Excerpts of Encouragement

7/8/10 Leaving soon for Hoptown to spend a couple of days with Daddy and then on to Nashville to meet up with Michèle. Ah-h-h, Michèle---my encourager extraordinaire. What a mentor! What an example of ministering to others.
Here’s a peek at some of her “notes” that encouraged me without sugarcoating my diagnosis----she knew what I would be facing and was willing to share her experiences.

From first e-mail
Know that you are supported by this stranger who has stood where you stand and made it through to the other side.

2nd note---Throughout this McJourney, I have known a peace that simply cannot be explained in human terms. I know from reading your blog, Dotsy, that you have a special connection with your Maker and I know that will serve you well in the months and weeks ahead... He is NEVER far.

Please know that I am praying for you even as I write. (M taught me to do this)

1/23/09 I'm more than happy to walk this road with you ….I know there's no such thing as a benign response to the C-word...

1/24/09 I know the trauma, the physical ache, of this kind of thing--despite the strongest possible sense that God is near. But I've also reached the other side now and been able to look back and see the blessings, the GOLDEN linings that I might have missed ….. .I know that faith does not spare us entirely from the very real fears and nervousness that come from living in a fallen world with an ailing body. Those fears, those sleepless nights and moments of near-panic, are not a condemnation of our spirituality, they are the expression of our humanity.
And if we somehow manage to continue to live in hope and joy in spite of them, that's a validation of the God whose comfort surpasses our very limited understanding. (A-men to that, Michèle)

2/2/10 I want to encourage you--exhort you!--to allow at least a handful of those who love you to see the full scope of your emotional response to this devastating blow. Or if you'd rather vent to a relative stranger who would NEVER condemn you for honest emotions, you can do so to me too.

I've discovered that in moments of gravest need, God uses flesh-and-blood angels to soothe and comfort. The road of my McJourney has been paved with the stepping stones of kindred believers and gentle strangers, and I pray the same will be true for you. (Oh, how true that was for me---the “land of the living” my, willing to be used by God, flesh and blood angels have blessed me and mine beyond measure.)
I know that God is here… (and so do I!)

Michèle sharing her own journey was the greatest comfort for me----God was (is) here. It is His hand I've felt on my back, warmed by late-day sun. It is His peace in my mind, soothed and unraveled by His answer to my prayer. It is His promise in my chest, loosening the stranglehold, with every deep breath, of that oppressive opaque uneasiness. He was the faint light growing deeper; the warm colors of beginnings, not the heavy cold hues of endings.

Michèle THOTS---I’m not saying that it will be easy if Mac takes his worst possible course. But it will be okay....Because God has made promises that transcend our physical experience..... life is already—filled with ..... loving and being loved, and unfathomable serenity.

This morning when I read this year old note from Michèle, I realized the depth of truth that her words held.
Dotsy, every time I think about you I simultaneously feel a tightening in my chest for the journey still ahead and a surge of praise for the way God is going to walk with you at every turn in the unpredictable road that will lead to your healing. I'm sure you can't even imagine it the nearly-physical reality of His presence yet, but you'll experience it in a breathtaking way, even amid the pain and sadness and anger and depression the journey might entail. He'll be there. So powerfully and so comfortingly. You'll be amazed.

I was indeed amazed and blessed by my MAC journey/dance, just like Michèle said I would be. Her encouragement was a big part of that.

Last fall Michèle wrote on one of her gorgeous handmade photo notes:
I think of you daily and pray already for your October surgery. God has been so good to you.….and he isn’t going to stop now! I consider myself honored to stand with you in prayer & spirit & even more blessed to call you friend. With much love ---and already looking forward to our next encounter.

Our next encounter---wow it will this weekend. Isn’t God good!! Maybe I can, in someway, encourage her---because that’s the way it’s suppose to be.

So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith (Galatians 6:10)

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, (I Thessalonians 5:11)

Encouragement is a great way to “do good.”

Encouragement. Reciprocate, pass it forward---just do it. Strew your life’s path with excerpts of encouragement for others. You’ll be glad you did and so will they.

Unrealistic Expectations

7/7/10 Reality has a way of nudging, or sometimes shoving us away from cozy assumptions. Life can turn on a dime. Those cozy assumptions can fly out the window and we can be hit head on with reality that can be excruciating. My friend, Bernie, at age 17 was driving the car, when the wreck occurred that took her mother’s life. Laura Bush in her recent memoir, Spoken From the Heart, tells of running a stop sign at age 17 and striking another car that resulted in the death of Mike, a classmate/friend, from her high school. Over the years she has learned that tragedy is no respecter of persons & “if onlys” are fruitless.

Other turns might not be as tragic but they can certainly cause a seismic shift in our thinking. Cancer diagnosis, a spouse who just needs space so he/she walks out the door, needy aging parents, disappointment in children and their choices, downsizing, or just plain warn out with living in the frantic pace and global tragedies of 2010.

Maybe we just need to let go of the unrealistic expectation of ever living in a completely “fair, sane, just, and loving world.” (J. Viorst) It just isn’t going to happen, this side of heaven. To expect that is unrealistic. People will disappoint us. We need to take the stress/pressure off our loved ones by no longer “demanding” that they be perfect. We want them to meet our every expectation. But, suppose they don’t. It’s all that supposing that makes us miserable. Suppose our life turns on a dime tomorrow? I need to give it all up and just trust the Lord. How ‘bout you?

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,

Because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,

For in GOD the LORD, we have an everlasting Rock. (Isa. 26:3-4)

GIGI GIFT revealed

7/6/10….I’ve gotten phone calls, emails, blog comments and face to face questions so I decided to “globally” answer the question, “What did Gigi give Josh and his bride as a wedding gift?”
Drum roll please----a sterling silver Francis the First pastry server. I think Mother (aka Gigi) figured it could be used in their home to serve the chocolate chess pie. (recipe included with

the gift) They actually used it in their wedding to cut the tiered wedding cake. Yes, I cried---couldn’t help it, especially since on a nearby table were engagement/wedding pictures of all the grandmothers. I’m not sure but I think maybe Mother’s winked or maybe that was just me blinking back the tears. (Gigi is third from left)

BTW, they also had a scrumptious caramel cake with sea salt for that sweet and salty taste that has become my flavor of choice. I had my first taste of sweet and salty caramel ice cream at the Shake Shack (Madison Sq Park at 23rd) on one of my first trips to NYC to visit Josh/Megan. Salted Caramel was on the Shack’s October custard calendar for Thursday, the night we arrived, so I lucked out.



Josh and Megan also provided “hot tea,” as well as coffee, to accompany their 3 cakes. You know how much this new mother-in-law appreciated both the “cuppa” and the thought.

The Gigi gift that Josh and Megan unwrapped was indeed shiny and beautiful, though not terribly expensive. The real gift was Gigi’s heart, wrapped in Gigi’s love. It revealed how special her grandson was to her----and that’s priceless.

Obligations

7/5/10 Have you been there, done that and survived? In the area of suffering have you not only survived but thrived? Then, you need to pass it on!

Last year, Michèle did just that for me, first in an e-mail and then more fully in a blog with great pictures that enhanced the analogy.

But the gist is this---“the responsibility we have, as survivors, ….stand at the top and call down to those still struggling to the summit. Whether they’re emotional, physical, or spiritual, the mountains we’ve conquered are not ours to own, but ours to share. We might not always want to revisit the pain we’ve suffered or the crippling we’ve endured, but if we don’t offer them to others as a testimony of God’s sustenance and love, our fellow travelers may not have the courage to find their way to the top.”

Plus, it’s scriptural---so pass “it” on to others as Michèle has passed “it” on to me----what ever your “it” of comfort has been from the Lord as well as from those in the “land of the living.”

II Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who (comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

FIREWORKS

7/4/10 I don’t remember fireworks as a child----maybe Hoptown was too small to have a display. I remember as a young married shooting bottle rockets off of Pop’s dock at Pickwick and watching in horror as a sparkler melted down on top of brother Buddy’s hand, which he quickly doused in the lake water.
As an expectant mother I remember baby (Buddy) jumping in utero in response to the June 1970 “Memphis in May” fireworks. Years later, celebrating the 4th as a mother on Longreen, I would hold my kids back as the Lewis’ boys, aided by their dad, John, would set off cherry bombs and firecrackers and light Roman candles and those snakey things that turned into charcoal ash and smoked and others that whistled as they snaked down the street.

This year our street will be quiet. There are only 4 children on our Longreen now---2 teens, 1 toddler and an infant. No fireworks are anticipated. We won’t even be able to see fireworks from our “treetops” bedroom because Shelby Farms no longer has fireworks.

The quiet is okay with me---it would probably “rattle” Mommar anyway. But the reason for celebrating does not diminish for me—or for the folks at Hobby Lobby. Their full page ad in this morning’s Commercial Appeal said it well. “IN GOD WE TRUST.”

IT IS THE DUTY OF ALL NATIONS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROVIDENCE OF ALMIGHTY GOD, TO OBEY HIS WILL, TO BE GRATEFUL FOR HIS BENEFITS AND HUMBLY TO IMPLORE HIS PROTECTION AND FAVOR. (George Washington)

OUR CONSTITUTION WAS MADE ONLY FOR A MORAL AND RELIGIOUS PEOPLE. (John Adams)

WE’VE BEEN ASSURED IN THE SACRED WRITINGS THAT UNLESS THE LORD BUILDS THE HOUSE, THEY LABOR IN VAIN WHO BUILD IT. (Benjamin Franklin)

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. (Psalm 33:12)

These words certainly light a “spark” in my heart.

Shucking corn……

7/2/10….snapping beans and shelling peas. Summertime must be here. Not so many years ago (or so it seems) I had every kid in the neighborhood sitting in a big plastic wading pool with a bushel of silver queen corn pulled fresh that morning at Gragg’s farm. They were shucking away. At the end of the event, everyone was hosed off to get rid of the “itchies” and the stray silks and then treated to popsicles----which resulted in more hosing off.

This year I just had sweet Mississippi yellow corn from Kroger---and only a 3 year old to help “peel” (Owen’s term) the corn so the process was a little slower---but still an adventure!
“Look Shug, we found it!” was Owen’s comment after shucking (peeling) his first ear and seeing the kernels of corn emerge.

Proverbs 17:6a says, “Grandchildren are the crown of old men”
I venture to say they are the crown of old women as well. This old woman certainly felt queenly today getting to discover anew the fun of summertime just by shucking corn with her grandson.

Michèle’s Morsels

7/1/10 One year ago yesterday, I met Michèle Phoenix stateside. The face-to-face / scar-to-scar meeting took place in Louisville, KY where my older brother Buddy lives. The timing, of her being there from Germany for a MI doc appointment, and me being there after a high school reunion weekend, was such a God-thing. Of course, the two of us (MAC victims) connecting at all, especially continents away, was miraculous in and of itself. Musing on all of this I as I read back through my journal, I realized that Michèle mentored me, albeit from afar, and it was her personal knowledge of the cancer and her spiritual grounding that God used to equip me to find joy in my journey.
My memorable morsels from Michèle:

• MAC (our cancer) is a gift we can embrace because it flows from God’s grace;
• Ceaselessly seek reasons to celebrate a life turned toward Him;
• Make note of kindnesses of strangers and the serendipitous occurrences that lend a ray of unexpectedness to your days;
• Acknowledge “Divine Winks;” (similar to my "glory bumps")
• Focus on God’s truths throughout your journey/dance;
• The Center of God’s will might not guarantee physical safety but it does offer utter fulfillment, purpose, comfort and peace;
• We are to each other a priceless gift from a tangible and intimately present God;
• Be a galvanizing inspirer and come to the rescue of others by using your first hand experiences to serve an eternal and invaluable purpose; (A-MEN!)
• In your “new normal” (cancer victim), continue to seek and lean on the One whose love redeems your pain;

Some of these morsels are found in her beautiful book, Postcards from the Waters Edge, which she shared with me early on in my cancer journey. It’s a book that continues to minister to me and one I can share with others who are now in the midst of their own cancer struggle.
http://michelephoenix.com/postcards-from-the-waters-edge/

One week from tomorrow in Nashville, TN where my younger brother, Bobby & his wife now have a condo (near their grands) Michèle and I will meet again. Such another God-thing!

Roller Coaster Emotions

6/28/10 You’d think I’d been riding the cyclone at Coney Island, if you could feel all the emotions that are flowing through my body. Gratitude. Joy, inexpressible. Sorrow---as I watched family depart. Happiness. Sadness---b/c of knowing times spent with loved ones, who live far away, is so rare. Fatigue---energy is spent from having so much fun (even in the midst of logistical nightmares) and so little sleep.

Because of “so much felt” and so little energy with which to express it, I almost didn’t “post” tonight. But God…..has reminded me, through today’s God Calling entry, that this past week it was He who “prepared a table of delights, a feast of all good things” for me and my family. It is because of Him that my life is flooded through with Joy and Gladness, even though I’m pooped.

Even in the midst of the fatigue, I can “feel” all these emotions from the “very depth of (my) heart” because of His continuing goodness and mercy. Rather than being turned upside down as I ride this rollercoaster of emotions, I am overflowing with gratitude because they are all a result of the family He has given me.
Therefore I’m posting this verse for consideration on this “Meditating Monday.”

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23:6)

…..even when I feel like I’ve just stepped off a rollercoaster.

GIGI'S GIFT

6/23/10 Ever the pragmatic one, Mother, aka Gigi to her grands, gave me (9 years ago) a gift for Josh, if and when he married, because she knew she wouldn’t be around for his special day. His would be the only grandchild’s wedding she would miss. Her gift (can’t tell b/c Megan reads the blog) even included her personalized recipe card for chocolate chess pie. Though somewhat incomplete---she cooked by feel---it had all the ingredients listed boldly, though in her cancer weak hand, and at the bottom was written---“Josh likes this.”
Gigi--- a tall, striking, very “ungrandmotherly” looking lady. She didn’t smell mothbally either, like so many grandmothers do---just ask her grandaughters who loved to get into Gigi’s make-up and the fancy bottles of perfume on her gold filigree tray.

Josh has always had a special relationship with his Gigi even when she treatened to “skin him alive” for running down the driveway as a 4 year old. He had always declared that if he ever married, (and that was a BIG IF) Gigi was the only one he was going to invite to the wedding and it was going to be in Las Vegas because he thought his Gigi would like a glittery place.

I guess Las Vegas lost its luster after Mother died because the wedding will be in Brooklyn, his and Megan’s “beloved borough.” I do regret that Mother never met Megan. She would have liked her and would have loved shopping in New York with her. She would have loved her Valentino’s too. Mother believed in stepping out in style (unlike her daughter) and the adorable PINK wedding shoes would have been right up her “fashion alley.” She would probably also threaten to “skin Josh alive” if he didn’t treat his bride/wife like a lady. Nestled in the ribbon of the package is a silver ice scoop because Josh loved Gig’s “sweet tea.” Always sweetened while warm and then chilled and served in glassware (no Tupperware for her.) with lots of ice. LOTS of ice, another Gigi rule. Hence, the scoop.

I’ll probably cry when I give it to them because Gig’s gift came at great cost---bought years ago as she suffered in her final stages of cancer. Her desire was for Josh to know that she wanted at least her gift to be at the wedding and then used throughout his marriage.

Unfulfilled Expectations….

6/22/10 ….are expectations sometimes imposed by others sometimes self-inflicted. An acquaintance might casually say, “Let’s get together soon.” A lonely person might cling to that only to be disappointed. “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:” Proverbs 13:12a. Or as one ages, the reality of some hopes on her “bucket list” no longer being attainable can also bring disappointment. A sadness of sorts. Though “Miss Berta” learned to water ski in her 80s, most folks reach physical limitations as they age and begin realizing that certain physical feats are now beyond them.

One might have to give up the expectation of reading all the books he/she once vowed to read or traveling to all those “10001 places to see before you die” mandate given by those who do travel.
We can assume (though wrongly) that life will always be perfect/easy if we do all the “right things”. Then, comes the reality/loss---often it’s the loss of those false assumptions or unrealistic expectations. Judith Viorst wrote an entire book on change and adaptation---necessary for different seasons in our lives. Necessary Losses: the Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow. (Even to grow up spiritually, I think.)

These past few weeks I have been striving for perfection in a world of messy imperfections and have had several “come aparts.” I had to give it up and grow up. I had to give up those self-imposed expectations, which really were unrealistic, and once again learn to live in the moment. I want to be fulfilled and realistic. I want to give up my pride--- E.G.O. is edging God out---and live up to His expectations. Remember the verse from Micah 6: 8 where we are told His expectations? And what does the LORD require of you 
but to do justice, to love kindness,
 And to walk humbly with your God?
Now that’s realistic!