GRIEF REVISITED

2/20/11

Past journal entries from this week in ’09 already had me feeling sad. Recent concerns for Daddy exacerbated this feeling. But nothing quite had me prepared for the pain and sadness I would feel as I once again shared “loss” with my sister-in-law, Louise. She and brother, Bobby are selling their Hoptown home of almost 34 years. They already have a condo in Nashville, near their daughter, Polly, and her family which includes their only grandchildren, but this will be the closing of the house where they raised both of their daughters. It is the only house where their Allyson lived (apart from a several weeks at UK) from the age of 1 month until she died in a car accident in 1995. It’s hard packing all the “stuff” that accrues after living in a home for so many years but…..how do you pack up a life?

Louise and Bobby had done the best they could over the years dealing with each new stage of grief as it came---but it never was easy …..and still is often incredibly hard even in the midst of gratitude for the 18 years they had with her. Yesterday was one of the hard times and though I wanted to ease her pain, I found it even hard just to swallow when I would pick up a card that Allyson had written to her mother or the framed handprints of when she was 4. Treasures. We talked and shared and culled and saved and then “hit a wall” as Louise dubbed it when we held up the red prom dress from her junior year in high school and her “Allyson” outfit for senior “dress-up day” that Louise had made for her. I took pictures of a closet full of those dresses and monogrammed dance team jackets so that when she does decide to pass them on to “prom dresses for disadvantaged girls” she’ll have the pictures.

Though I didn’t hit the wall as Louise did, I was certainly sobered when I picked up Allyson’s handwritten paper from middle school entitled, “My Future in the 90’s.” In the essay she mentioned making good grades in middle school, high school and going on to college. She also included supporting her friends at every juncture---which she did so well, never excluding anyone from her life. Her concluding paragraphs mentioned that following college, she would have a job and maybe she would marry and be a mom in the 21^st Century. Worthy plans and dreams for an 8^th grader. Plans interrupted. Her plans, her future, her hope are in the Lord…..for she lives for ever with the “Lord of the Dance.”

I'll live in you if you'll live in me,

I am the Lord of the dance, said he (Lord of the Dance lyrics)