Yesterday, I ventured up to the lodge with laptop in hand to check for an e-mail from Dr. Ha's office. It wasn't there but while I was on-line, Josh "popped up" in the bottom right corner of gmail with a "mornin' "----I was so excited. You see, I don't even have a cell phone, so..... I don't text (unless you count the one time at Seagrove Beach when I texted (I don't even know if there's a past tense) 3 words to Molly from Josh's phone just to practice. I'm so glad Josh set me up last fall w/ the gmail account and a little bit of "chatting" info. It's so fun to type back and forth---plus, this form of instant messaging keeps me connected to my son who seems so far away in Brooklyn. I type a little--he types faster using abbreviated terms--we hit enter and voila!! We just have to both be on-line at the same time and we don't set it up--- it's totally serendipitous for me when it happens. When he's not on-line, we don't connect---that little message comes up that says, "Joshua is off-line, your comments will be available for him the next time he logs on."
It reminded me of the "Upper Room" entry from a few days ago that likened instant messaging to prayer. God's always there---on-line---it's just my prayers that make the connection. That's why I need to "pray without ceasing." ( I Thess. 5:17)
This week I have been praying for many of you and in my journal I noted that there is a "holy ground," of sorts, between those of us who pray for each other. We stay connected because we both have the same Source. Chapter 4 of James tells us, "we have not, because we ask not." So, I am asking the Lord to keep us connected next week, even when I am "out of it," because He can hear the prayer of my heart even when I am incoherent---and I'm taking you, my prayer warriors, into surgery with me. You're going in my heart.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Sunday Synopsis
3/8/09 Summary "post" each Sunday, if possible
Crackers for breakfast---the plain ole saltine kind and plain noodles with butter for lunch---I guess that lets you pretty much gauge the state of my body. I did have a restless night last night so that could have a little to do with it---or maybe it’s that blood I’ve had to give away this week, leaving me a little weak. My first “tech” was in training---good thing for both of us that I had a prominent vein and he had lots of supervisors checking on us. Could also be that I’m counting down to surgery days as well as absorbing the unsettling possibilities of the unknowns.
So maybe I’m just in a slump. Reading to Nathan in preparation for his Dr. Seuss day at school, I came across some “Seussisms” of note. One was, “Unslumping yourself is not easily done.”
I’m sorry to say so
But, sadly it’s true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.
And when you’re in a slump,
You’re not in much fun,
Un-slumping yourself
Is not easily done. (Oh the Places You Go)
I can’t begin to imagine how someone could "unslump" themselves without the Lord and in my case, friends and family, who are ministering angels of His, as well.
Reading several Seuss books with Nathan was almost nostalgic because many of those books still had the bookplates with his daddy’s name in them. One well worn copy, I could pretty much quote from memory. For sure, the passing on of reading aloud from one generation to another is a tradition that I hope continues----b/c I can relate to that.
TV on the other hand has changed so much and there are so many choices and characters blip across the screen so fast that I can’t keep up---the Texans are past Barney and Bob the Builder so I’m really out of touch. Plus, it doesn’t seem to have the same intimacy that comes with sharing a good book. Factor in the Wii and all quietness is lost.
I’m so old that the entertainment I recall was Sunday nights sitting with my family staring at the mesh fabric behind the scrollwork on the large upright radio, a Philco, I think, and getting “scared” together as we listened to “The Shadow.” (No blips, no icons, just words and a few contrived sound effects) When we did have a TV it was black and white and Howdy Dowdy was the show I remember watching with my brothers. But my favorite was “Winky Dink.” For 50 cents I had ordered a plastic sheet to put on the screen to allow for “interaction.” Winky Dink could count on me to draw the bridge or ladder he needed to get out of his jam. (colored crayons had been part of the"deal.") Nowadays, even Caleb, my 3 yr. old Texan, can interact driving a Mario Cart or bowling on the TV screen.
Even with my own children there wasn’t much TV and the one they liked was good ole Mr. Rogers. Remember him? Blue sneakers, cardigan sweater and a blinking yellow light as the show opens. He left all the trappings of formality on a peg/hanger or under a bench and settled in to take time to “nourish” relationships with those in his neighborhood. Wonder if the yellow light was symbolic of our need to slow down and take time---sort of like having a cup of tea with a friend or family
That’s what I’ve done this week and what I plan to do next week with family---spend some quiet time with the Lord first to ward off undue slumping and then have "ordinary" time with them to laugh, cry, pray and dance---just be LILES, unslumped.
Crackers for breakfast---the plain ole saltine kind and plain noodles with butter for lunch---I guess that lets you pretty much gauge the state of my body. I did have a restless night last night so that could have a little to do with it---or maybe it’s that blood I’ve had to give away this week, leaving me a little weak. My first “tech” was in training---good thing for both of us that I had a prominent vein and he had lots of supervisors checking on us. Could also be that I’m counting down to surgery days as well as absorbing the unsettling possibilities of the unknowns.
So maybe I’m just in a slump. Reading to Nathan in preparation for his Dr. Seuss day at school, I came across some “Seussisms” of note. One was, “Unslumping yourself is not easily done.”
I’m sorry to say so
But, sadly it’s true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.
And when you’re in a slump,
You’re not in much fun,
Un-slumping yourself
Is not easily done. (Oh the Places You Go)
I can’t begin to imagine how someone could "unslump" themselves without the Lord and in my case, friends and family, who are ministering angels of His, as well.
Reading several Seuss books with Nathan was almost nostalgic because many of those books still had the bookplates with his daddy’s name in them. One well worn copy, I could pretty much quote from memory. For sure, the passing on of reading aloud from one generation to another is a tradition that I hope continues----b/c I can relate to that.
TV on the other hand has changed so much and there are so many choices and characters blip across the screen so fast that I can’t keep up---the Texans are past Barney and Bob the Builder so I’m really out of touch. Plus, it doesn’t seem to have the same intimacy that comes with sharing a good book. Factor in the Wii and all quietness is lost.
I’m so old that the entertainment I recall was Sunday nights sitting with my family staring at the mesh fabric behind the scrollwork on the large upright radio, a Philco, I think, and getting “scared” together as we listened to “The Shadow.” (No blips, no icons, just words and a few contrived sound effects) When we did have a TV it was black and white and Howdy Dowdy was the show I remember watching with my brothers. But my favorite was “Winky Dink.” For 50 cents I had ordered a plastic sheet to put on the screen to allow for “interaction.” Winky Dink could count on me to draw the bridge or ladder he needed to get out of his jam. (colored crayons had been part of the"deal.") Nowadays, even Caleb, my 3 yr. old Texan, can interact driving a Mario Cart or bowling on the TV screen.
Even with my own children there wasn’t much TV and the one they liked was good ole Mr. Rogers. Remember him? Blue sneakers, cardigan sweater and a blinking yellow light as the show opens. He left all the trappings of formality on a peg/hanger or under a bench and settled in to take time to “nourish” relationships with those in his neighborhood. Wonder if the yellow light was symbolic of our need to slow down and take time---sort of like having a cup of tea with a friend or family
That’s what I’ve done this week and what I plan to do next week with family---spend some quiet time with the Lord first to ward off undue slumping and then have "ordinary" time with them to laugh, cry, pray and dance---just be LILES, unslumped.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Puddles, Puddles, Puddles
3/04 addendum
Puddles when I read cards and messages, puddles when I saw Mama G’s e-mail, puddles when I read Diane’s sweet, heartfelt letter, puddles when I read Michele’s mutual desire to go to Serendipity 3 in NYC and suggested that maybe someday we could meet there…
then, big PUDDLES (so big, I almost “piddled” as Mama Davenport used to say) ----when seeing the line of people at the end of my street with balloons and posters and smiles and realizing they were my friends (puddles just typing it) It was a virtual chorus line coming to “see me off” with a row of posters that read, “Keep on D A N C I N G, Dotsy---We love you, Lakeland loves Dotsy, etc. What a surprise---what a puddle of warm tears that kept flowing with joy.
Puddles when my Molly surprised me at the airport with goodbye hugs and puddles in Dallas when my Buddy was waiting in the baggage area with welcome hugs.
God is so good! I am so blessed-------more puddles.
Puddles when I read cards and messages, puddles when I saw Mama G’s e-mail, puddles when I read Diane’s sweet, heartfelt letter, puddles when I read Michele’s mutual desire to go to Serendipity 3 in NYC and suggested that maybe someday we could meet there…
then, big PUDDLES (so big, I almost “piddled” as Mama Davenport used to say) ----when seeing the line of people at the end of my street with balloons and posters and smiles and realizing they were my friends (puddles just typing it) It was a virtual chorus line coming to “see me off” with a row of posters that read, “Keep on D A N C I N G, Dotsy---We love you, Lakeland loves Dotsy, etc. What a surprise---what a puddle of warm tears that kept flowing with joy.
Puddles when my Molly surprised me at the airport with goodbye hugs and puddles in Dallas when my Buddy was waiting in the baggage area with welcome hugs.
God is so good! I am so blessed-------more puddles.
The Final Dance
3/4/09 The Final Dance with MAC
My dance card is full---my loving Lord of the Dance is allowing a team to “cut in” (literally) and waltz me through this dance routine that has included MAC. Hopefully it’s the end of MAC’s appearance at my life’s dance.
Reader, have you realized the scriptural truths that have been evident in my dance?
Psalm 37:23-24 sums it up well. The steps (those dance steps of mine) of a man (Dotsy) are established by the Lord; (God has been “in the know” since I was fearfully & wonderfully made) and he (Dotsy) delights in his way. (Though bittersweet, this dance has been a delight to my soul & though the lessons have been hard at times, I am grateful for all the Lord has so gently taught me.) When he (Dotsy) falls (or trips on her own two feet) he (Dotsy) shall not be hurled headlong; (I can testify that sometimes He has held me so close I have felt His own heart---& maybe even His tears, so I know He’s not going to let go) because the Lord is the One who holds his (Dotsy’s) hand!!! God’s BIG hand (strength) holding my little (frail) hand---it’s the juxtaposition of my frailty and His strength--------you gotta love it---I do!!
Whether this final dance is just for this MAC season or if it becomes my final dance this side of heaven, just know that for me it is a “win-win” situation---for as Paul said, “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:21)
So-----Howdy, Texas Pahdnuhs, I’m headin’ to Dallas and I coming with a caravan!!
My dance card is full---my loving Lord of the Dance is allowing a team to “cut in” (literally) and waltz me through this dance routine that has included MAC. Hopefully it’s the end of MAC’s appearance at my life’s dance.
Reader, have you realized the scriptural truths that have been evident in my dance?
Psalm 37:23-24 sums it up well. The steps (those dance steps of mine) of a man (Dotsy) are established by the Lord; (God has been “in the know” since I was fearfully & wonderfully made) and he (Dotsy) delights in his way. (Though bittersweet, this dance has been a delight to my soul & though the lessons have been hard at times, I am grateful for all the Lord has so gently taught me.) When he (Dotsy) falls (or trips on her own two feet) he (Dotsy) shall not be hurled headlong; (I can testify that sometimes He has held me so close I have felt His own heart---& maybe even His tears, so I know He’s not going to let go) because the Lord is the One who holds his (Dotsy’s) hand!!! God’s BIG hand (strength) holding my little (frail) hand---it’s the juxtaposition of my frailty and His strength--------you gotta love it---I do!!
Whether this final dance is just for this MAC season or if it becomes my final dance this side of heaven, just know that for me it is a “win-win” situation---for as Paul said, “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:21)
So-----Howdy, Texas Pahdnuhs, I’m headin’ to Dallas and I coming with a caravan!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tea and Comfort
3/3/09 Teatime
Afternoon tea with friends----there’s nothing quite like it. I have been served by waiters in black vests at a “Victorian tea” at the Empress in Victoria, BC, had tea at Tea and Sympathy in Greenwich Village (served with bangers and mash), attended a bridal tea for Day at Serendipity in Bartlett though the Serendipity 3 in NYC is still on my bucket list----I’ll take my pot of English Teatime with a $22 outrageous banana split. Larry wants the frozen hot chocolate. I have had a “spot of tea” at the Greenbrier, high tea at Crown City Tea Parlor just around the corner from Hotel Del where I had morning tea, and “knock the chill off” tea at both The Beehive in Salt Lake City and le lapin boulè in Quebec with my amigas. Every summer when I travel with my T-Cup friends we always schedule a special tea whether we’re in AR, KY, GA, LA, MO, MS or TN. I have even celebrated a friend's 50th with tea at the Ritz in London, seated beside the famous nymph fountain in the spectacular Palm Court. Pots of tea and crustless finger sandwiches were served on blue and white china followed by scones and clotted cream (which I could eat my weight in) and those scrumptious pastries………….oh my!
I have had morning tea by candlelight at the Empress of Little Rock and this morning I had tea on the window seat between the bookcases that house my travel books, autographed books and my computer. I didn’t have it in a Wedgewood tea cup, though I could have done that. I chose my own blue and white tea cup, special to me because of the memory of running through the rain in Cambridge to a tea shoppe where I purchased said cup after having a steaming cuppa with Larry and dear friends. I didn’t have this morning’s repast with a scone, though I could have----I had it with a piece of delicious pound cake, made by the hands of a loving friend----if clotted cream had been available, I would have slathered it in that. There was no waiter, no ceremony, no server dressed in morning coat (cutaway in American English) or frilly apron----just a kind hubby who had my cuppa sitting on the kitchen counter ready for me to take upstairs to my “nest.”
Though, as you can tell from all the aforementioned ramblings, I find it pure joy to share a cup of tea with those whom I love the most. I also find great comfort in tea times with friends---there’s a great intimacy and acceptance that comes with sharing a “cuppa.” That’s why this morning I’m sharing it with my best friend----just me with Him in quietness.
Isaiah 30: 15 In quietness and trust is your strength.
I cherish the time I have had these past few weeks in fellowship with the Lord---and it’s usually with a cup of tea in hand. As I look to Him, joyfully expectant of His presence, Jesus meets me there---even if it’s on a book strewn window seat. My prayer is that these peaceful moments of listening to Him will spill over into the lives of those whose paths I cross---whether on Longreen, in cyberspace, or “soon to be” in Dallas---our world desperately needs His love.
Afternoon tea with friends----there’s nothing quite like it. I have been served by waiters in black vests at a “Victorian tea” at the Empress in Victoria, BC, had tea at Tea and Sympathy in Greenwich Village (served with bangers and mash), attended a bridal tea for Day at Serendipity in Bartlett though the Serendipity 3 in NYC is still on my bucket list----I’ll take my pot of English Teatime with a $22 outrageous banana split. Larry wants the frozen hot chocolate. I have had a “spot of tea” at the Greenbrier, high tea at Crown City Tea Parlor just around the corner from Hotel Del where I had morning tea, and “knock the chill off” tea at both The Beehive in Salt Lake City and le lapin boulè in Quebec with my amigas. Every summer when I travel with my T-Cup friends we always schedule a special tea whether we’re in AR, KY, GA, LA, MO, MS or TN. I have even celebrated a friend's 50th with tea at the Ritz in London, seated beside the famous nymph fountain in the spectacular Palm Court. Pots of tea and crustless finger sandwiches were served on blue and white china followed by scones and clotted cream (which I could eat my weight in) and those scrumptious pastries………….oh my!
I have had morning tea by candlelight at the Empress of Little Rock and this morning I had tea on the window seat between the bookcases that house my travel books, autographed books and my computer. I didn’t have it in a Wedgewood tea cup, though I could have done that. I chose my own blue and white tea cup, special to me because of the memory of running through the rain in Cambridge to a tea shoppe where I purchased said cup after having a steaming cuppa with Larry and dear friends. I didn’t have this morning’s repast with a scone, though I could have----I had it with a piece of delicious pound cake, made by the hands of a loving friend----if clotted cream had been available, I would have slathered it in that. There was no waiter, no ceremony, no server dressed in morning coat (cutaway in American English) or frilly apron----just a kind hubby who had my cuppa sitting on the kitchen counter ready for me to take upstairs to my “nest.”
Though, as you can tell from all the aforementioned ramblings, I find it pure joy to share a cup of tea with those whom I love the most. I also find great comfort in tea times with friends---there’s a great intimacy and acceptance that comes with sharing a “cuppa.” That’s why this morning I’m sharing it with my best friend----just me with Him in quietness.
Isaiah 30: 15 In quietness and trust is your strength.
I cherish the time I have had these past few weeks in fellowship with the Lord---and it’s usually with a cup of tea in hand. As I look to Him, joyfully expectant of His presence, Jesus meets me there---even if it’s on a book strewn window seat. My prayer is that these peaceful moments of listening to Him will spill over into the lives of those whose paths I cross---whether on Longreen, in cyberspace, or “soon to be” in Dallas---our world desperately needs His love.
Monday, March 2, 2009
23rd Psalm--final visit
3/2/09 Psalm 23
More from verse four---
Darkness continues to give me pause for thought/reflection---and here’s what I know:
• Scripture is light---it sheds His light on truth thus giving understanding. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from Thy law. (Word) Psalm 119:18
• God’s truth can set me free from the darkness brought by worry and fear.
• I can trust God in the darkness---He will lead me.
• The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom (or what) shall I fear? Psalm 27, which I love (Claudia has permitted me to love it b/c it’s her psalm)
Someone asked me, How do you “spout off” this scripture---I don’t know---verses learned as a child do come back---yet, as an adult, trying to memorize scripture has been very difficult for me. But God…..during this time, has allowed those words that are written in His Word, that I have been privileged to study, to come to mind whenever I need His guiDANCE. I know it doesn’t make sense for someone with such a pitiful memory to recall anything, but it’s been happening. It’s as if the essence of His word is residing deep in my heart “for such a time as this”----can’t explain it anymore than that.
More from verse four---
Darkness continues to give me pause for thought/reflection---and here’s what I know:
• Scripture is light---it sheds His light on truth thus giving understanding. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from Thy law. (Word) Psalm 119:18
• God’s truth can set me free from the darkness brought by worry and fear.
• I can trust God in the darkness---He will lead me.
• The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom (or what) shall I fear? Psalm 27, which I love (Claudia has permitted me to love it b/c it’s her psalm)
Someone asked me, How do you “spout off” this scripture---I don’t know---verses learned as a child do come back---yet, as an adult, trying to memorize scripture has been very difficult for me. But God…..during this time, has allowed those words that are written in His Word, that I have been privileged to study, to come to mind whenever I need His guiDANCE. I know it doesn’t make sense for someone with such a pitiful memory to recall anything, but it’s been happening. It’s as if the essence of His word is residing deep in my heart “for such a time as this”----can’t explain it anymore than that.
Psalm 23:5-6
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Verse 5—God as a provider—providing hospitality for His people—not by taking them away from "enemies" in order to lavish them with a banquet---but by giving His presence in the midst of harm or those who harm.
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Annointing with oil in scripture is an example of God bestowing His Holy Spirit on the believer and David’s cup symbolized his lot/portion in life and how he was overflowing with God’s blessing. (Constable)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: A four-year old at my son’s church recited the 23rd Psalm which her dad posted on GodTube. It is precious. It also spoke volumes to me when she kept trying to add “surely” before many of the verses---that’s the way I see it now—surely He restores my soul, surely He is with me and surely His goodness and mercy will pursue me---It’s a sure thing.
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
This might indicate heaven but my marginalia indicates a present happening---like Psalm 27:4 ….that I shall seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life----building a relationship of oneness, experiencing His presence. (Dotsy THOT)
I’ve found out a few things about sheep this week----they need a shepherd---and so do I. Do you?
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Verse 5—God as a provider—providing hospitality for His people—not by taking them away from "enemies" in order to lavish them with a banquet---but by giving His presence in the midst of harm or those who harm.
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Annointing with oil in scripture is an example of God bestowing His Holy Spirit on the believer and David’s cup symbolized his lot/portion in life and how he was overflowing with God’s blessing. (Constable)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: A four-year old at my son’s church recited the 23rd Psalm which her dad posted on GodTube. It is precious. It also spoke volumes to me when she kept trying to add “surely” before many of the verses---that’s the way I see it now—surely He restores my soul, surely He is with me and surely His goodness and mercy will pursue me---It’s a sure thing.
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
This might indicate heaven but my marginalia indicates a present happening---like Psalm 27:4 ….that I shall seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life----building a relationship of oneness, experiencing His presence. (Dotsy THOT)
I’ve found out a few things about sheep this week----they need a shepherd---and so do I. Do you?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
R + S = C
3/1/09 23rd Psalm Revisited
Journal jottings: Steeped my tea, while looking at my backyard steeped in snow, opening my Bible to again "steep" in God's word from Psalm 23....while contemplating whether to have homemade sourdough bread from one of my dancers or homemade banana bread from a MS friend.
As a teenager I spent many days traipsing back and forth between my house on Virginia Street and the Fairleigh’s house on Alumini Avenue. The quickest, and in those days, safe, path was the alley. Winslow and I knew it by heart b/c most days found us together at one house or the other. But at night it was pitch black and though we pretty much knew the way like the back of our hand, we much preferred to travel it together. Some nights we would leave from my back porch, cross the yard cut through behind the garage, where our baby blue Valiant was housed, just past the vacated house of John Tom, Clara Lee and Hattie May, on the old Albritton place, and scoot down the alley to Alumni where there was a street light ---though dim by today’s standards. Then we’d race to her 1962 turquoise Corvair (w/ tab shift, trunk in the front & motor in the back) and she’d drive me around the corner to my front door---Virginia Street was well lit. You see, light dispels darkness.
Death, even the “shadow of death,” and fear can be synonymous with darkness. And darkness can be overwhelming without “protection.” Winslow and I had each other---silly as that sounds---and that made all the difference. Today, the Lord understood that my MAC fear, not only of the endurance of pain, but the fear of the unknown, would begin to creep in as I neared the time of the Dallas departure----so, He’s had me in this psalm for three days now. He also had “no-fear” verses written on my Dotsy quilt and a "fear" entry today in Edges of His Ways.
The verse doesn’t stop with, I will fear no evil---that would make fearlessness possible by my own “human” effort & trust me, it’s not possible for me to conjure it up. The next phrase, "for Thou art with me,” tells us why we don’t have to fear---the Lord God, our shepherd is with us.
And He comes prepared, just as the hillside shepherds of old. He’s equipped with a rod and a staff.
Insights from Meeting God in Quiet Places---more like my loose paraphrasing:
Rod—protection from enemies---gives feeling of assurance---but if God offered protection without the care and concern of friendship (staff) it would be stern & cold
Staff –for peaceful walking and guiding---friendship, like an old walking stick but if it didn’t go hand in hand with strength and protection (rod) it would be soppy, sentimental, and without power.
The result of the two together is comfort. (Thy) Rod and (Thy) Staff = (my) Comfort(R+S = C)
Journal jottings: Steeped my tea, while looking at my backyard steeped in snow, opening my Bible to again "steep" in God's word from Psalm 23....while contemplating whether to have homemade sourdough bread from one of my dancers or homemade banana bread from a MS friend.
Wouldn’t we feel blessed if those were the hardest choices we had to make in life? But I, my friends, can tell you that God’s children are blessed, even in the places of deep difficulty---“independent of all circumstances.” (Jesus Calling)
Streams in Desert 3/1 says, “Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right…..for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power. He will not only deliver you….(He) will impart a lesson that you will never forget.”-----which brings me back to my "steeping" of Psalm 23.
Verse 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Streams in Desert 3/1 says, “Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right…..for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power. He will not only deliver you….(He) will impart a lesson that you will never forget.”-----which brings me back to my "steeping" of Psalm 23.
Verse 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Death, even the “shadow of death,” and fear can be synonymous with darkness. And darkness can be overwhelming without “protection.” Winslow and I had each other---silly as that sounds---and that made all the difference. Today, the Lord understood that my MAC fear, not only of the endurance of pain, but the fear of the unknown, would begin to creep in as I neared the time of the Dallas departure----so, He’s had me in this psalm for three days now. He also had “no-fear” verses written on my Dotsy quilt and a "fear" entry today in Edges of His Ways.
The verse doesn’t stop with, I will fear no evil---that would make fearlessness possible by my own “human” effort & trust me, it’s not possible for me to conjure it up. The next phrase, "for Thou art with me,” tells us why we don’t have to fear---the Lord God, our shepherd is with us.
And He comes prepared, just as the hillside shepherds of old. He’s equipped with a rod and a staff.
Insights from Meeting God in Quiet Places---more like my loose paraphrasing:
Rod—protection from enemies---gives feeling of assurance---but if God offered protection without the care and concern of friendship (staff) it would be stern & cold
Staff –for peaceful walking and guiding---friendship, like an old walking stick but if it didn’t go hand in hand with strength and protection (rod) it would be soppy, sentimental, and without power.
The result of the two together is comfort. (Thy) Rod and (Thy) Staff = (my) Comfort(R+S = C)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Soothing Psalms
2/28/09 Psalms Soothe the Soul-- so does the falling snow out my window as I type
Psalms in the Hebrew Bible is Tehillim, which means "praise songs." Descriptive praise psalms offer praise to God for Himself or for His general working rather than for a specific instance of His working. The psalms are Hebrew poetry. That’s probably why the psalms speak to my heart b/c I love poetry---a poet can say so much with few words and yet we get the big picture or the analogy. 
I need to soothe my soul. Maybe it’s because this time next week, I’ll be in Dallas for multiple surgeries!. I’ll no longer be in the comfort of the familiar---my home for the last 32 years---my bed, my blankies---though I will take 2 “squish” pillows (down--that’s worn way down) with me---Those thoughts give a creature who loves habit a little pause. So, I’m turning to the most soothing psalm I know to learn from my Good Shepherd. I only know (by heart) the King James version---possibly another 4th grade memory assignment.
Psalm 23 (wherein lies my security)
Read the entire psalm.
Look closely at the first three verses.
1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2) He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3) He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Ever heard the story of the Sunday School teacher who asked her pre-school class is any one could recite the 23rd psalm? One little girl made quite a production out of it as she stood before the class, said, “the Lord is my shepherd, that’s all I want,” bowed and sat back down. ‘nuff said, don’t you think?---quite poetic---summing up in just a few words the big picture of that psalm.
I am drawn to this psalm of David (the shepherd boy and then king) as a psalm of trust and confidence in God’s goodness in the present and in the future. (Constable)
Verse 1--Because the Lord is my shepherd (my Yahweh Raah or named by many as Jehovah Rohi) I shall not want. I will not lack for any good thing. He, my caregiver & friend, will provide for my needs.
Verse 2 He maketh me to lie down (be still) ---sometimes He really has to “make” me---taking out the phone or internet or putting me flat on my back---that way I have to “look up.”
In green pastures---a great place for sheep to be easily fed---He nourishes/feeds me with His Word.
He leadeth me---(He guides me & knows my name just as the shepherd leads & calls his sheep by name, (John 10:3)
beside the still waters. ---calming, yet living water---the water of life. Bishop Handley Mouley used to say, “Even if you have not a long time to spend in the morning with your God, hem it with quietness. (Edges of His Ways, 2/22; emphasis mine)
Verse 3 He restoreth my soul; “Unto Thee O Lord do I lift up my soul” (Psa. 25:1) spiritual rest and renewal--I can’t do it on my own. In His grace, He feeds the hunger in my soul and that nourishment keeps me.
O people of God, be great believers! Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls. (Charles H. Spurgeon)
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness---I can trust His guidance to keep me on a level path (Psa. 27:11) His path (Psa. 25:4)
for his name's sake.----as One who directs His people for His reputation, His glory.
In every situation even ones of adversity, to God be the glory.
Assignment to self or you can join me if you choose---as you put your head on the pillow tonight, recite these 5 words.......The LORD is my shepherd---each time emphasizing a different word and just see how many different ways those words will speak to you.
Friday, February 27, 2009
What I Know!
2/27/09 New-Normal
Man’s sensitivity to trivia and his insensitivity to matters of major importance, reveal he has a strange disorder. (Pascal, 1623-1662) So long ago, yet still so true. Nowadays folks say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I think it’s more than that. It can also be a matter of not wanting to face hard stuff or the unknown, so we fill our minds with trivial thoughts or just stay busy so we don’t have to face certain situations. Come face to face with your own mortality and what you value can change rather quickly---people/relationships become significant----family, friends, and the Lord. Life as we once knew it, is no longer the same and never will be. It becomes a new-normal and that can be a good thing---if we embrace it.
I couldn’t remember where I heard the phrase, “new-normal” and then I read it in Michèle Phoenix’s, Edge of the Tidal Pool---another well-written, poignant book. She has a way with clearly expressing her MAC experience ----she has used very precise language or even coined her own words to give understanding to living with mycrocystic adnexal carcinoma. Her term new-normal is helpful for anyone dealing with the unknowns of life with cancer.
What is new-normal? Let’s just say it defies description----because it is ever changing. Plans that once were the backbone of your “existence” go out the window with a phone call. "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16: 9) Events are pared down because one can no longer do it all and more than likely, doesn’t even want to try. You have to focus on the Lord and live in the moment or you can slide into despair rather quickly. You began to cherish small things and appreciate simplicity and stillness. Quietness has been a 180º turn for me-----but an absolute necessity.
So what do I know from all of this---Michèle has taught me----to list what I know today and not to focus on the unknowns of tomorrow. (ah-h-h-, I still like lists and can still relate to them, though I have to keep white-out handy or a good eraser or draw lots of flowers over all the changes) “Just focus on what you do know, Dotsy. List those things---things that you know are true today---they will guard your sanity/mind.”
Today I know………………..
…..I awoke feeling refreshed from a night of sleep comforted by the falling rain. (Psalm 3:5, Psalm 127:2)
…..I had time for prayer for others this morning and can watch for His answers. (Psalm 5:3)
…..I have a “spa gift” from Miss Anonymous and I plan to use it---my hands won’t know what to think.
…..I have homemade cookies---b/c Elnora loves to cook--to take to Dr. Burruss and Dr. Finn to say thanks for all the help on securing my team and getting the necessary referrals. (May they taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8)
…..I’m going to Houston High to receive “something” as my faculty friends say good-by. (Psalm 27: 13)**
**This is where I stopped typing in order to make it to HHS by 2 pm. As I arrived, I experienced that Psalm 27:13 verse in a BIG way---I “saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” There was no despair for me----there were prayers, expressions of concern, positive, encouraging words and lots of hugs and laughter and tears---took lots of Kleenex--- there was even a card with $$. And then there was the gift—how does one even describe a “Dotsy” quilt---except to say that I love it!! It truly is a gift of love. Everyone needs to see it because it is indescribable with everyone’s names and messages on it on "Dotsy" fabric with coordinating pillow cases for my "squish" pillows----won't get those mixed up with the hospital ones. It also came with instructions---“when in Dallas, wrap up in it and let it remind you that we are covering you with our love and thoughts and prayers.” Will do----but why wait ‘til Dallas---it’s raining, I'm home alone, and I’m too tired to dance, so I’m going to cuddle up and feel the love.
Tonight I know…………….that I am loved.
Man’s sensitivity to trivia and his insensitivity to matters of major importance, reveal he has a strange disorder. (Pascal, 1623-1662) So long ago, yet still so true. Nowadays folks say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I think it’s more than that. It can also be a matter of not wanting to face hard stuff or the unknown, so we fill our minds with trivial thoughts or just stay busy so we don’t have to face certain situations. Come face to face with your own mortality and what you value can change rather quickly---people/relationships become significant----family, friends, and the Lord. Life as we once knew it, is no longer the same and never will be. It becomes a new-normal and that can be a good thing---if we embrace it.
I couldn’t remember where I heard the phrase, “new-normal” and then I read it in Michèle Phoenix’s, Edge of the Tidal Pool---another well-written, poignant book. She has a way with clearly expressing her MAC experience ----she has used very precise language or even coined her own words to give understanding to living with mycrocystic adnexal carcinoma. Her term new-normal is helpful for anyone dealing with the unknowns of life with cancer.
What is new-normal? Let’s just say it defies description----because it is ever changing. Plans that once were the backbone of your “existence” go out the window with a phone call. "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16: 9) Events are pared down because one can no longer do it all and more than likely, doesn’t even want to try. You have to focus on the Lord and live in the moment or you can slide into despair rather quickly. You began to cherish small things and appreciate simplicity and stillness. Quietness has been a 180º turn for me-----but an absolute necessity.
So what do I know from all of this---Michèle has taught me----to list what I know today and not to focus on the unknowns of tomorrow. (ah-h-h-, I still like lists and can still relate to them, though I have to keep white-out handy or a good eraser or draw lots of flowers over all the changes) “Just focus on what you do know, Dotsy. List those things---things that you know are true today---they will guard your sanity/mind.”
Today I know………………..
…..I awoke feeling refreshed from a night of sleep comforted by the falling rain. (Psalm 3:5, Psalm 127:2)
…..I had time for prayer for others this morning and can watch for His answers. (Psalm 5:3)
…..I have a “spa gift” from Miss Anonymous and I plan to use it---my hands won’t know what to think.
…..I have homemade cookies---b/c Elnora loves to cook--to take to Dr. Burruss and Dr. Finn to say thanks for all the help on securing my team and getting the necessary referrals. (May they taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8)
…..I’m going to Houston High to receive “something” as my faculty friends say good-by. (Psalm 27: 13)**
**This is where I stopped typing in order to make it to HHS by 2 pm. As I arrived, I experienced that Psalm 27:13 verse in a BIG way---I “saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” There was no despair for me----there were prayers, expressions of concern, positive, encouraging words and lots of hugs and laughter and tears---took lots of Kleenex--- there was even a card with $$. And then there was the gift—how does one even describe a “Dotsy” quilt---except to say that I love it!! It truly is a gift of love. Everyone needs to see it because it is indescribable with everyone’s names and messages on it on "Dotsy" fabric with coordinating pillow cases for my "squish" pillows----won't get those mixed up with the hospital ones. It also came with instructions---“when in Dallas, wrap up in it and let it remind you that we are covering you with our love and thoughts and prayers.” Will do----but why wait ‘til Dallas---it’s raining, I'm home alone, and I’m too tired to dance, so I’m going to cuddle up and feel the love.
Tonight I know…………….that I am loved.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Dance to the Music
2/26/09 Dance to the Music
John Milton said, “Those who dance were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” Sometimes I think people must think that about me, (akin to denial) when they see that I am trusting the Lord in all this and even equating this "season of life" as one of dancing with Him. They don’t know that He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.(Psa.40: 3)
Many can’t hear the song because they have not been where I am---very few people have, but many have their own song, the one the Lord has given them, to help with their struggle/hard place/burden. Others can’t hear His music at all because they are too busy with pursuing life according to self---they can’t block out the “ME” cacophony that rings in their ears. (I should have, if only I could, why me, poor me) Others can’t be still long enough to even try and listen---such busyness can lead to bottoming out, certainly not to dancing. T. S. Eliot puts it this way, “In the stillness is dancing.” If your not dancing/living what you believe, it’s just religious talk.
To dance, you need to hear the music. Listen!
Needless to say the Jesus Calling passage this morning had the words dancing off the page right into my heart.
“I’m leading you step by step, through your life.”---sounds like a dance to me. I’m just glad that I’m being led in this dance by the One who prepared the steps for me. “Hold my hand in trusting dependence…..” when it’s a couple’s dance you can lose the rhythm and flow when you dance independently of you partner. But dependence on the One who leads is “how it should be”---a little poetic license here---it’s a depenDANCE! It might be a misspelling but it makes my point because I am dependent on Him in this macDANCE. I can’t predict the future, I just have to “Trust the Lord to show (Dotsy) the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that.” I dare not wait til MAC is gone to start living----that’s like waiting for the storms of life to pass---I need to learn to dance in the rain----and sing my “new song.”
John Milton said, “Those who dance were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” Sometimes I think people must think that about me, (akin to denial) when they see that I am trusting the Lord in all this and even equating this "season of life" as one of dancing with Him. They don’t know that He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.(Psa.40: 3)
Many can’t hear the song because they have not been where I am---very few people have, but many have their own song, the one the Lord has given them, to help with their struggle/hard place/burden. Others can’t hear His music at all because they are too busy with pursuing life according to self---they can’t block out the “ME” cacophony that rings in their ears. (I should have, if only I could, why me, poor me) Others can’t be still long enough to even try and listen---such busyness can lead to bottoming out, certainly not to dancing. T. S. Eliot puts it this way, “In the stillness is dancing.” If your not dancing/living what you believe, it’s just religious talk.
To dance, you need to hear the music. Listen!
Needless to say the Jesus Calling passage this morning had the words dancing off the page right into my heart.
“I’m leading you step by step, through your life.”---sounds like a dance to me. I’m just glad that I’m being led in this dance by the One who prepared the steps for me. “Hold my hand in trusting dependence…..” when it’s a couple’s dance you can lose the rhythm and flow when you dance independently of you partner. But dependence on the One who leads is “how it should be”---a little poetic license here---it’s a depenDANCE! It might be a misspelling but it makes my point because I am dependent on Him in this macDANCE. I can’t predict the future, I just have to “Trust the Lord to show (Dotsy) the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that.” I dare not wait til MAC is gone to start living----that’s like waiting for the storms of life to pass---I need to learn to dance in the rain----and sing my “new song.”
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