Missing Michèle

8/10/09 A sweet friendship refreshes the soul. (Proverbs 27:9)
MacAdvantage is a store here in Memphis that offers nationally recognized service for repair of MAC computers. Endorsements/testimonials from their satisfied customers speak of quality, generosity and going the extra mile. It’s a plus for those who have MACs. Well, I have had 2 kinds of MACs and they both start with the letter c. The computer (MAC) was repaired and reconfigured by Tom at MacAdvantage. The cancer MAC was removed and my face reconfigured by docs in Dallas. Having my MAC computer with me for these last 7 months has been invaluable---a real advantage. But the cancer, MAC, also brought tremendous advantages to my life----time to reconnect with family and friends from afar and to make a new connection. That connection, via the internet first, brought me to Michèle Phoenix. Then, as only God could orchestrate, we were able to meet 6 weeks ago in Louisville, KY. But the advantages of that connection have enlarged my heart. I don’t even have appropriate words to describe the impact she has had on me---from my psyche to my spiritual growth.

She hasn’t even left North America yet and already I feel sadness creeping over me. She’s headin’ back to Germany today. I know why she goes. She answered that question on her blog. What I don’t know is why it affects me so. Maybe because though we are years apart in age, we speak the same language---- spiritually and emotionally. She brings me joy with apt answers; her writing delights me; and her words, via e-mail, are both profound and timely. Possibly because she is real---a real part of my life, a really transparent believer, a MAC survivor whom I have hugged in real life and a real big blessing in my life..
I thank God for her---she is my MACadvantage!

1It is good to give thanks to the LORD
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
2To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning
And Your faithfulness by night,
3With the ten-stringed lute and with the harp,
With resounding music upon the lyre.
4For You, O LORD, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.

Psalm 92:1-4

Father God, how I thank you for Michèle, my MAC blessing. Through her, You have enabled me to see Your hand and to accept MAC as a gift of Your grace. Not that many months ago MAC had seemed so scary and now I see blessing upon blessing, in part, thanks to Michèle’s faithfulness to You. Now I say, “thank you” with a sincere heart. Use my faith in You in the life of another. May he/she see Your goodness in me. I have held Your hand to get me through this cancer struggle and times of weakness. May I continue to do so.

“I sing for joy at the works of Your hand. Forever I’ll love You, forever I’ll stand, Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.” (Michael W. Smith, lyricist)

HAPPY 40th ANNIVERSARY---Here’s to 200 years of love as his wedding band says.

8/9/09
I had wanted to entitle this blog “bi-polar bed fellows” or “marriage of miracles” but thought that might sound insulting to our union so I’m embedding it in the text. What I’m really trying to say is that like most of you in a marriage situation already know “taint” always easy, it takes commitment and opposites do in fact attract---but God………………..

So here’s a look at us. Hmm….food seems to be a focus here! I guess we have that in common. We’re “foodies”----though not the refined, snobby kind. We just like to eat.

Larry ------------------------------Dotsy
Time frame------------------------eventually Now or yesterday is even better
Leave at time of event----------- Leave early-- “just in case” scenarios
Night owl --------------------------Early bird
Coffee in am-----------------------“Cuppa” hot tea
Beach-------------------------------Mountains
Laid back/enjoys journey--------Destination Driven
Driver------------------------------Navigator/love maps
Author, Clive Cussler-------------Author, Jan Karon
Spicy/hot food---------------------Mild kick only
Cell phone/golf line---------------No cell
Communicate Ma Bell-------------E-mail
Burger w/ cheese-------------------No cheese, pleez
Spinach NOT T-greens------------Turnip Greens!!!
Bleu cheese, extra------------------Italian/smacky vinaigrettes
Wine---------------------------------Sweet tea
Candles give headache------------Love candles but don't use for his sake
Diet coke----------------------------The real thing
Sci-Fi--------------------------------Mystery
Revelation--------------------------Psalms
TV (golf channel)------------------Not much TV- “Jeopardy”
Beatles/Mamas & Papas----------Temptations/Four Tops
Sports section/spread out--------Crossword, folded-booksize rectangle
Leather recliner-------------------Upholstered club chair/ottoman
Games, any outside---------------Board games-Scrabble & Boggle
Shopper----------------------------NOT
Tennis shoes-----------------------Crocs
Diverticulitis friendly snacks----Popcorn
1/2 full glass/dreamer------------1/2 empty pragmatist/realist
Playful------------------------------Prayerful
NO candy--------------------------Divinity and fudge w/ pecans (LOTS)
Rule bender-----------------------Rule follower
Splenda(diet stuff)---------------Sugar (no diet anything)
Carrot Cake/Coconut cake------Caramel cake/Coconut cake

(Closing the food gap here, maybe)

1 foam pillow---------------------4 squishy down pillows
Bedding, sheet only-------------sheet, light blanket, mama's quilt, coverlets

So what’s the secret of polar opposites staying together for 40 years? Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NASB) gives a clue. Read verse 12b carefully.

9Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
10For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
11Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
12And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.
A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

If Larry and I keep the Lord in the center of our “marriage cord” then we should not be easily separated. So…..here’s to many more anniversaries with the one I love. I would say 40 more but that would probably mean a heavenly event since we would be over 100 years old----now that would be a celebration!

Ruby Red Reveal…….

8/7/09 ……….but don’t tell Larry. He won’t receive until tomorrow. So many great ideas from so many different folks—thanks for doing the thinking for me! I had forgotten I had a red plate ‘til a blog reader reminded me, would have never thought of duct tape or pomegranates or a list of reasons I love him. Couldn’t use candles or certain colognes b/c “smells” get to his head. Could have added more---just ran out of time & cash. Grateful that so many suggestions were so doable on a budget.
This is the list that will be in his basket which I will present along with his red breakfast. We’ll also have red tomatoes for lunch---a gift from Roger at HHS and a cherry fried pie. This has really been a team effort. Thanks much!!

HAPPY 40TH
August 9, 1969-2009

Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth, (Proverbs 5:38)
(a basket of “ruby” red stuff to commemorate 40 years of love, Liles style)

1. “You are special today” Red Plate (https://redplatestore.com) breakfast in bed---with ruby red grapefruit, toast with Amish strawberry jam and fresh fruit cup w/ Ranier c herries, strawberries and red grapes served with Red Label Taster’s Choice in a “you are special today” red mug

2. Red anniversary card w/ book of King of Hearts postage stamps
3. List of 40 reasons I love you---in red font
4. Red duct tape
5. Red Meat from Folks Folly’s Prime Shoppe
6. Red Truck Wine (I love the label, hope you’ll like the wine) & Avalon Cabernet---robust red with a red label---'cause you already had a beaker of merlot
7. Red Terra Cotta chips w/ Chili’s salsa---you love salsa
8. Rental from Blockbuster for “Hunt for Red October”
9. Office pack w/ red only rubberbands, paper clips, clamps, push pins, Sharpie and pencils
10. Tomato juice
11. Diet Cranberry Splash (2pk)
12. Malco gift certificate for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince---Blood is red and you love Harry Potter
13. Red KOOZIES (2)
14. Pack of red pens
15. Red picture frame for our anniversary “shot”-- A red dot/red tag clearance item----your favorite kind
16. Pair of red scissors for your “area”
17. Red Lobster Coupon
18. Red tie
19. Sonic gift card for your favorite diet strawberry limeade
20. Bright red travel mug & 12 volt plug-in travel mug for am java
21. Red toothpick dispenser---can keep in your car---your kind of gift
22. Frankly Scarlett cupcake from Muddy’s (their red velvet version) and Curbside Cassserole's unbelievable strawberry cake---it's like eating a strawberry shortcake.
23. Red golf tees
24. Red golf swing weight
25. Red “Dotsy” foam golf practice balls
26. Red heart shaped lollipop & gummy Hot Tamales
27. My Homemade mooley grater pimiento cheese with extra bright red pimientos
28. Heavy (you like heavy) red patio glasses (2) for our afternoon soirées in our red Adirondack chairs---looking for a festive pomegranate splash recipe
29. Big Red gum---though I’ll probably chew more than you will
30. Red visor eyeglass clip for your sunglasses
31. Red tree shaped wild cherry air freshener for your car---you’ll hate it but you’ll laugh!
32. Red label powder called Monkey Butt---that will make you laugh too!
33. Red Dr. Pepper Boxers
34. Red handled pruners
35. Red handled trowel
36. Red bristled silicone basting brush for the grill
37. Bold red TARGET gift card
38. Red stuff for your new car---windshield squeegee, dashboard duster, tire brush, funnel, oil spout and shop rags
39. Molly & Corey’s anniversary gift for us, a coconut cake with divinity icing (MY fave) and lots of extra coconut (your favorite) from Sugaree’s in New Albany, MS, topped with red hots in a heart shape and served with strawberry surf ice cream---it’s worth the drive, the renewal of vows…...
40. & it's delivered with a kiss from my ruby red “new “ lips.

More Patience Needed

8/6/09 I need more patience from you because I’ve still been too tired to type about patience. God has been teaching me that I am more likely to avoid “irregular” people or a tough circumstance (my way of opting out of adversity) than to exercise this “fruit.” So I’ll continue to learn my lessons, take notes, and will share eventually. That’s why I have to ask for your patience. Plus, our big 40th anniversary is this weekend, so I’m using what little energy I have to get my 40 “ruby” red gifts ready for Larry. Have gotten some fun ideas from my blog readers---will share the final 40 later.

“Wait on the LORD, be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart.” (Psalm 27:14)

Did you notice that the verse didn’t say anything about avoiding people or situations, but waiting on God……….patience His way = a strengthening of the heart.

Philippians 4:13

8/4/09
I found my notes on patience but I’ve been too bleary-eyed to organize them and type them up for the blog.
Yesterday was Monday and you know what that means---I had a verse to meditate on. Did you?

• I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

This verse was a good reminder as I felt the fatigue of the first day back at work compounded by the news that Mommar’s remaining sister, Liz, had died. She’s older than Mommar. She has been suffering with Alzheimer’s the last 2+ years. Though everyone thought Mommar wouldn’t remember seeing her sister last week, she told me detail by detail of her visit to see Liz. Her final comment was, “I hope I never get that way. She didn’t even know who I was.” That is my hope as well. But I also trust that He, as the old hymn says, will give “strength for today and great hope for tomorrow,” if that is indeed the way she progresses.

Fruit of the Spirit: Patience

8/2/09 Remember the old VBS (Vacation Bible School) song, “Down in my heart?”

"I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart, down in my heart.
(Where?) Down in my heart. (3x)
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy
down in my heart, down in my heart---
down in my heart to stay."

Then new phrases (replacing joy) were added to create other spiritual things found “down in your heart”---peace that passes understanding and love of Jesus.

Do you recognize those first three attributes of the “fruit of the Spirit?” So where’s the patience? Do you think God wonders that about us sometimes---“where’s the patience, Dotsy?”

As always when things “come to mind” for the blog or those THOTS on a scripture are being mulled around, God has a way of showing me truth about myself. More often than not, it’s not very pretty. A lot of waiting comes in to play. Waiting involves patience. Maybe I’m a little short in that area.

But God……..I’m beginning to see that when we wait in hope there’s an entirely different dimension. It’s more that just being resigned to something or tolerating the circumstance---it seems to go deeper. It’s more than outwardly controlling an outburst---it’s more internal and most often selfless. A true longsuffering. A keeping on of keeping on. A perseverance with hope.
Now reader, you’re going to have to exert patience in waiting for the “rest of this story” because I’ve lost my notes I had so patiently jotted down on our family trip when I couldn’t get to my computer.

PRACTICE PATIENCE! It’s easier to do this in His Presence---Lord, may I Practice *Thy Presence today.
*Live in the light of it.

Borderless Jigsaw Puzzle

8/1/09
Approaching 40 years with “my man” and seeing his mother (Mommar) without hers (would have been 65 years just 2 weeks ago), I am sobered. I can’t imagine what life would look like without Larry. Then I read in Beth Moore’s, Voices of the Faithful, of a widow who described it as I was feeling. Puzzle pieces of one’s life in disarray everywhere.
Mommar must feel that way, even in her tenuous mental state. She has teared up several times today and told me of her neighbor whose husband has also died and the neighbor’s anger that her hubby died before she did. She spoke of the neighbor’s fear. She was empathizing and it was painful for her. I’m sure that she feels that there are no borders for her to build on in this new jumble of a widow’s puzzle. Where will she start? What can she do?
How can I help? She was already struggling with beginning dementia and Grandaddy was her one stabilizing factor---that and her home. Now she has to leave her home each weekend to stay with us or another of her children. She’d really rather be at home. She has no control---no car keys or house keys anymore. She’s trying so hard to hold on to some semblance of her past---life as she once knew it. It is so painful to watch.
I know that God has assigned our portions and made our lot secure---those boundary lines of ours (even the ones we can’t see) are in His hands and He can rebuild the shattered pieces in our lives (& minds)---one piece at a time. But how can I help her understand? Is it even possible? Maybe the lesson is for us, the caregivers, as somedays her mind understands and somedays it doesn’t.
Losing a spouse can be devastating, I’m sure. Losing control of certain aspects of your life (& memory) can be equally upsetting.
It’s hard to make sense out of life when our minds are in chaos and our dreams have been shattered. But God…………

“Lord, I lay this all at the foot of the cross. Use me to minister to Mommar even when I can’t begin to understand all she’s going through. I pray Your best for her. It doesn’t have to make sense to me---I just trust Your leading even when the circumstances seem overwhelming both physically and emotionally. As a family, may we become linked and locked in spiritual unity to provide the best border she needs for this new jigsaw-type season in her life.”

Anniversary Angst

7/31/09
Celebrations are a “biggie” at our house---always have been. This is especially true if it’s a birthday or an anniversary date that ends in a 5 or a 0. Hallmark loves us. Therein lies the problem---expectation. In the past, I have come up with memorable ways to mark the occasions of our “significant” wedding anniversaries---usually with a mini-trip and always with a gift----usually the traditional one rather that the modern recommendation that Hallmark gives. I actually started planning for this year’s over a year ago and had hoped to take a trip to a ruby mine, just for fun. There’s one in Cherokee, NC and that’s close to friends whom we love to visit but…………MAC came and plans and resources changed somewhat. Now the big day is just a little over a week away and I’m feeling “pushed” and idealess. So, I need ideas. Here’s where I’m heading---lots of gifts (I'd like to come up with 40) of “ruby red” (just red actually) for my man. So far I’ve decided ruby red grapefruit for breakfast in bed----he loves grapefruit and I’ve already bought a jar of homemade strawberry jam from the Amish in middle Tennessee but that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

• 1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven---4 A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4)

For almost 8 months we have had lots of weeping and mourning, so this anniversary is a real celebration. If you have any ideas please send them to me at dotsyliles@gmail.com. It’s time to laugh and dance!

Summer’s Last Hurrah

7/27/09
I started to write about this summer swan song but that idiom seemed too morbid for this week’s upcoming end of summer journey. As I am going up that farm road once again, I do expect it to be bittersweet with lots of laughter and more tears. For as the time ends, I'll be saying goodbye to dear friends, from my high school and college days, whom I rarely see. If I'm running from all those emotions that happen every time I have to say good-by to family, I’m probably getting ready to experience similar emotions on this trek.
Obviously God has more to teach me about emotions. Even last night my heart was burdened to pray for all the parents of “missionaries.” As they say good-by to their children (yes, even young adults are still our kids) for long periods of time, they must seek the Lord for strength and comfort as well.
So, for me and for them, I’m packing this verse for meditation on the “All-sufficient One.” May each of us trust in His goodness knowing that He is all we need in the midst of our life’s portion, no matter how difficult it might seem.

• II Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"Lord, grant me insight into my weaknesses. May I be content with them. May I relinquish them to you and learn from them. May I seek your strength in this area that my life might glorify Thee."

All this to say, I won’t be on-line for awhile because connections “in the country” are virtually non-existent which is probably beneficial for summer’s last hurrah. I return to work on Monday.

Saying Good-by

7/26/09
Awash with emotion. It’s always this way with me when I give and receive goodbye hugs and kisses, especially those slobbery ones from the babies. When immediate family is spread from Tennessee to Texas and New York there are very few times when we’re all together at once. Maybe that’s why I struggle with this mixed bag of emotions. It’s a grieving of sorts that comes with separation from loved ones.

I’m sitting on the balcony of the beach house we rent each year the third week in July, knowing that even that scheduling regularity doesn’t always ensure 100% attendance. Sitting with me is my mixed bag of emotions----believe me, it’s pretty big! It’s especially big right now because two Suburbans full of Texans just left followed by the Memphis trio. NYC twosome and Larry are easing into their day with coffee and I’m out here feeling so sad and somewhat left behind. Just wait ‘til I put Josh & Megan on the plane---I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. On a good year, Uncle Josh and Megan join us at the beach and then Larry and I will usually see him one other time. From a mom’s point of view, that’s not enough.

Then poor Larry is stuck with me for the 9 hour drive home where I try to deal with these feelings. Sometimes that means I try not to “feel” because it hurts----remember, I know how to do the avoiDANCE when it comes to feelings. Sometimes these repressed emotions seem to explode when other of life’s circumstances (often unrelated) bring these feelings to a head. Today I’m praying that the Lord will grant insight from these emotions.

Right now the clouds are rolling in and covering the beach. There’s even lightning on the horizon. Somehow that darkness and thunder that follows the lightning seems to reflect my mood---it’s covering me over with shadows of gloom. The lump in my throat is constricting and my eyes are filling with tears. It seems that we have so little time together and the week goes by so-o-o fast. There seems to be so much felt and so little said---just not enough time to say it all. Even at the beach the tyranny of the “urgent” (feeding, pottying, and napping) can rob us of time.

But God……this week showed me that those urgencies do not necessarily rob me of joy. All that cooking and bathing and reading to the boys was pure joy. That’s where my wandering thoughts began to go as my emotional roller coaster slowed enough to allow me to see the abundance of blessings I had received during the week. (In everything give thanks; I Thess. 5:18) Watching John Parker go from a few timid steps to walking from one room to the next, helping Noah use an old timey egg beater to make chocolate shakes for all the boys, hearing Caleb’s account of learning to snorkel with Pop-Pop, digitally capturing Nathan’s triathlon challenge with Uncle Josh and hearing Owen squeal with delight as he chased his cousins. It was just the ordinary stuff of families who share love. Without the love there wouldn’t be all this hurt. God has shown me that love and pain are not mutually exclusive. They can indeed occur at the same time.

Am I blessed? Yes!! Is my heart aching? Yes!!

My journal is now smudged with tears along with John Parker’s scribbles and when I take this home to type on the computer it will take longer than usual because he also rearranged my “shift” key. Will I be angry? No, but it will probably make me cry as I’m beginning to realize that it’s okay to love and hurt at the same time---that’s why it’s so hard to say good-by. 

So, I’ll just say, “Nite, I love you,” because that’s the Liles way to show love at the end of the day, even if we’re miles apart.