Waiting Delineated

2/9/09 Waiting Delineated
It was 1 month ago today that I first heard the words “biopsy needed.” Thus began this new season/step in my life/dance . From that time on, events became “before MAC or since MAC.” Often there have been periods of one step forward and two steps back---I’m sure there’s a dance move in there somewhere. This dance began with one big “grand jete”---just picture Baryshnikov leaping across the stage---or better yet, picture a ballerina who leaps and is caught by the one waiting patiently and expectantly for her to move toward him. It has been a leap of faith, but I knew who was waiting to catch me---if that makes sense at all. Then there have been the elimination dances (from docs along the way) and reels where things have been so whirling that I wasn’t sure where I was suppose to go next---except that I had a patient dance partner who knew the right steps and was willing to teach me and guide me. Today he began to teach me about waiting---it is “with the heart that we must wait on God.” (A. Murray) Waiting on God is being in His Presence---and I’ve felt so close to Him that it’s as if we’re moving as one---we really are in this dance together.

There’s waiting and then there’s waiting---are you confused yet? I wish I could insert columns here for comparison but don’t think the blog format would like that.
My day started w/ my frailty of “what if” questions taking up way too much space in my mind---I can’t control anything that is going on in Dallas right now--- if indeed, anything is going on that I even need to know about. It ended with today’s Jesus Calling verse on my heart. … I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song…(Isa. 12:2)
Journal jottings:
Waiting on DOC ---it’s mental, knowing with the mind---I have no control
1. Seeking doc’s schedule/answer but...... I have no control
2. Restlessness/anxiety/draining
3. In frenzy---making list, checking it twice
4. Responsibility---it’s about “doing”
5. Fretting---which overshadows God
6. Eating nervously
7. Expectation w/dread
8. Holding tight to anything I can-----for some semblance of control
Waiting on GOD---it’s a heart issue---believing w/ the heart
1. Seeking his Presence
2. Renewal/rest (Psa. 37:7-- Rest in the Lord, wait patiently on Him.)
3. In faith
4. Relational response---it’s about “being”
5. “Fret not_____”verses in Psa. 37----I put my name in the blank.
6. Not eating---intentionally
7. Expectancy w/delight
8. Letting go of all-----but God’s hand
Truly, my soul waiteth upon God. On thee do I wait all the day long. (Psa. 62:1)