BROKENNESS

2/28/12 From my neighborhood walk to my backyard patio, I saw brokenness. In the physical realm brokenness seems like such a negative. Destruction. Disenchantment. Disappointment.

Bu† God…..these last few weeks has been showing me, once again, the necessity of brokenness in the spiritual realm. Brokenness is humility---our humble response to God’s conviction of sin in our lives. It’s one of His ways for accomplishing transformation in our lives.

In the BSF lesson scripture (2 Corinthians 4:7-10) reminded me of my “treasure within.” But how do others see that treasure within? They see it through my brokenness. When the Lord’s life flows through my weak and frail jar of clay, Jesus “sticks out all over.”

In my life, brokenness first had to occur through thick walls of self-protection that kept both earthly and heavenly relationships at bay. The distance was self-induced to ensure pain avoidance. For a long while, it worked. Bu†God began to tear away at the protective seal that I had tightly woven over my heart. He showed me my sin. The words in Dr.Larry Crabb’s, Inside Out, jumped off the page at me.  He called self-protection what it was. Self-protection is a sin. A sin requiring repentance in order for my relationship with the Lord to grow.

The demand to keep ourselves safe is strong.  We look in all the wrong places for the relief our soul desires so badly, developing a style of relating designed to protect ourselves from the pain we fear.  Although our self-protective strategies are foolish (even when we get the safety we want, we realize it’s not what we want), we still cling to our ‘right’ to protect ourselves.  We demand that our pain be relieved.  That core demand must be faced before we’ll give it up through repentance and learn to re-direct our energy into love. (Crabb p.142)

For me brokenness was a good thing. Painful, yes---but worth the suffering! A yielding. A willing submission. Rising from the dust of my shattered jar was the Spirit of the Living Lord. It was His filling in my life that fulfilled me. Brokenness was my path to wholeness. A dichotomy of sorts---a broken person ready to wholly serve in grace-filled ways.

When I am broken, the life of my Lord is put on display for others. Can you see Him?

Weeping Wednesday (Don't stop here---read further)*

1/28/09

These tags of alliteration for the days of the week have been a part of my life for a long time—reminders that help me focus. So, though today is a day for weeping, it's not for crying physically as I have done on some days in this journey, but…..it's my day of asking God to "create in me a clean heart, O Lord and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10) To do that He has to show me my sin---not a pretty picture---but necessary, especially for one whose SELF can rear it's ugly head. Actually, my subtle sin is self-protection. (Inside Out by Larry Crabb p.100---almost erased this citation to put in an APA or MLA format---old habits die hard for librarians) Self protection is pain avoidance esp. at a deep level---one often builds walls in relationships to have that protection. Sometime it's pride—not willing to let people see all the warts---and now God is allowing me to practice showing my humanity, warts and all. BTW, I read today that there are over 2.5 million blogs but *only 4% of people read writings of others.......... basically bloggers are having conversations with themselves--- it has been therapeutic.

Just reread parts of Ortberg's When the Game is Over it all Goes Back in the Box.

 (can't you see yourself clearing the Scrabble board and dumping all those wooden tiles into the little faux velvet bag?? ---a great read) I was reminded of so many truths---

The board you & I play on is in the shape of a calendar---live one square at a time.

In Ethiopia, a man's wealth is measured by his friends---In said measurement, I am indeed WEALTHY!

Arrange your life around what matters most to God----People matter.

On a lighter note, I have also learned, that there is no such thing as too many post-it/stickie notes. My dear ljj used to say I needed a Velcro bra----hm-m-m, maybe she's right---she usually is.

Family matters: As I wait, we are also awaiting by-pass surgery for Larry's dad & trying to aid his mother who spent the night here b/c they live in Oakland & she doesn't need to be alone. I was able to read Jesus Calling aloud to her as we sat at the breakfast table eating and watching Larry's (Pop-Pop's) birds feasting outside the window. How special is that?

My brothers and their wives from KY are coming Friday to bring Daddy so I can see them all before the Big MAC event. He won't spend the night but I'm grateful for their sacrifice---that's a lot of driving in one day.