Acceptance

10/29/09 Three naps followed by a 12 hour deep sleep and awakening to the thought of a future nap pretty much sums up my last 24 hours. Where are all my stuffings?? Someone must have jerked them out of me. They must have been pretty rough with me too because I ache all over. Larry says the bruising and aching are from where the surgeons had me strapped down.

The framed print (a precious gift) that I brought with me to put on my bedside table says. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) But I can’t do anything! Before I could begin berating myself for not latching on to His strength, I sensed that what He wants me to do today is to be still----do nothing. Accept this time as from His hand. Strength does not equate getting up and being busy. In quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15) Today I need to accept that.

Now I await my breakfast in bed----that’s pretty easy to accept!

Bad Breath! Bad Hair!

10/28/09 Not sure where Mom is going with this---doesn't sound very spiritual, but it is in alphabetical order. At this point her jottings are all on a yellow legal pad. Molly

“Bad breath, bad gas, bad hair……………but I love you.” Not exactly romantic endearments but music to the ears of someone who has just semi- awakened from yet another surgery. These are the realities of that surgery and yet one more time, my #1 nurse is letting me know that he’ll be there with me through it all.

A wife with teeth that can’t be brushed for another week, gas that is noisy, uncontrollable and embarrassing, hair that is gumpy with blood and has a motor oil sheen and glasses taped to my forehead because absolutely nothing should touch my nose or my right ear. Aftermaths of reconstructive surgery. Stinky situations / unpleasant circumstances. Not exactly “the movie Larry bought the ticket for” some 40 years ago. But….he rubbed my neck---he certainly couldn’t run his fingers through my hair---opened his Bible and began to read to me from "Exodus."

That, my friends, is a thing called love---and it’s a choice. Long after the trappings of youth have faded, it’s that act of the will, the “choosing” to stay in sickness and in health. That’s what endures. That’s love.

The Book Goes on...

10-27-09 Mom will fill in the rest later. It's a real God thing.
-Molly

Early morning check-in at 5th floor Jonsson at Baylor Medical seemed to bring out pre-surgery jitters. It was still dark outside but things were certainly bustling inside. Shelley, the admit nurse was calming and thorough ---even she must have memorized my birth date. Everything is scanned and checked and re-checked and that’s a good thing. But better than that, she actually listened when I asked about Martha.

Martha had been my nurse on 5th floor Jonsson when I was there in March. She had just found out she had cancer. We had opportunities to talk about her concerns---job, (she had just started in nursing) 2 children and family history of cancer. She was only 28. Thanks to Wynellen’s generosity, I was able to give her a Jesus Calling book. Returning in April for surgery #3, I found out that she was undergoing cancer treatment---both chemo and radiation. No one was sure when she would return to work.

Shelley knew Martha and told me that Martha was now “cancer free” and had returned to work on a transplant floor because she could only work weekends now and plastic surgery at 5th floor Jonsson is closed on weekends. I was thrilled to hear news of her but naturally, I was disappointed because I had so wanted to see her.

But God…………..as only He can orchestrate, had Martha walk in room 502 about 30 minutes later. She had come for a “core” class (like continuing education) at Baylor and came early to avoid all the Dallas morning commute traffic. With a few extra minutes she came up to say hi to folks, ran in to Shelley who told her I was there………….Hugs abounded, tears shed. Martha said that I had been her inspiration, that she read her “little” Jesus Calling book everyday and was even reading it to her 10 year-old daughter. I puddled!

And to think that just today I had gotten an e-mail from Sarah Young, who wrote that “little” book. She said that she would be praying for me. I wonder if she realizes how many of us are on the same page in that “little” book that gives such BIG encouragement to each of us.

Thanks, Sarah for being faithful and seeking God’s Presence daily in the midst of even the hardest times. Indeed, your “little” book, Jesus Calling, has touched me and many others in a special way……………………and the book goes on and on and on.

Selah

10/26/09 Meditation started early this Monday morning in Psalm 3, a psalm of David. I was using my New American Standard translation but my heart was remembering the good ole King James version from my grandmother’s Bible. Psalms and KJV equal comfort for me. I was in need of a little old fashioned comfort this past weekend. Though my grandmother’s Bible is too fragile to travel, I’m staying in a preacher’s house where Bibles abound and the internet is at my finger tips. http://www.biblegateway.com/ (a great source for different translations)
Psalm 3, according to my Bible notes, is a morning prayer of trust in God. Perfect! The first 2 verses deal with the problem but in verse 3, the focus shifts from the problem to the problem solver.

But Thou, O LORD, art a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. (Psalm 3:3)

THOTS: As a shield, He is my protector. A biopsy report looms. Time is a critical factor today in scheduling both an infectious disease regimen and hopefully keeping my pending surgery on the docket. Of course, if diagnosis is cancer all recent plans go by the wayside. Regardless, He is my shield! My marginalia says, "to adorn" beside the word glory. Glory is perhaps the hardest word for me to wrap my finite mind around, so I am Trusting Him On This Subject today. Does He adorn me? Does my trust in Him adorn Him?? As the lifter up of my head, He is my encourager. No “happy pills” needed. (Yet!)

I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill. (Selah) I laid down and slept: I awakened; for the Lord sustained me. (Psalm 3:4-5)

Those verses pretty much describe last night and my “new beginnings” this morning.

THOTS: Selah. Bible dictionary says there are different interpretations of this word---silence or pause is given.

I think I’ll pause to think on these verses. Won’t you join me!

MY SHEPHERD

Figuratively speaking, I’ve been “lying down in green pastures” while “running the routine” of the day---feeding, diapering, bathing, reading and being the patient for the 3 “grand” doctors. I was able to “rest” in the midst of the daily routine because as Jesus Calling reminded me this morning, I need to unwind whenever possible. Today’s “whenever possible” was early---before the boys
awakened. I was able to rest in the presence of my Shepherd and in His Word in John 17.
This is “WIK.” (what I know) The Lord is the Good Shepherd. He owns the sheep. He Guards the sheep. He never abandons them when danger approaches. He knows the sheep.

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. (Psalm 100:3) I am His sheep.

Because I belong to Him, I can walk with Him today down the path of peace---even in the midst of chaotic moments. My tomorrow also is secure and tonight I can lie down in peace and be at rest.

"JUST IN CASE" GAL

“Just in Case Gal”
10/20/09 Preparedness manual/guide---Larry thinks I should write one. He thinks my purse is a JIC (just in case) prototype because I have a way of pulling out what we need---eventually, ‘cause it usually takes some looking.

My grandmother and Larry’s mother are really the queens of the “just in case” purses, always ready with tissues, stamps, gum, band-aids, pencils, mints, change for gumball machines, “quiet toys” for church, crayons and pads for restaurants, etc.

There’s actually a JIC company that maintains large/excess inventories of supplies and parts, plus backup capabilities and extra workers in order to meet any contingencies a manufacturing firm might have. Larry thinks I could be a member of their management team.

For days now, I have been trying to pack for Dallas---Larry will start today and probably be ready at the same time I will.

Packing for the myriad of knowns plus the unknowns has its problems---trying to factor in all the possibilities increases those problems. But the biggest problem is me trying to figure it all out.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6) All my planning and stewing are really for naught because the Lord is the One who is in charge. A man plans his ways but it is the Lord Who directs his steps. (Prov. 16:9)

After typing those verses, it was easier to “pack” with a new perspective---regardless of the weather, activities or length of stay.
I will pack:
• my Houston High quilt and my HHS Student Impact t-shirt because both of those will be accompanied by prayers
• My squishy down pillows to make the hospital bed more bearable—1 for under my head, 1 for over my head, 1 for under my top knee when I sleep on my side and 1 to cradle close to my chest
• my books, including my Bible, Jesus Calling and other favorite devotional books; my journals and all the colorful pens and really sharp pencils; my laptop and my camera; photos and cards that make me smile and tea

Everything else (clothes, jewelry and make-up) is pretty much superfluous---except my insurance card, that is.

The only other JIC thing that is left to be done is recording a birthday card for Larry. His birthday is in April and though my upcoming surgery is nothing like what I faced in March, I’m leaving the “perfect” card just in case I’m not here for the party.
Larry and I always dance when “Ain’t too Proud to Beg” is played--it’s the rule! His perfect card (Go Hallmark!!) allows me to record my voice before The Temptations start singing our song.

Now, ready or not, this “just in case” gal is headin’ to Texas with a car full of all the right stuff---blessings upon blessings from a treasure trove of friends.

Parade passes by………………

10/20/09 Lyrics with Barbra Streisand singing wafted out of the 5th floor dorm room in ‘67 and the 4th floor dorm room in ’68 when Molly got married and Winslow became my roommate. Whether “Don’t Rain on My Parade” from Funny Girl or “Before the Parade Passes By” from Hello Dolly, I would be singing along---using that verb very loosely because during All-Sing I would be relegated to the back row with Pat and Gina and we mouthed the words. Sort of a silent karaoke.

I love parades---there part of growing up in a small town---from the football homecoming parades and snake dances on Friday nights to the annual Christmas parade, it was always fun. Except once.
In 4th grade I was chosen to ride on the float for Morningside Elementary. My mother was thrilled and got right in to getting my red ice skater’s outfit trimmed and even to stuffing all those white Kleenix into the chicken wire for the “snow” effect covering the car that pulled the flat bed trailer. The pond I was to skate on took many boxes of Reynold’s wrap as I recall. (I don’t think they offered store brands back then.)

There were just problems in that parade---unseen to others but I felt them---on the first turn. During practice times, I stood on the “pond” but had trouble holding my balance for very long. The day of the parade, someone had a brilliant idea to nail/wedge my skates (with me in them) to the floor of the trailer. Scary, huh!
Mother who walked the entire route with me realized the fallacy of this as my legs went one way and the skates another. She climbed up and came to my rescue---freeing me from the skates and draping them over my shoulder, just the right effect. Of course, my feet froze the rest of the way but it sure beat breaking my legs.

Parades of problems come through our lives every day. Mine tend to be worse at night. Problems from the day “float” through my mind or even worse the “what if?" "floats” of the morrow can get me tossing. It’s as if they keep me nailed to the bed when what I really want is to be free of them so that I can sleep. Remembering Mother being there for me and freeing me from from the BIG problem on that float is a great visual for me. She saw and understood when no one else did. Why? Because I was her child and she cared about me and was always watching out for my best interest. God cares for me even more than that so I need to give that parade of problems that “floats” through my mind, especially at night, to Him.

Who are you going to turn to during those times. We should follow Hezekiah’s formula. As soon as a problem came his way, he went and placed it before the Lord. “Then Hezekiah prayed before the Lord.” (2Kings 19:14-15) If we turn to Him first, we can enjoy the parades that come our way knowing that we have cast our cares upon Him who cares for us. We won’t allow a cloud of problems to rain on our parade.

SOUL FOOD

10/19/09 Hungry for the Word? In God’s Word, Christ is revealed as the “Bread of Life” and the “Living Water.” Try to digest a small portion today. For me, great value comes from ingesting bit by bit, line upon line, as it were, rather than a large passage. Don’t get me wrong, context is gained from seeing the larger picture of a chapter or lengthy passage. But I tend to scan longer passages rather hurriedly, looking for words to pop out and speak to me and that’s not always a good thing. In years past I would skim a passage quickly in order to check another thing off of my spiritual “to do” list. Conviction! (Okay so I still do it on occasion.) It’s a faux meditation---a way of appeasing my conscience. Sometimes it’s just a habit----because it’s Monday and that’s what I do on Mondays. Not a bad habit to get washed by the water of the Word. It is cleansing. But God……knows the difference and so does my soul. It is way too easy to nibble at this banquet of spiritual food when I should be feasting.

Just as our physical bodies need “healthy” nourishment so does our soul. Without good food packed with vitamins and minerals we can become susceptible to disease---too weak to be effective in our work. Without our spiritual food, the scenario plays out in much the same way---weak in conviction, susceptible to temptation and unable to be effective in the work God has called us to do.

John 7:37-38

37Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. 38"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'"

Today, my friend, drink fully and joyfully expect the flash flood of love that will flow from you to others.

WEDDING WISHES

10/17/09 Congratulations Kim and Andrew!!

Glowing bride. Proud papa. Beautiful ceremony made all the more special because of family participation. A brother-in-law singing. A cousin singing a song he had written. Sisters as matrons of honor. A brother to escort the radiant mom. An “ordained” brother-in-law to give the charge. Personal accounts of the spiritual heritage of the bride were meaningful and emphasized years of growing up in a devout family----where loving and serving the Lord were a part of the Huff way of life. A fun reception. A niece, nephews and grandparents, married for 61 years, joined in the dancing. Big smiles that covered the newlyweds’ faces throughout the evening.

How blessed I was to be a participant in the celebration of such a godly young lady. She was born June 10, 1981 when her family lived next door at 1162 Longreen. Tonight she carried the “hankie” that I had given her to wear home from the hospital. Sitting in the sanctuary, I had tears from the first notes of Pachelbel’s Cannon in D. Then when I saw the hankie, I puddled.

I have prayed for her all these years and for the spouse that she might someday choose. Maybe that’s why I was so emotional tonight. Her mom and I have prayed our “designated days” for each other all these years as well so I know first hand of her spiritual heritage. As she held her new hubby’s hand and headed toward the waiting limo, her honeymoon and her new life as Mrs. Andrew Carlton Dafferner, she turned to me and said, “I’ll be praying for you and your surgery. The heritage continues!

Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: (Psalm 127:3a)

ON RETREAT

Off-line for the week-end---women's retreat and time with Molly, family visit at Pickwick and wedding of a dear friend's daughter----so-o-o-o many blessings.