Into the Deep

4/14/09 Daily Light entry (scriptures read by Billy Graham’s Family each day so they are all on the same page)

Psalm 63:5, 6 “…my mouth shall praise you with joyful lips..”
Did you hear my A-men!----written 4/13/09 just before Surgery #5----

Yesterday’s Allen Bible Church message was from 1 Peter 1:3 with a few sidesteps to other Peter encounters from the seashore to the cross. (Matt. 24:34) The first was a reminder from Luke 5 when Jesus was teaching by the sea of Gennesaret (Sea of Galilee) and saw the two boats vacated by the fishermen. He got into Simon’s (Peter) boat and began teaching from the boat just a little ways from the land. When He finished speaking, He asked Peter to “Put out into the deep…..” It goes on to tell of Peter’s obedience because it was the “Master’s bidding”---even though he knew, according to the fisherman’s way of thinking, that fish were not to be had. As a result of his obedience, the catch was so large their nets were beginning to break. They called the other boat ---and then both boats began to sink. At that moment Simon (Peter) recognized his own sinfulness. The result: all the men left everything and followed Jesus.

The last few weeks since my first encounter with some of the stories from the Sea of Galilee, I’ve been meditating on being called “into the deep” at the Lord’s bidding. You see, safety for me is in the “short water,” ---Buddy’s toddler term for the shallow end. Even as I’ve watched our grandboys learning to swim, I’ve seen them cling to the safety of the steps or the shallow end of the pool. That was their security---what they knew—no unknowns---they could see their own feet and therein lay their confidence. It didn’t matter that they saw their father with arms outstretched bidding them to come. They even knew that he loved them and was trustworthy but still they held back---clutching to what they did know---how good it felt to touch bottom with their own two feet.
It seems to me that even in our daily lives most of us resist the deep for the shallows, preferring even to talk about the weather, the latest “Dancing with the Stars” segment or, as we age, our current maladies---dubbed the “death and dying report” by Drenda’s family. Going into the deep in a relationship involves a step of faith, a taking of risks. Relationships with friends and family often consist of a brief e-mail or phone message where we can skim and skirt real life issues. Spiritually, a quick quiet time becomes a check off item on our to-do list rather than a time of sitting in His presence, deepening our relationship with Him. How do I know these things---because I am chief among the “guilty.” But God…….

My cancer diagnosis seemed to be a way the Lord called me “into the deep.” Though I didn’t really have a choice as Peter did, I had a choice of response---anger, fear/worry, questioning, etc. I have dealt with some fear and apprehensions along the way, but I can honestly say that once I gave my itsy bitsy bit of faith over to Him, he began to teach me. I learned to rely on His faithfulness and to trust Him more. I knew that at His bidding I was ready to follow Him even though MAC felt like a very “deep” and dark unknown.

One can’t fake this stuff, at least, I can’t. A “put on” happy face soon fades. You have to come to that point in the dark where your spirit is quiet---and His strength becomes your trust. That’s the way it was for me---not just squelching my anxiety but by coming to the end of myself---my strength was to step aside and to “be still and know that He was God.” And then He began to teach me things, I would have never known without this “trial.” I saw His sufficiency when I learned to “watch” for it. I saw His abundant grace. I think for the first time, I began to understand His love and mercy. I do not have the gift of compassion, so recognizing mercy is huge for me. Maybe, like Peter I have seen my sinful self.

I know this sinful part of me because just when I think. as Peter did, that I have all my life lessons figured out, I hear the “cock crow” in my life. It happened just this week as we were preparing to return to Texas for surgery #5. Anytime my actions deny the reality of Christ in my life, I hear the “cock crow.” I spent more time figuring out my needs and less time with Him. My sufficiency revved up. Distractions whirred. I couldn’t hear His voice even if He were hollering and yet, just days before His whisper had my attention. Fear of the unknown once more reared its ugly head. I saw the darkness more than His light. He has more to teach me and He’s not allowing any shortcuts. I was just looking to the end of suffering the effects of MAC. But God.... wants me to follow Him, fellowship with Him, not just on this leg of the journey but for the entire journey---from here to eternity.

abunDANCE not avoiDANCE is my song!