numberless ascensions” in about two minutes.” In our culture we expect a sense of His presence and answered prayer in a nanosecond.

Time I have---He has given me this time and I have given “this time” back to Him. The more time I’ve had in His presence, the more I have wanted. What about your time? What are you doing with it? Are you giving it all to Him or carving out only the leftovers? What about my time when I get back to Memphis and to the responsibilities of work? I’m going to have to once again trust Him for the answer. I have tasted of the heavenly gifts; I have tasted the good Word of God. Now that I’ve known what it’s been like to feast at the “banquet table of time” with Him, I don’t want just leftovers and neither does He. Close encounters are food for my soul.

Into the Deep

4/14/09 Daily Light entry (scriptures read by Billy Graham’s Family each day so they are all on the same page)

Psalm 63:5, 6 “…my mouth shall praise you with joyful lips..”
Did you hear my A-men!----written 4/13/09 just before Surgery #5----

Yesterday’s Allen Bible Church message was from 1 Peter 1:3 with a few sidesteps to other Peter encounters from the seashore to the cross. (Matt. 24:34) The first was a reminder from Luke 5 when Jesus was teaching by the sea of Gennesaret (Sea of Galilee) and saw the two boats vacated by the fishermen. He got into Simon’s (Peter) boat and began teaching from the boat just a little ways from the land. When He finished speaking, He asked Peter to “Put out into the deep…..” It goes on to tell of Peter’s obedience because it was the “Master’s bidding”---even though he knew, according to the fisherman’s way of thinking, that fish were not to be had. As a result of his obedience, the catch was so large their nets were beginning to break. They called the other boat ---and then both boats began to sink. At that moment Simon (Peter) recognized his own sinfulness. The result: all the men left everything and followed Jesus.

The last few weeks since my first encounter with some of the stories from the Sea of Galilee, I’ve been meditating on being called “into the deep” at the Lord’s bidding. You see, safety for me is in the “short water,” ---Buddy’s toddler term for the shallow end. Even as I’ve watched our grandboys learning to swim, I’ve seen them cling to the safety of the steps or the shallow end of the pool. That was their security---what they knew—no unknowns---they could see their own feet and therein lay their confidence. It didn’t matter that they saw their father with arms outstretched bidding them to come. They even knew that he loved them and was trustworthy but still they held back---clutching to what they did know---how good it felt to touch bottom with their own two feet.
It seems to me that even in our daily lives most of us resist the deep for the shallows, preferring even to talk about the weather, the latest “Dancing with the Stars” segment or, as we age, our current maladies---dubbed the “death and dying report” by Drenda’s family. Going into the deep in a relationship involves a step of faith, a taking of risks. Relationships with friends and family often consist of a brief e-mail or phone message where we can skim and skirt real life issues. Spiritually, a quick quiet time becomes a check off item on our to-do list rather than a time of sitting in His presence, deepening our relationship with Him. How do I know these things---because I am chief among the “guilty.” But God…….

My cancer diagnosis seemed to be a way the Lord called me “into the deep.” Though I didn’t really have a choice as Peter did, I had a choice of response---anger, fear/worry, questioning, etc. I have dealt with some fear and apprehensions along the way, but I can honestly say that once I gave my itsy bitsy bit of faith over to Him, he began to teach me. I learned to rely on His faithfulness and to trust Him more. I knew that at His bidding I was ready to follow Him even though MAC felt like a very “deep” and dark unknown.

One can’t fake this stuff, at least, I can’t. A “put on” happy face soon fades. You have to come to that point in the dark where your spirit is quiet---and His strength becomes your trust. That’s the way it was for me---not just squelching my anxiety but by coming to the end of myself---my strength was to step aside and to “be still and know that He was God.” And then He began to teach me things, I would have never known without this “trial.” I saw His sufficiency when I learned to “watch” for it. I saw His abundant grace. I think for the first time, I began to understand His love and mercy. I do not have the gift of compassion, so recognizing mercy is huge for me. Maybe, like Peter I have seen my sinful self.

I know this sinful part of me because just when I think. as Peter did, that I have all my life lessons figured out, I hear the “cock crow” in my life. It happened just this week as we were preparing to return to Texas for surgery #5. Anytime my actions deny the reality of Christ in my life, I hear the “cock crow.” I spent more time figuring out my needs and less time with Him. My sufficiency revved up. Distractions whirred. I couldn’t hear His voice even if He were hollering and yet, just days before His whisper had my attention. Fear of the unknown once more reared its ugly head. I saw the darkness more than His light. He has more to teach me and He’s not allowing any shortcuts. I was just looking to the end of suffering the effects of MAC. But God.... wants me to follow Him, fellowship with Him, not just on this leg of the journey but for the entire journey---from here to eternity.

abunDANCE not avoiDANCE is my song!

Blog Coming

4/13 Headin' to Baylor hospital but can't post blog til Mary Flo gets home b/c I can't convert my file til she gets home to help me.
Welcome to the World,
4/8 Ethan Morton 8' 10 oz. 20 1/2 in.
4/13 Sam Phillips--9" 6 oz. 22in.
Babies for whom I have prayed and God answered in a BIG way.