THOU SHALT NOT……………….

10/30/09 …………….directives from Dr. Ha.
Thou shalt not shower.

• That one’s not a problem. There is nothing I like better that a long hot soak in a tub.

Thou shalt not eat anything that can’t go through a straw.

• Not as hard as it was the first time around. "Liquid" Food Network has gotten it down to a science. You should see the ease with which I can suck an avocado up a straw.

Thou shalt not get your stitches wet.

• Normally not a problem but it’s rained almost everyday since we’ve been in Dallas. I got caught once without an umbrella and a beach towel had to suffice. I’m not telling Dr. Ha.

Thou shalt not wash your hair.

• I'm sure that he must have meant in the traditional way---with water, but...no "minipoo" available. So Larry and Molly devised a plan and we only washed 1/2 of my head---hm-m-m if you break 1/2 the law is that like 1/2 truth = a whole lie.

Thou shalt not let anything touch your nose or ear.

• Wow---that sounds so simple but for a reader eyeglasses are a must! I tried propping them high on my nose and they kept slipping. Dr. Heller, Dr. Ha’s resident, came in as those spectacles had just slipped. He “read me the riot act.” Now I have them taped to my forehead so they won’t slip---okay so maybe they’ve slipped once or twice.

Thou shalt not brush your teeth.

• This one isn’t exactly a problem. All those stitches hanging off my lip and on the inside of my mouth make it easy to remember. But……….it’s yuky. I feel so offensive just being able to “swish and spit” twice a day with a rinse that discolors my teeth. Light purple isn’t exactly the pearly white that people desire for their smiles. I do “sneak” in a few probes with my GUM® soft-pick cleaners on my bottom teeth. That’s not really brushing, is it?

Thou shalt not laugh.

• Even smiling hurts. Yet, when you live at “comedy central” it’s virtually impossible. Dr. Heller reinforced the importance of this and after one episode in the hospital, I knew why. Extreme pain!! Larry and Molly were tag teaming with humor. I almost had to put Larry in time-out. (in the hospital corridor) He’s such a natural comic; he doesn’t always know when he is being funny. IMPOSSIBLE!

Do you notice the progression here? I list the one that makes me look best at the top of the list. I should worry about pleasing Dr. Ha more than I do pleasing my readers. As the rules get harder for me I begin to make excuses or rationalize. Eventually, I actually try to worm around the intent of the law and just follow the letter of the law. Finally, I list the one that for me is impossible. I’m still not sure how to handle that one. But God………….and only He can curb my hubby’s humor. Besides it’s one of my favorite things about him. It’s just that now the result is more pain meds because laughter really can hurt. In this instance, it is not the best medicine.

Much like the "Ten Commandments" that God gave to Moses, any rules/laws given show us how difficult/impossible they are to follow/keep apart from Help. I am grateful to know my "very present Help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)