Sunday Summary

1/24/10 WARNING----You might not want to read this. It might wear you out. But…..if you decide to read it, please continue to its conclusion because there is always hope at the end of this turbulent tunnel called life.
A “War of Words” has been going on in my mind these first three weeks of 2010. Warring is difficult----battles wear me out. But…..they are necessary otherwise the wrong thoughts will take over. Those thoughts of fear and uncertainty can become the focus and that wrong focus can wear one out! "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)

Granted there are things that I can’t change---aging, the Haiti catastrophe, work hours, grant deadlines, family illnesses and choices of others. Possibly my reactions and responses to these givens need something, but what? Turning off the nightly news might temporarily relieve me of the claustrophobic thoughts/fears of being buried alive and weeping for those who have had to endure that. I try to push down that fear with scripture knowing that He has not given us a “spirit of fear” but of power….so where’s my power-----what can I do to help the Haitians. God has given me valid ways. Now, how do I help others see God’s goodness in the midst of this?


Haitians have needs, family has needs, friends have needs. I have needs---coherent thoughts and an ability to articulate words that seem to “trip” coming out of my new mouth. I need more time for praise and prayer for folks with appropriate scripture verses and a computer that doesn’t frustrate me. I need to remember to remind my husband of how grateful I am for his support (dishwashing hands) and the down time he allows me, especially on weekends.
I’m overwhelmed. I need a nap! Actually, I really need exercise but the bed draws me more often than the walk, the weights or the swimming pool. I need a “mind” so that I don’t forget my keys or glasses as I rush out the door at 5:30am.


Doc visit last week reminded me that my own “forgetfulness” is probably exacerbated by aging (can’t change that), effects of anesthesia and surgery (can’t change that either) as well as stress and fatigue (3:15 am wakeups don’t help). Uh –hello, that list is not exactly an ah-ha moment, so what do I do about it. Doc rec was a good vitamin----which I forget to take ½ the time and cutting back. Where do you cut? I need more time and energy to minister to others. I’m too tired to even talk on the phone most nights. The One who is necessary, is NOT where I need to cut back but I am having to make creative adjustments and they don’t look very spiritual. I need to quit worrying about what the world sees (as if my testimony is of utmost importance) and only care about what God wants. His Goodness can get along without me. (Oh my---now there’s a thought that shouldn’t come as a shock.) God doesn’t need any of us but He delights in all of us. (Zephaniah 3:17)


Oh, He has given me glimpses of His grace all month---Michèle’s call, card & needle work reminders from HHS chum, pimento cheese, an encouraging blog comment, caring wise brothers, celebrations in Texas, Berlin UMC ‘s “Lord of the Dance” and timely e-mails. God’s way is glimpses of grace. I just happen to want gobs of grace and I want it yesterday. I want time. I want energy. I want it all and yet I can’t keep all those plates spinning. Sounds like too much of me and so little of Thee. How sad!
Once again I return to the juxtaposition of my human frailty and God’s strength. At this crossroad, I need to choose His power and give Him my limitations.
God Calling 1/23 entry “It (God’s power) is breathed in by the soul who lives in My Presence.”

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy Presence
Living in me

(Mercy Me, 2002)

For 3 weeks “Word and Prayer” have been my bookends. Even though limited, this time is vital. It’s just not what it was when I was in Dallas----I’m not in Dallas anymore and God has really had to protect my back side as I have returned to work with less mind, less strength and new demands. He has given me grace for one step at a time. Grace for today. I know that’s true. I lived it for an entire year. That’s what I need to remember.
The Zephaniah verse also says “The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior” (In Him, the war is already won.) and Romans 8:37 reminds me “…in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6)
So welcome to my "Sunday mind"----not one of warring but one of acceptance. Now I can leave the war room and go to the ballroom where I can dance. I want to dance!