3/19/09 Claustrophobia
Can I define it? Yes---E. Purcell and A. Braddock will know it’s claustrum in the Latin (shut in place) Last night my place/space was closing up. Fear of suffocation began to set in (M. Phoenix knows what that’s like)----my one healthy nostril was stopped up with sinus type congestion and my right nostril was full of gauze type packing stuff to protect my new nose floor plus the cartilage Dr. Ha has to re-form soon. My mouth is sewn shut and in the night it had gotten so dry that my one side hole was stuck. (It’s there to aid breathing, let out vomit (PTL haven't had that) and for feeding by the syringe.) I felt like a whale with my spout plugged. I couldn’t get a good deep breath and I so wanted a good deep breath. I couldn’t even exhale except with a little puff. I felt like I needed to get a big gulp of air but was having to suck it through a cocktail straw.
I know in my mind that claustrophobia is an irrational fear---but in my body in the middle of the night it felt so-o-o-o real---like prison bars.
Those prison bars kept closing in—but God…… I know the One who set the prisoners free. (Psalm 146:7) I also knew that “lack of air” could lead to a panic attack, so I propped the corner of my mouth with the side of the syringe and squirted water throughout the night to help the dryness and “I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.”(Psa. 34:4) Was it easy? No. Did I make it through the night? Yes.
This morning, Larry called Dr. Ha who said I could gently suction nostril and take “liquid” Benadryl---which promptly knocked me out. When I finally lifted my head, I began to look up verses about breath because I guarantee, the Lord has a lesson in this somewhere for me.
I know that my life is but a breath (Job 7:7) so with the breath I have I will praise the Lord. “Let everything that hath breath, praise the Lord.” (Psalm 150:6)
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Praise God from whom all blessings flow. We have much to be thankful for~and as you so eloquently stated~we are blessed to be able to take deep breaths. We take it for granted, because it is all so automatic. But your description of how difficult it is for you to eat, to breathe, etc. makes one even more thankful for what one has. Another lesson taught by an incredible teacher and lover of Christ. I continue to pray for your comfort and your strength to get through the next weeks. God is GOOD! Love, M
ReplyDelete"Fear" another 4 letter word! "Yea, thought I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou are with me"......."Fear not, for I am with thee, these things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace"......"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind"......."Do not be afraid, Daniel (Dotsy). Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them"........."So don't be afraid; you are worth many sparrows". Isn't God an awesome God? In our fears if we just call his name, he can calm our deepest fears! I can't imagine what those who do not know him do when the fear of death grips them. Having that awesome God to cry out to in our agony or whisper to in the middle of darkness.....yes you are worth many sparrows!
ReplyDeleteContinue your "Dance" as you learn new steps. One day a long time from now you will waltz with HIM in heaven. Continue to let HIM lead.
I wish more authors of this type of content would take the time you did to research and write so well. I am very impressed with your vision and insight.
ReplyDeleteclaustrophobia