Choose introspection

Too much introspection, for many, can be more harmful than good. The lower case letters are that reminder for me.
So...I certainly didn't plan a two "cuppa" quiet time.
But God.....had me in a mental, physical and emotional"introspecting" state throughout the day.
But....in fact, it was a spiritual introspection with the other listed factors thrown in for clarity.

It all started this morning when reading my 2009 journal entry for January ninth. that date was the first time I had ever heard the word, biopsy, as it related to me. I had also written that Dr. Schneider said, "It doesn't look like cancer but that's where we start in order to rule it out." Boy, was he wrong! But God wasn't.

Even that day I had read in my devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, on "Intercessory Introspection" and from Psalm 139 that God knows when I sit and rise, what words I will say before I say them---for He is the one who created me. "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Throughout the day I did dwell on so-o-o-o many positives that were a result of my cancer and my roller coaster year of surgery upon surgery to rebuild my face. So many blessings---mainly because I knew that the Lord had answered the prayer I had prayed in 2009, "Lord, if it doesn't matter for eternity, I'd rather "it" not be cancer." How much easier it was to recall that prayer and know that the "CANCER" answer was His answer. God's best for me. It would count for eternity.

As today was winding down, God affirmed my introspection as I picked up a "new" gift. (which is a blog entry in and of itself) My gift, the devotional book, Savor LIVING ABUNDANTLY WHERE YOU ARE AS YOU ARE 's 1/9 entry spoke right to my heart.

"Blessings & Curses" and scripture citation, centered at the top of the page, was contextually about Joseph comforting his brothers who had left him for dead but overall it's a perspective of seeing how God can show good in one's life when situations seem so adverse.
You (cancer diagnosis, in my thinking) "intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." (Genesis 50:10)

The author expounded on the intent of wanting to savor life saying,  "When what you see in front of you is so far outside of what you dreamed, but you have the belief........to call it beautiful instead of calling it wrong, that's celebration."

In hindsight or introspection of said event, I can see my rare MAC cancer as one of the BIGGEST BLESSINGS of my life. An event worth celebrating.

CHOOSE GRATITUDE!

On December 30, I received this shocking email---

Hello Dotsy,

            Aggie went to be with Jesus last Thursday (12/29/16) after a brief but very difficult struggle with an until now undetected blood disorder. I know you were a real encouragement to her, so I need to pass this information on to you.

            A celebration of her life will be held Saturday January 7th.

Sincerely, Greg Tharp

Some times are easier than other times in which to choose gratitude. 
Today is the memorial service for, Agnes "Aggie" Tharp, one lady very dear to my heart, though I have never met her face to face. Yet I am so-o-o grateful to have "known" Aggie, albeit via cyberspace. 
So I choose gratitude for the Lord's allowing our paths to cross.
I sent him an email I had received from Aggie 5 years ago hoping it might offer him comfort:
The night I learned that (friend) had gone on to eternity, I couldn't go to sleep.  I began thinking of the people we knew in common up in heaven, and then Ken meeting Bible characters, and THEN meeting JESUS!!!  I got such a spirit of celebration and joy that I couldn't be sad about Ken's death.  And in a way that experience changed my attitude toward death.  For the child of God it is not sad!  True, for those left behind, the separation hurts.  What a joy to know that it is temporary! Love & prayers, Aggie

Gratitude tinged with sadness---for me and all who knew and loved her, I'm sure!

Aggie has been a "Dotsy Details" blog reader since November 2009 as far as my "Comments" show.

S. D. Gordon wrote: The greatest thing anyone can do for God and man is pray. It is not the only thing, but it is the chief thing. The great people of earth are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer; nor those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer; but I mean those people who take time to pray. Thank you, Dotsy, for reminding us of the privilege and importance of prayer! Love and prayers, from Agnes in France

Encouraging me from the very start as Agnes, sometime in 2012 Agnes became "Aggie."

Regardless of her signature, blog comments and email messages were always ENCOURAGING! I knew they were sent with love and prayers. Aggie was one of "my" best  prayer warriors, without me even requesting prayers from her. She didn't just say she prayed, she sent the very scriptures to back it up. What a privilege to be on the receiving end of her prayers---which she prayed "all over me."

As I took time in the Word this morning, Psalm 92 (one of today's Scripture readings in the liturgical calendar) is obviously for you, and I am praying it all over you now, and for the upcoming trip. YES, TRUST is the word.  Psalm 37:5, Commit - trust - and God will do the rest.  

Aggie and I both shared an affinity for the Psalms and often "camped out there so I particularly loved this email from her. 

God spoke Psalm 34:8 to my heart, "The angel of the Lord camps around those who fear Him..."  Wow, I thought, he doesn't just fly or flutter over, he CAMPS.

1/12/10 Interesting how the Father seems to be saying the same things to his children, even though separated geographically by great distances..... GOD REIGNS! Not, He said that He would, nor, some day He will, but here, now; in this present situation, in whatever storm I may be going through, GOD REIGNS! When Jesus was sleeping in the boat, He was in perfect control, even though the disciples were beside themselves with fear! Peace, be still. We can be still, and know that God is God and that He reigns!

Often she would end a message with, "Are you okay, Dotsy?"

How intuitive she was! What a faithful prayer warrior! 

I saw Aggie's life well-lived through her words. 

"Don't answer questions that people aren't asking you, but live in such a way that people will ask you questions (about your faith in, walk with, God)." (though I can't remember who said it---Aggie) Through our correspondence, I imagine many saw Jesus in her life and were asking her about her faith!

Yesterday I ended my email reply to her husband Greg assuring him that I was using Aggie's pictures in my visual prayer journal....

" to continue to pray for Stephanie and Etienne and their children, each Saturday---it is my "bouquet of thanks" to place at her service."

Prayerfully, (& gratefully) Dotsy

choose quietness

Choose quietness---I do. 

"A place of quiet rest. A place of comfort sweet. A place of full release." (Near to the Heart of God)

How much easier to choose quietness when the Lord sends enough snow to "white out" a busy agenda. 

"Snow" angel to beckon me----"Nearer my God to Thee."

"Schedules. Commitments. So much to do, so little time" is how LaGard Smith puts it in Meeting God in Quiet Places.

I choose to linger, to tarry and to move into God's Presence. Usually that results in prayer---a sort of "tarry one for another" moment. (1 Corinthians 11:33)

I'm not sure where this tarrying will lead, I just know that today..........

I choose quietness near to the heart of God.

CHOOSE FORGIVENESS

Why is it often easier to forgive others than to forgive ones self?

I'm not sure there is a succinct scripture that answers the question, but I am going to keep looking.

Many have heard me negatively say, "It's so hard being me!" 

Even "Hubby" constantly tells me to "Quit being so hard on my wife!" 

Self-recrimination reigns these days. It's really hard when my lack of ability gets in the way of ALL I feel responsible for, especially when it affects others. 

Consummate travel planner is no more a descriptor for me. Upcoming Disney trip boggles my mind. So, I've chosen not to think about it in a timely way. I dropped the ball! I feel crummy. I also feel outside of my comfort zone and incapable. Fast pass scheduling is beyond me much less having the app that will show "how to be where when" for the ultimate Disney experience. 

Only showing NEAT part---If you saw all the scribbles of heights of kids, preferences, codes that lead nowhere & passwords that no longer work etc. you'd see my pitiful planning skills. ARGH!

So-o-o grateful that I have a daughter and daughter-in-law with sharp minds and willing spirits, to take up the slack, know the contacts and cover all the bases. 

Now, I have to let it go and choose to forgive myself remembering that God does not want perfection but progress. Maybe I need to start moving toward forgiving myself.

 

First step of forgiveness is to repent. So, do I repent of thinking negatively about myself or just repent of thinking negatively? Philippians 4:8 does not list "negativity" of any sort as one of the "things" to consider when thinking is occurring. Therefore regardless of my scattered thinking, I need to think on on virtuous things. Negativity is not virtuous! 

I am ready to move on so that times of "refreshing may come from the Lord."

So....I choose to accept His forgiveness of my negative thinking.

Choose Sadness

What!! CHOOSE SADNESS!
Sadness is the polar opposite of joy. I know that.

Maybe, I should have written, "Choose to Feel."

As one who usually chooses to suppress, repress or stuff feelings, I decided to give myself permission to feel sadness.

If Memphis readers read today's, 1/4/2017, Commercial Appeal's front page, above the fold headline, they might understand the source of my sadness----we're not talking life or death sadness. Yet, for me it is truly a lament. Hubby heard me wailing!!
Though to many, (50, I think) it will be a loss of even greater proportions as it affects their income as well as their own passions for books.

Some feelings are legitimate for me even if they don't make sense to others. What crushes my spirit might not phase another. But God....is near, regardless. (Psalm 34:18)
So today, I choose to feel sadness.

CHOOSE PRAYER

Teaching Tuesday has me in a quandary. 

I love to teach. I love God's Word. I love to teach God's Word even though the prep is getting more and more difficult.

So.....why am I struggling to accept a teaching time in February? Why the "check in my spirit?"

Is it the topic? 

Is it the time? 

Is it lack of confidence? 

Is my focus self-centered?
Is it God saying no or wait? 

I choose to devote myself to prayer----to continue to pray!

But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word (Acts 6:4)

Choose to Muse

It's "Meditating Monday" so today I "choose to muse "on "joy."  Psalm 119:111 describes joy as residing in one's heart.
What prompts joy in one's heart?

While "musing" through different translations of the same verse, I listed all the translations for statutes.

God's Word----laws----testimonies----decrees----written instructions----prized possession

The psalmist sees the statutes (God's written law (truth and directions from His word) as the source of His joy. I had to ask myself, "What's the source of my joy?"

A fave verse that came to mind was Jeremiah 15:16. 

Hm-m-m eating could be the musing that results in joy and delight in my own heart!

I need to "choose to muse" beyond Mondays, for a continual feast of joy!

CHOOSE JOY

The last few weeks of Christmas hoopla, a group email had several of us bantering back and forth about the undue stress of the holiday. But God......through the wisdom of a friend reminded us of "joy."

So.....in many different ways, even after a tirade over inefficiencies of store clerks, and empty shelves at Kroger, our mantra became, "Today, I choose joy." 

Joy is a choice. 

Each and every day we choose how we respond/react to life in all of its aspects.

In 2017, may I choose joy!

2016: a Year in Review

2016 has been a hard year for many.

Even our nation as a whole has seemed to "suffer" on so many fronts. In fact, thinking back has been more disheartening for me than productive.

Then, I poured my morning cuppa, opened the last page of my devotional book, My Utmost For His Highest and read  Oswald Chamber's answer. (paraphrase is mine)

Anxiety can easily arise from remembering all the yesterdays but as the year ends, one must once again turn with fervor to all that God has in store for her in the future. I need not let my present enjoyment of God's grace be hampered by the memory of my yesterdays with all its blunders and regrets. (sins)

"...But God is the God of our (my) yesterdays..."
"God's hand reaches back to the past and makes a clearing-house for conscience."

Prayer: May God allow my past memories to be an impetus for future spiritual growth as I recall how "insecure"  all of life is, apart from Him. May I not bemoan lost opportunities---remembering "but God," in His love and mercy gave me life in Christ. May I not hastily enter 2017 impulsively or thoughtlessly but may God allow me to let go of my broken, irreversible past.

As  Chambers clearly states it, "Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible future with Him. "

Reviewing 2016 gave me much to ponder.....prior to my "resolve" for 2017.

So, after my review,.....what's my resolve?
Maybe the best resolution is NO resolution---at least no resolution apart from Him.

An "ESCAPE" Place

An "escape room." An "escape place." What is that? Where s that?

These days in Memphis there are several "escape rooms" where people actually "pay" to have heart-pounding fun solving puzzles, cracking codes and trying every possibility which might lead to a way out. A way to escape.

How does one escape life's hurts? How does one escape the "leaving one's head under the pillow mode" when life's realities seem too hard to face?

What if life hands you a reality of which there is no escape----the grief of losing a child, the fear of the terminal diagnosis, the infidelity of a spouse, an Alzheimer's diagnosis, the sudden death of loved ones? 

2016 has offered these scenarios in bulk this year for many folks whom I know. The realities which offer no escape---no undoing of the event.

So, then the question changes from "why" to "now what?" How does one acclimate to a new normal" which is filled with loss and grief? Life as one once knew it, with its hopes and aspirations, is gone.

How does one hope again? How does one escape the darkness of despair?

How does one say as Matt Redmon wrote, "When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be your name."

Grief is real. Grief hurts. 

The grieving process is necessary----tho there is no "right" answer to why or  no right way to grieve. Even the time of the process differs.

But God.....hears us in our grief, no matter how long one "stays" there. 

How does one unlock their seared and damaged heart to fill it with hope once again? 

In John 14:18, Jesus says He "will not leave us comfortless & He will come to us." Sometimes I think the Lord uses us to "go" and offer comfort. Not necessarily "words" but time and a listening ear. 

Maybe such a "caring" visit will offer a glimmer of hope to the grieving soul---even if it's just enough to get them to take the step to open the door. It can be a step toward sharing the experience and the pain with one who cares enough to "come" in His name.

Maybe just for a moment, one has a respite from the "pain" over a cup of tea shared on a comfy couch----maybe even allowing a brief smile to "escape" as two share time and hurt together.